Telling on a cheater. Is it the right thing to do?

[Sugarkane]

How do you justify still being friends with this person?

[SmartDude]

 

He also shared that she's admitted to not loving him either as she has stated in the past very casually that she was a certain age when she met him and just needed someone to have kids with. He started resenting her for that after that confession.

 

She is gona get what is comming to her then. And yea you should stay out of it.

I would not stick around after such a statement either. This dude has a pass on pursuing any other relationship he likes now. She is not even trying to put up a good show. Its just "sorry, you got duped into fufilling my dream of having children".

[nescafe1982]

+1 that being in the position of the betrayed lover in such scenarios sucks. Like others, I discovered soon after finding the affair that many of my so-called friends knew about it and kept mum because... well, because.

 

I don't associate with any of them anymore, either.

 

I would tell. I would try to find a way to be kind about it, but I would certainly tell.

[autumnnight]

Because you are a close in-real-life friend with this man, and you are also friends with his wife, I believe that telling her would be a good thing. You are not inserting yourself into their real life circle because you already ARE in their real life circle. But I like what another poster said - be clear about your role and boundaries. Telling the BW in a compassionate, straightforward manner is one thing, but you are NOT signing on to be a PI or counselor.

[SpiralOut]

He has deceived her many times before, so she may not believe you. I'm willing to bet that if you say something, she will confront him and he will make up some story, which she will believe. There's a chance they will both shun you. Not like that's a bad thing, I mean who wants to be friends with some dickhead who cheats on his pregnant wife? I see nothing wrong with telling her so long as you're okay with the consequences.

 

 

If you decide to not tell, I would at the VERY least tell this guy that you do no want to hear about it anymore.

Edited September 2, 2015 by SpiralOut

[GunslingerRoland]

You have very little to gain by telling. You will most likely burn your friendship and there is no guarantee she will believe you. Even if she does believe you, she might forgive him, and hold it against you (sounds ridiculous but it happens often).

 

If you really don't condone his behavior then stop your friendship with him unless he stops. But telling is just not worth it.

[jen1447]

You have very little to gain by telling. You will most likely burn your friendship and there is no guarantee she will believe you. Even if she does believe you, she might forgive him, and hold it against you (sounds ridiculous but it happens often).

 

If you really don't condone his behavior then stop your friendship with him unless he stops. But telling is just not worth it.

 

It's true that the 'interloper' is often seen as the villain, no matter the facts. That's why it's as common as it is for battered spouses to side with their batterers and literally get in fights with the police when they respond to domestic violence calls. Their arrival is often seen as an attack on the family unit, dysfunctional as it may be, and a call to arms under a reunified purpose.

[William]

As the OP seems to be missing in action, were going to close this up for now. Limbo30, if you wish to continue the discussion please use the "Alert Us" button to notify moderation. ~Thank you