Dumper called MY grandma! [Update 9/1 - dumper texted apology]

[Samuel_22]

Every person who knows me and my ex swears up and down he'll be back because he's young and has no idea what he has. Obviously clinging to hope is no good for me. How do I squash it when everyone insists he'll be back?

Hope dies Last ..... famous war quote which rings true for relationships. It will dissapear over time but you won't get very far trying to force it as it will become your focus, if you get my drift.

 

From experience, only the ex can bring the ex back and often it happens the second you stop thinking about them and actually moving forward with your life without them in your peripheral vision.

 

The hope will go , things will brighten up for you but it will take time. How long depends on a variety of factors... GO NC for good!

 

Focusing on other things to rid them from your mind will only get you so far , it's like kicking a can down the road. Trips to the gym to make you feel better about yourself = good, trying to make yourself look ripped so she / they / him think they made a mistake = bad

 

It's all about the silly little things that can remind you that you're still emotionaly attached. Visual reminders should be hidden away for a period of time and anything that stops you from you giving it your best shot in moving on needs to be dealt with

 

 

Sorry but the biggest cliché you find on these boards is actualy the truest... time heals all wounds. So less watching the clock, counting the days and be kind to yourself

[rngrl12]

Unfortunately I can't go strict NC with him because we are in the same program all fall and have classes together in a small group with 20 people. I haven't texted or tried to make contact with him in 2 or 3 weeks. I don't remember. I got off Facebook completely. I've cut contact with his whole family and friends. I completely ignore him in class. Completely.

 

 

Every single person I have talked to has basically "guaranteed" me that he will come back. We're 21/22 and he has absolutely no idea who he is/what he wants.

 

I am doing my best to just ignore him. I don't stalk him on any social media. I don't text or call him. He's done nothing to reach out to me. The break up was out of the blue. The day before he texted me a long message telling me how great I was, how he didn't deserve me, and how he needs to make changes.

 

Everyone was very shocked. His mom said that it's something wrong with him and not me. All of the people who know both of us very well have said he'll be back. It's hard to kill hope. I'm just going as NC as I can given the circumstances.

[Samuel_22]

Unfortunately I can't go strict NC with him because we are in the same program all fall and have classes together in a small group with 20 people. I haven't texted or tried to make contact with him in 2 or 3 weeks. I don't remember. I got off Facebook completely. I've cut contact with his whole family and friends. I completely ignore him in class. Completely.

 

 

Every single person I have talked to has basically "guaranteed" me that he will come back. We're 21/22 and he has absolutely no idea who he is/what he wants.

 

I am doing my best to just ignore him. I don't stalk him on any social media. I don't text or call him. He's done nothing to reach out to me. The break up was out of the blue. The day before he texted me a long message telling me how great I was, how he didn't deserve me, and how he needs to make changes.

 

Everyone was very shocked. His mom said that it's something wrong with him and not me. All of the people who know both of us very well have said he'll be back. It's hard to kill hope. I'm just going as NC as I can given the circumstances.

They say these things to ease their guilt! They always say that! my girlfriend left me out of the blue to go back her ex! and when I asked her why? what was wrong with our relationship? she said,'' nothing really!! you were great, I swear to God'' ahhhh!!! sometimes I wish I could be impolite! listen! forget about those people! do what I told you! you can't employ the complete NC version fine, keep the conversation as minimum as possible!! are you listening to me? when you are in these groups whatsoever, be SUPER HAPPY!!! even if you have to act like a professional actress !!!even if you are really sad! socialize with other classmates! have fun and enjoy every minute of being with them...and this is your mindset!!! he is not gonna come back, and you are happy he is not! because you are just 21!!! you will meet far better people than this dude! I promise!

[stillafool]

How do I squash it when everyone insists he'll be back?

 

Tell them to not talk to you about him. I'm serious nothing will keep him on your mind more than talking about him. You don't need to hear what he's up to or if anyone has seen him. If you want to move along and forget him pretend he's dead. That always worked for me.

[rngrl12]

I don't talk to him at all. No texting, no calling, no in class conversations. I haven't said a word to him since he dumped me. Dead silent.

[quattrob]

I don't talk to him at all. No texting, no calling, no in class conversations. I haven't said a word to him since he dumped me. Dead silent.

 

 

 

You're doing good, keep doing what you're doing.. you'll feel better and better in no time.

[rngrl12]

Thank you Quattrob! I think one of the reasons I am able to really let it go is because I was a phenomenal girlfriend to him. Everyone who knew both of us knows how well I treated him.

 

If he wants to walk away and "find better" he won't. Sounds cocky I know but I also know how well I treated him.

[rngrl12]

So to update I got a text from the dumper today which coincidentally happens to be his birthday. it said:

 

"I'm sorry about the way I handled our break up. I don't like it that our friends groups are divided I hope we can at least be amicable some day"

 

 

I have not replied. What a jerk.

[rngrl12]

Remaining NC. Have no plans to act like I even received the text. It's not my job to pick up his broken life. He did this to himself

[HeaderIsBack]

Remaining NC. Have no plans to act like I even received the text. It's not my job to pick up his broken life. He did this to himself

 

It's probably not a broken life, just guilt. Don't respond. I've also gotten multiple calls and texts from my ex even after she said she hated me, that I destroyed her, and that she didn't want to know about me ever again (and even after she went back to her ex).

 

Keep dead silence. It's the best reply.

[rngrl12]

Thanks headerisback. It's not my job to relieve his guilt. If he wasn't such a wuss bag he could apologize to my face because I see him every day but given he cheated on me and dumped me by text message I guess my expectations are a little high. I'm just continuing to ignore him. He has a lot of growing up to do and we're young. He wanted me out of his life so that's where I'll stay

[rngrl12]

Still NC. Haven't heard from him again. Had to walk right past him on campus today. I just kept talking to my friend and acted like I didn't know him. He was so desperate to get me out of his life so I figured I'd give it to him.

 

I went to a counseling session and really liked the therapist. He believes my ex will eventually come back and he wants to get me to a place where I say no.

 

It's still very weird seeing him but I'm doing my best to move on.

[rngrl12]

It's been hard for me not to reply to his text with the million mean things that I have been thinking/feeling toward him. I just think the mean things but haven't ever sent them. I figured with more time my desire to respond to him will drop.

 

It's actually kind of funny because I get a ton of attention from guys in one of the classes I have with my ex he has to sit there alone by himself while I have 7/8 different guys trying to sit around me.

 

I think that my ignoring him is really catching him off guard. I've never iced him out before. I've always responded instantly to him and have always been the one fighting for the relationship.

 

I look at each day as a day closer to totally not caring. I've been doing really well. Laughing, happy, and looking great in class while totally ignoring the ex and acting like he's less than dirt.

[Mittens]

Well I have to say for a start that his mother is the one who is 'wrong'...there's nothing 'wrong' with him, he's just a normal 22 year old.

 

I was married at 21, to the man I'd been with since I was 17. He was my first 'proper' boyfriend. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I'm now 47, and I still call it the biggest mistake.

 

If I could go back in time and change anything, I would have split up with him the moment I started having an interest in other men (I was about 19), concentrated on my career, travelled etc. Actually enjoyed my 20s and my youth!

 

It's unfortunate that you have to see him. After this semester, you will be able to practice complete NC, where you don't see him, you don't contact him in any way shape or form, and ask friends to stop telling you about his movements.

 

Please concentrate on your own life. No one else will do that for you. At the moment he's taking up valuable space in your head, space that you could be filling with things that will benefit YOU.

[rngrl12]

I understand that he's young and normal. However given the quality of girlfriend I was to him I truly believe he'll come to severely regret his decision.

 

I have been focusing on myself and moving my plan forward to hopefully get into medical school I don't have time to dwell on him.

[karinelove]

I'll try and keep it short and relevant. I dated ex junior year to senior year of HS. He dumped me. We got back together freshman year of college. I was the one who initiated the contact.

 

I have always been so incredibly good to him. Sending him nice messages, buying him surprises, cooking him breakfast every morning basically going out of my way to make him happy.

 

To put some things in perspective: he told me he settled for me. When we weren't arguing or anything just out of the blue. He told me I was bad in bed. He made me believe I was so crazy I went to counseling where the counselor basically told me she had no idea why I was there.

 

He told my dad he planned on marrying me the second time we dated. He told me he was attacked by demons and that the demons told him I was his soul mate.

 

We had a really rough year in 2015 with a lot of fighting just over nothing really. April 2015 I left to go home to do my internship. May 2015 he flew out to Texas for his. I saw him before he left and he texted me telling me how glad he was that I saw him and how we'd make it through the distance fine. He never contacted me or made a huge effort to communicate so I started getting passive aggressive.

 

Fast forward to mid June 2015. He texts me really drunk telling me he kissed another girl not to bother flying out to see him my ticket was for the next week. I told him that I was going to come and wasn't going to make any snap decisions. I flew out to see him. Honestly didn't have a good time. Tried to initiate conversations with him about our relationship. He basically dumps me on my last day there. I ask him about all the changes I need to make and agree to make them. We decide to stay together.

 

July 2015 I make every valid change he asked for. He starts texting me saying he doesn't want to go to medical school which is what he wanted to do for the past 5/6 years. He suddenly decides he wants to be a navy seal or die trying. I tell him to do what he needs to do and that I'll be there for him. Two days before he dumps me he talks to my dad on the phone. Normal converstation.

 

He texts me two days/the day before he dumped me telling me how great I am, how he doesn't deserve me and how he needs to make some personal changes. He texted me telling me he knows he hasn't been as good to me as he should have been and that he needs to make changes.

 

The next day I send him a nice good morning message and try to call him. He doesn't pick up. Finally does and he says "I'm dumping you, you haven't changed. Sorry."

 

Do you think he'll come back? My family/people who know him thinks he will. It was just such a snap decision out of nowhere.

 

Wow! I cannot believe this. Have you lost your mind girl? Don't do this to yourself you deserve much better. You should work on your self worth and stop allowing him to treat you like a door mat.

 

I beg of you let him go. He doesn't know deserve you. He is just playing you and on top of that he shifts the blame to you. He then asked you to change and if you don't then the relationship is off.

 

Good God woman don't you fall for this. If anyone that needs to change it's him. Don't respond to his text or phone calls.

[rngrl12]

Karinelove,

 

I've been NC with him for several weeks even though he texted me. As NC as I can be because I see him daily. For the first time since I was 16 I'm finally thinking of myself and what's good for me over him.

 

After this December we'll physically be going to different places so I think that will make it very easy. It's already underlined to me just how over the relationship is because in 3 months we'll be physically separated.

[rngrl12]

Sometimes I think that I miss him. But really I think that I miss the idea of the man that I want who is still, very much, in my head. I'm planning on staying single for awhile. I have been and continue to be as NC as possible. It sucks but I am doing it for myself. I deserve to move forward and be happy.