Dating a woman who has slept around....

[jay1983]

Let's not go back to that "having sex outside of marriage" is bad for everyone mentality...that never works....

 

C'mon mane, ya didn't have take it to the extremez. That ain't even what meant.

 

Look I don't ask, not cause I don't care, cause I really don't wanna know. Promiscuous women are identifiable, you can usually tell (although I was fooled once) they're usually the clubbing/bar type (i mean like always at bar) not a lot of women sleep with a different guy every couple of months.

[Lady2163]

C'mon mane, ya didn't have take it to the extremez. That ain't even what meant.

 

Look I don't ask, not cause I don't care, cause I really don't wanna know. Promiscuous women are identifiable, you can usually tell (although I was fooled once) they're usually the clubbing/bar type (i mean like always at bar) not a lot of women sleep with a different guy every couple of months.

 

Lollollol.

 

I am way out of your age range, but trust me if you met me, if you dated me for six months, you would still probably NOT know that I have had a lot of partners. If we weren't exclusive, I wouldn't tell you if I was dating someone else or going to a swingers party.

 

Enjoy being able to identify the promiscuous women now. That will change as you get older. Eventually the club scene gets old.

[trippi1432]

Not at all. It wasn't one bag relationship that drove me to make changes, but a couple. Plus many failed dating experiences that never hit relationship level because of some problems that arose due to her sleeping around.

 

These aren't standards I set for women in general, these are my personal standards I set if a woman wants to be with me.

 

I think these days men are being shamed for having standards. If we turn down an obese woman, we aren't really a man, because real men love curvy women. If we turn down a woman that has slept around, we are slut shaming, and need to learn to accept a woman's choices. I think it's all nonsense, and I will continue to date who I want. My standards lead me to my GF who is about the best woman a guy could ever ask for.

 

I'm not sure obese had anything to do with the original topic...it did suddenly get introduced when slut shaming came up. Date who you want to...no one here on LS should be telling you who to date....Just be honest with your expectations when you ask someone out. You should not be hiding an agenda anymore than you fear they are.

[jay1983]

Lollollol.

 

I am way out of your age range, but trust me if you met me, if you dated me for six months, you would still probably NOT know that I have had a lot of partners. If we weren't exclusive, I wouldn't tell you if I was dating someone else or going to a swingers party.

 

Enjoy being able to identify the promiscuous women now. That will change as you get older. Eventually the club scene gets old.

there's a bit of a misunderstanding here. I'll put it like this, I'd bang you, but I wouldn't go exclusive with you. Oh and I can tell your type, there are other signs, such as how quickly you get comfortable with me. Little things you say here and there.

 

I'm not sure obese had anything to do with the original topic...it did suddenly get introduced when slut shaming came up. Date who you want to...no one here on LS should be telling you who to date....Just be honest with your expectations when you ask someone out. You should not be hiding an agenda anymore than you fear they are.

He was just giving you a parallel example of a double standard many women have.

[Lady2163]

there's a bit of a misunderstanding here. I'll put it like this, I'd bang you, but I wouldn't go exclusive with you. Oh and I can tell your type, there are other signs, such as how quickly you get comfortable with me. Little things you say here and there.

 

 

He was just giving you a parallel example of a double standard many women have.

 

Well, that's generally vague and I doubt very much that will work for you in another 10 - 15 years.

 

I've reached a point where I am pretty comfortable with everyone. If I have a blind date or an OLD date, there's no nervousness. Money, looks, fame don't impress me. I've been around the very wealthy and powerful people in my life. I speak to them the same way I speak to anybody. (A lot of this has to do with being my own boss and being very independent).

 

You think I don't know when I'm being tested? Any mention of 50 Shades and I know not to give much acknowledgment. Any sexual innuendos are met with a smile and a subject change. Any maneuvering that seems to end up at my place or his place is avoided. Any early dates where there is essentially no plan are steered toward a plan. Any blatant sex talk is shut down with one sentence.

 

Do you think I can't figure out before the clothes come off if it is going anywhere? I learned a long time ago that if you don't "make" him treat that first time as special, then it's pretty much one and done. Nope, first time sex with me is probably going to be on a weekend getaway to someplace we both like.

 

I pretty much doubt you would bang me. You wouldn't invest the time.

 

I date looking for something solid and real. For casual I go to a swingers party.

[jay1983]

Well, that's generally vague and I doubt very much that will work for you in another 10 - 15 years.

