Clarkwg Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 So when your relationship ends & your ex moves on you feel heartbroken for a period which in time we naturally get over but at what point in time if we can not shake off that horrible feeling does that heartbreak turn in to a mental obsession that needs professional help? I'm 7 months on now & I'm now thinking it's me that is the problem & I need help (which I am seeking) it doesn't feel like a relationship break up, it feels like something much deeper that has totally taken over my life, an obsession, an unhealthy infactuation etc When does it turn from heartbreak to obsession?
Gus Grimly Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 When does it turn from heartbreak to obsession? I'd say, if you are still pining for your ex after 6 months it's time to get some help by a health care professional. We all cope differently, but I feel 6 months is a decent enough time to have at least become indifferent.
erklat Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 at least become indifferent. At least? Indifference is the ultimate goal which will take years to achieve. At seven months there is nothing to worry. Since when are you in no contact? I had panic attacks choking me for 11 months post breakup and to this day a month shy of 2 years since BU I still think of her daily. Or better I think of myself how she made me feel in that stage of my life. 1
Author Clarkwg Posted July 29, 2015 Author Posted July 29, 2015 At least? Indifference is the ultimate goal which will take years to achieve. At seven months there is nothing to worry. Since when are you in no contact? I had panic attacks choking me for 11 months post breakup and to this day a month shy of 2 years since BU I still think of her daily. Or better I think of myself how she made me feel in that stage of my life. I'm coming up to 1 month strict no contact, we have a daughter so it has been hard going full NC but things are now in place to enable this.
Ariess10 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 There is no time limit , people deal with heartbreaks differently don't listen to the people that put a time you should be over it .. Take all the time you need there is no time limit 2
frigginlost Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 There is no time limit , people deal with heartbreaks differently don't listen to the people that put a time you should be over it .. Take all the time you need there is no time limit ^^^ That. There is no time limit. I'm 9 months out and still struggle. You can't force yourself to become indifferent, you can only ride the waves until you get there. The important thing to remember, is to not bottle your feelings or try to bury them... 1
Thegreatfrazzle Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Some of my friends said it took only days to be alright, some said a few months and I know someone who said it took 2 years after his divorce before he moved on. There is no time limit, just follow the advice that people post here, and if you want to see a professional there is no harm in doing so. Just don't panic and worry, you will get there. 2
mightycpa Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 So when your relationship ends & your ex moves on you feel heartbroken for a period which in time we naturally get over but at what point in time if we can not shake off that horrible feeling does that heartbreak turn in to a mental obsession that needs professional help? I'm 7 months on now & I'm now thinking it's me that is the problem & I need help (which I am seeking) it doesn't feel like a relationship break up, it feels like something much deeper that has totally taken over my life, an obsession, an unhealthy infactuation etc When does it turn from heartbreak to obsession?You really need some time and attention to work through your emotions, to process all that stuff, and daily life can get in the way of this. You don't want to walk around like a sad sack all day long, so you suppress a lot of the stuff you need to work through and express. I think that can extend how long it takes to work through all of it. There's love, sadness, disappointment, self-reflection, probably some betrayal, a lot of things to work through. Once you unwrap those, then some other things probably come to the surface as well. Unless you've got nothing but time on your hands, that's a lot of stuff to deal with. I remember my outlet was writing... I wrote all about the situation, my emotions, everything I could think of in order to process it. Maybe you need to focus on what bothers you the most, and put some extra time into thinking about it. Writing helped me because I could re-read what I had already explored, and dive in deeper and focus better. Just a suggestion. 1
