Mr. Lucky Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 If she would just "fight" for the marriage and act like she wanted me, I would probably be an idiot and go back Don't think that makes you an idiot, many marriages have recovered from infidelity and gone on to be strong and lasting. Problem is, she's shown no sign of fighting for your marriage... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I'm glad you are starting to think about your needs and what could be a happier life for yourself. You don't know your wife. She's not the same gal you thought she used to be. You fell in love with an illusion. Don't let her fool you again... She hasn't earned your trust. Let her be on her own. Let her make it work all by herself. She was willing to use you and stab you in the back while ignoring your needs for five years... Don't allow it for another day. Move in since you pay for the house. She can move out immediately! It's one of the consequences for her bad behavior. It's time to stop rewarding her bad behavior... And it's high time she grow up and take care of her responsibilities herself. But... Don't be surprised if she gets another guy to pay her way immediately. She looks like she's willing to use men. Stay in touch with the kids - they need you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hromo Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I think its critical for you to have space, with your anger, resentment and emotional state, it will set you back having to share space with her right now. You mentioned that she is not showing any signs of resolving your marriage, imagine all the emotions that will be triggered seeing this attitude everyday. In order to fully get to 180, you cannot be in the same house as her. If your trying to work it out with her then its best to give you space to deal with all the emotions that it will bring out. if you can stay at a friends or family members home, any where is better right now. It is critical that you take care of yourself right now. My soon to be ex husband had an affair on me, and when l found out, he is cold and cruel and it was a different person existed. At the time, l would have done anything to have him back and l groveled, begged and pleaded and now looking back, l was grieving the lost and coming to grips to the betrayal and wanting my husband back, but l can tell you know, that him leaving was the best thing that happened to me. There would have been no trust, despite the fact some people can work on it and fix it, he showed me the opposite, no remorse, no care, he just wanted to move on with his life with the new woman. When someone shows you how they are, believe them. Save yourself the grief and longer recovery time. She needs to come to you and ask to fix it and do everything to regain your trust, if your not seeing that, l'm sorry but she has checked out and your not getting her back. I'm so sorry to say this, but my friends kept telling me and l wouldn't listen and one day in having an interaction with him, l finally saw him for what he was and who he now is. After that day, l knew it was over, even though the writing was already on the wall. The day is inprinted in my memory, he came to fix a lock on our door, he called ahead of time to say that he was going to do this a favor although this was his house mind you, he said that he didnt want me to be emotional when he came over, no crying or drama. When he came over, we got into it, l was still in denial, l was begging for him to reconsider leaving me, he turned to me and said l'm never coming back here, and repeated it, that was it, l finally knew in my heart it was over. Time and support helped and healed me and l can look back and know that l got a lucky break, we weren't happy, l would have stayed in a sexless, one sided relationship because l was a committed to doing anything to keep it together, despite the fact that it wasn't serving me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
angelcake Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 OP, don't EVER grovel. If she is not showing herself to be worthy of you, take your pride and what self confidence you have left and WALK. It doesn't matter if your home, money, status, etc are in question. To have to live in doubt of someones love and loyalty for you is NOT worth it. Better to have nothing to live with a negative force that eventually wears you so thin that you snap. Take care of yourself and know you are worthy of more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 5 years without sex? This wasn't the first time she cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hubster Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 5 years without sex? This wasn't the first time she cheated. I am not disputing that there is a very good chance she cheated but we did have sex...but probably 3-4 times a year..give or take. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I am not disputing that there is a very good chance she cheated but we did have sex...but probably 3-4 times a year..give or take. A chance she cheated? She admitted she cheated... And she admitted she was pregnant with her other mans child. It doesn't matter how she feels now... She's been screwing you over for years and has ruined your life and future with her. Treat her as such - she's been a terrible wife to you. You'd be better off without the worry she's brought to you. Make decisions in your best interest. Let her worry about herself. Stop paying her way... It's time for her to provide for herself. Don't give her a dime. Please see an attorney ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 (edited) After getting to know her, I fell in love with her because she was a "good woman" who took care of her two small children (at the time 2 & 3 yrs old) and went to work. She was what I had been looking for! We have raised the kids together and with the absence of their real father, I am their DAD and they are my kids. It is still shocking to me that I am in this situation basedon my wife's track record. Everything about her said "good girl" and she cheated...still hard getting overthe shock of it. I just wonder how my wife turned into such a different person. I’m not trying to be harsh but I don’t think she changed. She was that person all along. She was a single mom and needed an upstanding family oriented man to help raise her children. How does a woman attract such a “good man?” She pretends to be a “good woman.” Did you meet in church? And boy did she know how to pick them. After being $hit on your primary concern is her children whom you consider to be your own. You even picked the name “hubster.” Was “dadster” taken? She’s obviously more attracted to worthless “bad men” because those are the ones that seem to get her pregnant. Edited July 28, 2015 by Buckeye2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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