Why did this happen with my boyfriend? Do you believe he really did have work?

[Gaeta]

.. Some of you really just think every man whom has a busy schedule is a dirty cheating bastard. What a shame.

 

Has nothing to do with him being busy.

 

It has everything to do with his pattern and secrecy. A job that sounds far fetched and she knows practically nothing about, a sister she never met, nights at the hotel that ends with her periods...what else? watches all around when they're out, takes her out outside of his neighborhood etc.

 

Apparently this man has a million dollar job, travels the world, deals with impressive amounts of money, is entrusted with high responsibilities BUT lives with his sister? Shouldn't he have a fantastic penthouse somewhere in town and not share rent with a *sister*?

 

And yes, if it crawls and whistles like a snake then chances are it's a snake.

 

 

ETA: I bet you she doesn't know where he lives.

Edited August 14, 2015 by Gaeta

[LoveRefreshed]

Has nothing to do with him being busy.

 

It has everything to do with his pattern and secrecy. A job that sounds far fetched and she knows practically nothing about, a sister she never met, nights at the hotel that ends with her periods...

 

Apparently this man has a million dollar job, travels the world, deals with impressive amounts of money, is entrusted with high responsibilities BUT lives with his sister? Shouldn't he have a fantastic penthouse somewhere in town and not share rent with a *sister*?

 

And yes, if it crawls and whistles like a snake then chances are it's a snake.

 

No where does it say he has a million dollar job. He is a financial broker for companies who make million dollar deals and he manages them. He probably makes six figures doing that. Such a person would have the means to support a sister in need and do so without hesitation. If anything, it shows he's a caring man about his family. *IF* that's his sister.

 

 

In European countries, a small flat can run 200-300 thousand euros to own (in a city). I wouldn't buy my sister her own flat at that much, but if I had room for my sister, I'd let her stay. Traveling to other countries from Germany, for instance, costs 70-100 euro. I think you all have the wrong image of the life style.

 

 

I'm not saying she shouldn't investigate the sister, but your claims of this mans integrity are simply baseless outside of your own personal experiences. In fact, I was the first person who suggested it, but it's not a foregone conclusion.

 

 

The reason for not leaving her in the hotel is that it was meant for them to have a romantic evening (and her idea!) but when he can not stay, who wants to sit in a hotel room alone? Not me, I'd rather go home to where all of my things are that I enjoy doing and where I feel the most comfortable.

[Gaeta]

The reason for not leaving her in the hotel is that it was meant for them to have a romantic evening (and her idea!) but when he can not stay, who wants to sit in a hotel room alone? Not me, I'd rather go home to where all of my things are that I enjoy doing and where I feel the most comfortable.

 

I cheap hotel I would not stay but if this guy earns in the 6 figures I imagine he took her in a nice fancy hotel with all the fancy commodities and you bet I would stay the night in their expensive Egyptian bed sheets after a long soak in their spa!

[Redhead14]

The bottom line is that she doesn't know him well enough . . . she should be dating other men and not so focused on this guy. And, if she has doubts, she shouldn't sleep with him again. He hasn't asked her for exclusivity as far as I can tell and, I don't care what the circumstances are, if a man won't show you his home, there's a problem -- either he is married, living with sister (and if that's the case, so what if she meets her or they stay there. The sister should be grown up enough to know her brother dates and sleeps with women. And, what does the sister do about dating?) or he is a slob or a serial killer or has 10 cats.

[No_Go]

Nobody here said he IS lying to her, but most SUSPECTED he is. These are very different statements. I'll read at it like the probability is higher than average based on his actions. But we're still dealing with probabilities, not facts.

 

Calls late at night from the "boss" are possible but not probable. The sam about living with a "sister" who will be disturbed by seeing her brother's gf.

 

The OP had concerns herself, that's why she posted the question. We, the "burned" users here, shared personal experiences and projected from them - that's all that should be read from this tread.

 

I'm curious how this story will turn to be.

 

No where does it say he has a million dollar job. He is a financial broker for companies who make million dollar deals and he manages them. He probably makes six figures doing that. Such a person would have the means to support a sister in need and do so without hesitation. If anything, it shows he's a caring man about his family. *IF* that's his sister.

 

 

In European countries, a small flat can run 200-300 thousand euros to own (in a city). I wouldn't buy my sister her own flat at that much, but if I had room for my sister, I'd let her stay. Traveling to other countries from Germany, for instance, costs 70-100 euro. I think you all have the wrong image of the life style.

 

 

I'm not saying she shouldn't investigate the sister, but your claims of this mans integrity are simply baseless outside of your own personal experiences. In fact, I was the first person who suggested it, but it's not a foregone conclusion.

