Should I even want her back?

[Kehv]

 

 

Wow.. isn't she just a princess! So, she dumps you and has a new BF, right? Then, instead of letting you move on and heal, she keeps trying to get you to stay in her life and be her "back up plan" and professional ego stoker?

 

 

You know the deal here. She wants her cake and eat it to. She wants her new BF and wants you sitting around in the bullpen, pining, clinging and making her feel all warm and fuzzy cuz you're her fall back. You know your worth more than that and should never want to be her second choice.

 

 

My pride and self esteem are WAY too important to me than to ever allow someone like her to try and manipulate me for her selfish needs. You need to continue to ignore her, heal and find your next hot GF when you're ready.

 

 

She made the decision to end the relationship and quickly start dating and screwing someone new. You owe her nothing now and it's well within your right to no longer engage with her.

 

Yes you are probably right....

I do still have feelings for her because I thought she was my dreamgirl for 6 years, guess I just hoped there were some kind of 'hidden message' in her text because she's angry I don't respond to her messages but I suppose I'm just fooling myself.

[Kehv]

OK not sure if anyone is still reading this but anyways a little update:

 

Last week my ex contacted me a few times to 'hang out'. I've told her I did not want to hang out and be her friend. She became pretty pissed because I rejected her and went to my appartment..... I made the mistake to let her inside.

 

So we started talking and she made it clear to me she will never get back with me, the other guy is pretty much perfect but she wants to keep me as a friend. She also thinks I'm the one to blame for everything and she did nothign wrong. After a few drinks I started flirting with her and even almost got her to have sex with me (I know i'm weak...) she said she really wanted to but it wouldn't be right.

 

The days after she kept on messaging me. I've told her again I really wanted to go on with my life without her and we can't be friends. Afterwards she kept messaging me and calling me and even went to my appartment again (this time I was not home).

 

Then at night she e-mailed me at 1:40 AM and I noticed she was still on Whatsapp untill 2:30, which is odd because she usually goes to bed pretty early (I guess she could not sleep). I won't write the whole e-mail here but the e-mail contained sentences in which she blamed me for all kinds of things and she ended the e-mail with some 'nice' sentences about how she wishes I could make some other girl happy and she wishes me to be happy for her and that I will always be in her heart...and that she won't contact me anymore.

 

My ex would go on a 13-hour drive holiday the next day (or so I thought), but apparently she was still home that day because even though she told me she would leave me alone she called me and asked if she could come over.

I declined nicely and said I just did not want to be friends with her and I did not want her to come over. I noticed my ex was crying about something, she needed a shoulder to cry on, which I did not give her.

 

I asked my ex why she was crying but she could not give me any answer to that.... I told her she had a new boyfriend for that stuff now. She said she did not need a boyfriend to talk to but a very good friend....

 

When she realised I would not go through with it she became mad at me again and hung up the phone. Afterwards she kept messaging me again and eventually her last sentences were "You will never hear from me again and from now on You won't be able to reach me" "I don't need you as a friend ever again". That was the last thing I heard from her.

 

I'm not sure she actually went on the holiday with her new bf. She only had 1 week off from work and on tuesday she was still home... Also I kept checking the times she went online on Whatsapp. She was online every hour, which is weird because it's expensive travelling and using your mobile in other countries. Ofcourse there could have been some kind of MacDonalds on the way but still....

 

Could it be she so desperately need my approval of her new boyfriend? Does she so desperately seek an ego-boost from me?

 

It could be she really needs someone for her emotional stuff since she doesn't have many friends.

 

I can't help but wonder if their relationship might not be as great as she portrays it is but maybe that's just my hope creeping in.

 

The weird thing is, My ex acts like I'm the one who broke up with her. I never read anything about an ex so desperately want to stay in contact with the one they just dumped 2 months ago.

 

I guess time will tell, I'll let you know how long it takes before she contacts me again.

[quattrob]

TC, why do you torment yourself by not blocking her and going NC? All this stalking over whatsapp and responding to her messages/phonecalls doesn't do anything but bring unnecessary drama into your life. You are indeed weak, you are still hoping she would change her mind to get back with you. She already told you numerous times that she wants you as a friend and you don't want that so just forget her and move on. Stop wasting your life away with this garbage.

[Chi townD]

Okay, here are the rules for NC. IF she texts, ignore it. If she emails, ignore it, if she tweets you a DM, ignore it. If she sends you a Facebook message, ignore it. If she calls, let it go to voicemail.

 

 

You seeing a pattern here?

[Nowhereinparticular]

My situation is similar. She dumped me after 5 years and went of with somone else.

 

Now she makes going NC super difficult by saying how much she cares about me, how important I am for her, how she always wanted to stay in touch with me, how she thinks its important that we stay part of each other's lives, how she still has "so much love" for me. She also throws in a couple of mixed signals or breadcrumbs of the "maybe we'll get back together in the future" type and if thats still not enough she'll sometimes just get angry and try to emotionally coerce me into talking to her.

