The ones that i want dont want me and vice versa

[newmoon]

could be your attitude Mizz Layta ... it's coming across in your posts

 

you might have everything in place but a personality they want. it often happens. so you might be attracting weaker/softer men who might be attracted to some of your strength because they lack it, and meanwhile the guys you like might not see you as feminine enough for them.

[h0000]

Well, the bottom line is you guys don't know. Yes enigma is entitled to his own opinion but the problem is he keeps insisting that we are looking for guys that out of their league as if he knows us in real life.

 

 

He is making it sound like its our fault that we are single because we are chasing guys that are out of our league since they can better than us....and we deserve losers. The better guys can do better. He didn't say those exact words but that's how he implied it. Yes this happens with other females but it doesn't necessarily pertain to me

 

 

He doesn't even know how we look like, how we react to certain situations, how we carry ourselves in public... what kind of guys we go for and their personality etc......the bottom like is he doesn't know.

 

 

Yes I want a guy who is good looking and successful, I am not denying that .On the other hand, a guy can be a male model or a mufti-millionaire or look like brad Pitt and still no attraction and that that adreneline rush feeling......when you know that it is going to be something special.

 

 

 

like what I said, we cant force attraction. If we could then I woudn`t be single. I am not going to settle for someone I feel nothing for.It wont be fair to them.I ain't required to give someone a chance just because they approached me

enigma32 sort of goes around and tell people "if you cant find a guy, you are shooting too high" This is his theory and he likes to apply it to most situations and it makes sense to him.

To him the world probably looks like a giant 2D pedestal. But to us it's a lot more colorful than that

Think about it, When you reject a guy,are you always thinking "I can do better than him"? Probably not. So when they reject you, it's not always because they think they can do better than you

Edited July 29, 2015 by h0000

[Leigh 87]

I'm going to slap a big: "WARNING: SUPERFICIAL COMMENTS" banner on this thread...

 

Seriously, do I have to say it??

 

There is more, far more, VASTLY MORE required for two people to have a harmonious and joyful life together than mutual sexual or physical attraction.

 

Yes, of course it's NICE to meet someone you are attracted to, and it's NICE if you are attractive to them.

 

It will make that next date easier...and maybe sex will come sooner, but if you are here for more than the next 3-month thing...you (And I mean all the responders) need to F'ing well grow up!

7

For a start, be more open to what makes someone attractive, does he HAVE to have a six pack, does she HAVE to be blonde with a 20" waist really?

 

Do you HAVE to feel that instant, "love at first sight" moment, or it's doomed?

 

Or can they be...plainer...and still attractive, what are you looking for exactly.

When people saw photos of my ex wife, I got comments like "Wow, how did You attract such a stunner" She is nearly 50 now, and still looks amazing.

You know what, after a while, when you roll over in bed and see her face...its just...her...you become accustomed to whatever they have to offer, she is no longer "Stunning" to you, she's your partner, whatever she looks like, and you love her al the same. Yes, you can appreciate her beauty at an intellectual level, but without core attraction, love, respect, it won't make a darn bit of difference.

 

I date many different types of people (no, not ALL asian), and I never don't ask for a second date ONLY because they weren't attractive enough (Been turned down, for sure!).

 

Everyone has something to bring to the party; charm, humour, mutual interests, core values...to eliminate the vast bulk of admirers because within the first 5 seconds you don't feel a "zing" is giving into your primitive brain, you are failing to stop basic urges and impulses, the same urges that you restraining constantly to stop you hitting someone who angers you, or f'ing someone you find attractive immediately.

 

Maybe, just MAYBE that person you met for 5 minutes, and never gave a second thought to, could have been amazing in some deep way you have never experienced before. Who knows...?

 

I know one thing, you won't EVER know if you just turn down point blank those you feel don't measure up to your basic attractiveness checklist...