 

 

The reason for not leaving her in the hotel is that it was meant for them to have a romantic evening (and her idea!) but when he can not stay, who wants to sit in a hotel room alone? Not me, I'd rather go home to where all of my things are that I enjoy doing and where I feel the most comfortable.

[LoveRefreshed]

The bottom line is that she doesn't know him well enough . . . she should be dating other men and so focused on this guy. He hasn't asked her for exclusivity as far as I can tell and, I don't care what the circumstances are, if a man won't show you his home, there's a problem -- either he is married, living with sister (and if that's the case, so what if she meets her or they stay there. The sister should be grown up enough to know her brother dates and sleeps with women. And, what does the sister do about dating?) or he is a slob or a serial killer or has 10 cats.

 

 

Yeah, but no where in OPs posts does she say that the man has refused her seeing his apartment. She suggested the hotel, not him.

 

 

And Gaeta, that is you, not her. She didn't mentioned what kind of hotel it was, at least no where I can see. I'll double check. Even if that is what you would do, that doesn't mean it's what she would do. Also, if he is leaving her, and she didn't have transportation to and from the hotel, I think it would be the considerate thing to do is give her a ride back home.

[Gaeta]

Lets be real. They have been dating for 2 MONTHS and she never met that sister? or gone to his home?

 

And yes I let my personal experience influence me. I did date a man that told me he lived with his *brother* and turns out his *brother* was a WIFE.

[LoveRefreshed]

Lets be real. They have been dating for 2 MONTHS and she never met that sister? or gone to his home?

 

And yes I let my personal experience influence me. I did date a man that told me he lived with his *brother* and turns out his *brother* was a WIFE.

 

 

2 months is nothing. At 2 months, the girl I am dating is a nobody to my family.

Anecdotal evidence makes for poor bases for future choices. If you had a 1% chance to win the lotto and won, does that mean we should go buying lotto tickets all of the time?

 

 

And to No_Go, again, she mentions not meeting and partly due to their difference in culture and she too expresses that she is nervous to do so! So it's as much her as it is him. It's not like he's gone around avoiding it from OPs point of view.

 

 

You are all jumping to conclusions, I can't see how you don't see that. It's wise to investigate but not wise to assume.

 

Plus, it's clear that you women have never worked a job that is time demanding and sensitive. My dad is a generator repair man and he gets called out in the middle of the night to go fix generators. This guy has to urgently show up to a meeting the next day for a million dollar deal? Seems legit to me.

[No_Go]

You're right, I missed the difference in culture part. Actually, this may explain why he also avoids to go with her in public places in town (if for some reason he's uncomfortable for now being seen with a woman from different culture/race)...

 

The job thing MAY be legid, but from the =description that she gave=, it sounded like he is making excuses.

 

Again, nobody jumps to conclusions here, we're dealing with very limited information, so we just raise suspects NOT conclusions and share experiences. I don't see where the set-in-stone assumptions are.

 

 

2 months is nothing. At 2 months, the girl I am dating is a nobody to my family.

Anecdotal evidence makes for poor bases for future choices. If you had a 1% chance to win the lotto and won, does that mean we should go buying lotto tickets all of the time?

 

 

And to No_Go, again, she mentions not meeting and partly due to their difference in culture and she too expresses that she is nervous to do so! So it's as much her as it is him. It's not like he's gone around avoiding it from OPs point of view.

 

 

You are all jumping to conclusions, I can't see how you don't see that. It's wise to investigate but not wise to assume.

 

Plus, it's clear that you women have never worked a job that is time demanding and sensitive. My dad is a generator repair man and he gets called out in the middle of the night to go fix generators. This guy has to urgently show up to a meeting the next day for a million dollar deal? Seems legit to me.

[Gaeta]

2 months is nothing. At 2 months, the girl I am dating is a nobody to my family.

Anecdotal evidence makes for poor bases for future choices. If you had a 1% chance to win the lotto and won, does that mean we should go buying lotto tickets all of the time?

 

 

And to No_Go, again, she mentions not meeting and partly due to their difference in culture and she too expresses that she is nervous to do so! So it's as much her as it is him. It's not like he's gone around avoiding it from OPs point of view.

 

 

You are all jumping to conclusions, I can't see how you don't see that. It's wise to investigate but not wise to assume.

 

Plus, it's clear that you women have never worked a job that is time demanding and sensitive. My dad is a generator repair man and he gets called out in the middle of the night to go fix generators. This guy has to urgently show up to a meeting the next day for a million dollar deal? Seems legit to me.

 

If you don't live with family it's no big deal that you have not introduced them to your date after 2 months.

