compulsivedancer Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I think it depends how the break-up happened. Because my ex and I ended things amicably, I would not want our divorce to get in the way of any friendships with friends or family. I don't consider it a loyalty thing at all. Yeah, I'm hurting, but so is he. I might ask my family for comfort, but I'm not asking them to take sides. On the other hand, depending how your ex treated you makes a difference, as well as how much you disclosed. If you didn't tell your family, you can't expect them to be angry, for example. In the case of affairs, there are a lot of different feelings and understandings as to how bad it is. What I mean by that is, a lot of people will forgive an affair if it wasn't done to them. It seems pretty much nobody who hasn't been there understands how much damage it does. On the other hand, you might have family members who will never forgive the WS, even if the BS does. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BROKENOW Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I think your relationship with your sister should be priority regardless. My mother has betrayed me. I wanted the divorce but why is he sucking up to her? Yiou have to look at the reasons Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I think it depends on the relationship they had before the break (ex and family members). My father is still friendly with my mother's family, although he and my mother haven't since the split, and my mother hasn't seen any of her family in decades. My H has no contact with his xBW's family - but he didn't have before the split, and she didn't (and doesn't) either, because she has never gotten along with her family (I think he got along with them better than she did, from what the kids say). My H's family also have nothing to do with his xBW because they never liked her, and since the split have no reason to have any contact with her. Even though I'm remarried, I'm still in contact with my xH's family, still get on well with all of them and my new H is also included as part of the family (there was no infidelity involved in the split). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I admit it would bother me if an ex was chatting with my family member about ME and/or my family member felt compelled to share with me everything going on with my ex. As long as they didn't make a "thing" of it in my presence, I would probably be okay with them still being friends IF there was a preexisting relationship. I wouldn't invite an ex to my wedding or anything lol. Then again, I know of a woman who basically threatened to disown her son if he invited the ex (HIS FATHER) to the son's wedding. I can't imagine much that is more selfish than that. You gotta have some common sense and realize the world doesn't revolve around the past at some point. In your case, Raena, I would not like the whole updates between the nephew and the ex about YOU. That is unnecessary. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I'm very good friends with both my brother's ex and his wife, they also know each other and are friendly towards each other. There was no bad blood when my bro and his ex broke up and she was with him for so long she's kind of part of the family. My brother never asked anything of me, aside from not discussing his stuff with his ex or his wife. I consider them both to be friends rather than having a connection with my brother, and he's cool with that. OTOH, not one member of my family has remained friends with any of my exes bar my first BF (our parents were already friends and he and my bro were in the same circle) because the Rs were very toxic to me and the breakups very painful. So yeah, probs depends on how the friendship developed, the family dynamics and how the R started / ended. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveishurting Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I have went thru and going thru lot of pain in my heart..sorry if my english is bad...my marriage was called off 6 months back and I have registered with my GF already..the traditional wedding was supposedly 6 months back and 1 month before the wedding she called off it..we were in relationship for one year and everything was smooth when we started love...later in our relationship we had some arguments and I always get paranoid not because I hate her but because I afraid i will lose her..I love her so much..can be said more than myself..at the same I expected too much from her as well..before that, sorry forgot to mention earlier; our relationship is long distance relationship..she is from my neighbor country..we are separated by the borders too..when first started love we used to chat for almost 18 hrs a day and sleep less..after few months she reduced chat and always says the honeymoon period of love is over...I got paranoid for this too..my thought was why suddenly she behaving like this..i thought the love she has on me also reducing that why she reduced chat with me..she started to finds me irritating..my performance in my work also affected..I lost my concentration and started to worry about the relationship..few weeks before our ROM she told me that she is not ready to commit now but at first she is the one wanted to get married fast..i tried my best to convince her and her mother also convinced her and finally everything was smooth and we got registered. After that everything was back normal until we had another fight before the marriage..I couldn't take it and drove on the same night to her place evento it took for me 6 hrs plus journey..before I reached her house she left the house already..her mother also has no idea where she went..i waited for her 3 days in her house and she nvr came back..i called her and msged her..no response..i have no choice and back to my hometown again..i tried my best to meet her and talk everything out but she is very firm with her decision now which is divorce..and we only contact thru SMS/emails..i keep sending her emails and sms until now and her replies will always hurt me more..I am doing all this like a mad man because I could not accept the fact why she left me like this..I love her alot and the memories keep hunting me..Now her mum also lost contact with me and nobody from her side ; her friends or relatives helping me..my family also very firm and asked me to not marry her..but I cant forget her...i planned a lot and dream a lot about our future together..I told her thousand times after she left me that I realised whatever my mistakes and I wont repeat it again..I asked her to come back to me..the only answer from her is DIVORCE which very hurting...what I should donow ? Sometimes I feel like commit suicide but I dont want do it because my parents..to forget her I am drinking almost everyday but the harder i tried the more I thought about her... Link to post Share on other sites