 

Physical appearances change, they stop working out, put on weight, maybe have a scarring accident...do you dump them then? Because they no longer fit your physical attractiveness requirements?

 

There was a story many years ago about a pretty girl who got shot in the face with a shotgun...obviously after that she wasn't pretty anymore...her fiance dumped her...

 

Heart warning...

 

 

Oh. So we only feel the "zing" with men with 6 packs or who are wealthy ?

 

Get real.

 

I have straight teeth. I am slim. I have Un blemished skin too.

 

The men I have fallen for the hardest? One was shorter than me with bad teeth one was way scrawny so much that sex hurt ! One was fat and had lost all his hair.

 

That "zing " is simply innate. It's chemistry. If it ain't there as a spark at the beginning then the other type of chemistry that starts out as "lukewarm he isn't repulsive but I sure ain't into him " that secondary chemistry seldom feels as intense or passionate as the initial spark and "zing " one feels upon the first encounter with a person.

 

The op needs to forget about good looking and successful though as she as she admitted that she's the most hot under the collar for that high value type who gets hot younger women than her.

 

With me, I have the ability to feel the wow factor without needing the guy to be hot in successful. And in fact, I didn't feel comfortable with the only how and successful man I did ever date because I knew deep down that look, I am a cute girl with a nice smile and I am quite pretty but how and ssuccessful men like my recent the ex will NOT fall head oover heels smitten with a gal like me.

 

When I meet a successful hot guy and he feels instant chemistry with my I simply won't even entertain the idea of us. Because people subconsciously know if they could do better. And men are highly visual. ........

 

I personally want a man who thinks he's done well to have mme and is totally crazy about me. The fact is, there are much hotter girls with goof personalities that would get such a hot and successful man to fall all over himself for her.

 

Johnny Depp has a younger hot model girlfriend. Why ? Because the hotter the woman and the better the sexual chemistry, the more a guy falls for her PRO VI DING their personalities mesh well together! The wealthy celebs can pick whoever they want pretty muchso they go ffor the hottest women they can get because that is what generates the spark in men.

 

This is just the way it is. Women can often feel the wow factor and spark instantly for non hot men. I do. But if a woman wants to land a guy who feels wow about and who falls really hard for her, then she needs to to for average looking men who WILL fall all silly over them. ..........

 

Over the years, I am able to feel the intense chemistry with non hot men as strongly as I ever have for hot men. I therfore, have great hope that one day, an average guy will fall head over heels for me and be totally enamored.

 

The OP needs to forget about hand some and ssuccessful guys if she expects to meet a guy who crushes on her as hard as she does for him.

 

I ask you to look at my album again. If a slim and pretty girl like me cannot get a hot successful guy to fall all silly over her then I doubt the OP could. Men who can do better will. They don't want their equal; they wanna punch above their weight and get a beautiful girl. Because those are the types of girls hot men go gaga over.

 

So I clearly know my place and the OP really outa do some self introspection. A pretty girl like me can realistically get an average dude to totally nuts for me. And even then, it is still rare to BOTH feel MUTUAL sparks and chemistry !

 

It's a long shot for me to ever feel MUTUAL intense chemistry and attraction with an AVERAGE man. Yet realistic since I am myself a bit above average by most people's standards.

 

To land a hot and successful man and have him go all crazy over you? Unless you're significantly more attractive than me then I doubt it'll happen for you sorry OP.

[Leigh 87]

Let's look at her problem logically then. She says she turns most men down because the attraction just isn't there. So, why do you think men turn women down? As a guy, the main reasons we turn women down are because they aren't pretty enough, they are too fat, they have children, they aren't nice enough, or they are batsh*t crazy.

 

Why is it so easy to understand a woman turning men down because the attraction isn't there, but men can't possibly be turning her down because she isn't attractive enough to them?

 

I totally agree.

 

My men I wanted the most didn't turn me down initially. They were mostly thrilled.

 

It's only after that they realized my personality did not mesh well with theirs.

