I let go [update]

[Chi townD]

Well dude, you're not the first person to break NC and you won't be the last. So, don't beat yourself up too much.

 

 

But, now you know. You don't have time to sit there and watch her waiver. You don't have to sit there with false hope and you don't have to sit by and put your life on hold while she decides to make a "decision" which would more than likely, not work in your favor.

 

 

So, time to REALLY enforce NC for yourself. Keep busy and keep making positive changes.

[Luke22]

Thank you Chi TownD. In an angry phase, so NC isn't a problem. Anything positive I have of the past is overshadowed by the meeting that took place.

 

Sure, I'll have times where I'll feel sorry for myself, or duped ...but I'm so posses off right now. There was simply no reason to have met with me. On the flip side, I need to take accountability for letting the meeting take place.

 

It took two.

[Oregon_Dude]

Luke,

 

yeah, you made a mistake by meeting her, but that's only because you care and wanted to make it work. You quickly found out that this isn't about making it work with her; it's about power, control, and basically using you for her to feel good. I'm sorry this happened, but sometimes we need to stick our hand back in the fire just to make sure it's still hot.

 

You're gonna be fine. You now know not to engage this kind of manipulative personality anymore. You're better for it. Guys like us will eventually meet someone sane who knows how to treat people. She ain't it. It sucks, it hurts, but it's experience. Thank God for this community.

[sacg]

Thank you sacg. I Plan on avoiding that type of personality again. It's just not worth the roller coaster ride.

 

Thanks Christos. You are right. I caught myself caving and knew when my self esteem was sinking yesterday that I was doing the wrong thing. I was definitely not self confident but rather pathetic and weak, humble...basically a door mat.

 

When the self esteem is lowered, I don't make wise choices.

 

Dont beat yourself up. These people suck the self esteem out of you. They make you feel weak, they are master manipulators.

 

I was a confident, strong person. 4 months later i was like a pathetic puppy dog. Im 2 months out, still struggling at times, but feeling like my old self again. Get to the BPD forums man, you wont regret it.

[sacg]

Thank you Chi TownD. In an angry phase, so NC isn't a problem. Anything positive I have of the past is overshadowed by the meeting that took place.

 

Sure, I'll have times where I'll feel sorry for myself, or duped ...but I'm so posses off right now. There was simply no reason to have met with me. On the flip side, I need to take accountability for letting the meeting take place.

 

It took two.

 

Use the anger to detach if you can. And if you want my opinion, you was duped. It was more than likely a meeting for her benefit. To check your still there, to stroke her ego, keep you hanging.

 

You have to go NC with her. trust me, this will NOT be the last time she reaches out. And i dont feel its going to be for the right reasons.

 

Best of luck dude.

[Luke22]

Oregon dude, thank you. Funny how a stranger reminding me that I'm going to be ok actually brought me back to reality and made me feel so much better.

 

 

sacg, thank you. Knowing that it is a matter of time before I feel better is something I appreciated. I know that in my mind, but reading that you are doing better helps.

 

 

Day 2 NC. Sad, but I'm ok.

[Luke22]

Day 3 NC. We've gone three days of not communicating in the past, but this time it's because I've decided to go NC. It sucks.

 

I know it's important. I know I'll never get back the woman I loved and laughed with. That sucks.

 

The only way that I'm going to "get better" is by ending it. So...it still sucks.

[Luke22]

I broke NC. Met up today. Was hoping for more of a connection, but it ended up just being sex. I could tell. Cold afterwards. No "I've missed you", no "I love you".

 

I don't know why I'm posting. Feel like I'm wasting members time by being on here. I really don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

 

We had a trip planned next month. I was secretly hoping she would bring it up. I wanted to talk about it. I was so excited about being with her for the long weekend. Just her and I. Laugh, explore the place...just be together. This is so much harder than i thought. I wish it was as easy as just waking up and saying to myself "today I'm done. No more contact!". But it's so much harder than that for me.

 

I miss the old her. We had so many good times. I miss touching her. I miss holding her. I miss her text messages. What I want most is for her to tell me she loves me. I haven't heard that in months.

 

I'm just a wreck. And I feel foolish for not being stronger. I've never had this hard of a time getting over someone. I really thought this was the one.

[Luke22]

I don't understand why she keeps wanting to see me. Worse, why do I accept?

 

This is the first night I've cried over this in three weeks. What the hell. Why did I set myself back? Other people here work so hard and I can see the progress. I work just as hard and I'm a mess tonight. I cave when she asks to see me. Why can't I be as strong as others and just not respond or just say no.

[Oregon_Dude]

You're not wasting our time; you're wasting your own. Cut it out, Luke. Have some f*cking self-respect. She's using you for sex only. No love to be found there.

 

Go NC for f*cking real, bro.

[Luke22]

I know Oregon. I couldn't help but feel she wanted something more by wanting to come over. My common sense, my gut, tells me it's over. I just can't wrap my head around how she can be so cruel.

 

I've dumped. I've been dumped. But this feels so much more painful.

 

I envy you that she just broke it off. At least it's closure.

 

God this hurts so bad.

[Oregon_Dude]

I envy you that she just broke it off. At least it's closure.

Don't envy me anything. I got no closure whatsoever. She up and left like I never meant anything.

 

You need to man up about this. Feel your feelings tonight, and wake up a new man tomorrow. Don't be such a girl about this. It's over, she's not the person she was, or was pretending to be. Pick yourself up, realize your value, and get angry.

 

Tough love is what you need right now. No more being this girl's b*tch, available at her every whim like a little puppy. Do not respond, to anything she sends, ever again.

[Luke22]

I know you're right. Internally I know that's the right way to go.

 

I'll get some sleep. I can't possibly feel worse tomorrow.

 

Thanks. Just a sucky night. I'll focus on the positive areas of my life tomorrow and let go of this one. It's literally sucking the life out of me.

[Oregon_Dude]

I know I sound like a d*ck. But that's only b/c you're not respecting yourself. I understand how hard it is. I do. You're gonna be OK. I think you've finally gotten all the "closure" (which doesn't exist) that you need from this situation.

 

Sleep deep, friend, and be kind to yourself.

[Luke22]

A new day. Deep breath.

 

Thanks again Oregon. You weren't being a d*ck. you were being real and honest. That my friend is a gift.

[Oregon_Dude]

Hey Luke. Hope you have a better day, man. Just take it one hour at a time. We'll both be OK. Of that, I am sure.

[Luke22]

Thanks Oregon. It is a better day. Busy which helps a great deal.

 

I know that each day will get better. Heck, today is better than last night. I expect some bumps, but it'll get better.

 

I hope you're doing ok.

[Luke22]

Just an update. I decided to officially end it. Going NC made me feel like she would eventually contact me and bring me back down. So Monday, I wrote a message, had a cup of coffee, came back and read it again. It was short, pleasant but it communicated that I wanted out and to not contact me.

 

No regrets. I thought I would be upset after I sent it, but I was actually relieved. This week, I feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off me. Since ending it, I have no desire to contact her. I also took everything that reminded me of her and threw it away.

 

Maybe it's because things were so bad in the last 3 months. Or maybe I was just finally ready to break it off. Would I consider another chance? No.

 

I'm not angry. I'm not hurt. I don't hate her. All those things would just hold me back. Im choosing to learn from this. The sad part is I have no fond memories because of how the last three months unfolded. There were so many painful days that I no longer view this person with any kind of love.

 

Sure. I have a variety of feelings that float in and out of my head, but they are short lived and disappear on their own.

 

I guess I just hit that point where I had enough and decided to walk away.

 

No regrets. I did everything I could have done to make it work. I have a clear conscience and have started the process of healing.

 

Thank you community. Your posts have helped immensely.

[Oregon_Dude]

Awesome, Luke! You are taking all the right steps towards moving on with your life.

 

This woman would have kept messing with you and f*cking you at her convenience with absolutely no desire for a r/s with you, indefinitely. You took the reigns and made it clear that wasn't an option.

 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Be kind to yourself! When feelings come in - and they will - allow yourself to feel them.

 

Have a great weekend, friend.

[Travelchick84]

Hey guys.

It's great to read comments from the men here. I'm in a similar situation with my ex boyfriend, he is 40 and I'm 31, I've recently discovered that I was in a codependent relationship. He swept me off my feet, we fell in love and when it all got comfortable and I needed him during some tough times he bailed and dumped me by text! We managed to sort it out only when I suddenly gained some control and said I'm not prepared to be treated like that again and that I will walk if this isn't what you want. Again he pursues me and we start again and it was great.

I start a new job and I don't hear from him as much as I wasn't very available as much due to my new job, I start to freak out and get insecure and I decided to want to end things despite him saying no and that we are fine and we will be going on holiday as a couple and that he needs me etc. The sex was still great and we just always moved on and got over it. We have a lovely holiday and he is distant blaming his daughters mum from letting him know how she is and sending vile jealous texts slagging me off.

3 days later he dumped me after we got back - just like I predicted. He says he wants to be friends and wants to stay in touch etc and then I see he had removed me from Facebook so I decided to just say I'm sad it's ended the way it had (all over phone might I add instead of to my face after a year) and how I wish him all the best. He turned nasty saying he just wanted to get on with his life. I was left with so much confusion! I haven't contacted him and nor do I want to. I did nothing wrong but be a good person and do so much for him and his daughter.

My counsellor says he will prob come running back as men like him normally do and I need to get strong to tell him I'm not accepting his behaviour any longer and that I am moving on just like he asked. He still has my number which I'm surprised he hasn't deleted.

 

My question to you guys is why do men do that to women they claim to love and love spending time with and become needy when they think you could be getting attention elsewhere to only just f*ck you over by a text?!! A man's insight is a hell of a lot better for me in how I'm feeling right now!! I'd really appreciate it! Many thanks from across the pond ?

[Oregon_Dude]

why do men do that to women they claim to love and love spending time with and become needy when they think you could be getting attention elsewhere to only just f*ck you over by a text?!!

"Men" don't do anything. I could say that all women are cheaters and heartbreakers. How would that make you feel?

 

YOUR guy did that because he's an a**hole. In which case, you're better off without him.

[Travelchick84]

Haha Oregon_Dude! yes he is! Okay I shouldn't have said 'men' but I really don't understand his actions when he had plenty of opportunity to agree with me before our holiday and end it and just be friends and have a good time on holiday instead of me thinking well you're prob gonna end it straight after, which he said he wouldn't do but did anyway. And why all over text?! 40 years old and hasn't the balls to tell me to my face! I could have saved myself the stress of the last 3 months and got over it all!

Thing is what to say when he eventually gets in touch and what to do when I next see him out on a night out? We have the same friends it's bound to happen.... I'm not a weak young girl I'm a hard working woman who knows what they want in life and care about other people. Can't stand the head f*uck he has caused me tbh.

[Oregon_Dude]

Travel, start your own thread. This one is about Luke and his situation.

 

Thanks!

[Travelchick84]

Travel, start your own thread. This one is about Luke and his situation.

 

Thanks!

 

I have!! It's under going through break up after 1 year relationship or post break up something like that.

 

Thanks

[Luke22]

Thanks Oregon Dude. For me, unjust had to hit that point that I had enough. I'm thankful it finally came.

 

Moving forward has actually been easier than I thought. Not a cake walk, but I find myself in a much better frame of mind.