martin1992 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Hey Everyone, So this month I met my Ex twice. The first time for graduation and the second time was on her bday. The graduation was also the first time we met in over 6 months. We spoke for a bit but there was always time constraints attached and etc. Anyway I want to arrange a proper meet up with her; (we were together for 4 years before the break up.) We broke up because she had Gigs, where she broke up with me to be with someone else. In June she broke up with the gigs guy and started seeing another guy. Don't get my wrong, I do still love her. But that meet up will just be more like a catch up sort of. There are times where I feel I would prefer to be friends with her atleast as I still would want her in my life and there are times I dont want to as she will probably never respect. So yeah I am going to leave things with her open ended to keep the line of communication open.
goldway90 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 No such thing as gigs, why do you want text her? she's with someone else, plus she dumped you. It's up to her to reach out not you. Do no text her. NC to heal and start living your life now; go on date with other women, the gym. Waiting around for her isn't worth it. Don't put her on pedestal. Btw you can't be her friend while you have romantic feelings, won't work, ever. Let me ask you something, do you want to be her lover or a just friend? 3
Author martin1992 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Neither. Just want to meet up. She reached out to me (she called and texted but kept it formal) There is a wall between us due to NC. I did NC for 6 months, I will do it again but first I might ease the tension between us.
PegNosePete Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Why on earth would you want to meet up with someone who dumped you for another guy? Have you no self respect??
Author martin1992 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Why on earth would you want to meet up with someone who dumped you for another guy? Have you no self respect?? I probably don't. I do not know why I need to hold a grudge against her for that? She did want she wanted to and I respect her for that.
Gus Grimly Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 She did want she wanted to and I respect her for that. Don't you have any standards?
aloneinaz Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I probably don't. I do not know why I need to hold a grudge against her for that? She did want she wanted to and I respect her for that. Listen, everyone has the right to end a relationship they are not happy in. I don't know your story but if she ended it w/you to start dating someone else, most wouldn't want any further contact with that person. Her reaching out to you could have been over guilt of how things ended w/you. You speaking w/her eased this. You are clearly NOT over her and the important question is why? She's now on to guy number two since she dumped you. What have you been up to? Any girls since her? If not, how come? While I don't think we should ever HATE an ex who chose to move on, most don't want any further contact w/them, especially going from lover to "friend".. I know it seems odd but it's reality. 1
PegNosePete Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I do not know why I need to hold a grudge against her for that? Who suggested you should hold a grudge? You need to move on with your life and that involves moving past this person and onto better things. Why would you want to hold yourself in the past by meeting this piece of your history, along with all the bad memories it will bring up?
drade Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Who suggested you should hold a grudge? You need to move on with your life and that involves moving past this person and onto better things. Why would you want to hold yourself in the past by meeting this piece of your history, along with all the bad memories it will bring up? Exactly. Don't put yourself in the past. Move on, forget about it. What's done is done, leave it at that. She left you, and for someone else. Continue to value your dignity, pride, and self respect.
peter999 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Martin...don't listen to these idiots. They act like love guru's ... they say move on, dont look back...they know nothing about truly loving someone. No $&$)$ wonder they are on here. Dude, at the end of the day, you know you love someone when you think of them all of the time. That doesn't go away with nc bull****, and don't look back crap. If you love her, tell her, tell her face to face that she is the most beautiful and important person in the world to you. If she doesn't feel the same way, at least you can live with knowing you did it right...tell her, tell her today. Don't listen to the dip****s on here who think they know everything. Let me know how it goes.
Gus Grimly Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Don't listen to the dip****s on here who think they know everything. Let me know how it goes. What's your problem? You got solid advice on your relationship thread, why didn't you call all those people "dip****s"? If you don't like the advice, you don't have to heed it. There's no reason for you to come here and disrespect people who are only trying to help.
wizer Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 We broke up because she had Gigs, where she broke up with me to be with someone else. In June she broke up with the gigs guy and started seeing another guy. Gigs: Grass is greener Syndrome. Sometimes, it actually IS greener. She left you for some guy, left him for someone else, she's still looking for the "right" guy. She knows it's not you and it's not guy # 2. It might be the guy she is with now, or it could be the guy she meets 5 relationships later. It doesn't matter why, it doesn't matter who. All that matters is you are not that guy and you have better things to do with your valuable time and effort than chase a woman who has no interest in being with you. You've wasted enough time and emotional energy on her already, even with the NC. Time to move on. Dude, at the end of the day, you know you love someone when you think of them all of the time. That doesn't go away with nc bull****, and don't look back crap. If you love her, tell her, tell her face to face that she is the most beautiful and important person in the world to you. If she doesn't feel the same way, at least you can live with knowing you did it right...tell her, tell her today. Spoken like a truly obsessed stalker. Folks, this is the type of guy you read about in the newspapers. And it's no love story.
