Lois_Griffin Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 ok so for those who might think im over reacting another story, we literally had to put those plastic locks over the doors(her idea) because they gone into the fridge several times when she was taking a nap and I was at work, took EVERYTHING out and threw it all over the floor, sprayed ketchup on the kitchen floor, opened and dumped as many containers or whatever as possible on the floor, a half tub of protein powder, and they did it several times actually. Had to buy additional plastic locks for fridge too. Who the HELL takes a 'nap' during the day when their kids are awake? Could this woman BE any lazier? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
vabaseballmom Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 "she says she wants me to be there and to discipline them them which I do and when shes not there they behave good they listen don't cry at all, but then shes there and they are totally differnet. " Seems like the problem is her. I have a toddler and yes they cry and can be obnoxious, but if the child listens to you when she is not there but changes behavior when she is around, MOM needs to change how she is parenting. And the child is probably seeking her attention (whether it is positive or negaitve, its attention) the only way they know how to. If mom sees no problem in how she parents she is never going to change. but this is a parenting issue, not a kid problem 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 He does sound spoiled but he does all of those things because it (usually) works. I think if Mom doesn't see this as a problem then you are S-O-L. She will eventually realize it IS a problem but that could be years. Agree with what was said about boundaries. She'll pay dearly at some point but until she has that revelation on her own I think she'll just believe you're the bad guy and it will grow a wedge. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Sounds like a messed up situation & she doesn't know how to parent. You're not their fathers. I'd be leery of disciplining her kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 You can be right all the live-long day...doesn't matter. People with kids are always gonna be defensive about their kids...worst if they spoil them out of "guilt" that they didn't stay with their bio-mum/dad. That's why 2nd marriages with kids usually end up in divorce. That's why I don't like dating people with kids and if I try, I just wanna see the dad on weekends and have nothing to do with their kids. I mean you got the ex, drama, and stuff like this thread...plus, I ain't no guy's nanny/maid/au pair. I say let it go or only see her w/o the kids...it ain't gonna change and you'll be on the road to splitsville. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 She just needs to be educated on why it's wrong to never say no to your kids. Print out some articles, like this one: Un-spoil Your Kid Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Honestly this sounds like my doberman. He needs my GF's constant attention!!! He whines and barks if he isn't getting it. It is definitely because she babied him. The only difference is that he weighs 80 lbs and has claws and teeth. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 These kids are out of control and the mom is clueless. She doesn't even have enough sense not to sleep when they're awake. The bigger problem is that this will only get worse over the years when they're 8, 10, 14, etc. She's raising entitled brats. Personally I think the world has enough of those. Unfortunately, this will seriously impact your relationship with her for many years. I have a friend who was nuts about me but I had zero interest in him because his kids were monsters. He lost several girlfriends because of his kids. His kids are now adults and still monsters. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Question: How much younger than you is she? Link to post Share on other sites
AmeliaBrown Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I have. 3.5YO i am a single mom, and can actually "sleep" while he is awake ...... He did paint furniture twice, but i talked to him and i know he will not do it again...... When i "sleep" i am hearing him play in the same room, when i dont hear him anymore, i wake up..... Sometimes he has just fell asleep too...... Small kids are very smart....... Talking to them a lot, works great Seriously? You blame the kids for this? Mommy has no business sleeping while her kids are awake. They are too little to supervise themselves. Good lord the poor kid is only 2. Of course he's going to get into mischief if he's left alone. Your GF's is just asking for something horrible to happen to her kids. Leaving her kids with whoever her current bf is, leaving them unsupervised while she sleeps. They're going to end up getting molested or abused by one of her bf's or they are going to bring physical harm to themselves when they are left alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeNomad Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 hello all well I was reading all the comments so far thanks for everyones input, im at a point where I don't feel like I can take extra responsibility with her kids and ive straight up told her I cant do it. Im not harsh with her kids or anything like that (someone wrote that), ive also straight up told her I feel like I don't have a say so in the way shes raising them. I have also told her they are spoiled and they cry excessively and she agrees. We cant even watch a episode/series on tv together without hers crying all throughout (literally the whole 45 minutes or however long) that they want a watch a cartoon. So I don't know what going to happen. Sometimes I just rather be alone but I really enjoy her company and her kids too when they behave. The point of my post was because I was having doubts on if I did the right thing by telling her I cant do it, I know she was disappointed because she wants me to be there for them but I honestly just cant, its too much, I told her I needed a break too, needed time alone, not apart, just alone to unwind by myself, sometimes I feel like all I did was babysit so thanks to all who posted advice I appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 This relationship is never going to work. If you were to marry her, you'd be divorced in a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Here are her priorities: (1) Them (2) Her (3) You If you are okay with this, stay in the relationship. If you aren't, end the relationship. And no matter how much advice you try to give her on raising the child, you aren't the father and the older they get, the more she'll remind you of this if you continue to judge her parenting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 It's funny how fast you forget the nightmare stages that kids go through. OMG!! I'm lucky. My kids have always been pretty well behaved. I have a degenerative spine & no support system! I know how exhausting it is. That's what you choose when you have kids....or join a 'ready made family'. Little kids push their boundaries & explore the world. It's why people couple & usually only have 1 or 2 each pregnancy. For the human race to survive babies & little ones need CONSTANT CARE! What do you expect a 2 year old to do while you're snuggling on the sofa watching an adult show? Read a book? Write an essay? REALLY?? The