Author CheckedOut Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 I realize that. I need to stop responding to her unless it has to do directly with the kids. She'll eventually get the point. Some days are easier than others. Neither of us have filed for divorce yet either. I know i need to get the ball rolling on that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I received this message from my wife 3 days ago: W: I miss hanging out with you lol Me: What? W: Just hanging out and having fun Me: Ok... W: Sorry. It's the truth. You don't miss me? Me: I'm surprised W: You're still my friend. Just hope we can get to a place where we can hang out again someday. End of conversation. Seriously? Why would she even send me that? She already has the OM that she is in love with. He had been out of town for a week so maybe she was just feeling lonely. My STBXW sends me stuff like that as well. She's keeping her options open so you can be her back-up plan. She won't commit to you, she won't commit to her new boyfriend. She's just making sure her needs get met without regard for anyone else. How do you think her boyfriend would feel if he saw those messages. Don't fall for any of it. She has no interest in being a true friend. She's just making sure you're available when she needs emotional/financial support. Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Is it possible that they are really "in love" after only dating for less than a month or is this most likely just a rebound relationship? From his past he seems to have had a lot of long term relationships that don't last. I really worry about her bringing new men around my kids when they're already acting out as is and will only make things more confusing. Just to respond to this, they aren't in love. They are in "lust". And they are totally different things. She wants to be in love like in the movies where there are no responsibilities and everything is wine and roses and hanging out. I stole this quote from somewhere else but: "Lust feels like love, until it's time to sacrifice." Link to post Share on other sites
Author CheckedOut Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Just to respond to this, they aren't in love. They are in "lust". And they are totally different things. She wants to be in love like in the movies where there are no responsibilities and everything is wine and roses and hanging out. I stole this quote from somewhere else but: "Lust feels like love, until it's time to sacrifice." I totally agree with that statement. I don't see this relationship lasting long term not that it matters. She did tell me that she was looking for that spark and wanted to feel fireworks every time we touched at one point. I just don't feel like that feeling lasts forever in any relationship. I have no desire to date anyone at this point, not because I have hope that she'll come back, just taking the time to focus on myself and my kids. I'm in no rush to jump back into another relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Checked, I think that you owe her, your kids, and yourself some real clarity. Boundaries are important. As far as texts, the one you posted in particular, you need to establish a louder boundary. It goes like this, "it is not healthy for us to be friends or hang out and it is confusing to the kids. We have to be good co-parents. That is it for now and forever." "Please respect that." If she does not get that, tell her, "I am not going to hang out with you ever again. Please don't bring that up again." Link to post Share on other sites
RightThere Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 She did tell me that she was looking for that spark and wanted to feel fireworks every time we touched at one point. I just don't feel like that feeling lasts forever in any relationship. Of course she does. Everything should be passion and sparks and longing for each other. Even when there are dirty dishes in the sink, or the mortgage payment is due, or your kid wet the bed. This is just typical behaviour. She's living in Affairyland where reality doesn't exist. It's just flowers and going on dates and cute messages. Meanwhile there is dirty laundry piling up somewhere. Love is doing that laundry and then giving your wife a kiss after asking how she's doing and ACTUALLY listening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CheckedOut Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Just got a text from my STBXW saying she wants to introduce the kids to the OM. She's been dating him for only a month. I'm not ok with this. She told me should would wait at least 3 months before considering it. I'm pissed right now. Even though I told her I'm not ok with it she's going to do what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Even though I told her I'm not ok with it she's going to do what she wants. As will, from her POV, you do too. And here's a tougher concept to grasp - you should try to get to know him also so you can understand who's around your kids. This stuff isn't easy... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Time for you to get pro-active OP. I think you're in shock and "hoping" she'll come back,but you really need to start looking out for your best interests. The decisions you make will affect you until your children reach age of majority. 1. See a lawyer! At least 3. 2. You file for divorce when you have the kids in your posession. DO NOT GIVE THEM BACK TO HER! The one who takes ownership of the kids is most likely the one to get custody. You can work out the visitation during the divorce. You can't kidnap your own kids,so that's not a worry. 3. When you file,ask for exclusive occupancy of the home,child support,spousal support,that she carry life insurance in the amount that child support would equal,she pay all legal fees including your lawyer,that you retain contents of the home and all vehicles in your name,she pays half of all debts incurred during the marriage and ALL of her own debts in her name. 4.Close all joint accounts! She's on her own now. She needs a slap of reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 You may never be able to figure that one out, but my best guess is that after she lost all of the weight, she started getting male attention like never before. It was probably a little intoxicating, and her personal boundaries weren't up to dealing with it. My bet is that she always wanted this life but her weight held her back. Divorce her and make her pay off the loan for the gastric bypass. Link to post Share on other sites
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