goldway90 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Martin...don't listen to these idiots. They act like love guru's ... they say move on, dont look back...they know nothing about truly loving someone. No $&$)$ wonder they are on here. Dude, at the end of the day, you know you love someone when you think of them all of the time. That doesn't go away with nc bull****, and don't look back crap. If you love her, tell her, tell her face to face that she is the most beautiful and important person in the world to you. If she doesn't feel the same way, at least you can live with knowing you did it right...tell her, tell her today. Don't listen to the dip****s on here who think they know everything. Let me know how it goes. You call us idiots lol when in fact your relationship is over i bet telling your ex you loved her to her face didn't work out for you, Mr. love guru Op tell peter999 how it goes lmao
NopeNah Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Spoken like a truly obsessed stalker. Folks, this is the type of guy you read about in the newspapers. And it's no love story. Whoa there!! What he's saying is science! If you stick around(stalk) enough,they'll come around. I personally find bushes and rented vans to be the best/most comfortable enviroments for "staying close and professing my undying love". 1
Itspointless Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 martin1992 try to answer for yourself why it really is that you want to ease the tension between you two. ude, at the end of the day, you know you love someone when you think of them all of the time. That doesn't go away with nc bull****, and don't look back crap. If you love her, tell her, tell her face to face that she is the most beautiful and important person in the world to you. I think most of us actually did that, just because they thought the world of their ex. And you are right, with me the feeling being into her does not go away by NC. The fog of time luckily does its work. You probably are just mad that it was you who broke up. Sorry dude, sometimes we make mistakes. Stop projecting your anger.
quattrob Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Martin...don't listen to these idiots. They act like love guru's ... they say move on, dont look back...they know nothing about truly loving someone. No $&$)$ wonder they are on here. Dude, at the end of the day, you know you love someone when you think of them all of the time. That doesn't go away with nc bull****, and don't look back crap. If you love her, tell her, tell her face to face that she is the most beautiful and important person in the world to you. If she doesn't feel the same way, at least you can live with knowing you did it right...tell her, tell her today. Don't listen to the dip****s on here who think they know everything. Let me know how it goes. wow lol.. seems like you got a serious problem. Looking from what you said in your other thread "I have severe anxiety over this and am basically afraid to contact her - stupid I know, please don't be judgemental of this, it is something that I struggle with daily." So you were asking people not be judgemental of your situation but yet you're judgemental of others' opinions and disrespect everyone who posts here, shows what kind of person you really are. Seriously grow up man, calling others names and raging at everyone here isn't doing anything but making yourself look like the idiot. 1
wizer Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 wow lol.. seems like you got a serious problem. Looking from what you said in your other thread "I have severe anxiety over this and am basically afraid to contact her - stupid I know, please don't be judgemental of this, it is something that I struggle with daily." So you were asking people not be judgemental of your situation but yet you're judgemental of others' opinions and disrespect everyone who posts here, shows what kind of person you really are. Seriously grow up man, calling others names and raging at everyone here isn't doing anything but making yourself look like the idiot. I think what Peter has expressed on this thread is a classic example of "triggering". He's in a highly agitated, emotional anxious state and he relates to the poster who is losing his girlfriend so he just "reacted" and lashed out because people were saying things that he does not want to hear. 1
Itspointless Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Agreed, plus projection of anger, see quote below. Not reaching out means indirectly telling his ex not to reach out to him (as I also hinted at in my first reaction here). I broke it off 2 months ago because of a trust issue but would very much like to repair the damage. We have had no contact at all. She did everything she could to keep me from walking away that day but I shut her out. Now I regret not letting her say what she needed to say. I am terrified that maybe now she has changed her mind.
mightycpa Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Hey Everyone, So this month I met my Ex twice. The first time for graduation and the second time was on her bday. The graduation was also the first time we met in over 6 months. We spoke for a bit but there was always time constraints attached and etc. Anyway I want to arrange a proper meet up with her; (we were together for 4 years before the break up.) We broke up because she had Gigs, where she broke up with me to be with someone else. In June she broke up with the gigs guy and started seeing another guy. Don't get my wrong, I do still love her. But that meet up will just be more like a catch up sort of. There are times where I feel I would prefer to be friends with her atleast as I still would want her in my life and there are times I dont want to as she will probably never respect. So yeah I am going to leave things with her open ended to keep the line of communication open. Peter and quattrob sent me. I'm going to give you a little different advice. If the above is fine with you, it's fine with me too. If you love her, and you can live with seeing her and hearing about her life and all that, so can I. I don't know why you'd want to do that, but hey, I'm not going to be the one crying in my pillow that night. Maybe you won't either, and that will prove to you that you've moved on some. Ordinarily, you'd wait to do that until you don't love her. But if it doesn't hurt you to see her, yeah, why not? That's what NC is for, to protect you. If you don't need protection, you don't need NC. Only one way to find out for sure.
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