 

 

Essentially she is making it even harder for me by pretending its my choice to cut contact and trying to blame me for the fact that we no longer talk.

[Kehv]

My situation is similar. She dumped me after 5 years and went of with somone else.

 

Now she makes going NC super difficult by saying how much she cares about me, how important I am for her, how she always wanted to stay in touch with me, how she thinks its important that we stay part of each other's lives, how she still has "so much love" for me. She also throws in a couple of mixed signals or breadcrumbs of the "maybe we'll get back together in the future" type and if thats still not enough she'll sometimes just get angry and try to emotionally coerce me into talking to her.

 

 

Essentially she is making it even harder for me by pretending its my choice to cut contact and trying to blame me for the fact that we no longer talk.

 

Well my ex is basically only doing the blaming like it's my choice. She doesn't even tell me she loves me or anything.

 

I know you guys are probably right and I should just move on with my Life. Things are getting better but I'm not there yet. I will understand you once this is all over.

[mightycpa]

Man, this site has so many stories of young love that runs it's course through the early to mid-20's. One or the other then wants more experiences with the opposite sex and leave the LTR.

 

 

OP, she's ALREADY using you as a door mat or a plan B. What she's done is not unusual at all. You both are young and she want's to sow her oats. It appears that your relationship with her ran it's course and she wasn't very cool about how it ended.

 

 

Personally, you should cut all contact with her as it's not salvageable at this point. Heal and learn from it and then go out and sow your oats as well. Just don't let her USE YOU to transition into her new single life.

Isn't life funny? If OP didn't care about her at all, and she proposed this "nothing but sex" idea to him, I have to assume that like most guys, he would jump right on that offer, and the general consensus would be that he is using her, getting all of the benefits while the new boyfriend incurs all the cost.

 

Perception is everything, OP. I know you're hurting now, but you can change your perception about this girl. Everybody does that a little differently, but it always involves looking at your relationship the way a third party does. No doubt you think of the two of you as a unit; that has to change. No doubt your plans for the future seem like they are destroyed. They aren't. You just have to start identifying some truths that are out there that you don't currently see. Some have to do with her, but some have to do with you too. Those are the keys to your freedom.

[Kehv]

Isn't life funny? If OP didn't care about her at all, and she proposed this "nothing but sex" idea to him, I have to assume that like most guys, he would jump right on that offer, and the general consensus would be that he is using her, getting all of the benefits while the new boyfriend incurs all the cost.

 

Perception is everything, OP. I know you're hurting now, but you can change your perception about this girl. Everybody does that a little differently, but it always involves looking at your relationship the way a third party does. No doubt you think of the two of you as a unit; that has to change. No doubt your plans for the future seem like they are destroyed. They aren't. You just have to start identifying some truths that are out there that you don't currently see. Some have to do with her, but some have to do with you too. Those are the keys to your freedom.

 

Yes you are absolutely right, we both made mistakes. I made mistakes that drove her away. The only thing that I can't seem to understand is how she got over me that quickly.

 

Sure, she might have thought of leaving me for some months already. But prior to the breakup we still had sex, still did stuff together, bought new things for our appartment...... I simply can not understand how someone can treat you like that you've spend 6 years of your life with.

 

I still haven't heard from her since she told me she would 'never contact me again' but that has been 6 days ago. I blocked her on facebook but I did not block her yet on Whatsapp. She doesn't have that many friends, so she doesn't have many friends to talk to on Whatsapp but she did change her profile picture of her on the beach where she went for holiday.

 

Not sure if she's trying to get my attention or make me jealous. I guess it's best not to contact her. Perhaps, she just likes to hurt me.

[d0nnivain]

she did change her profile picture of her on the beach where she went for holiday.

 

Not sure if she's trying to get my attention or make me jealous. I guess it's best not to contact her. Perhaps, she just likes to hurt me.

Whatever she did wasn't about you. She is not trying to get your attention or make you jealous. She is living her single life without you in it. She probably likes the picture of herself on the beach, nothing more.

 

 

For your own mental health you need to block her so you can't see her. You remaining connected to her on Social Media only hurts you because you get silly wrong ideas in your head that her behavior on those mediums is about you when it's not.

[Kehv]

Whatever she did wasn't about you. She is not trying to get your attention or make you jealous. She is living her single life without you in it. She probably likes the picture of herself on the beach, nothing more.

 

 

For your own mental health you need to block her so you can't see her. You remaining connected to her on Social Media only hurts you because you get silly wrong ideas in your head that her behavior on those mediums is about you when it's not.

 

Yes you are probably right. Although she's not single, she's with a new guy even though that doesn't make any difference probably.

 

I guess I thought she was trying to get attention because she desperately wanted to remain friends and I rejected her. But you are right Screw her and go on with my life!