rngrl12 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I'll try and keep it short and relevant. I dated ex junior year to senior year of HS. He dumped me. We got back together freshman year of college. I was the one who initiated the contact. I have always been so incredibly good to him. Sending him nice messages, buying him surprises, cooking him breakfast every morning basically going out of my way to make him happy. To put some things in perspective: he told me he settled for me. When we weren't arguing or anything just out of the blue. He told me I was bad in bed. He made me believe I was so crazy I went to counseling where the counselor basically told me she had no idea why I was there. He told my dad he planned on marrying me the second time we dated. He told me he was attacked by demons and that the demons told him I was his soul mate. We had a really rough year in 2015 with a lot of fighting just over nothing really. April 2015 I left to go home to do my internship. May 2015 he flew out to Texas for his. I saw him before he left and he texted me telling me how glad he was that I saw him and how we'd make it through the distance fine. He never contacted me or made a huge effort to communicate so I started getting passive aggressive. Fast forward to mid June 2015. He texts me really drunk telling me he kissed another girl not to bother flying out to see him my ticket was for the next week. I told him that I was going to come and wasn't going to make any snap decisions. I flew out to see him. Honestly didn't have a good time. Tried to initiate conversations with him about our relationship. He basically dumps me on my last day there. I ask him about all the changes I need to make and agree to make them. We decide to stay together. July 2015 I make every valid change he asked for. He starts texting me saying he doesn't want to go to medical school which is what he wanted to do for the past 5/6 years. He suddenly decides he wants to be a navy seal or die trying. I tell him to do what he needs to do and that I'll be there for him. Two days before he dumps me he talks to my dad on the phone. Normal converstation. He texts me two days/the day before he dumped me telling me how great I am, how he doesn't deserve me and how he needs to make some personal changes. He texted me telling me he knows he hasn't been as good to me as he should have been and that he needs to make changes. The next day I send him a nice good morning message and try to call him. He doesn't pick up. Finally does and he says "I'm dumping you, you haven't changed. Sorry." Do you think he'll come back? My family/people who know him thinks he will. It was just such a snap decision out of nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 This guy has it made. He treats you poorly and then you respond by asking him how you can change so he keeps you around. WHAT CHANGES HAS HE MADE? NONE. You've become a doormat to him. Used and abused and ready to take on more abuse. Take a look at everything you've typed: - He dumped me. We got back together freshman year of college. I was the one who initiated the contact. - I have always been so incredibly good to him. Sending him nice messages, buying him surprises, cooking him breakfast every morning basically going out of my way to make him happy. - he told me he settled for me. - He texts me really drunk telling me he kissed another girl not to bother flying out to see him my ticket was for the next week. I told him that I was going to come and wasn't going to make any snap decisions. I flew out to see him. Honestly didn't have a good time. Tried to initiate conversations with him about our relationship. He basically dumps me on my last day there. I ask him about all the changes I need to make and agree to make them. We decide to stay together. [And the list goes on]. When dating, some women tend to feel the need to "do" things that they erroneously believe will lead others to love them for it. Some women keep "doing" something to keep the relationship going. She hangs on for dear life. She's in denial more or less and via her actions, signals that this is the best she feels she deserves. The woman doesn't know her value as a human being and this causes her to settle for less. You are giving more of herself than you should be and are expecting to be loved in return.You are undervaluing yourself. For your sake, I hope he never comes back. You deserve SO MUCH better. Can you not see that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Oh trust me. I can finally (hallelujah) see that I deserve so much more. His mother AND sister told me that there is something wrong with him and that he is crazy. His best friend told me to never EVER take him back. To make it even worse I was going to get a job literally wherever he went to medical school and work full time to support him no questions asked. I have definitely dodged a major bullet. I'm just curious if the people on here do think he will come around a third time. I have to see him every single day as soon as classes start in the fall. We're in a very small program and have all our classes together. Thankfully I have way more friends than him and already have my new game plan. In school he and I sat together and did everything together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Great! Good riddance to him. I won't be surprised if he makes another appearance but don't fall for it. From what you have described, he would need to make MAJOR changes which does not happen overnight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 I lost myself in the relationship. I was willing to work a career I don't like