 

I've reached a point where I am pretty comfortable with everyone. If I have a blind date or an OLD date, there's no nervousness. Money, looks, fame don't impress me. I've been around the very wealthy and powerful people in my life. I speak to them the same way I speak to anybody. (A lot of this has to do with being my own boss and being very independent).

 

You think I don't know when I'm being tested? Any mention of 50 Shades and I know not to give much acknowledgment. Any sexual innuendos are met with a smile and a subject change. Any maneuvering that seems to end up at my place or his place is avoided. Any early dates where there is essentially no plan are steered toward a plan. Any blatant sex talk is shut down with one sentence.

 

Do you think I can't figure out before the clothes come off if it is going anywhere? I learned a long time ago that if you don't "make" him treat that first time as special, then it's pretty much one and done. Nope, first time sex with me is probably going to be on a weekend getaway to someplace we both like.

 

I pretty much doubt you would bang me. You wouldn't invest the time.

 

I date looking for something solid and real. For casual I go to a swingers party.

you already gave yourself away. Lol

[Lady2163]

Do you mind clarifying what you mean by that? Thanks!

 

 

 

Another reason why guys might not want to date a woman that sleeps around. You could be dating her for 6 months and she might be at a swinger's party having sex with multiple people.

 

I never had an exclusive talk with my GF, it wasn't necessary. I never had to worry about her going to swinging's clubs and banging a bunch of random people, it wouldn't happen.

 

If I'm dating someone for six months and only seeing him 1-2 times a week (I'm in a small town) and he has plenty of free time or is saying he's "not available" or "busy" without the follow up of why or what, then it is safe to say we aren't exclusive.

 

I'm the old, fat average looking woman in your neighborhood you wouldn't think for one minute has a wild side. No loud parties, limited flow of people in and out, non-drinker, anti-drug, slightly conservative politically.

[Lady2163]

you already gave yourself away. Lol

 

No, it is the difference between women my age and women the age you date.

 

First date jitters? Please. Either we connect or we don't. Maybe I've lost a couple hours of my life, but worst case scenario is there has been some decent food (which I probably paid for my own) and maybe some decent conversation.

 

Okay, so the worst case scenario was actually the blind date I had with the deaf man. "slight hearing impairment" was a gross understatement, but that is all beside the point.

 

I was in the Persian Gulf. Not to go all Jack Nicholson on you, but if you think a first date is going to make me nervous...

[Justanaverageguy]

you already gave yourself away. Lol

 

Right .... but what if you met her in a coffee shop ? Your entitled to have sex with who ever you want to - I have no problem with that at all. But I do feel you grossly overestimate your detective abilities when it comes to identifying these so called promiscuous women. They don't carry ID you know.

 

Seriously women have this **** locked down - they are well aware of the social stereotype and they know how to play along and be the sweet innocent young lady when they want to. Girls are generally a lot better at reading social queues then guys, and they have a lot of practice at playing this game of pretending they don't want sex for x-number of dates. When they want a committed relationship vs casual sex the behavior is chalk and cheese. The truth is often if a girl is acting sexual very early on .... she might already have put you in the casual sex box and is not interesting in a relationship with you.

 

The question I would simply ask you is how many men do you know that sleep around and have a higher number of partners then you would like a prospective girlfriend to have (yourself included) ? Based on what you have said so far I think every single male friend I know would have a number higher then you would want your Girfriend to have. Next question who do you think all these men are having sex with ? Do you think there are these magical sex robots that travel the planet giving out sex to all the men and the rest of the women just go sexless ? The maths doesn't add up. Its why women divide and men multiply the number of people they have slept with.

 

I'll give you the tip .... most women see sex in a similar way to men. Their numbers are pretty much the same as men's numbers. You know how we have sex with each other ..... so yeah they basically have to be even and all. You can try as best you can to "identify" a non promiscuous woman .... but odds are with that attitude you will end up with a women who is hiding/ashamed of her sexuality and simply dividing her number and playing the prude to make you feel good.

Edited August 25, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[Lady2163]

Right .... but what if you met her in a coffee shop ? Your entitled to have sex with who ever you want to - I have no problem with that at all. But I do feel you grossly overestimate your detective abilities when it comes to identifying these so called promiscuous women. They don't carry ID you know.

 

Seriously women have this **** locked down - they are well aware of the social stereotype and they know how to play along and be the sweet innocent young lady when they want to. Girls are generally a lot better at reading social queues then guys, and they have a lot of practice at playing this game of pretending they don't want sex for x-number of dates. When they want a committed relationship vs casual sex the behavior is chalk and cheese. The truth is often if a girl is acting sexual very early on .... she might already have put you in the casual sex box and is not interesting in a relationship with you.

