I don't know how to move on.

[Morro72]

 

I just don't want to feel like something that was so easily tossed to the side.

 

So instead you want his W and kids and your H to feel like something that was so easily tossed to the side? Wow.

[thebutterflyeludesme]

No questions about the actual affair but she'll see him do something wrong and she immediately contacts me(I thought I blocked her every way I could) about his actions.

 

It's only been three weeks and she's contacted be because she found my name in his gchat list(we never chatted on there ever). Then because she caught him looking me up on Facebook. Today it was because he apparently added me back to his contacts on his phone.

 

I tell her each and every time that we are not communicating in any way and to leave me out of it but she continues. It just brings up the hurt all over again.

 

I can't figure out if she's finding random reasons to contact me or if he's legitimately doing these things.

[minimariah]

I can't figure out if she's finding random reasons to contact me or if he's legitimately doing these things.

 

he probably is & she keeps contacting you in an effort to find out the truth since he most likely gaslights her or just refuses to talk about it. & she probably hopes she'll "scare you away" or something along those lines.

 

i doubt she finds random reasons on purpose just to contact you. besides, he DID contact you (according to your previous thread) so no reason to doubt if he really does all of that or not.

[thebutterflyeludesme]

he probably is & she keeps contacting you in an effort to find out the truth since he most likely gaslights her or just refuses to talk about it. & she probably hopes she'll "scare you away" or something along those lines.

 

i doubt she finds random reasons on purpose just to contact you. besides, he DID contact you (according to your previous thread) so no reason to doubt if he really does all of that or not.

 

True. He did contact me but that was the only instance and I haven't contacted him at all. I didn't quite want to throw him under the bus for that one piece of communication.

[Zagan]

Well if he has contacted you then I'm not sure why you'd wonder if she was trying to find random reasons to contact you too, it's not exactly far fetched that he is actually doing these things. Clearly he's in a place where he's wondering about you a lot and is of very weak character, hence constantly looking you up, and the time he reached out to you.

Are you surprised she asks you? He's betrayed her, lied to her, treated her like a fool and she can't believe him.. Why wouldn't she ask you? He's untrustworthy.

Just something you'll have to deal with as one of the consequences to your choices and actions.

[autumnnight]

The next time she contacts you, I would ask her what her specific questions are, and then tell her not to contact you again. I would change my number and up my FB privacy as well.

 

Was the A wrong? Yes. Do you need to be some indefinite source of information? No. You have to move on too.

[Sub]

As someone else said: consequences. You've had to face very little, it appears, as you've made them think your H knows. (Which he doesn't.) We all want to get past difficult times as unscathed as possible. But if the worst you get is a few random questions from a BW three weeks after D-Day, you're doing relatively well. Of course, honesty helps. And she knows he contacted you. So she probably knows you're lying about it. Then, it's "what else is she lying about?" So you're kind of fanning the flames.

 

You have the option of taking control and engaging her next time she calls, as autumnnight said. I think if you go so far as to getting a restraining order or getting the law involved, you run more of a risk of your BH finding out.

[Ms. Faust]

Why not ask the BW this question the next time she contacts you? Instead of sitting around and wondering you can get your answer straight from the source.

[ladydesigner]

thebutterflyeludesme she contacted you because she is searching for the truth and if her WH does not provide her that who knows what she will find next. I knew I wasn't going to stop digging until I found something and I did. At that point she may decide to find out who your spouse is and tell all. That is exactly what I did when I found the real truth of my WH's A.

[Sassy Girl]

Because she's caught you two texting each other on 4 different occasions, that's why. 4 different d -days.

 

And yeah, I'd brace if I were you - next step will be telling your husband. Just a matter of time I'd say.

[jbrent890]

I'm going to echo what Sassy and Lady Designer said and that this woman is going to try to get in contact with your husband. I would say hands down that she is going to stop at nothing for that to happen. She doesn't want another D Day. You need to get very proactive here and tell your husband the truth before she does. This is not one of those situations where he will never find out. In addition, I'm not trying to beat you up, but I see no point in bringing your husband to MC and not disclosing your affair. In fact, I would say that that is all kinds of wrong and not fair to him. I'm sorry, but I have seen it before. If this woman talks to your husband, your done.

[Artie Lang]

My H does not know about anything. MM's wife did attempt to contact him but I intercepted the message. She thinks that it was purely an EA and that it never turned physical(she only saw a few pictures). Both MM and his wife think that my husband knows because I told her he did to stop her from contacting him again.

 

textbook cheater behavior.

 

 

with all the new contact this woman is trying to make, i suggest you confess to your husband before she gets hold of him somehow and your lies and betrayal are exposed. if not for this reason alone, do it for the simple fact that your husband deserves to know the truth. as of now, you're just stringing him along with false facts simply because you don't want any fallout or consequences for your selfish behavior. he deserves to know the truth regardless of the situation this woman is putting you in.

[ChancesAre24]

Yes, we have had sex. We are four hours apart and he came to see me three times, I went to see him twice.

 

My H does not know about anything. MM's wife did attempt to contact him but I intercepted the message. She thinks that it was purely an EA and that it never turned physical(she only saw a few pictures). Both MM and his wife think that my husband knows because I told her he did to stop her from contacting him again.

 

I understand that four months seems like such a short amount of time but the feelings are no less valid and real.

 

He has children and a family that he isn't willing to lose, I don't have children but I think I would be doing the same as him if I had been the one who got caught. I just want to know that he's hurting too. I don't think it will make the situation any better but at least I'll know. You know?

 

I just don't want to feel like something that was so easily tossed to the side.

 

The thing is you really should not have been picked up by him to be tossed aside in the first place. This is the first and most painful mistake you both have made in this whole scenario.

These situations NEVER work out.

Do not be like me and spend hours looking for that one time that it did and therefore spend 6 years of your life on a mm who claimed at first that he wasn't married and then revealed he was but they were separated only to then be engaged and discover ONLINE that he was remarrying his ex wife in another country.

Don't waste your life.

First figure out if you want to be married to your husband or not. If you do then get busy and find out why you felt the need to stray. If you don't move on to a man who is free and clear of other relationships.

Making him suffer is not worth making YOU suffer.

If you know he is hurting you will take it as some sign that you're meant to be together and I will tell you now that even if it does hurt him that will probably not change the outcome.

I say this out of concern and to hopefully prevent you from making the same mistakes I and so many others on here have. I don't mean to attack but I hope you hear this.

[sandylee1]

I have been the OW and I have been the BS. I have to comment on something that bothers me a great deal on these boards...the term "wifey". That is so disrespectful and degrading. Do we really need to use that term?

 

I agree with this, but I think the context in which it was said is more the issue here...a bit like she'll be checking up on him like the military police. He has to be a good boy and lie low from the woman he's married to and cheating on.

[sandylee1]

If his wife has evidence that it was a PA, be prepared for her to keep trying to tell your H. If she goes on any forums she'll be advised to send him a certified letter for the addressee only or she will email and ask for him to call to verify he got the message. This won't disappear, especially if you don't stay away from her husband.

 

BTW whatever happened to joint custody and visitation? She can't deny him access to his children. Which court would endorse that?

Thousands of divorces happen every year and both parents are in their kids lives. ...how is his situation any different?