loveishurting Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I have went thru and going thru lot of pain in my heart..sorry if my english is bad...my marriage was called off 6 months back and I have registered with my GF already..the traditional wedding was supposedly 6 months back and 1 month before the wedding she called off it..we were in relationship for one year and everything was smooth when we started love...later in our relationship we had some arguments and I always get paranoid not because I hate her but because I afraid i will lose her..I love her so much..can be said more than myself..at the same I expected too much from her as well..before that, sorry forgot to mention earlier; our relationship is long distance relationship..she is from my neighbor country..we are separated by the borders too..when first started love we used to chat for almost 18 hrs a day and sleep less..after few months she reduced chat and always says the honeymoon period of love is over...I got paranoid for this too..my thought was why suddenly she behaving like this..i thought the love she has on me also reducing that why she reduced chat with me..she started to finds me irritating..my performance in my work also affected..I lost my concentration and started to worry about the relationship..few weeks before our ROM she told me that she is not ready to commit now but at first she is the one wanted to get married fast..i tried my best to convince her and her mother also convinced her and finally everything was smooth and we got registered. After that everything was back normal until we had another fight before the marriage..I couldn't take it and drove on the same night to her place evento it took for me 6 hrs plus journey..before I reached her house she left the house already..her mother also has no idea where she went..i waited for her 3 days in her house and she nvr came back..i called her and msged her..no response..i have no choice and back to my hometown again..i tried my best to meet her and talk everything out but she is very firm with her decision now which is divorce..and we only contact thru SMS/emails..i keep sending her emails and sms until now and her replies will always hurt me more..I am doing all this like a mad man because I could not accept the fact why she left me like this..I love her alot and the memories keep hunting me..Now her mum also lost contact with me and nobody from her side ; her friends or relatives helping me..my family also very firm and asked me to not marry her..but I cant forget her...i planned a lot and dream a lot about our future together..I told her thousand times after she left me that I realised whatever my mistakes and I wont repeat it again..I asked her to come back to me..the only answer from her is DIVORCE which very hurting...what I should do now ? Sometimes I feel like commit suicide but I dont want do it because my parents..to forget her I am drinking almost everyday but the harder i tried the more I thought about her... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I let every person who I'd be cutting off with the divorce know my feelings on it before it happened. I divorced them all and wanted to let them know it wasn't personal but was just the best thing for me. It'd have been too much drama otherwise by making them pick sides and at that point in my marriage I just wanted peace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Why? Why does the end of your marriage ipso facto end the relationships and friendships your family has made with your ex? There are exception for people . Yet for me ex is passive aggressive / gaslighting / pills / wine / bible thumping ...aweful. . Never had relationships with family and friends. Slandered them from every angle, played drama queen games; cut them off for years. Then after divorce she starts looking for weak links. I got away from it and want zero exposure. Being can see her true colours, completely toxic being exposed to anything from the person.. Shewasted enough of my time and energy, the friend of the devil is not a friend of mine. The family and friends people speak of here, are nothing more then tools and weapons for her. Link to post Share on other sites
BROKENOW Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I'm very angry that my ex tried to stay friends with MY friends when he didn't keep contact with his friends . It caused me alot of pain when he tried to come between us. It was hard for my close girlfriend too. I nearly had to cut them off. He tries to have a relationship with my mother when he doesn't care about his own . They never were close my mother and him before. I have come close to cutting her off. He, on the other hand doesnt even have contact with his best man!! The hypocrisy is sickening Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 No matter what- their relationship should no include talking about you- that is just wrong- 3 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I have never divorce, but have had my bothers and in laws break up. My rule, is, I will keep my relationships alive with ex in-laws, if I am true friends with the "other" side. If there are children involved, I will keep the relationship in any case, as I have a duty to keep being a good uncle to my nephew's and niece's. I want access to them, and will maintain good relations with who ever has custody. I also do not bad month the parents in front of their kids. Aunts and Uncles are a huge thing for kids from broken homes. We make extra effort to let them know we care about them and will support them if need be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Raena Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 I have never divorce, but have had my bothers and in laws break up. My rule, is, I will keep my relationships alive with ex in-laws, if I am true friends with the "other" side. If there are children involved, I will keep the relationship in any case, as I have a duty to keep being a good uncle to my nephew's and niece's. I want access to them, and will maintain good relations with who ever has custody. I also do not bad month the parents in front of their kids. Aunts and Uncles are a huge thing for kids from broken homes. We make extra effort to let them know we care about them and will support them if need be. I'm glad you feel that way. Not everyone does. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 No they shouldn't 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Personally, I would feel betrayed a second time if I found out that my friends and family chose to continue their relationship with someone who purposely hurt me in such a tremendous way. There's also no way I could remain friends with someone who hurt one of my family members. In fact, you cross my family member or friend, consider me an enemy. If you see me, you should probably find the nearest exit. Ugh, there's just no loyalty amongst people anymore. People rationalize to continue pursuing their own interests no matter who they hurt. It's kinda sickening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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