Dutchman1 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I know that MM still has sex with his wife. Although he says it's not as frequent as frequent as he likes. I constantly compared our sex with theirs. He never said their sex life was bad just not frequent. He mostly seemed interested in oral with me and seemed to actually avoid intercourse. He never really initiated kissing me or looking at me during it. A lot of times I felt he could get the same from a $40 hooker down the street. Dear savannah2 I think that you deserve sooooooooooo much better. learn to look after nr1, yes you !!! Bet he doesn't even bring you chocolates worth of $ 40. If I would say to my wife ( and I do often) I LOVE YOU, and the response would be : ahum yes I know, and I care for you, there is something wrong in my marrige. In your case there is I believe something wrong with both of you. Him a big-time loser, and you a gullible confused woman. Please take care of yourself and work to get you dignity and self respect back, you will feel so much better when you are free again. Dutchman 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 And the craziest part of it is that I am so attracted to him. I shouldn't be. How do I make him less attractive to me? Focus on the negatives and how shi.tty he makes you feel. Focus on the bad stuff the affair brings, not the positive. Let yourself feel anger, resentment so those emotions chip away at what you feel for him in and out of bed. If you want lessen your attraction, FIGHT IT. Don't ever focus on it and encourage it. Get busy doing other things in life, put yourself first. Stop making special time for him. Or even better, stop fooling around with him, no more oral or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 "You are starting to sound just like her" her being his wife. I told him that it wild be nice if he would say he misses me. And he said that she complains that he never says the right things to her either. He said he feels like he is stuck in the middlE. Ugh. This is just really starting to get ugly. Oh, boy. Now the fantasy is gone with both his wife and his mistress. He's going to need a new "fun" woman. Poor him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I know that MM still has sex with his wife. Although he says it's not as frequent as frequent as he likes. I constantly compared our sex with theirs. He never said their sex life was bad just not frequent. He mostly seemed interested in oral with me and seemed to actually avoid intercourse. He never really initiated kissing me or looking at me during it. A lot of times I felt he could get the same from a $40 hooker down the street. Ugh. So he's basically using you for oral sex? And the selfish pig doesn't even give a crap about YOUR pleasure either, does he? I can't imagine what you could possibly find attractive about a using cretin like this who stops by occasionally for a servicing. Guys like this who think with their di*cks are a dime a dozen. I'd give the pig $40 for the local crack whore and send him on his way. What a disgusting excuse for a human being. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nikki76 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 And the craziest part of it is that I am so attracted to him. I shouldn't be. How do I make him less attractive to me? I used to think my xAP walked on water lol. And that he was the sexiest man alive. I was so caught up in the thrill and his manipulative words, I actually believed this!! Now, I see how unattractive he really is. Inside and out. He reminds me of Shrek lmao. Bald, bad false teeth, all he's missng is the green skin. Think of all the crappy things he did to hurt you. All the lies and manipulation towards you and his wife. Our minds play tricks on us. I guarantee when you are far removed from the affair, you will see he's not the macho man you once thought he was. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) He is going on vacation with his wife this weekend. Just him and her. I told him it would probably be best if he did not contact me this weekend at all. Not even a little check in. I have never said that before to him. I would always be frantically waiting for him to contact me while he was with her. I'm not doing it this time. It feels like a step in the right direction for me. I told him he will be with who he wants to be with this weekend. Her. Not me. You should have given him $40 to take with him so he can get a blowjob from the local crack whore at his vacation destination. His utter disrespect for you is painfully apparent. It's honestly a shame that you don't think you deserve anything better in life than this vile, using piece of sh*t whose only interest in you is when he can get his next blowjob. Seriously, I get more respect from my UPS man than you do from this dirt-bag. ETA: I've known guys like this. I had a girlfriend who was seeing a married guy and he was using her for sex on the side. But the utter almost repulsion in his manner toward her was so apparent to me. It wasn't to her (or she was blind to it because she thought he was so wonderful) but I could SEE it in his face. He looked down on her and saw her as nothing more than a dumb bimbo who was willing to service him when it was convenient. This MM you're wasting your time with is the same exact type of person. It's like he can barely contain his revulsion for you. Edited July 19, 2015 by Lois_Griffin 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I know that MM still has sex with his wife. Although he says it's not as frequent as frequent as he likes. I constantly compared our sex with theirs. He never said their sex life was bad just not frequent. He mostly seemed interested in oral with me and seemed to actually avoid intercourse. He never really initiated kissing me or looking at me during it. A lot of times I felt he could get the same from a $40 hooker down the street. Oh dear Savannah2, you are being used like a free hooker. At least hookers get something out of it, some of them even get kissed and looked at in the eye. This is pure torture for you. Respect yourself more, you deserve so much more than this. What happened to you in your life, that has made you put up with this dire treatment for such a long time? