"I Admit It: I'm A Serial Cheater"

[toolforgrowth]

Not a fan of females are ya

 

Condemning the heinous actions of one female is not a condemnation of all females. Please learn to differentiate.

[gettingstronger]

Sigh....I was not condoning HER choices. I was merely saying that after spending YEARS in a sex-starved marriage, I chose a person or two poorly thinking that because they desired me, they also cared about me.

 

 

 

I understood your post. Sorry, should have clarified I was referring to the author of the article.

[jen1447]

Nobody thinks when they start a new relationship that they'll cheat,

 

Some actually do, believe it or not. I know ppl who were cheating before they were engaged, when they were engaged, when they got married (like literally boffing someone day before the wedding), and after they got married.

[ltjg45]

After reading the article, while I don't condone cheating, I can also see the reasons as to why she cheated.

 

She admitted her first marriage is a big mistake. She liked him but didn't love him. Add that to the fact that she has a high sex drive and she didn't want it with her first husband (because she only liked him) and that was enough reason for her to start looking around.

 

However, she didn't sleep with her new man until after the divorce was final so, technically, she didn't cheat during her first marriage.

 

Her second marriage REALLY puzzles me. She was faithful to him, even married him and stayed in her marriage for 10 years, I would assume the sex between them before they got married was really good because I have a hard time thinking a woman who needs constant sex would marry a guy who doesn't want constant sex as well.

 

But even if that was the case, after they got married, the sex died down a lot from him, which is just disturbing. Knowing her sexual needs isn't being met AGAIN, she off looking for other men to meet those needs. She did all she can to revive their sex lives but he just wasn't up for it and despite that, she stayed in her marriage even though she has more than enough reason to end it.

 

I believe her when she said that she wanted a high amount of sex within a committed relationship. I doubt any woman who wanted a bachelor/bachelorette lifestyle would want to get married twice in their 20s.

 

I don't think she is a serial cheater. It doesn't even sound like she wants that. I believe that she has the ability to be a good faithful woman that just wants a relationship with man who has a high sex drive and has no problems looking for other options if she can't seem to get it.

 

And, frankly, what guy doesn't want a woman with a high sex drive? Her second husband surely screwed that up. I am surprised she kept her marriage for as long as she did but then again, I can't blame her completely if everything else is going well. It is difficult to find the perfect relationship that can meet all of your needs at once and some people just don't have the patience to keep looking for it.

[Radu]

I Admit It: I'm A Serial Cheater

 

Interesting article from Esquire magazine. The link to the full article is given above.

 

Excerpt:

I never thought I'd be a cheater. Never. But I've been married twice and cheated on both spouses. I'

m

not proud of it, though I've always owned up to it. It starts with an emotional affair, usually by meeting someone who really sparks my interest in a way no one else has. But the fact that I even have my eyes open to this interest is a result of an unmet emotional or sexual need in my core relationship. This is why I cheat.

 

I got married the first time at 23, which for me was way too young, but all my other friends were married and I was with a good guy who made me laugh. I had always heard that you should marry your best friend,

so

I did. It was a huge mistake. I missed the part about how you should also be in love with that person and have more than just a passing sexual attraction for them.

 

The first time I cheated I fell in love with someone else. My marriage was not at all what I thought it would be – what is a "wife" anyway? – and I was over the whole thing by the first anniversary. Our divorce was final a year later. He wasn't at fault and didn't do anything wrong, I just knew he wasn't the right person for me. There was zero sexual chemistry and I wasn't in love with him. When I met the other man, I immediately knew that my feelings for him were what I should have been feeling in my marriage. We waited until I was divorced to have sex, but the emotional affair began almost as soon as we met.

 

I married that man at 27, and more than a decade later, we're separated for the second time.