 

So I at least know it ain't a look thing for me.

 

I wonder if the OP initially does get the men she desires but then they lose interest after ?????

[jay1983]

enigma32 sort of goes around and tell people "if you cant find a guy, you are shooting too high" This is his theory and he likes to apply it to most situations and it makes sense to him.

To him the world probably looks like a giant 2D pedestal. But to us it's a lot more colorful than that

Think about it, When you reject a guy,are you always thinking "I can do better than him"? Probably not. So when they reject you, it's not always because they think they can do better than you

 

After you get to know someone, then you can get into all the colors and stuff, but this initial attraction. If she was going out with guys and then deciding there was no chemistry, your post would make sense. Guys approach her, but she's not interested because she's not physically attracted. Well guys need to be physically attracted to approach.

[h0000]

 

Why is it so easy to understand a woman turning men down because the attraction isn't there, but men can't possibly be turning her down because she isn't attractive enough to them?

 

I think the difference is "attraction" and "attractive".

Maybe it's me interpreting you wrong, but when OP says "attraction" is not here, it can mean anything and also looks. But when you say "not attractive enough for him" it means just the look, no?

[h0000]

After you get to know someone, then you can get into all the colors and stuff, but this initial attraction. If she was going out with guys and then deciding there was no chemistry, your post would make sense. Guys approach her, but she's not interested because she's not physically attracted. Well guys need to be physically attracted to approach.

 

I think OP said some men from her work place approached her but she wasn't interested. So if they work together, I would think she'd long past the "get to know them" stage so her lack of interest isn't solely based on looks?

Looks can open/shut doors,but you can't say it's always looks and nothing else that can open/shut doors.

"Initial attraction" can come from all sort of things, not just physical attractiveness.

[h0000]

I once turned down a guy just because our culture backgrounds are different. Yes the attraction wasn't there, but it's not because he is not attractive enough for me. (He is a Brazilian soccer player by the way, and 6 months later he got a gf who is a Brazilian model. A better match for him than me. And trust me they are both gorgeous)

[h0000]

 

The point is, it's all about the pattern here. If a woman is interested in a guy, but he isn't interested back, no big deal. When a woman tells me that she has a history of problems finding guys who reciprocate her attraction, it is almost always because she is shooting above her league. .

 

I am not sure if OP has a "history" of such problem. I sort of feel she had a few guys not reciprocating her attention and she is already lacking patience. Doesn't it happen to everybody that someone you like don't like you back? and it doesnt necessarily because you are not pretty enough

And even of, he does think you are not pretty enough, so what? Doesnt mean the next hot (or even hotter ) guy will think the same. hha

Edited July 29, 2015 by h0000

[Mizz Layta]

I once turned down a guy just because our culture backgrounds are different. Yes the attraction wasn't there, but it's not because he is not attractive enough for me. (He is a Brazilian soccer player by the way, and 6 months later he got a gf who is a Brazilian model. A better match for him than me. And trust me they are both gorgeous)

 

 

My point exactly , There is difference between attractive and attraction. I could be physically attracted to a guy but lose interest once I get to know him better. The guy I had a crush was average at best and certainly didn't look like a model but I felt attracted to him. My heart would beat every time I would see him...I found myself looking forward to go to work so I can see him. I would think about him all the time....dreaming about him. I just assume that he didn't feel the same way since he never ask me out

 

 

Anyways, years ago on my first day at new school,I remember laying my eyes on this guy that was talking to his friends on lunch time. The first thing that came to mind was ``damm he is good looking`` I was taken away by his good looks.However, I didn't start going after him since I thought he was way out of my league .Then I saw him holding hands with another pretty girl few days later. In my mind I was like ,forget I will never had chance with this guy. I would run into him outside school on occasion and he would chat me up .I didn't think anything out of it since I thought he was out way of my league .I just assumed he was just being friendly since he was an outgoing guy

