Candy Cane Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 I agree that you should back off. You shouldn't reward his behavior of breaking up with you by giving him pictures or anything really. I'd pretend like he wasn't there if you see him...just smile and look straight ahead. I know what you are saying about your things. It's always nice to get them back....but if you need them back right away, I'd have a friend show up at his door with some boxes. If he calls, I'd act really cool and DO NOT talk about the relationship. Act like you've moved on and the last thing you care about is HIM. Keep the call short and be the first one to end it. (It's also okay to not answer his calls once in awhile.) You are going to drive him crazy....and that is what you want. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Candy Cane Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 And Bing Bing...I think you are doing the right thing by breaking up with your girlfriend. You don't deserve her. That whole "soulmate" nonsense is all in your head. You think some magical feeling will come over you when you meet "the right" girl? Those are your hormones talking. The magical feeling of love is the ability to realize the good qualities in another human being and appreciating them. You have been given a blessing from God in this woman and you don't appreciate her because of why? It's too easy? Because she was stupid enough to care about you? What in God's name are you thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 wow candycane i couldnt agree with you more. I think people need to read the book men are from mars woman are from venus, it states that very thing. People are often looking for something that doesnt exist. With me and my bf we had a great relationship, never fought or anything, just always had fun. I agree that it did get a little boring towards the end because it became routine but communication could have fixed that. Instead my bf breaks up with me and tells me how i was the best gf he ever had and do more for him than anyone but "somethings missing" I sure hope he can find that somethng. Its ashame to me to see how he handled things when there were so many different approaches he could have taken. I still love him with all my heart but question the person he is...we broke up over 2 weeks ago and he hasnt called me once : ( I have decided I am not going to contact him at all either, I wont chase after him and beg him to come back to me...either he will realize in this time away from me that I am the one or else he wont.... Just all very shocking because honestly i didnt see it coming, i thought we had a great relationship and then low and behold someone comes and pulls the rug out from beneath me!! I am hoping he realizes what he had and calls me but i dont know, its not looking too promising considering i havent heard from him in 2 weeks...last i heard from him he texted and said he wanted to keep my stuff and get together in a couple weeks to talk and see how we feel...that was 2 weeks from tommorrow...then stupid me emailed him the friday after to say hi and we wound up talking abotu the relationship...bad move...basically he said he needed more time to know if he will be happier!! Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Gotta love it when defensive women jump on honest people like bing bing. He SAID that he thinks his girlfriend deserves someone who isn't apprehensive. I don't think he's selfish. How come all of you are allowed to do what YOU think is best or right for you, but when he does it, he's self serving? Also, his comment about finding the right one was NOT to say he doesn't want someone attractive and all that. What he WAS saying was that it's not necessarily about those things. I have a friend who's very handsome, makes great money, and is extremely compassionate. However, MY love is my boyfriend, who most girls wouldn't date because he's not "handsome" or rich. But I love him. You may think you're hot stuff, but if someone doesn't want to be with you, then it's their choice. You just have to move on and live life to its fullest. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy Cane Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Yeah, it does really suck. The first time my ex and I broke up, it was kind of over the same thing. I think there is hope for your relationship though...so long as you don't reward him for bad behavior. I haven't read the Venus book but I've read a few others. Mostly the point of them is that if you don't respect yourself, a man will never respect you back. Therefore, never ever put up with his bull****....and he will give you bull****...just to see if you'll put up with it. It's all a silly game. It's okay that you screwed up a few times. Put it in the past and just don't call him further. I still think he might come back...and remember...if he does, you must make him work for it. Don't come back too willingly. Don't return a few calls...act like you're too busy...etc. If you want to go out with him, say..."Maybe next week. Call me on Monday and I'll tell you if I can." Make him beg for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy Cane Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Treasa - Bing Bing isn't being selfish. He's being dumb. And his honestly doesn't save him from that. He's just honestly being dumb. He chooses not to appreciate her and the fact that he's honest about that fact doesn't make him a good guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 Well in all honesty I feel like bing bing is confused...but walking away from her might make him realize what he had. I know that Treasa said her bf broke up with her and then came back after a month because he missed her so much etc... I think its normal for guys to feel confused or stiffled at times...and its up to them to make a choice on how to handle the situation. I know my bf apologized to me several times for how he handled it and said he handled things poorly, but you cant take back whats already been done. I have given up in my situation and moved on with my life, thats all i can do. If he comes back i will hear him out but im not too certain he will come back, its been over 2 weeks and I havent heard from him at all aside from an email and a text. I dont know whats normal for break ups and whats not normal... Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 There's no such thing as a normal breakup. The only thing they have in common is pain. I think you're doing the right thing by moving on, but also knowing that you'll do the right thing IF he comes back. Don't wait for that day. If it happens, take it in stride and hear him out. He may have panicked, who knows, but don't contact him any more than necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 Im actually not contacting him at all...i have to eventually get my things back but last he texted me he suggested that he keep my things and we get together in a couple weeks to talk and see how we feel. I am not sure if those are still his intentions or not. Its all so messed up to me....i dont really understand but then again i guess most people dont. I figure NC is my best bet because it will either make him realize what hes lost or else just realize that he made the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 hey i know how u feel about missing to talk to ur ex and u want to b with him.. i know im only 16 but rii now im going thru sum shyte...alot of shyte has happened to me..and it really hurts...this sunday would b 4 months with my bf if we were still 2gether..but .. damn..it makes me so sad dat i aint wit him u noe. i love him stil its gonna b 2 months on tuesday of next week with him and his gurl...yea he has a gurl.. since da day me and him broke up.. she asked him out and he was on the rebound and she took advantage of it.. but he loves her now.. he learned to love her.. i have been trying to avoid talking to him bcuz i seriously dont wanna miss him nemore i dont wanna stick around when i know its not gonna happen ne more..me and him were never meant to b i guess....i really wanted 2 b with him 4 the rest of my life.. and im 16 i kno i have a life ahead of me but.. i wanted to b with him.. i still do.. one time he told me he regrets leeving me bcuz i am really a great gurl and dat he really likes his gurl but that he should have thought about wut he did instead of hurting me..when i aint deserve it...and he told me "that guy that gets that moment with u will b the lucckiest guy on earth" and dats bcuz i am a virgin..and u know wut?..i would want him 2 b that lucky guy... damn man..i really wish i could 4get him..i really dont want to miss him i dont want to think of him every nite b4 i go to sleep or at school or as soon as i wake up...its so hard thats y i understand u ...well neways he called me one of des days and he told me that he was bored so the first number that came to his head was mine so he called me and wel we started talking and well he started telling me that lorena his gurl friend is moving far and that if she moved they would have to break up...and damn fromthat day i felt so sad cuz i was starting to move on and i didnt want her to move ne more. cuz i want her with him..he seems happy with her.. u know she lost her virginity to him..yea..and well shes rite ther 4 him and she lives much closer to him than me.. we dont go to the same school..but he sees her every day and they spent alot of time 2gether.. one time he actually told me he wanted to chill wit me.. he said he ait seen me in a minute so hewanted to c me.. even though we arent going out ne more...but all those plans came down.. we never saw each other cuz iunno we had like 2 opporunities but we blew dem both..iunno wut to do.. i seriously miss him and i realy love him. i just wish we had never gon thru wut we did... he was the best i promise u.. i really care 4 him.. and not i c his screen name and im just liek damn.. i miss him so much and believe me i have take him out of my buddy list but i added him bak cuz i missed seeing his screen name..well iunno things happen 4 a reason and...i guess mines was to let him b and meet his gurl ..the perfect gurl 4 him ..witch is the one he has now.. i hope he doesnt break up with her when she moves....iwant him to b happ yand .. i guess wut makes him happy is her..... Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 k well sending the pix was kinda of a bad idea..cuz like ok..its like ur sendint him signals of u trying to turn him on.. and show him that u still looking good and stuff...and so he was thinking dis is a way of her trying to get me bak by just looking at her pix u get it?....well thats wut i think..cuz trus me i did the same thing..loland i guess it changed alot...i mean i sent him my pix while i was talking to him online and he was like wow but after that iunno he changed a lil like he stopped talking he talked but not much..its like a way of chasing him away from u u knoe...juts do wut im doing dont do nething to let him know ur still inerested....to tell u the truth there might b anothe rgurl and u may not know dis but its bcuz ur not with him u dont spend ur time with him n more..thats all im saying... Link to post Share on other sites
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