katiegrl Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) If I made such a big stink about some white lie my boyfriend told me to spare my feelings or whatevs...my boyfriend would flat out tell me to stop being a drama queen and get over it.... Not in a mean way, but in sort of a "come on, you are being ridiculous" sort of way. And he would be right!! I would suggest you stop walking on eggshells....it was a white lie, with good intentions. And ask that she try and get over it. Nicely.... People need to pick their battles and this was not one of them. Edited July 30, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) You know people are wondering ..... if he would lie about something so minor...what else would he lie about? Well let's flip it. If SHE would get sooooo bent and question your entire RL over something so trivial.... how is she gonna handle the larger more serious conflicts you experience together? Is she gonna want to toss the entire RL out the window anytime you have an issue or conflict? Red flag! Perhaps YOU should be rethinking this RL, instead of twisting yourself into a pretzel finding ways to "make nice," or whatever it is you are doing. Edited July 30, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Perhaps she has a mother complex . . . "you snacked before dinner? There will be no dessert for you if you don't eat your meal", And, wait til your father gets home. . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Perhaps she has a mother complex . . . "you snacked before dinner? There will be no dessert for you if you don't eat your meal", And, wait til your father gets home. . Good point. His own mother may have instilled this fear in him too...which is why he felt he had to lie (fib) to his GF in the first place. Probably got scolded harshly by his mom for snacking before a meal...and now projects those feelings on to his girlfriend. Girlfriend may resemble his mom too in many ways....which adds to the dilemma... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Good point. His own mother may have instilled this fear in him too...which is why he felt he had to lie (fib) to his GF in the first place. Probably got scolded harshly by his mom for snacking before a meal...and now projects those feelings on to his girlfriend. Girlfriend may resemble his mom too in many ways....which adds to the dilemma... This is what I was alluding to in an earlier post . . . Childhood triggers . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 yeah it's weird Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I am guessing she has dealt with lying before and wanted so much to believe he was going to pass that she kept testing him and unfortunately he kept lying. So whilst lying about the snack wrapper and receipt and her reaction seems ridiculous, I do see her point. Trust is very important in relationships and IME people who lie about the small stuff, tend to lie about the big stuff too. Being on the receiving end of barefaced, unabashed lies, is no fun in any relationship. Of course the other consideration is that she is just not feeling it any more, and simply needs an excuse to cause trouble and potentially end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Hmmm, if she found the receipt, checked the receipt (weird but ok), then questioning him about it was just baiting. I don't get why she just didn't tease him about it or let it go (say nothing or say "are you sure?" knowing the receipt existed). The level of her questioning, level of her response, level of his response, level of her snooping, all indicate that very likely there is a much bigger, unhealthy dynamic at play here. Maybe it all moved too fast for her, she has past trust issues, has noticed some other red flags from OP and didn't mind sending out her own red flags. Pretty much no matter anyone's side on here, no one thinks this level of response from the OP and his gf is normal. It remains to be seen but if this is an indication of the dynamic between them and how something trivial can escalate or how someone is meant to control everything or levels of openess and communication patterns between them--bigger things are probably amiss. I don't know what to tell you, OP. If someone is going to go batsh*t because of a snack and say relationship is doomed, that's a huge red flag of more to come. Sounds like her trust will be VERY hard to manage!! And if someone feels that can't be honest, forthright and not cower to their partner because of a snack, your communication with her will be like walking on eggshells as someone else has mentioned. I hope I'm wrong for your sake since you say you love her. I can guess there will be more overreactions on her end and you will find yourself withdrawing in some ways or other secretive things fearing her judgement. You can't be that afraid to lose her since she is out of line as well and if you don't get control of it, it will just be unhealthy, unbalanced relationship. I suggest if she keeps harping on it, use your cajones and tell her she is being unreasonable and her inquistion level sh*t and jumping the her level of hysterical-ness played a role in a white lie (to spare her feelings) get out of control. You may just not be on the same page. Some people expect full and utter transparency in a relationship--every thought, every snack. Otherwise it's a lie or not being honest or open. I'm not of that mindset and believe in partnerships not every thought needs to be fully disclosed or shared and wouldn't fault my bf for omission of his snack time and activity. I guess you need to decide where you are with this and what your gf expects and if you agree. good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Finally she told me that she found the receipt and container and that she knew i was lying to her face. She's lost all trust in anything I've ever said or will say. She says the magic we had is broken. She sees me differently and wonders what else I lie about since I didn't have the balls to be upfront about the snack. Sorry, but what a freakin drama queen. LOL. The only thing wrong you did was take your damned garbage and receipt WITH you so she'd find it. Jeez. I always tell my hubby not to snack before dinner as I usually do cook pretty great meals. I've found evidence of ice cream sandwich wrappers in the garbage or Reeses Peanut Butter Cup wrappers on the coffee table close to dinner and gave him hell for ruining his appetite. Sometimes he admits it, sometimes he doesn't. BIG. FRIGGEN. DEAL. I couldn't imagine being so over-dramatic that I'd have a melt-down on him - amidst his candy wrappers at dinner time - and tell him, "the magic is gone! I can't see you in the same light anymore! What else are you lying to me about???" OMG. Seriously. What a drama queen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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