peter999 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 My ex gf of 5 years recently liked a picture of me that was posted on my friends facebook page (I dont have fb). This would have been the first time she saw my face as I have basically disappeared 2 months ago. She is friends with him and his wife on fb. I broke it off 2 months ago because of a trust issue but would very much like to repair the damage. We have had no contact at all. She did everything she could to keep me from walking away that day but I shut her out. Now I regret not letting her say what she needed to say. I am terrified that maybe now she has changed her mind. I have severe anxiety over this and am basically afraid to contact her - stupid I know, please don't be judgemental of this, it is something that I struggle with daily. Am I stupid reading into this fb like? Would love your opinion or advice. And remember what your mother told you, be nice to people who are hurting
Gus Grimly Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 If there's anything I've learned from these forums is that you must not consume any breadcrumb your Ex leaves for you. You'll only end up getting hurt more. This advice comes from reading many, many post here on LS from people, just like you, who have misinterpreted any morsel of positive attention from their Ex as a sign they wanted to get back together. Which of course most likely ends in heartbreak compounding your misery. But I could be wrong, this is just my take on your situation.
Palmeiras Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) I don't use FB. Haven't for years. I have other ways to stay connected to my friends, and I don't want to see what random acquaintance X is having for breakfast at the local hipster cafe. But here's something else: There was a time not terribly long ago when we didn't have social media. And **** between people was plenty difficult to figure out then. So now we are going to add things like "likes" and "pokes" to the catalog of opaque signals to decode? What insanity... (and I'm not blaming you, OP; indeed, we are guilty of this as a collective). It is my view that meaningful signals will be made in direct and real ways. "Likes" and other such nonsense are ways for people who are having second thoughts or guilt pangs to signal something, but with little substance or investment. Basically, they are cop-out signals in situations like this. Your ex wants to unburden herself, but she doesn't want to go to the trouble of actually breaking down your barriers and showing you that she wants to reconcile. The "like" is more to soothe her own feelings of culpability, not an attempt to reach out to you. Banish it from your mind. That's my take. You should wait and see what other opinions get posted. Edited July 15, 2015 by Palmeiras
foolinlove79 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 My ex still texts me and he is seeing someone else so i dont think it means anything no. Try not to over analyze these things. You will make yourself crazy.
aloneinaz Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 My ex gf of 5 years recently liked a picture of me that was posted on my friends facebook page (I dont have fb). This would have been the first time she saw my face as I have basically disappeared 2 months ago. She is friends with him and his wife on fb. I broke it off 2 months ago because of a trust issue but would very much like to repair the damage. We have had no contact at all. She did everything she could to keep me from walking away that day but I shut her out. Now I regret not letting her say what she needed to say. I am terrified that maybe now she has changed her mind. I have severe anxiety over this and am basically afraid to contact her - stupid I know, please don't be judgemental of this, it is something that I struggle with daily. Am I stupid reading into this fb like? Would love your opinion or advice. And remember what your mother told you, be nice to people who are hurting The core issue here is why you broke off a 5 year relationship. I can't imagine it was a knee jerk reaction? People don't simply end a relationship unless there was a major issue or you lost interest in the relationship. Ask yourself what's changed that you now want to consider a reconciliation with her? Are your concerns not going to still be there? Are you considering this because you're lonely and miss being in a relationship and she appears to be the easiest route to take? As far as the "like" on FB? It could be construed several ways. I wouldn't over think it. If you have interest in a possible reconciliation, simply pick up the phone and call her. You're anxiety will ease once you have a conversation with her. Just recognize that she may not want to talk to you and flat ignore your efforts in reaching out. Make sure you're emotionally and mentally ready for that as well. Sometimes the dumped have no aspirations in talking to someone who kicked them out of their lives. 2
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I'm with aloneinaz on this one. Your situation is a little different because a) You were the dumper b) You shut her out, and didn't allow earlier contact c) the tables have turned Given that, if you do nothing, you'll never hear from her. She's tried that, and it didn't work, and she probably has some self-respect, or fear, and doesn't want to go down that road again. Her FB like is, in my mind, a small token of reaching out. If she was over you, given how you acted, I don't think she would have done it. NC is used for two purposes really... one, so the dumpee can learn how to live life without their ex, and two, so that the dumper doesn't interfere with that. Now you're about to interfere, and you're rightfully afraid of the answer, given how you've acted. I would just say, be damn sure this is what you want. Two months is rarely long enough, and you're probably going to get a warm welcome after you break a little ice. But be sure about this, because most rekindlings end up in Splitsville again, because the old issues have not changed. 2
