Having a partner who intellectually stimulates you?

[MissBee]

Yes, it matters for me. I prefer someone who's happily and spontaneously willing to talk about a bit more than just their job, Dancing with the Stars and the Kardashians.

 

I think the key word here that was mentioned many times in this thread is curiosity. You don't have to have a high IQ or have a Master's degree or be well traveled to remote historical areas or be well-versed in Monet/Shakespeare/quantum theory/Wall Street/etc in order to be intellectually curious. You simply need to have a desire in investing time and energy into learning about a person, life/society, the world/universe, a tangible thing, or a concept...and be willing to talk about it with others. That means listening, asking questions to help keep the conversation going, and so on. Critical thinking skills also help, too (interesting people are usually insightful). This isn't really about "common interests"...many people just enjoy spending time with someone who has some enthusiasm to learn more about stuff and try new things.

Furthermore, part of the point of dating is getting to know each other, including interests. Anyone who pays attention should fairly quickly have a decent idea of what their partner is/isn't into, and tailor the conversations accordingly (in-depth, superficial/simple/lighthearted, or avoid). Some people just aren't into art or politics or computers or whatever (and are into other things). A good conversationalist is adept at "reading" his or her audience and talking about almost anything in a way that's interesting...or at least not dull. There is also mood to consider...just because both of you share a deep interest about something doesn't always mean that you're always in the mood to talk in-depth about it.

 

It's usually people who are very routine in their daily lives (wake up, go to work, do repetitive duties, come home, eat dinner, watch baseball, go to bed, rinse & repeat), highly resistant to change and wary of trying new things that lack intellectual curiosity. They're deep in their comfort zones. A lot of them are good people of solid character, but they're just often perceived as boring.

 

It's not necessary to be in "deep detailed conversation" mode 100% of the time...I don't think many people who want an intellectually stimulating partner are asking for THAT type of person and frankly I don't think I've ever met anyone who was like that. Just be capable and willing to go in-depth when ya'll are in the mood for that. There's times when it's better to just chill, live in the moment and enjoy life in stride. For instance, cuddle up with your GF on the couch and watch the comedy popcorn flick on Netflix just for laughs and to enjoy each other's intimate company.

 

YESSSS this is exactly it! So perfectly described!

[Vercetti]

I'm an artist...there is nothing stimulating about someone jacking off tech they can't emulate and in turn honestly comprehend themself.yet even if creative and not just a consumer...would it be fair if threw you under a bus when I picked apart some Bach...and you lacked fasacation of mapping phrases identifying theme and variations and borrowed notes with shifting keys zoomed over your head.....your eyes went dull after a series of sentences filled with jargon.

 

Just sayingeveryone I know has at least majors in arts and tech...we don't talk about things we do them. If we want to know something, we ask / research / or just use logical deductions. Silly to expect others to care about niggle details from decades of study.

 

One of my best friends does rap. Calls everything that comes out of my studio " a beat ". After years still calls sharp notes when reading music POUND SIGN. Perhaps should write him off cause reads music with slang.

 

Its best to be a bit humble. Would feel very foolish if jaw jacking some art aperacation to someone absolutely unintrested...that happens to own a gallery and gives master work classes.

[Timshel]

I was using the Monet thing as a general example. Thing is, this girl was not interested in anything intellectual. Not politics, arts, philosophy, geography, science, NOTHING. She almost never contributed anything intelligent, profound, or challenging to the conversation. She would rather talk about drama in her social circle or what recipes looked good on Pinterest. That's what I found frustrating. As soon as I attempted to shift the conversation to anything remotely intellectual, she was lost.

 

K, sounds like you're not on the same page. Time to move on?