fact that a 2 year old got into the fridge & splatted the house with stuff is great! It means he's NORMAL! You can't sleep & leave a 2 year old. She's so lucky he didn't try to parachute off of the top stairs!! It's so DANGEROUS! She wasn't lightly napping for him to do all that. She was sound asleep for a long time. Some of the things you say are actually very worrying. Some is just kids being kids. Are the children in day care? Do they spend time with their father? Does she have family, a support system? It seems like she needs to get some parenting advise & she needs to split her time more effectively. You need time as a couple to enjoy being together. Her kids need QUALITY undivided attention time. You're either in or out. It's incredibly hard to be a parent. No-one would judge you for saying "This isn't for me!" & walking away. She's putting you in the role of FATHER. That's a huge responsibility. If you know you're not going to be a permanent part of this family get out now. It's the kindest, most responsible thing to do for ALL of your sakes. Leave it too long & you're going to be crippled with guilt being another man who deserts them. Leave it too long & the resentment is going to kill your relationship. If you're fully committed read some parenting books, maybe get some counciling, talk & talk some more. If you're going to be Daddy the 2 of you need to compromise & develop a plan that works for both of you. This isn't a problem to solve....it's going to be ongoing, constant. Even when they're in their 20's there will be worry. It's parenting! Don't get me wrong it's incredibly rewarding. I LOVE being a Mum, I truly do. I was a very successful career woman but chose to be a stay at home mother. I LOVE being a wife. I LOVE having my family. It's not for everyone!! Some should never get married. Some should NEVER be parents. I think being a step-parent must be even harder. I think it's time to make some big choices. Do what's right for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I have. 3.5YO i am a single mom, and can actually "sleep" while he is awake ...... He did paint furniture twice, but i talked to him and i know he will not do it again...... When i "sleep" i am hearing him play in the same room, when i dont hear him anymore, i wake up..... Sometimes he has just fell asleep too...... Small kids are very smart....... Talking to them a lot, works great If your kid painted the furniture while you were sleeping then obviously you don't know what he's getting up while you sleep. I thought my first born was brilliant but he still tried new things and got into things he shouldn't have. Link to post Share on other sites
firemanq Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 One thing was not mentioned, the effect on children of having mommy's or daddy's adult friends around. Children want and need adult supervision, but they want that supervision to be from someone who is stable and will be around for a long time. You did not mention how long you have been with the woman. You should not be around the kids until you have with her for at least a year. If you wait a year, your relationship with the mother will be more stable and you will know each other and your goals in life. It is tough on kids to have adults in their lives for only a short time, & then disappear, just like daddy did. When I was getting used to the single life again, getting to know kids & then leaving them was really hard on me. It was much worse for the kids. If you want to continue seeing this woman, meet her any place but her home. If you really want to make brownie points, pay for the babysitter. but stay away from the kids until a year has passed and you are sure the 2 of you are going to be in a stable and long lasting relationship. If you decide to ignore my advice, at least do not discipline the children and do not offer any advice in child care. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I have also told her they are spoiled and they cry excessively and she agrees. We cant even watch a episode/series on tv together without hers crying all throughout (literally the whole 45 minutes or however long) that they want a watch a cartoon. I'm a woman and this makes me want to blow my brains out. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Umm NOT all two year olds knock and scream and cry constantly. I certainly didn't at that age. Many kids I was a nanny to didn't. Sure, they cried, but not CONSTANTLY..... Only ONE two year old kicked up a fuss and was constantly crying. And that was because his father was away in the army...... Sorry but this two year old is being excessive. Something is wrong with him or your girlfriends parenting style sucks! I'd leave. Why should you have to spend all your time with your girlfriend, in the company of a crying toddler who won't relent? You have raised your two year olds, you don't have to be around another two year olds tantrums on a constant basis. Daly tantrums are only something a parent can handle being around. If I were you, I'd leave HER to raise her own kid and have to deal with his consistent crying, and I'd ONLY go around at night once the two year old was in bed. You have dine you sure of parenting by the sounds of things and do not have to listen to dally, constant crying. You're not less of a person....... Two year olds aren't cute usually. They aren't joyful. They mostly cry and annoy the heck out of most people unless they are your own. Honestly. I love older kids. But without love being love as a motivating factor, I nave no idea why anyone would WILLINGLY want to spend time with a crying two year old who throws DAILY tantrums. I've also asked child care workers about to tantrums. They ALL agreed that two year olds shouldn't throw tantrums on a daily basis. Excessive crying and kicking and screaming ISN'T the norm, and these child care workers are well trained with a two year qualification and have worked with hundreds of toddlers. So I'd believe the experts that work with two year olds on a daily basis ; daily tantrums aren't normal or healthy and something is wrong with the child or the child's life isn't balanced and he may genuinly need better parenting.......... Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 I think what a lot of people in this thread are forgetting is you've spent a lot of time with one child then you know a lot about... one child. Every kid is different, and there seem to be a few people in this thread including the OP who seem to think because they had a couple of angelic kids, that every kid is like this, and that anyone whose kids aren't angels are bad parents. That is the raw deal of parenting, effort in does not directly translate to the immediate result. This 2 year old is clearly a handful, but it probably has nothing to do with her parenting (and her parenting probably is more affected by the child than visa versa.) If you don't want to date someone with children like that, don't. But don't assume that it's her fault that the 2 year old is a normal 2 year old and not the angel you got lucky enough to have yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
warshaw Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Is this girl really worth it? Those kids are going to be around for a looooong time. I don't care if she's Miss America. No thanks Unless she's loaded and I doubt she is. Link to post Share on other sites
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