 

The question I would simply ask you is how many men do you know that sleep around and have a higher number of partners then you would like a prospective girlfriend to have (yourself included) ? Based on what you have said so far I think every single male friend I know would have a number higher then you would want your Girfriend to have. Next question who do you think all these men are having sex with ? Do you think there are these magical sex robots that travel the planet giving out sex to all the men and the rest of the women just go sexless ? The maths doesn't add up. Its why women divide and men multiply the number of people they have slept with.

 

I'll give you the tip .... most women see sex in a similar way to men. Their numbers are pretty much the same as men's numbers. You know how we have sex with each other ..... so yeah they basically have to be even and all. You can try as best you can to "identify" a non promiscuous woman .... but odds are with that attitude you will end up with a women who is hiding/ashamed of her sexuality and simply dividing her number and playing the prude to make you feel good.

 

This made me laugh several times.

 

If he met me in a coffee shop, I'd probably miss the subtle hints he was interested in a date. I'm a bit dense with that. :-)

 

My point I'm trying to make is that I may be promiscuous (although not so much in the last few years) but I'm also perfectly capable of being loyal and monogamous.

 

If I met a man whose history was similar to mine and he had a problem with my history, my first thought would be his ego was concerned about comparisons and measuring up in both technique and size.

 

Years ago I had a male friend who was 23 or 24. He didn't look his age and he constantly went after high school girls (he would lie about his age depending on the age of the girl). They thought he was older and so sophisticated. In truth, he had a nice face, great personality but was overweight. He wanted virgins, with the primary reason that they had nothing to compare to.

[Justanaverageguy]

Actually you seem to have missed my point .... which is that I could really care less about the number. I honestly don't care so I don't ask or get out my detectives radar to try and figure out what her promiscuous rating is.

 

More concerned with the person she is then how many guys she is has slept with in the past personally. But keep up the detective work ..... the world needs you

[jay1983]

That's good man, so we have guys like you to commit and marry these chicks after guys like me get done with em.

[Justanaverageguy]

That's good man, so we have guys like you to commit and marry these chicks after guys like me get done with em.

 

Yeah big dog the stud You sound like a real keeper

[jay1983]

Don't give me all the credit, the world needs you too.

[Justanaverageguy]

That's good man, so we have guys like you to commit and marry these chicks after guys like me get done with em.

 

Don't give me all the credit, the world needs you too.

 

uuuugggh I actually feel a little bit dirty even talking to you. My sexual habits I would like to think are a little healthier then dump, pump and throw away like a used tissue. You don't have to "use" a girl to have sex man. You can have a healthy, friendly relationship that involves wild promiscuous sex as well.

 

Some people can find a balance between being a prude and being a filthy slut whore .... which is being a normal well adjusted human being who enjoys casual sex. I get more then my fair share I just don't feel the need to treat people like used tissues while doing it.

Edited August 25, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[jay1983]

Calm down dude, I did a bit of that in my younger days, but I really don't do that anymore. Like I said most gals have been with guys, but haven't screwed a football team. Most promiscuous girls have other problems, depression, low self-esteem etc. But sorry what you're saying is the same rhetoric I keep reading online that just doesn't match up with reality. I've never had a girl put me in the casual sex box. Every girl who gave it up, did so to get me to like her more. I know I've broken some hearts and I've seen girls hurt from guys. Most women are way too emotional for casual sex. We have a FWB section and everyday some heart broken girl makes a thread.

 

Now we have sweet innocent, conservative old lady, who plays off every clue, but secrectly used to frequent swinger parties and no one know where she went every weekend. Yeah I'll take that with a grain of salt.

[Justanaverageguy]

That first comment was pretty interesting man.

 

I'm not saying there aren't girls out there with serious issues - that use sex to compensate for maybe lack of self esteem - childhood issues or whatever. I do not have sex with or enter into relationships with these girls. But its not the number of guys they had sex with that puts me off. Its their personality type - the lack of self respect and low self esteem. The way they use sex to make friends etc.