 

 

Years later, I ran into him at a bus stop and it turned out that he lived 5 minute walk from where I lived at that time. He had broken up with his girlfriend after few years together. He admitted to me that he has always found me attractive and he asked me for my number. I couldn't believe it. I remember going home that day in disbelief...thinking I was dreaming. I just couldn't believe it was happening

 

 

Anyways,we started seeing each other and things didn't end up working out because we didn't mesh well together after I got know him better. He was doing drugs, always asking money from me, couldn't keep a job, he also got arrested and was incarcerated for 6 months because he attempted to rob a pharmacy. So in the end I was turned off because of his poor behaviour .I was no longer attracted to him anymore even though I initially attracted to him. I realized that he wasn't the guy for me

 

 

So trust me, My expectations are not too unreasonable. I just want to find a guy that a I am compatible with, connection, mutual attraction and who will treat me with respect

Edited July 29, 2015 by Mizz Layta

[Mizz Layta]

I am not sure if OP has a "history" of such problem. I sort of feel she had a few guys not reciprocating her attention and she is already lacking patience. Doesn't it happen to everybody that someone you like don't like you back? and it doesnt necessarily because you are not pretty enough

And even of, he does think you are not pretty enough, so what? Doesnt mean the next hot (or even hotter ) guy will think the same. hha

 

you nailed it. I think some people forget that beaty is a eye of a beholder.I get told all the time that I am attractive but it doesn't mean that every guy will find me attractive.A guy could find me attractive and think I am the women of his dreams but the next guy might think I am nothing special.

 

For instance, allot of women find Jonny Depp attractive but he just doesn't do it for me and is not my cup tea.Its all matter of opinion

Edited July 29, 2015 by Mizz Layta

[Leigh 87]

you nailed it. I think some people forget that beaty is a eye of a beholder.I get told all the time that I am attractive but it doesn't mean that every guy will find me attractive.A guy could find me attractive and think I am the women of his dreams but the next guy might think I am nothing special.

 

For instance, allot of women find Jonny Depp attractive but he just doesn't do it for me and is not my cup tea.Its all matter of opinion

 

So it makes perfect sense that it's uncommon to both feel mutual chemistry and attraction since attraction is to an extent, subjective. ...

 

What you're going through is totally normal then.

 

My friend and I.. you two female good friends. We all get told we are attractive on a regular basis. But I am dead sure that not all men agree. While we will always have more attention than the dead set average girl, two of us struggle to find decent men who feel mutual attraction with us.

 

Where as my other friend doesn't have to date. She just seems to meet a guy she feels mutual fireworks with and they are both crazy about each other in no time. She's literally never dated. She has accidentally run into all her boyfriends and she's never been single.

 

Is she prettier than my friend and I ?

 

Well she's slightly more attractive than me but my friend is a model and is at her level. And my model friend is still ALWAYS perpetually single.

 

It's just luck. Both my friends have equally great personalities and looks.

[Mizz Layta]

So it makes perfect sense that it's uncommon to both feel mutual chemistry and attraction since attraction is to an extent, subjective. ...

 

What you're going through is totally normal then.

 

My friend and I.. you two female good friends. We all get told we are attractive on a regular basis. But I am dead sure that not all men agree. While we will always have more attention than the dead set average girl, two of us struggle to find decent men who feel mutual attraction with us.

 

Where as my other friend doesn't have to date. She just seems to meet a guy she feels mutual fireworks with and they are both crazy about each other in no time. She's literally never dated. She has accidentally run into all her boyfriends and she's never been single.

 

Is she prettier than my friend and I ?

 

Well she's slightly more attractive than me but my friend is a model and is at her level. And my model friend is still ALWAYS perpetually single.

 

It's just luck. Both my friends have equally great personalities and looks.

 

 

Yes definitely ,when I met my ex there was an instant spark and connection. I guess its all about it's about timing and luck.