and move wherever to play side kick to him. I'm reeling more from the shock of having my "future" taken away and trying to figure out what I want to do without anyone. The thing that kills me is the day before he dumps me he sent me this message: "You are such a good person I don't deserve you. I'm not the man I want to be, but I promise you I will not stop util I become a man who is worthy of you. I'm not supportive. I care more about my situation then I do about you. That will change. I'm a pussy. I'm going to get a [swear] backbone. I have no commitment. I'm going to get in shape and be in the top 99%. I don't want to survive I want to thrive and be able to conquer anything regardless of my position. " and that was sent the DAY before he randomly dumped me. If it helps add any perspective I dated him for 2.5 years this second time. 9 months the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Just from your posts regarding this guy.. he has mental issues and the way he dumped you with a short message like that is insane literally. At first I thought it might only him being immature but it seems he has mental illness and borderline in need of help.. Seeing demons and demons telling him that you're his soulmate? yea... NO.. IF he did see demons why would any sane person listen to "DEMONS"?? Stay far away from this guy unless you want to have a miserable life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Yes there is good possibility that he comes back. However I strongly discouraged you to take him back. He has serious personality issues! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 It will make me sound really stupid but I've always known something was "off" with him and when he told me that demons attacked him I was like "BINGO!" And he completely 100% believe it. I also know there was wayyyyyyyyy crazier stuff he never told me. He also told me when we were dating the 2nd time that if he wanted to he could get me back a third time. So no need for him to mourn or feel sad. I've been NC with him for a week. I broke down and tried to call him last week to figure out why he actually dumped me. He told me he "doesn't love me" and is sorry it took him so long to realize it. My dad believes he's bipolar and has psychological issues and is thanking everything under the sun that I'm out of the relationship. I have to see him every single day in class as soon as school starts. Not looking forward to it. I'm just curious if the people on here think he'll try to make a third pass. My Dad basically guaranteed this kid will come back around Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I agree with your dad. There is definitely something wrong with him and I recommend that you not worry about what it is or spend time alone in his presence. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Oh, he'll be back. Guaranteed. Where will you be when he tries to come back though? That's the question you should be asking. (The answer is with someone else in a healthy relationship)... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 See I'm not so sure because he has a lot of pride. He also jumps from relationship to relationship though all his friends/family claim I'm the only one he has ever loved. He would play the break up game with me and give me the break up speech say we weren't right for each other etc then I would cry and he would tell me what a mistake he made. I'm just not so sure he's going to make a third pass though my dad has basically guaranteed it Link to post Share on other sites
RocketQueen Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Yes, he'll be back, as of yet he has no reason not to as you've allowed him back in your life. Luckily, you seem to be realising what an absolute fool he seems to be and I hope you tell him where to go. You sound like a lovely person who has a lot to give and who's caring nature has made you over look what you need and deserve. I hope you find the strength to keep rejecting him when he tries to weedle his way back to you because I have a feeling he'll be pretty persistent and it will take more than once for it to sink into his thick skull that you're done. Good luck xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 I deserve more. I know I deserve more. I was the only one trying to make the relationship work. The only one really putting effort in and making changes. Whenever we'd fight it was always my fault and it was always because I was "crazy and emotionally unstable." I continually seek personal improvement so I went to counseling where the counselor basically told me I shouldn't be there. I cooked him breakfast every single morning. I would buy food and bring it to class when I knew he hadn't eaten. I constantly bought him little gifts, wrote him nice messages. He was always top of mind. I bought him a $150 pair of shoes and had them shipped out to his house after I flew out to see him because I felt bad about how poorly I treated him when he was the one who cheated. While we were apart when I called him he would immediately hang up as soon as he got wherever he was going even if we were in the middle of talking. He'd tell me not to text him so much/blow up his phone. He told me he didn't want me to fly to see him and told me him kissing that girl was my fault because he was unhappy. I just don't see him trying to come back because he made so much of it out to be my fault and blamed me for the relationship being miserable even though I bent over backwards for him never mind that he did not deserve it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 Also thought I'd add he hasn't tried to contact me or reach out to me or anything. He genuinely doesn't seem to care. Wouldn't be surprised if he had another girl. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 See I'm not so sure because he has a lot of pride. He has a lot of interpersonal problems as well. You have some serious co-dependency issues that I really hope you can break. When, not if, when he comes crawling back, I sincerely hope you're in a different place so you don't let yourself back into that situation. You're all heart and no brain right now. Let the heart heal and the brain will take over again. Don't revolve your life around this guy. You'll regret it when you're old. He doesn't deserve you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 I'm going to go to counseling and start meditating. I have a great family and a few really good friends. I am NOT excited about seeing him everyday this fall. But I'll push through. I don't see how or why someone would come back if they were convinced the relationship/I made them so miserable. Personally I don't see it happening. I was willing to give up everything for this guy and settle in all aspects of my life. I am so glad I got out of it being relatively young (21). I can have the career I want and the man who will treasure me. I poured 110% into that relationship. I am incredibly giving and very selfless to a fault. I need to set up my own boundaries. I am not joking when I said I did anything/everything for him and he was always top of mind. Constantly. I just don't see him coming back. I don't see how he could regret it because he made everything my fault and we had a very miserable 2015. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 You and I are in similar situations. My ex left me after 6 months, then came back, and stayed for another 2 years. I don't understand why she did it, but she did. She left me to pursue relationships with other dudes, and made me think she wanted me back after the guy she left me for dumped her. Then she did a 180 and has a new boyfriend a week later. I also go to school with my ex, so I have a chance of running into her on campus this fall. The time away during the summer has helped me greatly, but I'm dreading going back to school for that reason. I don't think anyone can predict whether he'd come back, but the way I see it, even if he did come back, do you really believe he would stay for good? Do you really want to be in the same position a few months/years later? Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 He will regret it. Trust me on this. He'll let you know that. Just, please... move on with yourself. Don't end up with this guy. 21? You've just started your life. Live it Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) I truly don't see him regretting it. I was always wrong in the relationship. He would constantly ask me if we were right for each other. He told me he doesn't love me. I just don't see how you "come back" and end up regretting that, ya know? Edited August 13, 2015 by rngrl12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 I think I'm going to use this thread as a diary. I'm not doing great today. The thing that hurts the worst is the fact that he hasn't made any effort to contact me and could just walk away from 2.5 years without caring Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 I really want to contact him and tell him how much I missed him. I texted him a few times last week and first was really mean told him how he's a bullet I dodged etc then I later told him I was sorry and I was just mean because he hurt me. He told me he was sorry I was taking it so hard. I told him of course I was because I loved him and that the biggest favor he can do me is to leave me alone. He hasn't tried to talk to me since then. I feel like he doesn't care. I have no idea how someone could just walk away from being together so long and not care. We lived together, we did everything together and I gave him my all for him to completely not care and not even try to reach out to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Oh, he'll be back. Guaranteed. Where will you be when he tries to come back though? That's the question you should be asking. (The answer is with someone else in a healthy relationship)... I hope mine does come back too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rngrl12 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) So you can read my break up thread. Just found out he, the dumper, called and talked to my grandma. My grandma said he sounds incredibly depressed and is taking it horrible. He basically told her he needs to figure himself out. Sticking to NC. has been hard. Any thoughts on this? He's all of a sudden leaning very heavily to joining the navy tight after graduation Edited August 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge threads and update title Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenixashes Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 You know his game by now. Ignore. Don't even reach out to ask "why?" Ignore. Thoughts? Probably feels his power slipping. Link to post Share on other sites
MovingOnIsHard Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 This guy has bpd written all over him. - calls you "emotionally unstable" - obviously enjoyed having you treat him extra special, like you were his mom - impulsive, self-centered actions eg. hanging up on you, dumping you on a whim - blaming you for his actions - you needing therapy (yeah, it's always the victim that ends up in therapy, not them) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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