kendahke Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 He suggested we do that... together. Hang out, in silence. It's like we're an old married couple. Should we watch Jeopardy before bed? Oooh, girl, no... 1
katiegrl Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) Right, I agree. I'm talking more like going from 1x/week in the first week or two, to 3x/week one month in, and receiving thinly veiled complaints that that time is insufficient. Roseville, don't mean to discourage you but if you are seeing him three times per week after only dating one month, and he is complaining about THAT as being insufficient....then I am sorry hon he sounds extremely needy...and controlling! And with your being such an independent gal anyway.... I am afraid that eventually he is gonna suffocate you..... and you may be feeling that a little bit already. I say controlling too only because apparently he has caused you to feel somewhat guilty about wanting to do YOUR OWN THING occasionally....even though you already see him three times per week! Which is the goal of controllers -- to make the person feel guilty for not doing what the controller wants them to do! I know for me....I would never last long with a guy like that -- no way, no how. I could be madly in love with him - but STILL need my own space - and frankly I think three times a week after a month dating is more than enough!! And this early in it is completely inappropriate for him to be complaining about this -- again extremely needy and controlling...and trust me it's NOT gonna get better....in fact it will get worse. With him demanding more and more of your time....until you don't even have a life....(sans HIM), which it sounds like is precisely what he wants! Red flags flying high here .... be careful. Edited July 31, 2015 by katiegrl 7
Gaeta Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 I like 2-3 times a week no matter if we've been dating 1 month or 6 months. I remember a few years ago dating this man. We saw each other about 3 times a week and he wanted to raise this to 5 times a week. At the time my daughter was a teenager and still needed my presence AND that goes without saying I needed hers as well. That man told me 'don't let your daughter come between you and I'. I thought it was the weirdest thing to say. Anyway it didn't last. He dumped me for being 'too rational'. The truth is he didn't want to spend more time with me because of me, he wanted to spend more time with me because I was his emotional band-aid. 4
casey.lives Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 MEETING SOMEONE @ 25 -30 1 MONTH:1 night 2-6 MONTHS:2-3 nights Meet the family (xmas- summer bbq) 1.5 -2.5 Engagement Marriage!!!!!!!!! When you are younger you should take longer and when you older you go a little faster.
Popsicle Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Well, there's being exclusive and then there is seeing someone often. Those are two different issues. I like to be exclusive almost right away, and as far as how often we see each other, I let that happen naturally. The more I like a guy, the more I want to see him. The less I like him, the less I need to see him. 3
casey.lives Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 1.5 -2.5 Engagement >> see them anytime but remain somewhat independent. people can still easily flip out during this time.
MissBee Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) M: I actually didn't mean RoseVille as in Roseville, but it's close enough as a bird flies! I'm on the peninsula. As for the rest, he's regularly talked about what a boring life he leads and how what's attractive to him is how busy and social I am. I do think he wants to be brought into the fold, but he doesn't want to participate in what I want to do (Warriors or Giants or Niner games) or it otherwise would be awkward (tagging along to brunch with girlfriends after church). I mean he is kinda boring, I'm like 99% of his entertainment. Oh, this is another thing entirely. Are you fine with being 99% of his entertainment and his boring nature? My older sister, for example, constantly complains about how boring her husband is and how he never goes out, has no friends etc yet he was always like this throughout the relationship so I don't quite understand what she expected. Maybe she underestimated how incompatible she is with his style. So you just have to be honest and assess whether or not this suits you as chances are he'll not wake up and become more outgoing, social, exciting or find other forms of entertainment. It's too much pressure to be a grown person's sole source of entertainment or extracurricular activity, I mean, on your end, what can he offer you if he goes to work and then wants to spend all his time with you? Seems like you need a man who has more diversified interests. Edited July 31, 2015 by MissBee 2
IronZ Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 I probably missed it somewhere in the thread but OP how many times do you see this guy? For me if I had a serious thing with someone I'd want at least once a week. I think any less than that and you're being too casual or not making enough time. Like someone else said why not attend some events/activities you do together? Part of being in a relationship is sharing your worlds. You're going out with friends? Maybe bring him along once in a while to meet your friends. You get the idea. 1
mrldii Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Agree with Miss Bee. And, something keeps gnawing away at me... Rose, you wrote that one of the things he likes about you IS that you're so busy and active and have a social life; yet, he acknowledges he has none. He admires your active life and that you have interests...but he doesn't share them (the ones that aren't women-only). He wants to spend more time with you...'even if it's just quietly sitting and watching TV.' That's what HE does and how he lives HIS life - sits and watches TV...that's NOT what you do or how you live your life. Why does he want to make you into his own, personal 'Mini-Me'...IF he soooooo likes that you're so active and social and on-the-go?!? Seems his words are saying one thing, while his actions are indicating exactly the opposite. NEVER a good sign...and I know YOU know that. Stand very firm about seeing him only as often as you are comfortable with - and absolutely not a nano-second more...no matter how much he tries to guilt you into it. Much love to you...you're one of my favorite posters here. 9
xcupid Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 The time you're giving him right now is, in my opinion, reasonable. You have your own life to live and you're making compromises to accommodate him. He has no life. *You're his life.* Doesn't sound like he will change either. In time, he will demand more and more of your time until you feel stifled. That's not healthy in a relationship. Even though it is early in the relationship, how compatible are the two of you in other areas? Just because he has good qualities and he's a nice guy doesn't mean he's compatible with you and that your lifestyles will mesh together. 4
Popsicle Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 But to tell someone they're not doing enough at a month in, when you're seeing each other 3x/week? What will he expect at 6 months? Marriage. Popsicle
WomenWubber Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 It doesn't seem like you have much in common with this guy.