Author peter999 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 I broke it off hastily because of something that was kind of a little rift between us. I basically over reacted and have now let two months go by without saying anything. We had been apart for 10 months and she initiated contact back in December. We spent the whole winter together, which was the worst in recent history here on the east coast of Canada. I was simply being cautious as we spent more and more time together. We technically were not back together. One day I came over and she was hunched over the bathtub. She had cut both of her wrists. I basically saved her life that day. We were inseperable after that as I did everything to try and get her back on her feet. The first day it was nice out, about two months after this event, she was at the golf driving range with a guy, who she said was just a friend. Considering that we had played golf together for the last few years, I was very disappointed that she spent the first nice day with someone else fter what we had been through together. I was very disappointed and deflated. They had spent some time together while we were apart but not dating, just golf. She swore this was the truth. She had no reason to lie as we were done for over 10 months and she was free to date whomever. I was dating someone else. The issue was simply that she went to play golf on the first nice day with someone else after I basically saved her life during our reconnect over the horrible winter. She said she loved me and wanted to start fresh. Her last conversation with me was that she wanted and needed me in her life, I was her support, her best friend and the person who knew her best...please dont throw that away. She said I was wrong about the guy that they never even as much have had a drink together. I have no reason not to believe her. She begged me not to walk away but my gut said to do just that. Now I am having doubts about walking away and am afraid she will not want to talk. Thats the rest of the story. Thanks for the kind responses. More would be welcome.
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I broke it off hastily because of something that was kind of a little rift between us. I basically over reacted and have now let two months go by without saying anything. We had been apart for 10 months and she initiated contact back in December. We spent the whole winter together, which was the worst in recent history here on the east coast of Canada. I was simply being cautious as we spent more and more time together. We technically were not back together. One day I came over and she was hunched over the bathtub. She had cut both of her wrists. I basically saved her life that day. We were inseperable after that as I did everything to try and get her back on her feet. The first day it was nice out, about two months after this event, she was at the golf driving range with a guy, who she said was just a friend. Considering that we had played golf together for the last few years, I was very disappointed that she spent the first nice day with someone else fter what we had been through together. I was very disappointed and deflated. They had spent some time together while we were apart but not dating, just golf. She swore this was the truth. She had no reason to lie as we were done for over 10 months and she was free to date whomever. I was dating someone else. The issue was simply that she went to play golf on the first nice day with someone else after I basically saved her life during our reconnect over the horrible winter. She said she loved me and wanted to start fresh. Her last conversation with me was that she wanted and needed me in her life, I was her support, her best friend and the person who knew her best...please dont throw that away. She said I was wrong about the guy that they never even as much have had a drink together. I have no reason not to believe her. She begged me not to walk away but my gut said to do just that. Now I am having doubts about walking away and am afraid she will not want to talk. Thats the rest of the story. Thanks for the kind responses. More would be welcome. You had a girlfriend, and you got bent out of shape because she went to go play some smallball with somebody else? That's not a trust issue. That's your neediness issue rearing its ugly head. I can't figure out what exactly it is that you want from this girl, other than her undying gratitude. You should have written this first, I think you'd have gotten a completely different set of answers.
Chi townD Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Dude, think with your head and not with your heart. She liked a pic on someone else's account. She knows you don't have facebook; therefore, she doesn't think you would see that. I mean, how could you? You don't have facebook! And how many people are going to point out that an Ex liked a pick of you let alone make it a point to make it know to you? Doesn't happen that often. Dude, I think you're reading too much into it. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 After reading your follow up post OP, I think you should leave her alone. This is your second break up already. Solid, long term relationships rarely have any break ups. It would appear there's simply a core compatibility issue at play between you two. Just my opinion, but, you'd be wiser to NOT recycle that twice failed R/S and focus your energy on someone you're more compatible with.
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