 

 

Leigh 87 ,I checked your album pics btw, I do agree that you are a beautiful women

Edited July 29, 2015 by Mizz Layta

[Leigh 87]

Yes definitely ,when I met my ex there was an instant spark and connection. I guess its all about it's about timing and luck.

 

 

Leigh 87 ,I checked your album pics btw, I do agree that you are a beautiful women

 

That makes me smile.

 

And just as many people find me plain or ugly. So while I am sure we WILL both find men who feel that mutual immediate spark with us, please always remember that even women YOU find "beautiful " are going through the exact same thing as you AND I obviously have trouble in finding the mutual spark and attraction !My friend is prettier than me and is always single. And she has an amazing personality hence why she makes so many decent friends.

 

I'm concerned that you mentioned that you prefer hot and successful men. Now I enjoy dated one who seemed super into me but it is definitely a rare type deal okay.... Have you considered that if you want that mutual instant spake and wild attraction with a kind hearted guy who sticks around, that you may have to totally forget about a man's job or level of success ?

 

I think you will have a greater chance at getting that spark of excitement and butterflies mutually, if you don't all so high in the career and looks department.

 

Make no mistake. The hot ones who are successful and kind and also have great personalities are taken at our age. Or they get snapped up quickly when single.

 

That's why I made sure that I had the ability to equally had for men of different looks and incomes..... because I know what I want (the instant thing sparks and the butterflies and the super giddy with excitement feeling and the mind glowing sex with my best friend type deal ) in order to get what I want, I let go of barriers that will make my goals way less likely......

[Mizz Layta]

By successful ,I didn't mean a mufti-millionaire or someone who is rich , have allot of money and drive fancy cars etc lol. I basically meant a guy who has his stuff together .I mean it would be nice to meet someone with strong mutual chemistry ...compatible with and who is also successful but its not necessary, at least not to me. That would be more like a bonus

 

 

 

I have also met guys who were jobless. Its not a problem as long as long as they were laid off due to the economy - actively job searching .

 

 

 

 

It's not the fact that I'm into a guy with money ,I would just prefer my boyfriend to have a job. Heck it doesn't even matter if they work at MacDonalds at that matter...as long they can support themselves. Being employed is an important part of life...how will bills get paid...how will anything get paid? I don't need him to be some brain surgeon..but I think it's important to have a job..no matter what the title is, it's part of life. It's an attractive quality to see a guy doing something with his life.

 

I have been in that situation when I met someone who said they were looking but then I later realized that they didn't care, they were just lazy -wanted to free load me. Its unattractive ,deal breaker and a major turn off.It just shows lack motivation, ambition and no future goals

Edited July 30, 2015 by Mizz Layta

[Leigh 87]

By successful ,I didn't mean a mufti-millionaire or someone who is rich , have allot of money and drive fancy cars etc lol. I basically meant a guy who has his stuff together .I mean it would be nice to meet someone with strong mutual chemistry ...compatible with and who is also successful but its not necessary, at least not to me. That would be more like a bonus

 

 

 

I have also met guys who were jobless. Its not a problem as long as long as they were laid off due to the economy - actively job searching .

 

 

 

 

It's not the fact that I'm into a guy with money ,I would just prefer my boyfriend to have a job. Heck it doesn't even matter if they work at MacDonalds at that matter...as long they can support themselves. Being employed is an important part of life...how will bills get paid...how will anything get paid? I don't need him to be some brain surgeon..but I think it's important to have a job..no matter what the title is, it's part of life. It's an attractive quality to see a guy doing something with his life.

 

I have been in that situation when I met someone who said they were looking but then I later realized that they didn't care, they were just lazy -wanted to free load me. Its unattractive ,deal breaker and a major turn off.It just shows lack motivation, ambition and no future goals

 

Sorry for jumping to conclusions then. You mentioned successful so I just interpreted that in my own way. Which turns out to not be a requisite for you in order to like a guy !