Author RoseVille Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 It doesn't seem like you have much in common with this guy. I don't. I ended it tonight. I needed this thread. 3
jay1983 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 So sad, I saw that coming though. So.........what are you doing tomorrow night? 1
Author RoseVille Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 So sad, I saw that coming though. So.........what are you doing tomorrow night? Yeah, I did, too. Tonight I pressed to learn more about him and his interests. He's just devoid of inspiration, passion, curiosity, anything. He works, eats, sleeps, cleans house, repeat. And he's fine by that. He's looking for someone to do things with, but doesn't want to do the things offered. He said he doesn't want to be alone. Haha! I'm too old for you, boy! I'm just reminded how good I feel single. I'll probably die alone and I'm really not all that upset about it! 6
jay1983 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Yeah, I did, too. Tonight I pressed to learn more about him and his interests. He's just devoid of inspiration, passion, curiosity, anything. He works, eats, sleeps, cleans house, repeat. And he's fine by that. He's looking for someone to do things with, but doesn't want to do the things offered. He said he doesn't want to be alone. Haha! I'm too old for you, boy! I'm just reminded how good I feel single. I'll probably die alone and I'm really not all that upset about it! I have a MILF fetish. Lol, but anyways, if you really wanted to to make it work, you should've went over there, slapped the sh*t outta him and forced him to do something fun. 1
LoveMachine67 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Yeah, I did, too. Tonight I pressed to learn more about him and his interests. He's just devoid of inspiration, passion, curiosity, anything. He works, eats, sleeps, cleans house, repeat. And he's fine by that. He's looking for someone to do things with, but doesn't want to do the things offered. He said he doesn't want to be alone. Haha! I'm too old for you, boy! I'm just reminded how good I feel single. I'll probably die alone and I'm really not all that upset about it! ^^^^^:lmao:^^^^^ Don't give up yet Rose! 1
jay1983 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 ^^^^^:lmao:^^^^^ Alright, alright, you got somethin' comin' to ya, mista "lovemachine". BTW I thought your old name was funny. Lol 2
writergal Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Yeah, I did, too. Tonight I pressed to learn more about him and his interests. He's just devoid of inspiration, passion, curiosity, anything. He works, eats, sleeps, cleans house, repeat. And he's fine by that. He's looking for someone to do things with, but doesn't want to do the things offered. He said he doesn't want to be alone. Haha! I'm too old for you, boy! I'm just reminded how good I feel single. I'll probably die alone and I'm really not all that upset about it! Haha! Don't fret! The guy for you is still out there! And this guy definitely wasn't it. I mean, from the sound of it, he had zero hobbies and interests outside of work and cleaning his house. That's not a boyfriend. That's a charity case. I don't care if I die single as long as I die happy! You did the right thing for yourself. Just like the Bard wrote, "to thine own self be true!" 4
LoveMachine67 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Alright, alright, you got somethin' comin' to ya, mista "lovemachine". BTW I thought your old name was funny. Lol I may go back to my old name soon 2
Author RoseVille Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 I have a MILF fetish. Lol, but anyways, if you really wanted to to make it work, you should've went over there, slapped the sh*t outta him and forced him to do something fun. I already fail, as I'm not a M of the MILF! But I do have my old department issued 'cuffs! 2
LoveMachine67 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 I already fail, as I'm not a M of the MILF! But I do have my old department issued 'cuffs! No problem Rose, I'm sure Jay would agree that your doggies would count in this instance. 2
DKT3 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Yeah, I did, too. Tonight I pressed to learn more about him and his interests. He's just devoid of inspiration, passion, curiosity, anything. He works, eats, sleeps, cleans house, repeat. And he's fine by that. He's looking for someone to do things with, but doesn't want to do the things offered. He said he doesn't want to be alone. Haha! I'm too old for you, boy! I'm just reminded how good I feel single. I'll probably die alone and I'm really not all that upset about it! I'm not buying it. Two things 1) your fresh from that other situation 2) you weren't all that interested in this guy (re: reason one) Once your 100% clear mentally and emotionally, 100% open, you will find someone worth adjusting for, finding time for and wanting to include in your life. Not someone you are only interested in enough to "see what you can do" to fit in during your spare time. We haven't had much interaction here, but I've followed you somewhat and you've come along way and doing great. Hey keep kissing frogs....
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 At over 1 month stage, I like to see someone 1 evening a week and 1 full day/sleepover on the weekend. Anything more than that and I feel suffocated. If I am going to go through the trouble of spending 5 days a week together, I don't see why we don't just live together. All to-from is tiring. 1
lana-banana Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 No way in hell would I see anyone every night at three or six months; that's insane. My boyfriend and I of a little over a year are discussing marriage and we see each other 4-5 times per week. Unless you are living together there is no reason to see someone daily, and any man who wants to move in after 3 months is not the man for me. 1
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