stillafool Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I guess the root of my issue is that I know she is a good person deep down. When we are together, and she has made it a point to be around even though she moved out, I can see and feel the genuineness from her. She can't fake that. How long does it typically take for the fog to lift? Is there any chance for her? And no my handle is not a joke, nor a sick play. I am a bowhunter who happens to be from MN. It's my handle for many things. Of course you can feel the genuiness from her because she is genuine with you and him. She wants you both. She is going to use sex to keep you hanging on because we women know that's what men want. Yes, she is lying to you about the other guy. She is seeing him to. The only thing she can do at this point to prove to you she's done with him is to quit her job, move back in with you, never see or speak to OM again. Personally, if it were me I'd be calling the divorce attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I agree with Happyman that you shouldn't sit around waiting and hoping she ends the affair. You have to show her now that you are a "strong" man and will not stand for this. This is what we women respect. If you show her she's going to lose you, you will find out the truth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 When we are together, and she has made it a point to be around even though she moved out, I can see and feel the genuineness from her. She can't fake that. How long does it typically take for the fog to lift? Is there any chance for her? I hate to break it to you, but just because she keeps hanging around you even though she's moved out isn't because she wants to be with you. She just wants to be with a warm body (as evident by her affair). My STBXW is the same way. She's unable to be alone so she keeps trying to be my friend and hang out as though we were a married couple. But as soon as she has an opportunity, she will cozy up to any other man that shows interest in her and gives her flattery. The fog may lift, but not while you keep emotionally supporting her cheating on you. The fog will remain forever if you do that. She'll just be better at hiding the affair from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I guess the root of my issue is that I know she is a good person deep down. When we are together, and she has made it a point to be around even though she moved out, I can see and feel the genuineness from her. She can't fake that. How long does it typically take for the fog to lift? Is there any chance for her? And no my handle is not a joke, nor a sick play. I am a bowhunter who happens to be from MN. It's my handle for many things. ? Gently you need to look up the 180 and implement it now. As long as you continue to see your WS in this light she will be taking advantage of you. I thought my WH was a good person deep down too, until I experienced multiple Ddays and False R. You say she has already moved out? Was this her decision or yours? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Right now she is exhibiting what I call typical monkey-girl behavior. She isn't letting go of one branch, until she is sure she has a firm grip on the other. Read this quote again. This is the perfect summation of what is happening to you. She will keep you on the back burner for as long as she believes she has something better within reach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mn_bowhunter Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 The move out was her idea. Her original plan was to move out and divorce me. The OM paid for her security deposit and helped her look over the place. It wasn't until I told her I was legit done that she actually put in some effort. It's like she will spend a few days with me without contacting him, then it's right back to him for a few days, back and forth. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 You need to fully expose this affair. Who have you told so far? Do you have kids? They must be told. Then tell your WW you are through sharing her. Either she moves back home and goes total NC with the OM or you will go NC with WW. Then see a lawyer and file and have her served ASAP. When she gets the big surprise and comes to you. You tell her that you told her you refuse to share her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 You need to fully expose this affair. Who have you told so far? Do you have kids? They must be told. Then tell your WW you are through sharing her. Either she moves back home and goes total NC with the OM or you will go NC with WW. Then see a lawyer and file and have her served ASAP. When she gets the big surprise and comes to you. You tell her that you told her you refuse to share her. Please follow the above advice^^^^ It is spot on and yes I would expose too. If your WW can't go NC with the OM then tell her you must go NC with her for your sanity. You must detach detach detach from your WW. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 The move out was her idea. Her original plan was to move out and divorce me. The OM paid for her security deposit and helped her look over the place. It wasn't until I told her I was legit done that she actually put in some effort. It's like she will spend a few days with me without contacting him, then it's right back to him for a few days, back and forth. I can't judge, because I made the same terrible mistake of allowing my STBXW to snowball me coming back and forth between me and her OM. It's painful because you want the opportunity to repair and work on your marriage. But let me tell you that a marriage cannot be repaired if one person is only partially committed to it. You both need to be fully into repairing the relationship. If she's only kinda in, that mean she wants you to support her while she still is allowed to sleep around. You'll see her backtrack as you start laying down groudnrules, only to see her slip back into bad habits when you loosen off. You'll drive yourself mad by sharing your wife. You need to focus in yourself and your well being. She does not care for you or your well being anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 She is preparing for a SOFT LANDING. things my not be thesame at OM end. If things get well with OM she will leave. If not she'll find another then leave. In all of this it would be best to end the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mn_bowhunter Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 Everyone knows about this thing. Her family, my family, pretty much all our friends, etc. She has decided that she's not talking to anyone who tries to tell her she being dumb. Fortunately we don't have kids, nor any marital property. We've been married for just over 2 years. In fact the "first time" they slept together was the weekend of our second anniversary. I actually printed off the divorce papers today so I'm one step closer to that. I just want to be absolutely sure that I have done everything in my power before I take that step. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 how young are you guys if you don't mind us asking? could be a clean break no less than 2 yr marriage, no property & no children. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Listen, she will continue this because you've allowed it. Right now your in "win her back mode" so your compromising your self esteem and self worth. With no kids its time to cut her off 100%, you actually have no need to contact her. It sucks and its hard but its a must to both detach and to show her you will not accept this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mn_bowhunter Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 I'm 27 and she's 28. The no contact thing is tough for me because when we've done no contact she runs straight to him. And yes, I am absolutely in win her back mode. I read on another site to give her 6 months before going truly no contact with me. Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Everyone knows about this thing. Her family, my family, pretty much all our friends, etc. She has decided that she's not talking to anyone who tries to tell her she being dumb. Fortunately we don't have kids, nor any marital property. We've been married for just over 2 years. In fact the "first time" they slept together was the weekend of our second anniversary. I actually printed off the divorce papers today so I'm one step closer to that. I just want to be absolutely sure that I have done everything in my power before I take that step. You have done more than enough. She does not love you. You don't do what she is doing to people that you love. You deserve better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 ...his house is in foreclosure. He is once widowed and once divorced. His house is in foreclosure? Man, you're doomed. If there's one thing that turns a woman on, it's a divorced dude with a house in foreclosure. And if he's behind on his car payments too, she'll never leave him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 yeah you can have the option to win her back. but don't count on forever. just brace for the day she'll step out again. she is clearly not wife material. but hey to each his own. yeah get back to her to have some access with that cake. but again keep your guard up. she blatantly does it, so why don't you? have your own little fun side dish. why not just open the marriage? with out telling her. what does monogamy mean to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 depends how one sees this committment. She is very much committed.., to creating heartache and mind games, and he is committed to being its recipient. He is an adult. Live and let live. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I guess the root of my issue is that I know she is a good person deep down. No. No she's not a good person deep down. If she was she wouldn't be doing what she did. She's a liar and a cheat and one other thing. You better wise up because your nothing but plan B to her in case this bum she's seeing doesn't work out. She made her bed so let her lay in it and file for divorce and move on before she does more damage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 She's still lying and using you. I hope you've moved all your money to your name only. Since she wants to act single - don't give her one penny. She needs to figure out how to support herself. Don't be her doormat. Any woman you're with should treat you kindly and with respect - she's not that gal. She will only keep doing these terrible things to you as long as you allow it - so stop allowing it. Get busy being happy without her. When she comes around tell her she wasn't invited and you are busy. Protect yourself! She's been taking advantage of you. And she hasn't been acting like a "good person". All the good people I know don't act that way. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Only 2yrs married, no kids and she's already playing this game with you? And you are only 27? Sorry but I really think you need to cut her lose and find someone who truly wants to settle down and be a loyal partner to you. You still have years to find the right one for you. I know that when you are in love that you can't imagine every being with someone else but trust me, you get over the heartbreak and you do love again. Imagine if you win her back and then some years down the road, after you have kids and a whole bunch of shared finances and bills she decides to cheat on you again. Imagine how much worse it would be with kids involved and how painful it would be to leave knowing that you also had to leave your kids. She is not trustworthy, she is not remorseful and she is making you look so foolish. She does not respect you and she will not respect you as long as you keep allowing this behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Husband should stop marriage... Mr. Lucky This is your truth, OP. Be thankful you found this out at a young age and with no children to properly screw up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dental Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I guess the root of my issue is that I know she is a good person deep down. When we are together, and she has made it a point to be around even though she moved out, I can see and feel the genuineness from her. She can't fake that. Oooops, The root of OP's problem IMO is that he is apathic. He looks at his marriage like a dear in the headlghts completely paralyzed. I think when OP realizes that OM enjoys his WW deep down as well, and that he feels the genuineness from her too, perhaps he will start moving. Link to post Share on other sites
latinmex Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 The move out was her idea. Her original plan was to move out and divorce me. The OM paid for her security deposit and helped her look over the place. It wasn't until I told her I was legit done that she actually put in some effort. It's like she will spend a few days with me without contacting him, then it's right back to him for a few days, back and forth. Do you want to live all your life with somebody like that? She is going to lie all her life Is up to you, you can forgive but never forget Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Friend, infidelity, the choice to cheat is a conscious decision. You shouldn't have to compete with another man for your wife. This will end when you say it ends, she already made her choice, serve her. Why would you want other man's left overs? Get rid of her cheating a$$, waiting 6 months only works with a remorseful spouse, your wife is a liar and is actively dating another man. Why are you making it her choice, she makes very bad choices. She's making you the laughing stock of MN. You need to take control of your life by cutting her cheating a$$ out of it starting now. Time to go no contact with her. Change the locks on your home, see a lawyer, serve her. She won't stop seeing the other man because your allowing it. There are things far worse than divorce, sharing your wife with some POS is far worse. Google the 180, make it your mantra starting right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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