My boyfriend isn't losing his GUT!?

[The Poster]

Unless she was Lizzie Borden in a previous life or did some horrible stuff in this one no woman deserves a guy who's 5'11 and 265. =/

 

I mean I love to eat too but you've gotta keep that urge under control somewhat if you want to date, especially if it's a woman who's in shape herself. Her agreeing to date him when he was fat is no excuse.

 

Hold up, are you really saying big guys don't deserve to date decent women? Is that correct? Big guys can only be with women who do "horrible stuff" in your eyes?

[fireflywy]

Be honest, is his weight really about his health (he has lost and IS trying) or is it about your ego and possible self entitlement when others view your relationship from the outside?

 

Now, weight loss, I would have him try intermittent fasting. I lost 50 lbs doing it starting at 270. I'm back on a schedule now. If he does it, just make sure you calculate his BMR, that he hits the weights before refeeding, and that when he does, he eats healthy and at or under his BMR. When he doesn't have a fasting day, he just needs to stay under his BMR. Its easy to do and he's should avoid too many sugars. All he needs is a fitness app.

 

With that said, if he's trying and can't, then either love him for who let him go.

 

Maybe you'll find that superfit guy who nags you to lose weight after you've had a couple of kids. Won't that be fun?

Edited August 6, 2015 by fireflywy

[gaius]

Hold up, are you really saying big guys don't deserve to date decent women? Is that correct? Big guys can only be with women who do "horrible stuff" in your eyes?

I'm saying that obese guys aren't fun for girls to look at, and unless a skinny woman is paying off a debt from a previous life she shouldn't have to, yes. But luckily obesity is not a permanent state of being. Like being unemployed.

 

If you're an obese guy it's pretty much implied you're going to have to slim down if you choose to date a gym girl. It's like agreeing to date a vegan, at some point you're gonna have to eat some vegetables or it ain't gonna work.

 

I doubt he has to become a total gym rat himself to make squats happy. Even if he just got down into the just plain overweight category that might do it. Which really isn't that hard. You have to be eating an immense amount of food everyday to keep your weight at 260.

[RoseVille]

Unless she was Lizzie Borden in a previous life or did some horrible stuff in this one no woman deserves a guy who's 5'11 and 265. =/

 

I mean I love to eat too but you've gotta keep that urge under control somewhat if you want to date, especially if it's a woman who's in shape herself. Her agreeing to date him when he was fat is no excuse.

 

Did you miss how she was obese when she started dating him?

[gaius]

Did you miss how she was obese when she started dating him?

That's not actually what she said. She said they've been dating for over two years, she lost the weight "a few years" ago, and that she though she could encourage him to lose when they met, which implies she had already.

[PaperCrane]

Did you miss how she was obese when she started dating him?

 

Well obviously now that she isn't obese, she 'deserves' so much more than the man she chose at the time.

 

Not only that, he has lost weight. Just not as fast as she'd like.

 

I gotta echo the other posters; either woman up and deal with it, and realize you can't force a change onto someone or walk away and let him find someone who is happy with him.

[RoseVille]

OP, you said:

 

"Everyone in my family is very athletic and I was sick of being the fat girl. While I like to live a little, I am addicted to the lifestyle.

I wanted/want to be with someone who has the same passion."

 

 

Why'd you pick a fat guy, then? I mean, I feel the same way you do, and would never pick that guy. Why? You can't change a person. He's not your pet project.

 

If you want a guy who's addicted to the lifestyle, find one. You don't make one.

[gaius]

You guys are taking her posts out of context. She never said she needs a guy with a six pack or one who will keep up with her at the gym. Just that looking at his current belly is a disgusting experience for her, and at 5'11 and 260 pounds I can only imagine.

 

Everyone has to change a little to be in a relationship. My girlfriend hates baseball but she's going to have to sit through 9 innings at some point with me. She doesn't run around saying you knew I didn't like baseball when we started dating so deal with it or leave. That would be utterly retarded if she did.

 

Squats, I would just be honest with him. That you need more and he's going to have to decide what he loves and wants more, you or the potato chips.

[PaperCrane]

You guys are taking her posts out of context. She never said she needs a guy with a six pack or one who will keep up with her at the gym. Just that looking at his current belly is a disgusting experience for her, and at 5'11 and 260 pounds I can only imagine.

 

Everyone has to change a little to be in a relationship. My girlfriend hates baseball but she's going to have to sit through 9 innings at some point with me. She doesn't run around saying you knew I didn't like baseball when we started dating so deal with it or leave. That would be utterly retarded if she did.

 

These are totally different things and you know it. If however you played baseball and started after you two got together and now you require her to play with you even though she hates it...that would be an equal comparison.

[crederer]

Or she could cut sex off until he loses weight. Watch him drop 20 in a month. Lol

 

No, she'll watch his "fat" ass walk out the door and find a decent woman.

[crederer]

Probably because she expected him to lose it at some point. You have to be living on Mars as a guy if you think you can run around at almost 300 pounds and a girl who works hard to stay in shape is just going to be completely thrilled with that forever.

 

There are a lot of women out there that would date a guy who say, didn't have a job when they met, as long as he works on getting one and makes progress. It doesn't give him a blanket excuse to be an unemployed bum for the rest of his life and she can't complain. Not really a hard concept to understand. =/

 

Those aren't comparable examples.

 

It's more like he was unemployed, then got a job, but that job wasn't good enough for her. Not too hard of a concept to grasp

[sandylee1]

I would feel badgered by you if I was him. The questioning what I did at the gym, the boot camp etc.

Surely you accepted him when you met him and while I understand your concerns, you just can't force him to change.

 

You sound like a friend of mine who said she had to look at her BF from the neck upwards because of his gut. She was very slim and watched what she ate all the time. I did point out to her that he wasn't that big and having seen her dating lots of guys who were fit, but were also players , I told her to think about all his good qualities.

 

Mind you he is nowhere near 300 lbs, maybe 220/230. She married him, but I find when she's around he doesn't eat as much because she nags him. She also complains that he lets the kids eat too much as well, but she's just about 120 lbs.

 

He has to want to loose the weight and not feel pressured by you. Maybe if he joined a weight loss support group, he'd have more luck, but you have every right to leave him if it's getting to you like this.

 

I just don't understand how people think that someone as heavy as 300 lbs could loose the weight so easily and if that weight was too much, why get with him to begin with.