66Charger Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Then perhaps you should spend the time educating yourself before asking questions, unless of course you are seeking thrills Link to post Share on other sites
World's.Edge Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 If someone said staining my flesh blue would make my desire for the MM to go away...I would consider it. That's all very poetic and melodramatic but there's no need for grandiose statements. All that is required of you is sometimes small, but consistent actions and habits. Maintain No Contact, focus on being honest and on your marriage and relationship with your husband. Avoid the dude you've been cheating on your husband and his wife with, and if you encounter him in person and he tries to break No Contact then just calmy reach into your handbag/back pocket, take out your can of pepper spray*, hold it up directly to his face, stare into his beady little eyes and, like a boss, repeat this line, "Say.. one.. word, I dare you."! *Purchase pepper spray 4 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) That brought a morning chuckle. Nothing says its over like a dose of pepper spray in the eye. We havent forgotten about your upcoming work contact. What gives? How is that supposed to go down? Boardroom meetings? One on one closed door talks? Edited August 18, 2015 by 66Charger Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Next week Wedns. Meeting with large group. No...not one on one in a closed room. But can still bring the pepper spray...lol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Next week Wedns. Meeting with large group. No...not one on one in a closed room. But can still bring the pepper spray...lol. Thursday morning you will be better and you will be like WTF I was thinking he is just a man. You don't deserve to be a side chick no woman does, you need someone that make you his exclusive , whether it's a secone chance with your H or somebody else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thanks, Qubist...right now,,I don't deserve anything other then the current mess that I'm in...but I appreciate the kind words. Hopefully someday I'll be in a better place, where I not only can say I deserve better...but also be ready to receive it, and give better right back too. Thanks again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 (edited) You deserve another day. A day that you struggle and make it thru. A day that when it is over, you can look back and give yourself a star. I know your burden is heavy and I know that you had a crappy day. But you made it thru and maintained. Take your victories where you can get them. Think about this. What if you make it thru this week in the OMs presence and still maintain no contact? Could you have done that a month ago? Could you have done that the day you started this thread? These are not just "kind words" You are doing this, not us. It is you who is in this war. All we offer are words. Understand this, WE ARE HERE BECAUSE YOU EARNED IT. You do deserve it. You are doing the heavy lifting. Look in the mirror again. That is not the same woman. Tough it out. You are doing better than you think. Edited August 20, 2015 by 66Charger 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 66Charger... You know the football movies...it's half time, the home team is losing by a large margin, players are beat up, tired, thinking about just going thru the motions of the 2nd half to get it done with. Locker room is quiet. Heads hung low. You can feel the sense of defeat in the room. Then. In walks 66Charger. And he speaks. And the team starts picking up their heads. Some players stand. Some start nodding their heads up and down in agreement. Now everyone is standing. Tall. With confidence. They jump up with a new set of confidence and strength...and run out of the locker room to get the W. All because of one. You rock. (This concludes my 2:30 am football ramblings, carry on). Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 (edited) 66Charger... You know the football movies...it's half time, the home team is losing by a large margin, players are beat up, tired, thinking about just going thru the motions of the 2nd half to get it done with. Locker room is quiet. Heads hung low. You can feel the sense of defeat in the room. Then. In walks 66Charger. And he speaks. And the team starts picking up their heads. Some players stand. Some start nodding their heads up and down in agreement. Now everyone is standing. Tall. With confidence. They jump up with a new set of confidence and strength...and run out of the locker room to get the W. All because of one. You rock. (This concludes my 2:30 am football ramblings, carry on). Well I am a Steeler for life, sorry that team you are talking about must be your NEW YORK JETS!!!! hahaha. (if you are a football fan you would understand) Go to bed already Lady. The sun will rise again Edited August 20, 2015 by 66Charger Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 nope, not Jets. Worse. Total football fan!! So much so, I could start a thread on it. Lol. Nite. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 MM reached out to me..unexpectedly. He came to an event I was at. Initially ignored me, then sought me out to strike up a convo. Ugh!!!!!!!!! At least I can say he officially drives me nuts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) So how are you plans coming along with you telling your BH, sending the OM a NC letter, and starting NC with the OM? Edited August 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic content removed ~T Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 Road.... Accomplished 2 out of those 3. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Are you trying to divert from that break in NC? Soon we will have a lot of pming to do. I am still here SB and I am not talking about football 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) Telling your BH the truth is better. Also talking football with your BH ie being engaged with your BH is better then you posting nonsense here. Your participation here is not repairing your marriage. You are just being enabled instead of being helped. Edited August 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote to deleted post. ~T 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) Thanks 66Charger. You are missed! Road...I get how it looks. But at first my reasoning for talking about football was to stop thinking/ruminating of the MM on here. Even if for a few days. It's not nonsense. i know why I'm here...and no, it's not football. My participation here HAS helped. Edited August 22, 2015 by Shinebrightforever 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Telling your BH the truth is better. Also talking football with your BH ie being engaged with your BH is better then you posting nonsense here. Your participation here is not repairing your marriage. You are just being enabled instead of being helped. I agree with the enabling. From an outside perspective it appears there are now surrogates for the X?MM in the wings. You should weigh the pros and cons with pming opposite sex members right now. Are you in a strong enough internal position to be able to not be looking for ego kibbles instead of really working on your issue/s. We often look for the easiest path...because it is easy. It rarely has anything worthwhile in the end. It often leads to a dead end. Challenge yourself. Challenge your thought patterns, your internal wiring, your go-to quick fixes. Learn how you work and most importantly WHY. Shore up those areas that require work, build new coping skills...get on with being the CEO of you. Stop interviewing for the job. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TX-SC Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) I agree with the enabling. From an outside perspective it appears there are now surrogates for the X?MM in the wings. You should weigh the pros and cons with pming opposite sex members right now. Are you in a strong enough internal position to be able to not be looking for ego kibbles instead of really working on your issue/s. We often look for the easiest path...because it is easy. It rarely has anything worthwhile in the end. It often leads to a dead end. Challenge yourself. Challenge your thought patterns, your internal wiring, your go-to quick fixes. Learn how you work and most importantly WHY. Shore up those areas that require work, build new coping skills...get on with being the CEO of you. Stop interviewing for the job. Agreed about the messaging thing with guys. As for your situation, I truly wish you the best and I know this is hard. But, you simply have to tell your husband. Stop putting that off. Edited August 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed comment about other member. ~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) Agreed about the messaging thing with guys. 69 charger has taken on a "protective" role in this thread. Be very careful here. As for your situation, I truly wish you the best and I know this is hard. But, you simply have to tell your husband. Stop putting that off. Understood. However, 66Charger has done nothing wrong or inappropriate. He has been encouraging me to work on my marriage and stay the NC course. Just to be clear. Shinebrightforever, You do need to tell you husband, but do it when you are ready. At one time I post in about 3 months. During that time, make arrangement on how and where you will tell him and be prepared for the fall out. It will be a good thing if you can show that you ended the affair and have maintained no contact for 3 months. Make a date for yourself, post it here if you want to be held accountable, and stick to it. LS can be brutal on WS. My view is that you came here for help, and we need to give you the best advise, to get you back to the straight and narrow. Drive by posts of, "you are a cheater" and drive by put downs by folks that do not read the whole thread, I think should be called out. People need to remember that most of these posts in LS are from real people struggling with real problems. Past just saying "you are a bad person", one must give advice, from experience , or knowledge, of a path to go forward and become the person, they want to be. If nothing else you can offer encouragement. TX-SC, is a good post, as he (?) give you encouragement, then voices his opinion and something you may not have thought of. You can then take what you want from it. I think he makes a good point, I would just argue the timeline. As always I wish you luck. Edited August 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed reference to other member. ~T 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Folks, as another football fan, I'm cutting a break and not dinging anybody for the 22 post derailment I just deleted. Talk football all you want in The Water Cooler, there's even a thread already running you can join. ~Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Shining brite, know you have a tough week coming up. Remember what I said about Strength and Honor. Hang on for a bit more. We know who we are. And Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Thanks Charger. Good to hear from you. Will do! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 I suggest you read Chargers66 post the day you are meeting with MM. I realy think you already understand the "purpose" of your A and how it went. you just need a little push to get out of it. and start a new you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 Thanks Qubist. Well, MM already reached out to me. Long story....showed up at an event that I had more reason to be at then he did. Was not expecting to see him at ALL. At first, was standoffish. Then, as I was leaving, he followed me and one of my kids to the car. He was talking with one of my kids more than me. Ended up saying to my kid" you know I love ya right?" They were goofing off, so my kid thought it was all in fun...ugh, this is so wrong. Then proceeded to give me excuses to why he hasn't been reaching out...(my kid was distracted by peers at this time) and said "I'm still interested in this, we will have to catch up again sometime". I didn't give him anything, any reassurances on my end. But was so taken off guard, didn't pepper spray him either. Have not reached out to him since then. Neither has he. Oh the humanity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shinebrightforever Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 I seriously didn't think he would try and reconnect. I didn't believe he would have the audacity to try and keep me on a string. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts