My ex slept with various guys while we were "broken up". What about our hints though?

[Diezel]

Bunch of random dudes while away on a few days for vacation.

 

Sounds like a great girl.

[lolablue17]

Let's say she's innocent, so what? She still was talking to you about getting back together, and at the same period was sleeping with others.

 

Why would you want that kind of a girl, who can't focus on one guy, and prefers to grab a last chance for free sex with multiple different guys, while intending to be exclusive with you next week?

 

 

She made her decisions for her interests only. You should do the same... Take care of YOUR interests.

[charliebrownie]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here's what jumps out at me:Wow. That was so magnanimous of you. Essentially, you cut her loose so she could be with other guys, because as a relationship partner, you acknowledged that you couldn't cut the mustard. Fair enough. Just remember, you set the tone. Now the game is afoot! If there was ever a time for you to assert your mistake and jump into this with both feet, this was it. This was the moment that both of you could have either put up, or shut up. But you decided to drag it out. Don't forget the tone of your breakup. From her perspective, your reason is still valid. Strike one!Steeeeeerike two! Because you've probably forgotten, you cut her loose to be with other guys, because as a relationship partner, you determined that you couldn't be all that she needed.Still can't pull the trigger. For all she knows, you're toying with her. Strike three! You're out! Lucky for you that your at bats aren't over until after three outs.Fina-****ingly. You hit a solid fly ball it could go right out of the park... but it seems you didn't seal the deal. Sex doesn't mean you're back together. Oooh! Outfielder caught the ball! You're out! Batter up!UFB! You really go out of your way to **** things up, don't you? Steerike One!You pissed off the pitcher, so she beaned you in the head with a fastball. Stings, doesn't it? I want you to pay attention to the part I've bolded here:Let's review:

 

 

1. You cut her loose to be with other guys because you didn't think you would be a good enough relationship partner.
   
2. You (dumper) start flirting with her, but you don't admit your error and ask her for another chance. Had she posted on this forum, everybody would have told her to shut you down. You're lucky she didn't.
   
3. You (dumper) show more affection, still no admissions or requests to take it all back. Again, had she posted here, she would have been advised to cut this off. But, you're lucky, she didn't.
   
4. You (dumper) bang her, but that's all it is. Ditto for the advice she'd have received, and that she probably received from her friends. They're no different than we are.
   
5. At this point, you've left things in limbo.
   

So she does what any of us might have told her to do. She went out and lived a little. After all, the guy that dumped her and came back and banged her didn't ask for the relationship back. That's what I would have told her.

Don't be so ****ing wishy-washy about people you want to be with is my advice. Don't break up and toss them aside if you don't want to be replaced is my advice. If you don't want her out there riding the baloney pony whenever she feels like it, then act like you don't want that. Ask for her to be yours, and if she says yes, then treat her like she's yours. Otherwise, if you still don't think you're the guy that can do that, then you should cut her loose for the same reasons you did the first time, and stay away.

 

You're probably teetering on the edge of your last chances with this girl. In fact, it may be too late already. She's given you plenty of opportunities, but you haven't taken them. She's already proven that she's willing to try out other guys, and that is a big sign that moving on has been thoroughly considered and accepted as a viable option. Frankly, I don't think your chances are too good here. You went and ****ed it up, and now you're crying because she acted perfectly normally. Better get your **** together fast, because you were the one who betrayed the relationship, and you haven't done **** since then to put it back together.

 

Ok, you have like an immediately biased POV based on a summarized story, but I get it. I know I f*d up, long time ago...

 

Nevertheless, if I did not push things in my favor before she left it is because I know her very well, I know her feelings and her reactions. She would've pushed me away. This was my smooth way of getting her back. I truly wanted to make things up for good this time.

 

Also, if I left her in the first place it wasn't only because I wanted to make a lot of money and travel abroad. I actually come from a pretty harsh background and I am the first one in my family to get a brilliant college degree/good profession, etc. I am providing and investing in order to allow them to have a good life as well. Their support has meant everything for me, my ex knows that as well.

 

Sacrifices have been present throughout all my life. Some of them were necessary, some of them not, some of them hurt, some of them were immediately internalized by my mind.

 

I know I loved her. But now I know this is for the best. I'm going back to NC. She's free to ride the baloney poney whenever she likes it. I'm not even mad anymore, it's just what it is.

[charliebrownie]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, more of her true colors are showing.

 

 

First and foremost, go to a doctor and get checked out for STD's. She slept with SEVERAL different guys in just a couple of days, then came back and had sex with you, THEN AFTERWARDS decided to inform you of these other dudes. Thus, putting your health and life at risk. There's a good chance she had unprotected sex with these guys. So, get checked out for your own piece of mind.

