Ex messaging me after NC

[PegNosePete]

She got back to me this morning saying she was looking forward to it but asked if we could do it sometime later in the next few weeks

Sounds like a blow off to me.

 

I would be very surprised if this is leading to a reconciliation. At best she wants to be "friends".

 

If she wanted more then she would not risk leaving it for the "next few weeks"... she would make time.

[hunk]

My point is, you're going to stew about this until you finally meet up with her. You're the one who messed up last time so it should be YOU showing her you are interested in seeing her. Again, it shows CONFIDENCE that you want to see her sooner than later. Don't play stupid games as this is someone you use to date. Be direct w/her in lining up the meet and when you sit down. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose except her maybe not feeling the same. If she doesn't want to date you again, who cares! It's not going to be that big a deal. Chances are she DOES want to see and date you again or she wouldn't agree to meet you.

 

 

Come on Hunk! Put on the big boy pants and take charge here. Girls like confident, this is what were going to do guys. As a friend use to say to me, "let them swing" (your balls).

 

Yeah you're right man, this is how i normally handle things but this just ... i dunno it's thrown me off. I think i'm just gonna randomly message her on the weekend and tell her I want to see her and gauge her response from that. If it's a straight blow off then there's my answer.

 

And Pete, I can see how you would think that, except her message said that if i wasn't available in the next few weeks she would make time for next week. I know how she is when she's in study mode and she probably does look terrible at this time, and i genuinely feel like she is worried about how she's going to appear and going to be worrying about school while we're out (her life right now is literally 100% med school).

 

I hate this position because I don't want to come across like i'm still hung up and pushing a meeting on her and i also don't want to look disinterested. She hasn't responded since my last message that said to hit me up when her exam was over. UUUUGGHH

[Chi townD]

Yep! I called it, she bailed. I know you said to her to give you a call when she has her school thing sorted out But, don't waste any of your time sitting by the phone. If she happens to call to set up that drink in the next few weeks, HEY! a pleasant surprise! But, I wouldn't hold my breath.

 

 

In the mean time, stay NC and continue to make positive changes in your life.

[erklat]

I think you handled it fine. I would just keep moving forward and if she messages back go from there. It's too bad Ruby65 isn't around anymore -- seems like she was right when she said that she still liked you despite the venomous contact from before.

 

Why do you think this is the case? I'd expect you'd be the first to say it's

a blow off.

[hunk]

Why do you think this is the case? I'd expect you'd be the first to say it's

a blow off.

 

Simon was pretty involved in the thread I made about this whole situation with my ex a while ago, him and Ruby65 were probably the main posters in there. But yeah I mean i'm gonna be extremely confused if it is a blowoff, I've got no idea why she would contact a guy who screwed her over after all this time and complete NC to just check in on me, tell me her life is "a black hole of school" and that she currently looks and feels like garbage (she didn't sound happy or upbeat in our exchanges it was just me being my usual joking self and her sounding pretty flat until i asked her for drinks) and then just kind of fade away. We had the sort of relationship where i feel like she would leave me alone forever and never contact me again if she was truly done (what i had completely accepted was the case up until now)

 

However I'm gonna assume the worst here because I do kind of understand where you guys who are saying it's a blowoff are coming from and it's just safer to assume she's not interested until i'm proven otherwise, I'm gonna forget about this and move on with the expectation of not hearing anything.

 

If her intentions are to reconcile i sure as hell don't think me being a little aloof and detached from the situation is gonna deter her (i made a serious effort to try and get her back and she wasn't having it at all so this is why it feels weird for me to try and do it again, i feel like she should at least open a door for me to show she doesn't hate my guts and that she wants to give it another go and i don't think a random text message is enough)

 

Will obviously keep this updated

Edited July 29, 2015 by hunk

[hunk]

So i guess an update

 

I came back home from my trip on the Wednesday, and contacted her on Friday asking if she wanted to grab dinner on Saturday night. She responded saying she can't because her entire weekend is going to be spent studying, but asked if we could do next week. I pushed it a little and jokingly said "so you can't even do a DINNER? I want to see you" and she just sounded depressed and said she can't because of the amount of work she has to do.

 

I just told her that's alright, to let me know when she's free, and just left it there, no further contact. So she messages me 2 days ago asking if i'm free on Friday (today), with a really long nervous sounding message and asked if i wanted to see a movie with her. I agreed, she then messages me today saying she can't do it because of school and that "it will all be calmed down in a few weeks so i guess we should hang then ... sorry" When she said "a few weeks" i realized she most likely does not give a **** and isn't thinking about this in the same way as I am.