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 He's using you to masturbate because he got sick of using his hand. I don't mean to be crass , but that is the absolute truth of it. I'm not even sure he sees you as a human being. How long are you willing to put up with him treating you this way? You need IC. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I know that MM still has sex with his wife. Although he says it's not as frequent as frequent as he likes. I constantly compared our sex with theirs. He never said their sex life was bad just not frequent. He mostly seemed interested in oral with me and seemed to actually avoid intercourse. He never really initiated kissing me or looking at me during it. A lot of times I felt he could get the same from a $40 hooker down the street. Why would that be good enough for you? Even once? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Oh dear Savannah2, you are being used like a free hooker. At least hookers get something out of it, some of them even get kissed and looked at in the eye. This is pure torture for you. Respect yourself more, you deserve so much more than this. What happened to you in your life, that has made you put up with this dire treatment for such a long time? i can t say it better than Elaine. u can send this man to hell, really. one thing (good) in an A with a married man is the atention, flowers, gifts, chocolates, massages, coming over to cook for u when u re sick, taking u out sometimes. im glad i had that. u shouldn t settle for this. even sexually, MM tend to give their all best. this man is using u. please, whatever u are punishing yourself for by accepting this, stop it and seek help. hugs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Send the d*** on his merry way home. He doesn't deserve you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) He got back from his vacation with his wife and told me he didn't think we should be physical anymore. He wants to just be friends. He can't handle the double life. She is questioning him asking if he has someone else. He can't handle her suspicion. I'm not sure I even believe him about that. I think he may use that as an excuse to go cold on me. He's said it many times before and it's always when he wants to "slow things down " with me. Meaning no physical but still contact me in case he changes his mind. Blah blah blah 2 weeks go by and he is contacting me wanting to meet me someplace for what I assume is a BJ that he is after or something physical because when he says "meet me" that's usually why. I asked him how he can go from he doesn't want anymore physical contact to "meet me" in a matter of two weeks. He did not respond with any answer. Yep. That is the man I have professed love for. Wtf is wrong with me. Edited July 31, 2015 by Savannah2 Add Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 He got back from his vacation with his wife and told me he didn't think we should be physical anymore. He wants to just be friends. He can't handle the double life. She is questioning him asking if he has someone else. He can't handle her suspicion. Blah blah blah 2 weeks go by and he is contacting me wanting to meet me someplace for what I assume is a BJ that he is after or something physical because when he says "meet me" that's usually why. I asked him how he can go from he doesn't want anymore physical contact to "meet me" in a matter of two weeks. He did not respond with any answer. Yep. That is the man I have professed love for. Wtf is wrong with me. He is using you like a call girl. Just stop letting him use you. Tell him no, block him and get on OLD and look for a real man who will treat you nice, take you places, treat you like a human being and not just use you all the time for a BJ or a quickie. The man cannot even bear to kiss you or look you in the eye, for God's sake. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Whisper Quiet Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I agree with the other posters, he IS treating you like a hooker. 1. Kick is sorry as to the curb. 2. Delete, block, and change any way he has of contacting you. 3. Prepare for the better man and future that is waiting for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 He got back from his vacation with his wife and told me he didn't think we should be physical anymore. He wants to just be friends. He can't handle the double life. She is questioning him asking if he has someone else. He can't handle her suspicion. I'm not sure I even believe him about that. I think he may use that as an excuse to go cold on me. He's said it many times before and it's always when he wants to "slow things down " with me. Meaning no physical but still contact me in case he changes his mind. Blah blah blah 2 weeks go by and he is contacting me wanting to meet me someplace for what I assume is a BJ that he is after or something physical because when he says "meet me" that's usually why. I asked him how he can go from he doesn't want anymore physical contact to "meet me" in a matter of two weeks. He did not respond with any answer. Yep. That is the man I have professed love for. Wtf is wrong with me. Think about it. You're putting your mouth on something where his wife's genitals were just hours before. How is that treating yourself with any shred of respect? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 He got back from his vacation with his wife and told me he didn't think we should be physical anymore. He wants to just be friends. He can't handle the double life. She is questioning him asking if he has someone else. He can't handle her suspicion. I'm not sure I even believe him about that. I think he may use that as an excuse to go cold on me. He's said it many times before and it's always when he wants to "slow things down " with me. Meaning no physical but still contact me in case he changes his mind. Blah blah blah 2 weeks go by and he is contacting me wanting to meet me someplace for what I assume is a BJ that he is after or something physical because when he says "meet me" that's usually why. I asked him how he can go from he doesn't want anymore physical contact to "meet me" in a matter of two weeks. He did not respond with any answer. Yep. That is the man I have professed love for. Wtf is wrong with me. Dig down deep and ask yourself why you want a man like this. Ask yourself why you put up with it. Only you have the answers as to why you aren't telling him to F OFF and cut him out of your life forever and go NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GypsumSatellite Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Savannah, the best way to find him unattractive is to stay mad at him. Get angry because he plays with your emotions. He doesn't want anything physical but then he gets tired of whatever sex life he has at home and remembers you'll do the things he likes. He knows the bar is set low for him and he's hoping that by staying in contact with you, you'll let him use you again. He's not hurting. He's not the loneliest man in the world. You don't need to pity him. He's fine. He isn't struggling because he loves you, he's struggling because he wants to keep 2 women minorly happy so he can have all his major needs met. You not only deserve better but you will have better than him once he's out of your life. It'll take time. I'm not about to say Mr Awesome will run into you the day you dump MM, but with a little work on yourself (such as, correcting the mentality that enables you to be okay with a man treating you as MM has), a guy who takes care to make you feel loved will be able to catch your eye. And here's a thought: if he says his sex life just isn't as frequent as he likes, it could be his W is tired of performing acrobatics for him and dealing with his mememe attitude. Maybe she slowed down the frequency because he's just as thoughtless in bed with her? Can you imagine being married to a man who never kisses you during sex? Never goes down on you? Never lets you enact your fantasies? I'd go cold on him, too! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I'd suggest you ask him for $20 next time and see if he follows through! Actually, I'd suggest that you go back and read all of your previous posts regarding how this man has mistreated and disregarded you. It's all there! I'm not asking what you want from him... But what do you actually get from him??! Not one of your posts reflect a relationship that anyone would sacrifice for. You're not going to change him. I know there is someone out there who will love and cherish you! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 Conversation with mm talking about my parents divorce when I was in high school. He said that it stinks they split up and he could never just away from a marriage. Lightbulb moment for me, he will always stay in his marriage and continue to cheat. So tell me how he thinks it's okay to have an affair with me four years?! But to leave a marriage is a failure?!! Smh. I realized he will be a serial cheater his entire marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 It's on you to end this. He will never leave her. She might leave him if she finds out though. He's made it clear he doesn't love you and at this point you need to look in the mirror for answers. You are responsible for your own happiness, but you choose to remain in affair and be treated like crap. What will it take for you to end this? The guy won't kiss you. He meets you up so you can give him oral He tells you he loves his wife No kids, so you know that's not why he's staying. Common girl, stop letting him use you and get him out of your life. Surely you know you can get better than this. I'd rather die single than be treated the way he treats you. Get therapy to get out of this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Well you know where you stand in pretty much every aspect of this relationship now- Your choice what to do from here-I'd would chose me and get the heck out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 OP, do his actions support his claims? Has he been married a long time? Do you know his family? Do marriages tend to run for life, even with rancor and infidelity? Can you verify that he's cheated with other women? I'm asking because you're hinging an important assertion, that he will be a serial cheater, on your perception of certain words, words I'm re-reading and am still a bit fuzzy on. I presume you meant 'go away' from his marriage or similar, referring to divorce. He would never divorce. If he would never divorce (unknown, since we can't predict the future!) and is currently in an affair with you, that apparently means, to you, he'll continue to be in affairs since he's in one now. If you expected him to leave his marriage and he's made no efforts in that regard, then that means there is no meeting of the minds so you have a decision to make. Your mind and his mind aren't meeting on matters of relationship substance. That reality doesn't mean he'll be a serial cheater or even never leave his marriage. Sure, it could. Anything is possible. If your decision to end this relationship turns upon him being a serial cheater and/or painting him in a negative light, OK, that works psychologically. Perhaps use it as a lesson in the future when meeting other men. Life always manages to teach us lessons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Folks, I merged three topics about the same relationship which were begun in the last month, to provide continuity and context. Please continue the discussion on aspects of that relationship here. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 He had An emotional affair at his previous work about 4 years ago. then moved to my work and started up with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Conversation with mm talking about my parents divorce when I was in high school. He said that it stinks they split up and he could never just away from a marriage. Lightbulb moment for me, he will always stay in his marriage and continue to cheat. So tell me how he thinks it's okay to have an affair with me four years?! But to leave a marriage is a failure?!! Smh. I realized he will be a serial cheater his entire marriage. Have you read one word of the 4 pages of advice you've gotten here? It's like everyone's telling you flat out how foolish you're acting and you don't address any of it - you just update us on yet another thing this using pig has said or done. And 99.9% of the time, it's yet something ELSE he's done to disrespect you. No surprise there. Of course he'll always be a serial cheater. Why? Well, as long as there are delusional women who are happy to degrade, disrespect and debase themselves - continually for years - just to be a sperm receptacle for him, he'll always have the opportunity. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts