Dumb, lost and empty

[Fortunesfool 79]

I know man....thanks for that. I am good as long as I keep moving. It was a slow day with to much time to think. Going to go do something.....

[Starbright78]

I know man....thanks for that. I am good as long as I keep moving. It was a slow day with to much time to think. Going to go do something.....

 

Hang in there... You're going to have good days and bad days. I have a list of all the crappy things he did saved on my phone to look at when I'm missing him and it will usually bring me back to reality. If it doesn't, I cough it up to a bad day and know that tomorrow will be better. My hope is one day the good days will outnumber the bad days.

[Fortunesfool 79]

I make bad decisions when I am lonely....gotta learn to be happy by myself. That's what got me here.

[Fortunesfool 79]

I was keeping with NC. It was still hurting bad but I wasn't giving in. I went on a couple of dates to try to move on. My heart wasn't in them I mostly smiled, nodded and shoved food into my mouth. Stepped up my job search and found a pretty good job to work while I go to school. I was doing ok.....

 

She showed up at my apartment last night...kinda jumped me as I got outta my car...started kissing me and I kissed back. I didn't see this coming...I wasn't prepared. I could taste liquor on her breath said she was taking her cousin out because she turned twenty-one. Kept saying she missed me....she got in her car and left. I know she just came by for an ego boost that my dumbass provided. What 35 year old person should be driving around intoxicated with a 21 year old. Now my brains are all scattered again. Haven't heard from her since, haven't tried to contact her....

[Popsicle]

Not to mention, what married woman kisses a man who is not her husband in front of a cousin?

 

Yes, they were getting into trouble together.

 

I'm sure it all feels so exciting and rebellious to her since she's married.

Edited August 22, 2015 by Popsicle

[Starbright78]

I was keeping with NC. It was still hurting bad but I wasn't giving in. I went on a couple of dates to try to move on. My heart wasn't in them I mostly smiled, nodded and shoved food into my mouth. Stepped up my job search and found a pretty good job to work while I go to school. I was doing ok.....

 

I'm sorry, that was really crappy of her to do that after what all has happened with you two. Hope you are doing ok today.

Edited August 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Lady2163]

Hello Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Jarhead! :-)

 

You've made a lot of changes in your life in what I am guessing the last year. A LOT. Leaving the service AND getting a divorce are two incredibly stressful things to do. No matter how positive you thought it would be to divorce and/or be a civilian, it is still stressful.

 

I had to laugh - but ruefully. Last month I was sitting in a crowded VA waiting room and several people got to talking about their severance check. We had all eras represented and the WWII and Korea veterans were teasing those of us after Vietnam era with "what severance check" comments. Most of us agreed that we did not spend our severance check wisely. I had the double whammy where I didn't spend mine wisely and the biggest mistake I/we made when my ex husband got out of the military was to let him collect unemployment for six months. He was pretty lazy as it was and after six ,on the of doing nothing it was a battle to get him to go back to work of any kind. I tell you all of that just to let you know other veterans have not utilized their severance check as they should, you're not alone!

 

Anyway, with your big changes, this is the time to take for yourself and your children. As dull as this may seem, work out a one year program. One year of not focusing on dating, but finding a place you like to live, getting a job, starting school. To do college well, you may need to spend a lot more time than you realize studying, researching, meeting for group work, etc. Use the time at the gym and on your bicycle rides to turn the phone to silent. I promise the world will not implode if you are away from your phone for one hour.

 

Since you're already going to the gym, map out monthly or weekly goals for a year. Consider taking a class out of your comfort zone. Yoga will possibly kick your butt.

 

Draw your life without her in it. What does that look like?

 

Good luck!

[Fortunesfool 79]

I'm sorry, that was really crappy of her to do that after what all has happened with you two. Hope you are doing ok today.

 

Thanks Star, I am ok. It brought up a whole bunch of feelings I was trying to get past. I have just looking over what was said to me here and it helps. Also Newleaf's post about "if they wanted to be here they would be" does too. Hope you're feeling better Star today as well.

[Fortunesfool 79]

Hello Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Jarhead! :-)

 

You've made a lot of changes in your life in what I am guessing the last year. A LOT. Leaving the service AND getting a divorce are two incredibly stressful things to do. No matter how positive you thought it would be to divorce and/or be a civilian, it is still stressful.

 

I had to laugh - but ruefully. Last month I was sitting in a crowded VA waiting room and several people got to talking about their severance check. We had all eras represented and the WWII and Korea veterans were teasing those of us after Vietnam era with "what severance check" comments. Most of us agreed that we did not spend our severance check wisely. I had the double whammy where I didn't spend mine wisely and the biggest mistake I/we made when my ex husband got out of the military was to let him collect unemployment for six months. He was pretty lazy as it was and after six ,on the of doing nothing it was a battle to get him to go back to work of any kind. I tell you all of that just to let you know other veterans have not utilized their severance check as they should, you're not alone!

 

Anyway, with your big changes, this is the time to take for yourself and your children. As dull as this may seem, work out a one year program. One year of not focusing on dating, but finding a place you like to live, getting a job, starting school. To do college well, you may need to spend a lot more time than you realize studying, researching, meeting for group work, etc. Use the time at the gym and on your bicycle rides to turn the phone to silent. I promise the world will not implode if you are away from your phone for one hour.

 

Since you're already going to the gym, map out monthly or weekly goals for a year. Consider taking a class out of your comfort zone. Yoga will possibly kick your butt.

 

Draw your life without her in it. What does that look like?

 

Good luck!

 

 

Airman here....Its been a lot harder to find a job that pays anything close to what I was making. I took the dates to try to get out and be social but taking a year off sounds like a good plan. I don't want to hurt someone else because I feel empty. I am hoping school, work and kids help keep me so busy I don't have time to think about it. Those rooms full of vets are pretty fun. Always plenty of trash talking going on from the oldest to the youngest. I still want to fully slap myself in the face for how I sat in my apartment having my pity party wasting money...every time I think about it. Thank you Lady..hope you're having a good weekend.

[Lady2163]

Airman here....Its been a lot harder to find a job that pays anything close to what I was making. I took the dates to try to get out and be social but taking a year off sounds like a good plan. I don't want to hurt someone else because I feel empty. I am hoping school, work and kids help keep me so busy I don't have time to think about it. Those rooms full of vets are pretty fun. Always plenty of trash talking going on from the oldest to the youngest. I still want to fully slap myself in the face for how I sat in my apartment having my pity party wasting money...every time I think about it. Thank you Lady..hope you're having a good weekend.

 

Don't dwell on the money too much, Flyboy. Having your pity party may be what you needed. You may not need a year, just take some time without a romantic partner and focus on healing.

 

The waiting rooms at the VA can be fun, depends on how long people have been waiting and how stressed they are. The ER can be just as vicious. One time I was in the emergency room and they didn't pull the curtains between exam areas. The trash talk and laughing was so bad, all three of us patients had elevated blood pressure. I told the one guy with fluid retention (around his heart) to take a &$)(;$& midol and go home so the doctors could stitch me up first.

 

It will get better. And I've been there with the job market not paying what your used to. As much as I loved my field in the military, I couldn't get a civilian job to save my life when I was discharged. All things in time.

[dental]

With interest I've been reading your thread. To me, as an outsider, it seems that you've been duped by a borderline. All of the behavior you describe points in that direction. In the beginning calibrating to your needs, mindblowing sex in order to reel you in. You're in love: mission accomplished. And now the push-pull starts. And she keeps on escalating to see how far she can go. Other men, AM (one of the few women on there) etc. But still able to catch you off guard and snug a tongue in your mouth.

 

My take on your situation is that there seriously is nothing for you to mourn. What you had with this woman was an illusion. There was never love between you. She never loved you because she hasn't got the faintest idea what love is, or togetherness, or unity. She has a personality disorder. Period. Her mission is is to f*&k up her life and the lives of men that se can seduce to play with. That's her coping mechanism to try to fill the big gaping hole in he soul.