 

This just completely pissed me off and i wrote back "oh lame, no worries"

 

Even though she's a med student I seriously find it unbelievable she doesn't even have time for one night off. I don't understand what she's doing. She's either still got her guard completely up or she is just taking the piss and messing with me. This is really screwing with my head and doesn't feel like it's going anywhere because she's giving me nothing. Any sort of reconciliation with me is obviously taking a backseat to her school - she's just not showing that much interest. I unblocked her on FB aswell which i kind of regret.

 

It really feels like this isn't going to go anywhere because she just isn't making the time, and I can't just call her up and ask for her back

 

ugh

[BC1980]

Just ask her what her intentions are.

[Jemay]

I don't think she is not interested. I'm back in school as well, nothing as hard as med school but pursuing a masters, and it is A LOT of work. Sometimes it gets so busy I feel like I'm this bubble, and nothing is real, nothing but my school work exists. I'm tired, my brain is fried, and I try to keep things as simple as possible to survive... I can only imagine how busy life is for her right now school wise.

 

She was obviously really upset with you but it's been a while since you guys ended, and I'm sure she's in a space now where she isn't emotionally vulnerable to you, emotionally she is safe right now. I can kind of see why she wouldn't want to take herself out of that 'safe' bubble. Yet she contacted you, she's interested but.... you hurt her, and I'm sure she's not going to trust you that easily. She really can't afford to have her heart crushed again, you know? It would make school that much more difficult.

 

So that's why I think she is hesitant to meet up with you. If she didn't really care, I think she'd have met up with you already. She's pushing it out because she doesn't want to invite possible pain or complication into her already stressed out life.

 

That's just the feeling I'm getting.... my advice, be patient... but don't wait around, meet other girls, have fun... dating a med student is tough, school is always the priority. That can be frustrating.

[Jemay]

Maybe you could get some to go food, Chinese or Sushi, text her and tell her you want to drop by, just to give her a hug and to have a quick bit to eat. As a girl I would like that.... just an idea

[hunk]

I don't think she is not interested. I'm back in school as well, nothing as hard as med school but pursuing a masters, and it is A LOT of work. Sometimes it gets so busy I feel like I'm this bubble, and nothing is real, nothing but my school work exists. I'm tired, my brain is fried, and I try to keep things as simple as possible to survive... I can only imagine how busy life is for her right now school wise.

 

She was obviously really upset with you but it's been a while since you guys ended, and I'm sure she's in a space now where she isn't emotionally vulnerable to you, emotionally she is safe right now. I can kind of see why she wouldn't want to take herself out of that 'safe' bubble. Yet she contacted you, she's interested but.... you hurt her, and I'm sure she's not going to trust you that easily. She really can't afford to have her heart crushed again, you know? It would make school that much more difficult.

 

So that's why I think she is hesitant to meet up with you. If she didn't really care, I think she'd have met up with you already. She's pushing it out because she doesn't want to invite possible pain or complication into her already stressed out life.

 

That's just the feeling I'm getting.... my advice, be patient... but don't wait around, meet other girls, have fun... dating a med student is tough, school is always the priority. That can be frustrating.

 

Thanks, that was a really good response. I was talking to some friends who were telling me it's actually mid-semester exam period right now state-wide, (i graduated a year ago and can't even remember) and for her school right now is her life, so I can understand that she's immensely stressed out. I'm more concerned that the situation doesn't seem to be bothering her that much - she is willing to probably not speak to me for "a few weeks", while i'm sitting here wanting to get back with her.

 

In case you didn't see my earlier post, I met up with her aobut 2 weeks ago and we slept together, so she can't have her guard up THAT bad. Maybe i'm just not understanding how demanding med school is especially around assessment time. I'm just confused as to why she would contact me to make plans and then cancel, when i saw her message yesterday i actually knew already that it was going to be her cancelling on me, i almost didn't open it.

 

Do you recommend I just totally leave her alone and wait for her to come to me again? I've made it clear i want to see her, i've even straight up told her, and I hope she genuinely does want to see me but as i said i definitely don't feel like much of a priority. But she is very, very mature (more so than me) and probably is seeing this differently...

[hunk]

So she messaged me about an hour ago saying she's sorry and she feels bad cos she keeps blowing me off, that she doesn't want me to think she isn't interested, and that she does want to see me she just hasn't been able to "juggle a life and school very well recently", she suggested a day next week and we're gonna go get dinner and see a movie and that she "promises" she won't cancel again

 

I guess that's that then. Didn't think this would ever be happening ~6 months ago that's for sure .. thanks guys

[PegNosePete]

I bet you a cheese sandwich that she cancels or simply doesn't show.