 

If you live with a sibling it's different. How long are you gonna go on <restaurant dates> before bringing your new girl home for a movie or dinner? A sister is not like introducing an 8 year old daughter. That sister is an adult and understands her brother is a single man dating and yes, after a month of dating he may bring someone home for coffee, movie, board games what ever, etc (not talking spending the night here). As I understand it they're all adults and there is no need to hide.

 

And you women??? what's that?? I am a woman and my boss called me at 6h30 this morning, I travel for work and I manage a lot of shyt, maybe that's why I can recognize when something about a job is suspicious.

[LoveRefreshed]

I'll concede the comment about women, it was a despicable thing to say. However, not the point that some jobs just require availability without time boundaries. I can list several that are like this, and his job isn't at all what seems shady.

 

 

The 'sister' is indeed shady, and you're right, 2+ months into dating, I hope I've had her over in my bed by then. However, we also have to respect the fact we do not know what culture they are from and for some cultures, sexuality is extremely taboo. I dated an Indian girl for 2 years, I was a secret to her sister and family. She wasn't cheating on me.

 

 

However, none of what was written here is nothing more than circumstantial evidence. That is all I am saying, so I hope OP takes all the posts indicated the lack of quality in this guy's character with a grain of salt.

[katiegrl]

No where does it say he has a million dollar job. He is a financial broker for companies who make million dollar deals and he manages them. He probably makes six figures doing that. Such a person would have the means to support a sister in need and do so without hesitation. If anything, it shows he's a caring man about his family. *IF* that's his sister.

 

 

In European countries, a small flat can run 200-300 thousand euros to own (in a city). I wouldn't buy my sister her own flat at that much, but if I had room for my sister, I'd let her stay. Traveling to other countries from Germany, for instance, costs 70-100 euro. I think you all have the wrong image of the life style.

 

 

I'm not saying she shouldn't investigate the sister, but your claims of this mans integrity are simply baseless outside of your own personal experiences. In fact, I was the first person who suggested it, but it's not a foregone conclusion.

 

 

The reason for not leaving her in the hotel is that it was meant for them to have a romantic evening (and her idea!) but when he can not stay, who wants to sit in a hotel room alone? Not me, I'd rather go home to where all of my things are that I enjoy doing and where I feel the most comfortable.

 

LR, sometimes I really do wish you (and other guys) could be a woman for like two seconds (or how about six months) so you can experience what so many of us have experienced.

 

 

Women have learned to have a sort of sixth sense about this stuff. Call it intuition, gut feelings or just PAYING ATTENTION to details (red flags) .... and as such, it become real easy for us to spot when a man is behaving somewhat disingenuously.

 

 

This is one such case. Do we have solid evidence? No, But we have enough information based on his actions to make a good solid determination about what he's up to here.

 

 

And it all points to him either having a wife or girlfriend. Could we be wrong? Sure. But I don't think so. The guy is acting shady, period.

 

 

Again, trying living life in our shoes for a few months. Date many guys... you would be in for a HUGE awakening I assure you.

 

 

I realize you guys don't have it easy either, and I sympathize and empathize. I wish you could do the same.

Edited August 14, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

I'll concede the comment about women, it was a despicable thing to say. However, not the point that some jobs just require availability without time boundaries. I can list several that are like this, and his job isn't at all what seems shady.

 

 

The 'sister' is indeed shady, and you're right, 2+ months into dating, I hope I've had her over in my bed by then. However, we also have to respect the fact we do not know what culture they are from and for some cultures, sexuality is extremely taboo. I dated an Indian girl for 2 years, I was a secret to her sister and family. She wasn't cheating on me.

 

 

However, none of what was written here is nothing more than circumstantial evidence. That is all I am saying, so I hope OP takes all the posts indicated the lack of quality in this guy's character with a grain of salt.

 

How of curiosity how to you interpret this?

 

-He would take me to places that were at least 20 minutes drive away,

 

-When we're out and having dinner, he will usually look around the room a lot

[LoveRefreshed]

LR, sometimes I really do wish you (and other guys) could be a woman for like two seconds (or how about six months) so you can experience what so many of us have experienced.

 

 

Women have learned to have a sort of sixth sense about this stuff. Call it intuition, gut feelings or just PAYING ATTENTION to details (red flags) .... and as such, it become real easy for us to spot when a man is behaving somewhat disingenuously.

 

 

This is one such case. Do we have solid evidence? No, But we have enough information based on his actions to make a good solid determination about what he's up to here.

 

 

And it all points to him either having a wife or girlfriend. Could we be wrong? Sure. But I don't think so. The guy is acting shady, period.

 

 

Again, trying living life in our shoes for a few months. Date many guys... you would be in for a HUGE awakening I assure you.