 

I've cheated on him several times, separated for a few months and tried out other relationships, got back together and was "good" for a while, only to end up cheating again. In this case, everything about our relationship was amazing – we communicated well, loved and supported each other, were best friends, and had each other's back. But the sexual relationship died years ago. It was limping along when we got married and died a slow death over time. Our sexual appetites were very different. He's fine with twice a year. I'

m

more of a twice-a-week girl. We've talked about it, ****ed about it, gotten counseling about it, and nothing has changed for more than a few weeks at a time. There was rejection after rejection, nights of crying myself to sleep, depression, and straight up giving up on it. And this was when I was being good.

 

 

Thoughts? Comments? Opinions?

 

A cautionary tale about why you should think hard before marrying.

 

What i wonder is :

- on who's dime did she search for who she is ? [did she take her husbands to the cleaners ?]

- who's life did she mess up ?; by that i mean ... does she have kids ?

 

I don't want sex with just anyone though. I tried the random hook-up dating sites and was horribly disappointed. I want a real, intimate relationship where the sex is amazing. I'm not going to get that intimacy with some jerk texting "hey gurl, u up?" I'll pass, thanks.

With her credentials, i wouldn't hold my breath on this one.

She had a choice of ending her 2nd relationship, but she ended up cake eating and rationalizing it away.

 

Nobody with an ounce of self-respect will want to be with someone who does this.

Edited August 11, 2015 by Radu

[craw]

 

And, frankly, what guy doesn't want a woman with a high sex drive?

 

You would be very surprise that majority of men don't have such a high sex drive.

 

This is genuine fear of mine for getting married - if we get married and the sex disappears, I would be in utter agony. I would cry to sleep at night, because my bf wasn't in the mood and I stopped asking.

 

Another thing, I don't understand guys who don't want to bang while the girl is on the rag.

 

I've listened to stories of my bff who husband wouldn't bang her while she was pregnant. FML

[Radu]

After reading the article, while I don't condone cheating, I can also see the reasons as to why she cheated.

 

She admitted her first marriage is a big mistake. She liked him but didn't love him. Add that to the fact that she has a high sex drive and she didn't want it with her first husband (because she only liked him) and that was enough reason for her to start looking around.

 

However, she didn't sleep with her new man until after the divorce was final so, technically, she didn't cheat during her first marriage.

 

Her second marriage REALLY puzzles me. She was faithful to him, even married him and stayed in her marriage for 10 years, I would assume the sex between them before they got married was really good because I have a hard time thinking a woman who needs constant sex would marry a guy who doesn't want constant sex as well.

 

But even if that was the case, after they got married, the sex died down a lot from him, which is just disturbing. Knowing her sexual needs isn't being met AGAIN, she off looking for other men to meet those needs. She did all she can to revive their sex lives but he just wasn't up for it and despite that, she stayed in her marriage even though she has more than enough reason to end it.

 

I believe her when she said that she wanted a high amount of sex within a committed relationship. I doubt any woman who wanted a bachelor/bachelorette lifestyle would want to get married twice in their 20s.

 

I don't think she is a serial cheater. It doesn't even sound like she wants that. I believe that she has the ability to be a good faithful woman that just wants a relationship with man who has a high sex drive and has no problems looking for other options if she can't seem to get it.

 

And, frankly, what guy doesn't want a woman with a high sex drive? Her second husband surely screwed that up. I am surprised she kept her marriage for as long as she did but then again, I can't blame her completely if everything else is going well. It is difficult to find the perfect relationship that can meet all of your needs at once and some people just don't have the patience to keep looking for it.

 

In the 1st marriage at least she had the decency to end it.

The 2nd marriage she strung him along for several affairs and rationalized it away.

 

It's the 2nd marriage that made her quite the piece of work.

[craw]

I'm more of a twice-a-week girl. We've talked about it, ****ed about it, gotten counseling about it, and nothing has changed for more than a few weeks at a time. There was rejection after rejection, nights of crying myself to sleep, depression, and straight up giving up on it. And this was when I was being good.

 

 

Thoughts? Comments? Opinions?

