Screwed up everything!

[World's.Edge]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I have had some rough couple of days.

Waking up, just doing my things, getting the kids ready for kindergarten, going to work and so on. I think i am trying to keep myself busy and shut down this pain.

I just cannot find any way to make things right. I feel like i am at a crossroad in my life and i cannot seem to find any right way.

Don't plan to disclose my A to my wife, since it is over. The Ow hasn't contacted me. It is hard to not know how she's holding up, I feel there's a hell inside me that i can't get out from

 

Shocker:eek:! The self-involved cheater will continue to deceive his wife and be all about what he is going through and how his decisions have affected him. The poor dear. A total cliché and stereotype down to your very DNA.

[jwi71]

I just cannot find any way to make things right. I feel like i am at a crossroad in my life and i cannot seem to find any right way.

 

There is no "right way". There simply is.

 

You are clearly not in a good place - haven't been for years I would imagine.

 

What is your plan for changing your life? From the little you share/write - I see you doing precisely nothing constructive or positive. What is your goal? What are you hoping to do? Where are you now and where do you wish to be?

 

More fundamentally, what would be happy for you? Can you identify it? Hint: the absence of pain is NOT happy.

 

If you are not happy and are in pain - what can you do to get out of that place? Where do you want to go?

 

What kind of man are you now? Are you happy with him? Proud? Would you tell your children or anyone? Why or why not?

 

The great thing about life is we are free to change it. To become someone different, perhaps better, than we are now.

 

Don't plan to disclose my A to my wife, since it is over.

 

There's a trap here you set and ensnared yourself with.

You can't face "unhappy" before the A.

Won't tell during the A.

And now can't tell AFTER the A.

 

How can you expect to reach happiness all the while building walls up in yourself - in your M - as a father?

 

How can you truly love when you hide pieces of you?

 

What are you afraid of?

 

I feel there's a hell inside me that i can't get out from

 

Won't. Not can't. You have the ability. You have the option. You have the choice. You simply wont take it.

 

You shackle yourself with chains, hold the key yet refuse to use it - all the while complaining about being tied.

 

The answers you seek you already have. If you need IC, and I believe you do, then go forwards with it. If, you decided your M is worth saving, then seek MC. And yes, that path REQUIRES disclosure.

 

You live the life you make. Don't like it?

 

Change.

[Lois_Griffin]

We have tried counseling before. It did not work out. We both had to quit after few sessions.

I decided to stay for the kids, as silly as this may sound. If it's an excuse i haven't figured it out yet. I do not seem to find the means right now to figure out anything.

Thsnk you for posting

It's ALL about you, isn't it?

 

What YOU want. What YOU need. What YOU desire.

 

And because YOU don't want to become a weekend dad, you're forcing your wife to be in a marriage she has NO clue you wouldn't even BE in if it weren't for your children. Is she supposed to be grateful for that?

 

What woman wants a man hanging around SOLELY because he doesn't want to leave his kids? How kind and generous of you to fake that you love your wife and want to be married to her all because you're too damned spineless to do the right thing.

 

So what's your plan? Hang around and fake it for the next 15 years, martyring yourself until your kids are all graduated and/or in college and then lower the boom on her after she's assumed all this time she'd grow old with you? How generous. How wonderful for your wife to know that she can now be put out to pasture when you're done with her after the kids leave home.

 

You're a gentleman and a scholar.

 

You're everything that's wrong with this world.

[Lois_Griffin]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I have had some rough couple of days.

Waking up, just doing my things, getting the kids ready for kindergarten, going to work and so on. I think i am trying to keep myself busy and shut down this pain.

I just cannot find any way to make things right. I feel like i am at a crossroad in my life and i cannot seem to find any right way.

Don't plan to disclose my A to my wife, since it is over. The Ow hasn't contacted me. It is hard to not know how she's holding up, I feel there's a hell inside me that i can't get out from

Aww crap. Let me run and get my crying towel and I'll be right back to join you.

[No Limit]

Just a few little questions, just some minor details - what do you actually want in life? Why do you consider your marriage to be bad?

As sure as I am that your xOW has been traumatized by the abortion, I hope she's learned her lesson and will keep away from married men in her future. More healthy this way for her.