Co-worker - should I tell her?

[kenmore]

I just wanted to say I'm glad you did it... I'm in the same position...

 

... and go for it. It's going to feel so good when it's all said and done. I've been there before and it was like a burden was lifted off of you.

 

That's true, but you also know what's not such a good feeling, not having the nuts to speak up and regretting it. I have been there many times too!

 

Guess the OP should be home soon. I'm so interested in knowing how this goes! I hope he lets us know.

 

I feel like such a voyeur lol.

[Popsicle]

I am very late to this thread, and I hate to be a party pooper, but she is still married.

 

Aside from that, I find it so hard to switch from being just friends with a guy for 8 years, to lovers. For me, 8 years would be a classic case of the friend zone.

[kenmore]

So I have a coworker who I have known pretty well for 8 years, she's 40, we are good friends. I have been her friend throughout her marriage and her breakup. She has been broken up with her ex for 3 years and the divorce is final in a few months. For just about all the time I have known her we have only been friends. A few months ago we started to spend just about every lunch together, our friendship grew.

 

It's true popsicle, she's still married for "a few months" as of half a month ago or so. And it's true I'm speaking from my perspective of that date only being a point in time, nothing about love anymore. The love and emotions are long gone and it is happening. Also it's true I would not have been intimate with another person while married, but they are far from being intimate now. It will take those months.

 

I understand what you are saying, being friends for that long makes it difficult for a relationship to blossom, but that depends totally on how they feel now. That may be true for you, maybe not for her nor him.

 

There are women I have known for a very long time that I would consider relationships with, and many I wouldn't. We know Andy wants to, we don't know about her. I'd bet she's interested.

 

Ken

[La.Primavera]

So we met for dinner on Sunday night – I waited until I knew we were close to wrapping up the evening and then switched the conversation to our friendship. I made it short and simple, I let her know how I value the friendship but that I would like to take it beyond just a friendship. I told her I had feelings for her and then stopped and gave her a moment. I think she was surprised or flattered – couldn’t tell for sure. With the long pause I just told her to think about it and then made a funny comment about something we were previously talking about to break the ice. We talked a few more minutes but the mood shifted. I didn’t want to push the issue – I said my piece.

 

 

Anyway we gave the usual hug goodbye. The next day at work it was almost status quo with us. We had our usual time in the breakroom and visits to each other’s workspace but at least on my part I felt it wasn’t quite the same. This morning more of the same – took a walk to the breakroom, usual conversation but still that odd feeling on my part. I fly out of town in a couple of hours for business for the next 10 days. This will give me time to let this settle a bit.

 

 

It stings a bit that she never directly addressed what I said but you know what? Getting it out there felt great – in fact I feel that if these feelings I have for her were destined to die I’d rather she know about them. I now know that I won’t ever have to regret not telling her.

 

 

Ken you gave some great advice - the key when opening your heart to someone is just to be yourself, don’t try to be someone you’re not. I wasn’t Mr. Cool and I wasn’t being the mushy guy trying to over romanticize the moment. I was just me, sure a bit nervous – heck I don’t have these feelings but about once every decade! She has known me for many years so there’s no point in me pursuing this further if she doesn’t tell me she feels the same. She already knows exactly who I am. I will start to disengage from the daily contacts, breaks and lunches if things don’t change on her part when I get back.

 

 

Thanks for all the great advice everyone – this wasn’t easy but it was worth it. I will love again, if not with her then someone else….

 

I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped. At least you gave it a shot which says a lot about the type of man you are. I think she is missing out on a good thing. Her loss will be someone else's gain.

[kenmore]

I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped. At least you gave it a shot which says a lot about the type of man you are. I think she is missing out on a good thing. Her loss will be someone else's gain.

 

I think you may have misread that La.Primavera, he didn't say it didn't work out, he said he thought it was good but was planning a retreat strategy just in case it doesn't work out in the future.

 

...unless you ladies are seeing something we men aren't. Do you see complete doom in that post? Did you read it as "we're completely screwed now that I said that stuff?" Because if you are, I'd love to know how it is. I'd love to learn how to speak chick! I'd definitely pay for lessons! lol!

 

I'm not being facetious nor rude, I am really wondering now after two ladies here have given their condolences how we guys may really just be in the dark. I have been alive long enough to give credence where it belongs, so I'm just curious!

 

Ken