 

 

Now, you're telling us that while you were dating, she invited her Ex back to her place, the two of them alone; yet, she wants you to believe nothing happened. Yeah, if you believe that, then I have a bridge to sell you. You also eluded to the fact that it's almost like, she "gets off" on making you jealous.

 

 

Dude, just let this one go. Go NC and start making positive changes in your life.

 

I'm only understanding all of this, connecting the dots. I was a naive fool, now I know. Thanks for the advice.

[mightycpa]

Ok, you have like an immediately biased POV based on a summarized story, but I get it. I know I f*d up, long time ago...

 

Nevertheless, if I did not push things in my favor before she left it is because I know her very well, I know her feelings and her reactions. She would've pushed me away. This was my smooth way of getting her back. I truly wanted to make things up for good this time.

 

Also, if I left her in the first place it wasn't only because I wanted to make a lot of money and travel abroad. I actually come from a pretty harsh background and I am the first one in my family to get a brilliant college degree/good profession, etc. I am providing and investing in order to allow them to have a good life as well. Their support has meant everything for me, my ex knows that as well.

 

Sacrifices have been present throughout all my life. Some of them were necessary, some of them not, some of them hurt, some of them were immediately internalized by my mind.

 

I know I loved her. But now I know this is for the best. I'm going back to NC. She's free to ride the baloney poney whenever she likes it. I'm not even mad anymore, it's just what it is.

Well good for you! On things like this, you've got to take a stand, one way or the other. The lukewarm stuff is only appropriate at the beginning, when you don't want to scare someone away. But after you've shown your cards, deception and manipulation are not going to get you where you want to be. It sounds like you have your reasons. I'm not going to judge - only you can decide if she's right for you or not. If you say not, then fine.

 

Just stick with that. No more going back for affection and sex and smooth rekindling moves and all of that. Try to hook up with someone that can appreciate your situation, and is mature enough to support it forthrightly.

 

Then you'll be in really good shape. Good luck.

[charliebrownie]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well good for you! On things like this, you've got to take a stand, one way or the other. The lukewarm stuff is only appropriate at the beginning, when you don't want to scare someone away. But after you've shown your cards, deception and manipulation are not going to get you where you want to be. It sounds like you have your reasons. I'm not going to judge - only you can decide if she's right for you or not. If you say not, then fine.

 

Just stick with that. No more going back for affection and sex and smooth rekindling moves and all of that. Try to hook up with someone that can appreciate your situation, and is mature enough to support it forthrightly.

 

Then you'll be in really good shape. Good luck.

 

Both of your messages were really thought-provoking. Thanks.

[Satu]

All you can do now is go forward into a new phase of your life.

 

Go forward in good faith, without regret, and without any bitterness.

 

Reflect and make good choices.

 

You will do well.

[charliebrownie]

Hey everybody,

 

Tha

[Chi townD]

How's everything going Charlie?

[charliebrownie]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How's everything going Charlie?

 

Hey everybody,

 

Thanks for all of your replies, they were very useful and helped me clear my mind.

 

Here's what happened:

 

We were supposed to meet tonight, just to talk. I wanted to explain her why I was going for NC again. She made it clear (verbally) that she still wanted to have fun and I was finally accepting the whole situation. I just wanted to be allowed to have a nice and thoughtful conversation. I wanted the whole thing to end peacefully, on our terms, thinking we owned that to each other. She set the time and the place. I agreed. Then, the minute I got there I received a message from her. She was not going to show up...

 

I don't know exactly how or why, but I found myself on my phone (fb, whatsapp, etc.), going back through all of our messages, trying to sort out some kind of record of the evolution of our communication. What I found was not exactly pleasant, but it was eye-opening. I suddenly managed to connect all the dots that were until then floating before my eyes, forming nothing more than a blurry cloud. I could see the whole thing from a chronological point of view. It turns out that every time our contact was reaching a love peak, the very next day she was humping some guy. Yup, the very next day (yes, I know, I actually managed to know on which dates she was jumping on some guys' pelvis...). Sums it up enough for me.

 

I'm glad though. Now that I know, I feel free.

 

I will very likely drink a lot of tequila this weekend, but it feels ok. Nothing that cannot be overcome.

 

Thanks once again. My best wishes to all of you.

Edited August 6, 2015 by charliebrownie

[LoveIsMyReligion]

There's no rule that says what she did is wrong but I personally wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

 

Sometimes we ignore our intuition because we want something so badly..

 

You can save yourself the pain and walk away now or buckle up and get on the roller coaster.

 

Best of luck man.

[Chi townD]

Did she give you some lame excuse? Welp! Let us know when she tries to contact you again.