I think we both want the same things. We can't settle for mediocre chemistry and date men without that "FEELING" , which means the majority we shoot for won't likely return our feelings since it's rare to find in a man who is right for us a shout also feels the same level is attraction towards us. In come can't make us fall for someone and excitedly await their texts.

 

I have a confession.

 

My latest ex is a PhD lecturer that attends conferences overseas on a regular basis. He is also hot. I admit it was a huge bonus to date a guy with money. I'd definitely prefer a guy to have a great career but, my TOP priorities in life and in a partner can be met without having to limit myself to men who have high incomes !

 

I mean, I am sure a guy would PREFER to date a supermodel. However, a guy can be smitten and WILDLY attracted to a girlfriend who he knows may not be America's Next Top Model. Of course we would all prefer our partner has more money and a better job. It's just not going to make us love them more or less. It's a BONUS. I am at college as a mature age student because my resulting career will enable me to travel overseas and go out with my friends occasionally. I don't need a man to live a pretty laid back and poverty free life.

 

End of the day, I am personally seeking a best friend who I have amazing and intense sexual chemistry with.

 

The nights cuddling while watching DVDS after mind blowing sex several days a week for me have nothing to with income or status.

[Mizz Layta]

Sorry for jumping to conclusions then. You mentioned successful so I just interpreted that in my own way. Which turns out to not be a requisite for you in order to like a guy !

I think we both want the same things. We can't settle for mediocre chemistry and date men without that "FEELING" , which means the majority we shoot for won't likely return our feelings since it's rare to find in a man who is right for us a shout also feels the same level is attraction towards us. In come can't make us fall for someone and excitedly await their texts.

 

I have a confession.

 

My latest ex is a PhD lecturer that attends conferences overseas on a regular basis. He is also hot. I admit it was a huge bonus to date a guy with money. I'd definitely prefer a guy to have a great career but, my TOP priorities in life and in a partner can be met without having to limit myself to men who have high incomes !

 

I mean, I am sure a guy would PREFER to date a supermodel. However, a guy can be smitten and WILDLY attracted to a girlfriend who he knows may not be America's Next Top Model. Of course we would all prefer our partner has more money and a better job. It's just not going to make us love them more or less. It's a BONUS. I am at college as a mature age student because my resulting career will enable me to travel overseas and go out with my friends occasionally. I don't need a man to live a pretty laid back and poverty free life.

 

End of the day, I am personally seeking a best friend who I have amazing and intense sexual chemistry with.

 

The nights cuddling while watching DVDS after mind blowing sex several days a week for me have nothing to with income or status.

 

 

Its alright and what you said makes sense. May I ask how long you have been single for?

[Leigh 87]

Its alright and what you said makes sense. May I ask how long you have been single for?

 

Since last October. I was only with him for 10 months. It took me 4 or 5 months to find that one after my other ex prior to him.

 

I've been offered relationships.

 

I enjoy being single more than I do settling for a man I lack the spark with...

 

I am currently interested in a man who says he's interested in me and would like to give things a go.

[Mizz Layta]

I do feel the same way about enjoying being single more than I do settling for a man I lack the spark with. Being single wont make a difference if am with a guy If there is no sparks and fire works.

 

 

As for me I have been single for more than year. I was with my ex for few years. He broke it off because we lived 4 hours apart and neither of us wanted to relocate. I would have moved if he was ready to settle down...he wasn't ready . He ended up meeting someone closer to him.

 

 

I had crush on another guy from work who I thought liked me back. He would always compliment my appearance and smile at me. He never made a move or ask for my number. Then I found out from someone else that he has live in gf.He left the company for unrelated reasons at the end

 

 

I have had at least few guys ask me out from work but there was no attraction.so yea ,my love luck sucks .I guess its just not my time yet

Edited July 30, 2015 by Mizz Layta