 

 

I realize you guys don't have it easy either, and I sympathize and empathize. I wish you could do the same.

 

 

Sorry for the late response, was gone this weekend, but I wanted to address this.

 

 

If only we could walk a mile in each others' shoes, then we could really understand each other without confusion and misunderstandings. Hell, the world would undoubtedly see the resolution of so many problems.

 

 

Unfortunately, we can only communicate with each other. That is what I attempt to do, and I know I can be brash, indignant, and probably self righteous at times. When I do come off this way, I try my best to sincerely apologize.

 

 

While I understand your views on this specific case, all I was getting at is it was not a foregone conclusion, and as you write here, you agree with that.

 

 

I guess a lot of the reasons I tend to defend the behaviors of men, is probably a direct result of my filter for friends. I have never remained friends with a cheater, if they cheat in a relationship, it shows a lack of integrity and the bonds of trust even as friends is in question; IMO.

 

My world is full of men who are good men, who wouldn't do this. I also tend to be an optimist and want to believe in the good in people, in general. So in this vein, I spoke my mind about this issue, but I realize the world is much different, especially the dating game from the perspective of women that I can never truly understand, short of a sex change and some hormonal therapy.

 

 

I am sorry if I come off too assertive.

 

How of curiosity how to you interpret this?

 

-He would take me to places that were at least 20 minutes drive away,

 

-When we're out and having dinner, he will usually look around the room a lot

 

1. I lived in Bloomington Indiana for a year. During that time, I found this awesome restaurant outside of town called Scenic View. Atop a hill, the food was modestly priced but the quality was exceptional. The view was the best I could get and well worth the 20 minute drive out of town. I would happily go for a 20-40 minute drive to reach a place that might make a girl feel special.

 

 

2. When I go out to eat, independent of the place, I have OCD to not sit with my back to the entrance. I can not help but look at every single person that walks in. I have no idea where it came from, and my people watching has gotten me in trouble with girls because they think I am checking out every girl, when in fact, I am checking out every single person that walks in. I don't know if it comes from being incredibly social and knowing a lot of people, so I want to make sure I catch it if a friend walks in. Or maybe it was because I got made fun of the majority of my life up until high school, so it is a defensive trait to know who could threaten me.

 

 

These are anecdotes, but are explanations that don't involve cheating. That's my whole point. I agree, don't throw caution to the wind, investigate shady situations, but have an open mind. Combine that with my optimistic approach to people, and you can understand maybe why I am not ready to just label the man as a bad apple.

[Divasu]

I dated someone for years who lived with his sister. At the time, she just graduated college and was not making a ton of money. No big deal.

[Gaeta]

If you are interested she has another thread about this man who now seems to be losing interest. How 'unusual' it's happening after sex eh!

[LoveRefreshed]

Now that is something I can relate too. Happened to me and the first 4 girls I slept with

[Divasu]

If you are interested she has another thread about this man who now seems to be losing interest. How 'unusual' it's happening after sex eh!

 

Sorry, I did not read her other thread and I was merely replying to the subject of the sister.

[Gaeta]

Sorry, I did not read her other thread and I was merely replying to the subject of the sister.

 

The problem is not that he lives with his sister. The problem is that after 2 months dating she has never met that sister and she does not even know where that man lives. SO many of us are saying the sister is no sister.

[Divasu]

The problem is not that he lives with his sister. The problem is that after 2 months dating she has never met that sister and she does not even know where that man lives. SO many of us are saying the sister is no sister.

 

Hmm. I would be less concerned with meeting relatives after 2 months, but would probably find it a bit suspect that I have not yet been invited over to his residence. But that could very well be because his sister lives there and he is not ready to introduce family into the mix at this juncture.

 

I guess the best course of action may be to not take it personally until there is a valid reason to take it personally. If she cuts things off now, she may very well always wonder if it was the right thing to do. Maybe she could ask him to make dinner for him at his place, see how it goes.

[Gaeta]

Hmm. I would be less concerned with meeting relatives after 2 months, but would probably find it a bit suspect that I have not yet been invited over to his residence. But that could very well be because his sister lives there and he is not ready to introduce family into the mix at this juncture.

 

I guess the best course of action may be to not take it personally until there is a valid reason to take it personally. If she cuts things off now, she may very well always wonder if it was the right thing to do. Maybe she could ask him to make dinner for him at his place, see how it goes.

 

In this day and age, with everything happening with online dating, with 35% of men on there pretending being single, it's highly unacceptable to not have seen where he lives after 2 months + sex.

 

If he doesn't want her to meet his sister then he can send the sis to a movie one evening and take the new girlfriend over to give her the tour.