 

But there are girls out there with high numbers who aren't like this. I know plenty who are well adjusted and just love sex. They aren't some weird enigma. I had a FWB last year for 3months when I was on temporary work secondment in Germany. Was probably the wildest most promiscuous sex I've ever had. She worked as a doctor in a childrens hospital. Was committed to her job and just wasn't looking for a serious relationship. I have no idea what her number was but I'm sure it was high. She was hot, had Brains, Confidence, and just owned her sexuality. I admit I normally don't get sucked into something more serious with FWB but I would have married that girl in a heart beat

 

Number is irrelevant to me. More attracted to characteristics and personality. I think you probably find the above type of woman in slightly older age bracket from early 30's on wards.

[jay1983]

Edit: Never mind it misunderstood you

Edited August 25, 2015 by jay1983

[Justanaverageguy]

Just meant the comment I captioned from you above. What concerns me from that is that it sounds like you think these girls are no good .... but you still have sex with them anyway. At least that's the way it seemed from that comment. Maybe you were just trying to make a point that no one wants to marry a prostitute ... not sure.

[elaine567]

Many men here, apparently do not like women, that is very obvious from their postings and that is THEIR problem and not the problem of women in general

 

Women are human beings, human beings tend to like sex, it is enjoyable and gives pleasure.

We are no longer in the pre Pill days, when women and men were scared to have sex in case it was accompanied by the patter of tiny feet. Many still did it anyway, they just didn't talk about it, and sorted out any "mistakes" later.

 

Our society celebrates sex, and men AND women are having sex, by the bucket load.

Men AND women can now admit openly that they want sex.

It is therefore ridiculous that women are being singled out and shamed here for having sex, by a load of guys who by their own admission are hardly saints themselves.

 

The basis for slutshaming is misogyny, and misogynistic thoughts are shining clear and bright here.

The bitterness being expressed and the desperate need to control women is apparent, and that is not attractive to any woman looking for a man to date or to be in a long term relationship with. Think on.

[Shining One]

Many men here, apparently do not like women, that is very obvious from their postings

That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think? I would say that many men in this thread don't like women who exhibit certain behaviors/attributes. The same thought process can be applied to women as well.

It's nothing more than incompatibility. No need to demean them or consider them of lesser value because of it.

slutshaming

I'll agree that there is too much slutshaming in this thread. There is a right way to express your preferences.

Right Way: I don't wish to date you because I prefer women with a lower partner count.

Wrong Way: I don't date sluts.

 

Yes, many men have a double-standard on this. I personally do not, but everyone is entitled to their preferences. Rather than derail this thread, I'll start a new one on that topic.

[Vercetti]

Guy or girl, smashing everything in sight, racking up numbers, maybe some stds, then perhaps becoming a bit emotionally numb...is not what everyone wants. My wife wouldn't be that flattered if I had sex with a dozen women with her name and she had to live a life of me popping std meds.

[elaine567]

That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think? I would say that many men in this thread don't like women who exhibit certain behaviors/attributes.

 

No, I believe I got it right the first time, slut shaming is just the tool of the day.

[yxalitis]

I think one of the issues is that men fear that woman with a high number of sex partners (and "high"depends on their own perceptions, there is no universal number here that applies, which is kind of why to me it's a moot point) will be more likely to stray.

Oh,she has had a lot of sex, she will continue to, so i don't want to take that risk.

To me, and not pointing specifically at anyone...this speaks more of low self confidence than anything.

I have been with so called "promiscuous"" woman, and will again in all likelihood.

It doesn't worry me because sex is sex, and love is love.

Maybe some people can't separate the two, that's fine, well done, you have perhaps lead a more pure life than i have.

I can too, and I won't judge a woman who has this ability either.

Sex is a base driver of our species, to deny the power and draw it has is futile.

But to draw an arbitrary line in the sand, and place woman (but not men..) who fall on the "wrong" side of that line as inappropriate for consideration of your affection is naive.

It's simply not that easy...

People are far more complex than any of these assumptions will allow for, you cannot [place a group of people into a box and assume that you can draw any conclusion about them as individuals, until you get to know them as individuals.

Which you won't, as you have already excluded them from consideration.

 

What I am saying is, judge everyone as who they are, not who you assume they are..

[yxalitis]

Guy or girl, smashing everything in sight, racking up numbers, maybe some stds, then perhaps becoming a bit emotionally numb...is not what everyone wants. My wife wouldn't be that flattered if I had sex with a dozen women with her name and she had to live a life of me popping std meds.

 

You're making a lot of assumptions

There is such a thing as safe sex.

No one needs to become: "emotionally numb"

Or "smash everything in sight" as if they still can't choose with whom they decide to have sex...

Having sex with people doesn't mean having sex with anyone, anywhere,,,there are degrees to this...controls...why do you assume such debase assumptions?