[hunk]

i'll 100% take you up on that one pete:laugh:

[ByMyself01]

Simon was pretty involved in the thread I made about this whole situation with my ex a while ago, him and Ruby65 were probably the main posters in there. But yeah I mean i'm gonna be extremely confused if it is a blowoff, I've got no idea why she would contact a guy who screwed her over after all this time and complete NC to just check in on me, tell me her life is "a black hole of school" and that she currently looks and feels like garbage (she didn't sound happy or upbeat in our exchanges it was just me being my usual joking self and her sounding pretty flat until i asked her for drinks) and then just kind of fade away. We had the sort of relationship where i feel like she would leave me alone forever and never contact me again if she was truly done (what i had completely accepted was the case up until now)

 

However I'm gonna assume the worst here because I do kind of understand where you guys who are saying it's a blowoff are coming from and it's just safer to assume she's not interested until i'm proven otherwise, I'm gonna forget about this and move on with the expectation of not hearing anything.

 

If her intentions are to reconcile i sure as hell don't think me being a little aloof and detached from the situation is gonna deter her (i made a serious effort to try and get her back and she wasn't having it at all so this is why it feels weird for me to try and do it again, i feel like she should at least open a door for me to show she doesn't hate my guts and that she wants to give it another go and i don't think a random text message is enough)

 

Will obviously keep this updated

 

From a girl's point of view, maybe she wants to give it more weeks so she can get herself together before she sees you. If she says she looks and feels like crap maybe she wants to lose a little weight or something before she meets up so she can still feel wanted by you.

[pillowpuffs]

So she messaged me about an hour ago saying she's sorry and she feels bad cos she keeps blowing me off, that she doesn't want me to think she isn't interested, and that she does want to see me she just hasn't been able to "juggle a life and school very well recently", she suggested a day next week and we're gonna go get dinner and see a movie and that she "promises" she won't cancel again

 

I guess that's that then. Didn't think this would ever be happening ~6 months ago that's for sure .. thanks guys

 

I'm glad that she isn't just blowing hot and cold! Hopefully she sticks true to her word and will see you soon (which I think she will!).

 

Med school where I'm from is extremely challenging. My friends go 36 hours without seeing even their family sometimes :/ So I think she really just could be that busy? I know people would say that if someone was really interested; they would make time, no 2 ways about it and that is true but sometimes people really are busy. And sometimes you want to be in the right head space for a date and what not.

 

Honestly, I don't think she would send out that message saying she does want to see you if she didn't mean it. If she really wasn't interested or whatever, she didn't need to clarify anything and would just be fine cancelling at her whim and fancy without any real explanation.

 

What did you reply to her message btw?

[hunk]

I just said it was fine and i understood and that i was keen to see her next week, she wrote back a long response saying how she's going to need to perform "physical exams" on me and we just joked around for a few more messages before leaving it. I'm not big on texting so i just sort of abruptly left it, i'm gonna leave her alone until next week.

[Chi townD]

I just said it was fine and i understood and that i was keen to see her next week, she wrote back a long response saying how she's going to need to perform "physical exams" on me and we just joked around for a few more messages before leaving it. I'm not big on texting so i just sort of abruptly left it, i'm gonna leave her alone until next week.

 

 

 

*facepalm*...okay, but don't be shocked if she bails again. I mean, she might meet up with you for dinner next week. But that meet up might feel awkward. And as soon as it's over. She'll probably disappear on you again.

 

 

Not trying to be a buzz kill. I'm just warning you not to fill yourself up with too much false hope.

[dumbass2]

"i realized she most likely does not give a **** and isn't thinking about this in the same way as I am.

 

I'm sure you're right, but you don't know that, so stop thinking for her or else just stop right now and end it.

 

This just completely pissed me off and i wrote back "oh lame, no worries"

 

Should have just said "no worries"

 

You're going to have to really work on this. I'm not sure you are ready to meet up right now, so I think it's best she puts it off a bit. Sounds like it might still be too awkward for both of you. You are still too emotional based on what you said here and how you responded. You're going to need to change your mind set and also not get upset at her and say or text anything that shows emotion or that you're not believing her or something that she just may take the wrong way. Why don't you start thinking that "yes, she does give a ****, it is just hard for her to do this and I have to be a little more patient" or just don't do it, because if you get together and it gets all emotional and you get upset it will push her further and further away. Don't try to force things. Just my 2 cents.