Chi townD Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 "At what point does heartbreak become unhealthy obsession?" Read na9's thread and you'll find out.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Whenever an important relationship ends, the loss feels a bit like a kind of death and we may go into mourning for it. Many of the symptoms of grieving and depression overlap, so it’s no surprise we often wonder which one we're actually suffering from. Sadness, loss of appetite and sleeplessness are prominent features of both bereavement and depression but depending on the intensity of those symptoms coupled with how long you were in the relationship could mean there's more going on than simple grief. Except in the most profound forms of mourning like a loss of a child, or a life partner of many, many years, grief wouldn’t shatter you or overtake your life the way it seems to have done for you. Ongoing sadness and intermittent tears are a normal part of grief but wanting to cry ALL the time is quite another. If your pain seems relentless and unbearable, as if there’s nothing of value or meaning left for you, that sounds more like depression and THAT needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. Time won't necessarily heal that. It's not uncommon for people who suffer like you after the end of a relationship to realize that they have in fact idealized that relationship, looking to it as a kind of “answer” for all their troubles, the thing that would finally make them “happy.” In a way, they relied on the relationship as a kind of emotional anti-depressant. In the early stages, falling in love feels intoxicating and can lift us out of whatever funk we might have been in or even a pre-existing depression. When the relationship comes to end, we may fall back into that depression. We might believe that the depressive symptoms we experience mean we’re in mourning for the relationship, when in fact, the depression we temporarily escaped through the romance drug has resurfaced. Regardless, whether it’s depression or grief for the loss of a relationship, it helps enormously not to weather the experience alone. Even short-term psychotherapy can bring immense relief. Be careful of professionals who immediately want to place you on an anti-depressant. Cognitive-behaviorists can be quite helpful in certain cases, but when suffering as deeply as you seem to be, what you really need is first and foremost is a sympathetic ear and someone who can bear with your pain as you grieve or explore the meaning of your depression. It might be time to consider other options to help you get through the pain. Good luck.
HeartinPain Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I am nearly 2 years post BU from a 15 year relationship and NC for approximately 21 months. The first 4-5 months were incredibly difficult. I became really depressed and he was constantly in my thoughts. I felt it was the end of the world. It was an unhealthy obsession where I would drive by his house to see the car of the girl he left me for parked in front of his house. I cried and hurt everyday until I realized I needed to stop torturing myself. I set a date for myself (4 months out) to snap out of it and start working on myself. I refocused and I stayed busy. 2 years out, I still think of him most days but the thoughts are fleeting and I don't feel anything anymore. It takes time, but it does get better. My life has changed so much since the BU and I am happier than I've ever been. Focus on improving yourself and all aspects of your life. It doesn't feel like at now because you are sad, but it really does get better. I look back at the BU knowing that it was the best thing that could have happened for me.
erklat Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I'm coming up to 1 month strict no contact, we have a daughter so it has been hard going full NC but things are now in place to enable this. For all that matters you could break up a month ago.
BriNyc82 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I posted a very similar thread if you wanna check it out http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/537234-forum-feeding-my-obsession
aloneinaz Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I'm coming up to 1 month strict no contact, we have a daughter so it has been hard going full NC but things are now in place to enable this. More info needed.. Are you dating at all or have you dated? I'd say if you're not after that length since you've broken up, you will continue to think of your last love until you meet someone you like as much. This board and this thread is littered with folks that take a long, long time to move on past their last love. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer but I know in my case, I got back on the horse (dated) a couple of months after my last ex broke up with me. I knew I didn't want to sit around for months and months, ruminating over her and the toxic, dysfunctional, failed R/S. Did dating wipe my memory clear of her? Hell no! What it did do is help me regain my self esteem and pride. It allowed me to say "she didn't want me in her life, well then F-her", there's plenty of other woman who do. Dating allowed me to stay strict NC and heal while enjoy female companionship. A few months after we ended, I met a woman who I really liked. She was fresh back in the dating arena after her BF dumped her in a horrible way. She had healed for a few months as well. We've been together for 2 years now and I couldn't be happier. I couldn't of met her had I chosen to sit home month after month, crying over someone who didn't want me. People need to chose their own path after a R/S ends. At some point you should get MAD and say this person isn't worth all my pining over! There's plenty of people who would love to have what I bring to the table. I just need to get out there and look for them. Life's short.. I'd been pissed had I waited 6 plus months or more to start dating again and then died in a car crash before doing so.. What a waste of time..
surferchic Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Not sure how or why some people seem to think that there is a cut off amount of time that everybody should adhere by after a break up... Lol. Seriously, who are these people? There are so many intangibles in each relationship and break up. It's so good to see people posting about their own individual stories and their own truth, which is more realistic. We are all different. When you realize that, you will not try setting yourself up or others, for an unsuccessful healing process. Each time we try living up to someone else's healing time frame it's a set back. I've noticed that, many people who rush to say they've moved on and have healed quicker than others and who are busy judging others, are often not healed at all. They're often times bitter and have set backs and think about their ex probably more than they admit. And that's ok. However, it's repulsive when people aren't honest with themselves, and therefore are dishonest with everyone else.
surferchic Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Some of my friends said it took only days to be alright, some said a few months and I know someone who said it took 2 years after his divorce before he moved on. There is no time limit, just follow the advice that people post here, and if you want to see a professional there is no harm in doing so. Just don't panic and worry, you will get there. Awesome response.
casey.lives Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 The only time i ever have trouble getting over an ex go is, if we had a great relationship and he was a wonderful man and i stay at a lost for why it ended.. But if he was terrible to me and i feel fully informed about the break up.. i have no troubles whatsoever
xpaperxcutx Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Im going on 8 months post breakup, 3 months full NC and it's been hard. Some days I never ever once think about him and then like today, I just start crying out of nowhere. The worst part is that I bumped into him at a party last night, he tried to call me from a restricted number. I minded my own business and I never once broke NC to call or text him back. But here I am crying my eyes out.
mightycpa Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 The only time i ever have trouble getting over an ex go is, if we had a great relationship and he was a wonderful man and i stay at a lost for why it ended.. But if he was terrible to me and i feel fully informed about the break up.. i have no troubles whatsoever What if he was a wonderful man and you feel fully informed? Or if he was terrible, but you were at a loss? Casey, you didn't cover all the bases. 1
surferchic Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 What if he was a wonderful man and you feel fully informed? Or if he was terrible, but you were at a loss? Casey, you didn't cover all the bases. I totally agree with you mightycpa. I think some people just like making themselves sound extra emotionally healthy and superior to the rest of us.
CryMeARiver Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I think it depends on where "we" are at in our lives post break up. I love the post above about how falling in love can be like a drug and lift us out of whatever funk we were previously in . How true! I'm 7 weeks out post breakup, cheating involve an my lover announced on fb is less than a week he was in a relationship with the slob he was cheating with. Besides that, my life was and is a mess when I met my ex. He was so sweet, helpful, attentive, I got thru the week knowing I'd see him on the weekend. He'd call daily and his ringtone made me smile and be warm lol. I had it bad. Still do. But seeing how he is a lying cheat, I realize I adored the break from harsh realities...the seemingly perfect time I spent with him. Now he is gone, like a ghost. I'm back to my stress am sadness without my something to look fwd to. I think if my life was better organized (which I'm working on improving as hard. I can) my grief would be less. It's when one can't pull out of the mourning that obsession might happen. I once lost my marbles over a four month Relationship and it took years to get over! I now run into this ex and no longer feel like an elephant has sat on my chest. I really don't know why I took it so hard...I think I was hung up on his chivalrous pursuit in the beginning and showed me attention I had never felt before. He left and guess what, had already began pursuing someone else. I didn't allow myself to meet anyone else and waited for this idiot to come back. The most important thing is try try try to avoid information about your ex. Avoid for no other reason than to respect and protect yourself. I think people. Do things like fb stalk hoping for information in their favor. It can become a harmful game of playing detective that takes up so much of our precious time we could be working in healing! I wish I had some thoughts in obsessive thoughts, I think of my ex wayyyy too much now. I am in full acceptance he is gone and not coming back, and he just horrible to me in his lack of respect. I cling to the image he projected to me. But I know I couldn't ever take him back and he doesn't have the courage to come to me. I just wish I could stop thinking about him and feeling just...sad.
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