Furious Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 i think this is the reason - i think he is trying to make it easy on the BS and NOT press her & the BS is stalling as the result. I disagree, it seems as though he wants to appear altruistic but inactions and actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) I didn't say MM is stalling because he might get back with his wife as plan b. He moved out two years ago, has his own place, he does not need his wife's permission to divorce her and legally she is only entitled to 50/50 split of their home. All he has to do is serve her with divorce papers and see her in divorce court and put an end to his complaining about his wife as the one stalling. MM seems to the one stalling that for two years he has been keeping two women stuck in limbo, two women who are pitted against each other and the dysfunctional drama his and op's kids are going through. My h's divorce took a long time. The reason was that she threw every road block in the way (and she said this in an email) ' to rack up as many attorney fees for both of them to make him lose as much money as possible.' which was not very smart as he did not end up paying her atty fees and he has the means to pay... she did not. Edited September 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic~T Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I disagree, it seems as though he wants to appear altruistic but inactions and actions speak louder than words. okay but what would be his motivation behind stalling with the divorce and keeping the two women in the limb? Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 okay but what would be his motivation behind stalling with the divorce and keeping the two women in the limb? A four year affair, two of those years MM has moved out and separated from his wife. He's stringing along both his wife and OP. He knows ,and Op has said this, his wife has hope to get back together and he know his OW is on the sideline until he's officially divorced and they can be an official couple. How many years do believe being separated is sufficient for an OW to wait? Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 A four year affair, two of those years MM has moved out and separated from his wife. He's stringing along both his wife and OP. He knows ,and Op has said this, his wife has hope to get back together and he know his OW is on the sideline until he's officially divorced and they can be an official couple. How many years do believe being separated is sufficient for an OW to wait? but if he moved out and separated, how is it still an affair? they're normally dating, MM moved out and heading for a divorce, the BS knows about their relationship, kids apparently do to, they go to the vacation together... if he is out and hanging out with his OW & including her in his family gatherings, how does he make her wait? maybe they don't want to be married at all. maybe they want to date forever. they already are the official couple, the OP already said that pretty much everyone knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 A four year affair, two of those years MM has moved out and separated from his wife. He's stringing along both his wife and OP. He knows ,and Op has said this, his wife has hope to get back together and he know his OW is on the sideline until he's officially divorced and they can be an official couple. How many years do believe being separated is sufficient for an OW to wait? I don't think it's necessarily a conscious thing. He just doesn't appear to be the type to make things happen in a timely fashion. Maybe conflict-avoidant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amomwhoknows Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) I don't think it's necessarily a conscious thing. He just doesn't appear to be the type to make things happen in a timely fashion. Maybe conflict-avoidant. I don't have the sense they are normally dating at all. It sound like they are very private with their activities at least in their "hometown" where neither of them seems to reside anymore. This for sure. Plus, I am not sure that he is ready to be known as "that guy" in the general public and certainly not with his kids. (Probably goes with conflict-avoidance to a certain point.) I am guessing that he isn't fighting harder for the divorce to happen because he doesn't want his kids' lives to change anymore that they have already -- if they go to court, it is likely she will have to sell the house. Deep down, he doesn't want that. Edited September 7, 2015 by amomwhoknows 2 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I don't have the sense they are normally dating at all. It sound like they are very private with their activities at least in their "hometown" where neither of them seems to reside anymore. This for sure. Plus, I am not sure that he is ready to be known as "that guy" in the general public and certainly not with his kids. (Probably goes with conflict-avoidance to a certain point.) I am guessing that he isn't fighting harder for the divorce to happen because he doesn't want his kids' lives to change anymore that they have already -- if they go to court, it is likely she will have to sell the house. Deep down, he doesn't want that. Sounds to me more like he wants to be able to say "it was all your mom's fault" to the kids. If they don't know about the affair already, maybe he's afraid they'll find out if he pushes harder for the final divorce. If he really wnated the divorce to be finalized, I'm sure he could find a way, but he's not doing that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Maybe it's been discussed, but to the OP: has your SO expressed concern that the A would be exposed if he pushes too hard with the BS? Was it a discussion with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 My h's divorce took a long time. The reason was that she threw every road block in the way (and she said this in an email) ' to rack up as many attorney fees for both of them to make him lose as much money as possible.' which was not very smart as he did not end up paying her atty fees and he has the means to pay... she did not. I disagree as well, or at least it isn't so black and white. My state requires a year wait. My divorce took almost two years just because we didn't immediately jump on it. Didn't mean anything about us, reconciliation, etc. Just didn't need to wrap up the financial end until there was a major reason. So we handled it ourselves and took our time. We were both actively in other relationships. Actually his getting engaged is what prompted it. My (now) husband's took 2ish years, one was the one year wait and then the other was dealing with lawyers, not agreeing on items, dealing with mediation, etc. It just took longer for both parties to agree. Also, for both of us, the divorce process wasn't immediately started at the point of separation. There was some adjustment time to just being separated. Didn't mean anything about not wanting to divorce, but didn't mean one just rushes out to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisygirl19 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 Maybe it's been discussed, but to the OP: has your SO expressed concern that the A would be exposed if he pushes too hard with the BS? Was it a discussion with them? He is not concerned about her exposing. The reality is, every knows. It's just not discussed. The only concern he has in this regard is our kids knowing the details. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisygirl19 Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 I don't have the sense they are normally dating at all. It sound like they are very private with their activities at least in their "hometown" where neither of them seems to reside anymore. This for sure. Plus, I am not sure that he is ready to be known as "that guy" in the general public and certainly not with his kids. (Probably goes with conflict-avoidance to a certain point.) I am guessing that he isn't fighting harder for the divorce to happen because he doesn't want his kids' lives to change anymore that they have already -- if they go to court, it is likely she will have to sell the house. Deep down, he doesn't want that. I think this is exactly it. We are together as a couple outside of our hometown or anywhere BS will be. We have been spending more time with the kids together and mine know we are together. Our families and plenty of friends also know we are together. His son knows now as well, his daughter hasn't wanted to discuss although she doesn't show any outward signs of having a hard time with it, nor has she mentioned anything to him or her mom, to the best of my knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
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