 

WHOA WHOA WHOA - TWICE A WEEK?? THIS GIRL WENT TO SEEK HELP??? This is PURE BS. Omg twice a year, I would literally die. My guy was ONCE a week - I'm more like ok realistically due to REAL LIFE once a day, but if it was a weekend? with ex FWB... uhh 3-5 a day.

 

I can't believe this girl went for professional therapy. This is perfectly normal.

 

What the f*ck is wrong with this world?

[ltjg45]

You would be very surprise that majority of men don't have such a high sex drive.

 

I can understand that but I also have a hard time thinking that if your woman is there wanting you to bang her, why would you want to do the same if she is very much willing?

 

Especially if one of the biggest complaints from married guys is from what you said afterwards.........

 

This is genuine fear of mine for getting married - if we get married and the sex disappears, I would be in utter agony. I would cry to sleep at night, because my bf wasn't in the mood and I stopped asking.

 

Another thing, I don't understand guys who don't want to bang while the girl is on the rag.

 

I've listened to stories of my bff who husband wouldn't bang her while she was pregnant. FML

 

The bolded and underlined is one of the most common complaints from married guys when it comes from their partners. When they get married, the sex life goes on well for a short period of time afterwards and then it just dies down and over the next few years, there's no sex left to be had.

 

When compared to the author's 2nd marriage, she was willing to be faithful AND is up to having lots of sex. For me, if I was getting married, that is basically the top 2 things I can ever ask for from my future wife and if I get those 2 things and everything goes well, I am perfectly happy with my marriage.

 

Why would any man, especially if he knows he can't keep up with the constant amount of sex his partner desires, wants to marry a woman like the author and then purposely kill off their sex time together after they get married?

 

I can't see myself completely blaming the author for her 2nd marriage. She deserves some blame but definitely not the majority.

 

In the 1st marriage at least she had the decency to end it.

The 2nd marriage she strung him along for several affairs and rationalized it away.

 

It's the 2nd marriage that made her quite the piece of work.

 

Did she? If I were to go by what she said in the article and nothing else, it looks like HE strung her along, not the other way around.

 

A woman who has a high sex drive, which I am sure he is aware of, and he is purposely denying her sex not long after they got married is certainly not the one responsible for the crumbling of their marriage. After all, according to her, everything else within their marriage is great. The only thing lacking is her sex life and apparently, he is not willing to compromise....and that is a damn shame since sexual chemistry is one of the most important thing when it comes to a healthy marriage.

 

Sorry. I am not that easy to judge and point fingers back at her. Her 2nd husband doesn't want to accept responsibility for his screw-ups and, frankly, I don't blame her for sitting there and let her sexual needs remain unmet.

[gettingstronger]

I can understand that but I also have a hard time thinking that if your woman is there wanting you to bang her, why would you want to do the same if she is very much willing?

 

Especially if one of the biggest complaints from married guys is from what you said afterwards.........

 

 

 

The bolded and underlined is one of the most common complaints from married guys when it comes from their partners. When they get married, the sex life goes on well for a short period of time afterwards and then it just dies down and over the next few years, there's no sex left to be had.

 

When compared to the author's 2nd marriage, she was willing to be faithful AND is up to having lots of sex. For me, if I was getting married, that is basically the top 2 things I can ever ask for from my future wife and if I get those 2 things and everything goes well, I am perfectly happy with my marriage.

 

Why would any man, especially if he knows he can't keep up with the constant amount of sex his partner desires, wants to marry a woman like the author and then purposely kill off their sex time together after they get married?

 

I can't see myself completely blaming the author for her 2nd marriage. She deserves some blame but definitely not the majority.

 

 

 

Did she? If I were to go by what she said in the article and nothing else, it looks like HE strung her along, not the other way around.

 

A woman who has a high sex drive, which I am sure he is aware of, and he is purposely denying her sex not long after they got married is certainly not the one responsible for the crumbling of their marriage. After all, according to her, everything else within their marriage is great. The only thing lacking is her sex life and apparently, he is not willing to compromise....and that is a damn shame since sexual chemistry is one of the most important thing when it comes to a healthy marriage.

 

Sorry. I am not that easy to judge and point fingers back at her. Her 2nd husband doesn't want to accept responsibility for his screw-ups and, frankly, I don't blame her for sitting there and let her sexual needs remain unmet.

 

 

But why is cheating the only way- why not discuss an open marriage or this brand new thing a few people are doing these days-divorce-

Cheating is a choice- and a damaging one- lying is not a great way to live-discuss your needs like an adult and if you can not come to a compromise-divorce-

[craw]

I can understand that but I also have a hard time thinking that if your woman is there wanting you to bang her, why would you want to do the same if she is very much willing?

 

Especially if one of the biggest complaints from married guys is from what you said afterwards.........

 

 

 

The bolded and underlined is one of the most common complaints from married guys when it comes from their partners. When they get married, the sex life goes on well for a short period of time afterwards and then it just dies down and over the next few years, there's no sex left to be had.

 

When compared to the author's 2nd marriage, she was willing to be faithful AND is up to having lots of sex. For me, if I was getting married, that is basically the top 2 things I can ever ask for from my future wife and if I get those 2 things and everything goes well, I am perfectly happy with my marriage.

 

Why would any man, especially if he knows he can't keep up with the constant amount of sex his partner desires, wants to marry a woman like the author and then purposely kill off their sex time together after they get married?

 

I can't see myself completely blaming the author for her 2nd marriage. She deserves some blame but definitely not the majority.

 

 

 

Did she? If I were to go by what she said in the article and nothing else, it looks like HE strung her along, not the other way around.

 

A woman who has a high sex drive, which I am sure he is aware of, and he is purposely denying her sex not long after they got married is certainly not the one responsible for the crumbling of their marriage. After all, according to her, everything else within their marriage is great. The only thing lacking is her sex life and apparently, he is not willing to compromise....and that is a damn shame since sexual chemistry is one of the most important thing when it comes to a healthy marriage.

 

Sorry. I am not that easy to judge and point fingers back at her. Her 2nd husband doesn't want to accept responsibility for his screw-ups and, frankly, I don't blame her for sitting there and let her sexual needs remain unmet.

 

Do you think people hide their sex drive or maybe he lost interest in her?

 

How the hell can anyone suss this out is beyond me!

[fireflywy]

Lol. (I know its going to be a rant but here goes.)

 

Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, and SEX!

 

Let's just forget marriage, fidelity, monogamy, trust, and deeper meaning in life and relationships and just DISSOLVE it all so we can all get our itch scratched, whenever, and by whoever. Yay!

 

After all, that's all that seems to matter these days and with increasing emphasis. Let's be animals with a paycheck! Yay! Let's just see how far we can we push society until we turn it over because after all, isn't it exciting? *giggles with glee* Isn't it just something to high five over and share with the boys around a beer or the ladies with a bottle of wine?

 

Let's be absolutely selfish shall we? Yay! After all, you only live once right? *high five me ladies and gentlemen* Woot!

 

How cool is it going to be to look back at 85 or 90 on my deathbed, surrounded by our grandchildren, and say "Yeah. I had a GREAT life. I put myself in debt following money and material things, cheated on my spouse, chased after things OTHERS said I should value (that attractive man or hot woman), focused only on MYSELF and not others, but in the end it was so exciting because I ****ed a lot of people!"

 

Yay!

 

Lol Rant off. I'm sorry, but it just seems this what we are turning in to. I'm sure I'll get criticized by some of the enlightened free lovers out there, but oh well.

[truncated]

I know this view won't be popular, but as with anything else on line, only one side is being presented.

 

I wonder what the author is like in "real life"?

 

I also wonder if this is a real article, or one that was written to sell the magazine? A lot of content nowadays is ghostwritten pieces written by someone who is paid to do so.

 

Sex sells, and of course, an article like this is going to sell.

 

Assuming it's a real and true article,it puts me in mind of a line I heard once a while ago "you've been married nine ( or in her case, two) times, hell maybe it's you!"