 

What to do: Physically and mentally run as fast from this woman as humanly possible. Get new numbers, digits, relocate, burn every bridge in connection with this woman. Do this thoroughly, because if not she will see this as an incentive to play the pull part again. Go man, go.

[Fortunesfool 79]

Don't dwell on the money too much, Flyboy. Having your pity party may be what you needed. You may not need a year, just take some time without a romantic partner and focus on healing.

 

The waiting rooms at the VA can be fun, depends on how long people have been waiting and how stressed they are. The ER can be just as vicious. One time I was in the emergency room and they didn't pull the curtains between exam areas. The trash talk and laughing was so bad, all three of us patients had elevated blood pressure. I told the one guy with fluid retention (around his heart) to take a &$)(;$& midol and go home so the doctors could stitch me up first.

 

It will get better. And I've been there with the job market not paying what your used to. As much as I loved my field in the military, I couldn't get a civilian job to save my life when I was discharged. All things in time.

 

Lmao, that ER trip sounds like a hell of an experience! Thank you for that i needed a laugh!!

[Fortunesfool 79]

With interest I've been reading your thread. To me, as an outsider, it seems that you've been duped by a borderline. All of the behavior you describe points in that direction. In the beginning calibrating to your needs, mindblowing sex in order to reel you in. You're in love: mission accomplished. And now the push-pull starts. And she keeps on escalating to see how far she can go. Other men, AM (one of the few women on there) etc. But still able to catch you off guard and snug a tongue in your mouth.

 

My take on your situation is that there seriously is nothing for you to mourn. What you had with this woman was an illusion. There was never love between you. She never loved you because she hasn't got the faintest idea what love is, or togetherness, or unity. She has a personality disorder. Period. Her mission is is to f*&k up her life and the lives of men that se can seduce to play with. That's her coping mechanism to try to fill the big gaping hole in he soul.

 

What to do: Physically and mentally run as fast from this woman as humanly possible. Get new numbers, digits, relocate, burn every bridge in connection with this woman. Do this thoroughly, because if not she will see this as an incentive to play the pull part again. Go man, go.

 

 

 

Thanks man, running has been my plan so far. The hardest part for me has been reconciling the truth and illusion. I don't consider myself a weak person or an idiot in this situation I have been both. I am trying to take it a day at a time. I don't know what's making me feel so down. I am single now...things are fine with my ex-wife....kids are doing well. Just takes time I hope. I don't know what I would be doing if it wasn't for this forum and the people on it....Thank you all

[Lady2163]

Lmao, that ER trip sounds like a hell of an experience! Thank you for that i needed a laugh!!

 

Good luck to you this week! I drift in and out of these forums for months at a time.

[Fortunesfool 79]

Good luck to you this week! I drift in and out of these forums for months at a time.

 

Thank you, Lady...same to you!

[Starbright78]

Hey Fortunes Fool, hope things are getting better. I'm a month and a half in and I'm feeling like I can breathe a little. I will admit though, all this stuff about AM on TV and the news is triggers for me.

[Fortunesfool 79]

Hey Fortunes Fool, hope things are getting better. I'm a month and a half in and I'm feeling like I can breathe a little. I will admit though, all this stuff about AM on TV and the news is triggers for me.

 

Sorry for the delay Star. I was hesitant to come back here and say that I failed. I knew the ripping I could get. I broke NC after she kept contacting me. We met for dinner and more...her husband wants out...she's happy but i know i could never trust her. I messed up and I am back at square one. Please don't do what I did let it go completely and stay strong. I am moving soon and I am gonna change my number and I have started switching my email. My title for this post was correct!

[Starbright78]

Sorry for the delay Star. I was hesitant to come back here and say that I failed. I knew the ripping I could get. I broke NC after she kept contacting me. We met for dinner and more...her husband wants out...she's happy but i know i could never trust her. I messed up and I am back at square one. Please don't do what I did let it go completely and stay strong. I am moving soon and I am gonna change my number and I have started switching my email. My title for this post was correct!

 

No ripping from me. I think it's like an addiction almost. We all have slip ups. You learn from them and try again. My posts doesn't mention it but I had tried to break it off several times and always slipped and went back. This time, I was really ready and it's stuck.

[Fortunesfool 79]

No ripping from me. I think it's like an addiction almost. We all have slip ups. You learn from them and try again. My posts doesn't mention it but I had tried to break it off several times and always slipped and went back. This time, I was really ready and it's stuck.

 

Thank you Star...I feel very stupid. It's crazy how much I dislike her and her ways but I still allow myself to get sucked in. I can't wait to move....I am tired of this. New address...new number...new email soon.

[Lady2163]

I've been trying to check in and see how you're doing.

 

You may need to hit total bottom emotionally before you've had enough with this woman.

 

What is it about her that draws you so much? I'm sure you have a lot to offer and bring a lot to the table, why do you want to settle for someone who makes you loathe yourself so much?

 

Not rippling into you and don't expect an answer, just hope to can answer them to yourself.

[Fortunesfool 79]

I've been trying to check in and see how you're doing.

 

You may need to hit total bottom emotionally before you've had enough with this woman.

 

What is it about her that draws you so much? I'm sure you have a lot to offer and bring a lot to the table, why do you want to settle for someone who makes you loathe yourself so much?

 

Not rippling into you and don't expect an answer, just hope to can answer them to yourself.

 

Lady I have been asking myself these same questions. I know I can do better and I deserve better. I know that I have a problem with being alone. It is something I am working on. I do feel the pull to her lessening and it makes me feel better. Exercising and going to class has kept me pretty level. It's just when I hear that knock and I open my door.

 

I appreciate all the questions and help working through this

Edited September 6, 2015 by Fortunesfool 79
added more

[Lady2163]

I don't know if this will work for you, but here's a story.

 

Years ago I was a sub-contractor. Actually, I was in charge of all the sub-contractors. It was stressful, because I had many, many masters and bosses. We had the contractor company and the parent company and had to work with all of them.

 

One man in the parent company was chasing me hard. I was forced to be somewhat alone with him 2-3 hours a week. It was a constant barrage of trying to get me to go out with him. He was very married, just not happy in the bedroom. This went on for months. I wanted to go to HR and complain. But, all he had to do was go to the contractors and say, "she's gone." The parent company had no loyalty, because technically I wasn't fired, I was removed from the account and sent back to my company, where I still had employment options, but they paid a whole lot less. I needed every dollar I was making.

 

Finally, I figured out what to do. How I could get it to stop and still keep my job. The next time I had to work with him and he started in again, I said to him:

 

"Listen, I'm not a saint. I've probably done some things people might consider morally awful in my life. But, I think we can agree that after so many months you've gotten to know me, I'm a nice person. I'm a generous person. I honestly care about the people working for me. I know you want more than just a work friendship. Just answer me this, honestly. Do you really think that I am such a horrible person that all I deserve in this life is to be the mistress of a married man? Do you think I've committed such grave misdeeds (really did use that phrase) that I should now sit home most Friday and Saturday nights just hoping you might get a few minutes for a quickie? Is that all I'm worth to anyone? Am I not entitled to be happy and have someone who will treat me like a queen?"

 

He sat there for what seems liked forever before he said. "You know, you're absolutely right. I'm sorry."

 

He became one of my most staunchest supporters after that. He backed off, was never inappropriate again and I hadn't damaged his ego by rejecting him.

 

I don't know if something like that will work with the woman who has you twisting or not.

 

I did even manage a few tears and blew my nose a couple of times. I had to excuse myself after the conversation was done. Trust me, I'm not the type of woman who can pull that off. That may be totally out of character for you as well. But it was definitely effective!