lolablue17 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 BTW... I'm in Tel Aviv now... If you want me to give her a message... :laugh: 3
movingonnow1 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 No, she doesn't want closure. She wants CONTROL. You have it all now - keep it up. Like I said, she's shocked you're "indifferent". Everything she does from here on will be extremely predictable. She's going to start to go nuts soon, you'll see. Her main concern now is going to be you hate her and she can't live with that. She may start messaging you saying she is sick, that something important is up, etc. Don't give her any relief - she cheated she has to live with. Guarenteed she's started to go nuts by now if you haven't responded to her. The wheels in her head are spinning out of control. He's gonna get a few more weak hi's and where are you / when will you talk to me again? 1
Author kylej Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 New update She's texted, "kylej honestly call me" I think she must just want closure or something. Doesn't sound like she wants to say sorry or anything like that. Still keeping NC. 1
ravfour4 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 This closure you speak of is definitely not what she's craving. She wants power, that's it. She had a ton of it, she was saying whatever she wanted to you while flirting with other men and posting pictures of it. You took the power back by not putting up with that. If you respond or answer her calls, she can cry and tell you she's sorry and manipulate you into forgiving her. This will make her feel much better and "free" her of her sins, she'll also be in control. If she didn't care about you at all, she would have said "cool, he got the hint, I'm outta here". You shutting her down makes her feel like a bad cheater, she doesn't like that and therefore wants your forgiveness. You're doing a great job, keep it up. 2
lolablue17 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 BTW, I think that your actions (ignoring, breaking up, moving on) is not because of the Snapchat pictures. It could be only for the "Part of me wants to be single" she gave you. If my GF said to me that, I would answer "The whole of you is now single, Bye bye..." 1
Author kylej Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 I'm out partying with friends.. She has called like 5 times and texted "I'm begging you". Interesting lol 6
Trep Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I'm out partying with friends.. She has called like 5 times and texted "I'm begging you". Interesting lol You're a champion. I want your babies. 3
lauri Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I'm out partying with friends.. She has called like 5 times and texted "I'm begging you". Interesting lol Keep it up. This is so predictable it isn't even funny. Remember: silence allowed you to make no mistakes. She is so shocked and she cannot believe you had the balls to walk away. Had you spoke to her, this scenario would have been completely different. I'm really proud of you for listening. 4
Author kylej Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 No contact works miracles She has either completely broken down or really wants to manipulate me into getting the shoes, lol. Throughout the night she sent a bunch of texts that basically amounted to "please take me back". I don't think I will this time though, I can't forgive or trust her after the **** she's done. Your guys advice has been great, seriously. 3
lolablue17 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) I'm out partying with friends.. She has called like 5 times and texted "I'm begging you". Interesting lol Please go and read your first post that opened this thread. In that first post only 5 days ago: YOU: you felt so hurt, full of fears, with no control about the situation, totally lost. SHE: was ignoring you, wasn't texting you, stopped calling you, was distant and cold and admitted that she partly wishes to be single in this trip, and made hints of a future breaking up with you when she gets back. You did the right thing (NC), and look at the effect 5 days later: You are partying, and she blows your phone with many calls, and texts you that she is "begging you to talk to her", and begs you to take her back. You upgraded your position upside down. Now you have the control, she has none. Before, you were chasing her and she gave you the cold silence treatment, now you're ignoring her and she's chasing you. Hilarious! (Warning - You can easily lose your position if you give her a chance) Edited July 19, 2015 by lolablue17 2
jen1447 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 No contact works miracles She has either completely broken down or really wants to manipulate me into getting the shoes, lol. Throughout the night she sent a bunch of texts that basically amounted to "please take me back". I don't think I will this time though, I can't forgive or trust her after the **** she's done. Your guys advice has been great, seriously. What do you actually know she's done tho? 1
Author kylej Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Here is the most recent: "honestly if you don't call me or text me I'm so ****ing over it. I've been begging you for days to call me and you keep ignoring me. it's so rude I'm trying to talk to you and you won't give me any time of day. if you're over it and never talk to me again just ****ing say something so I'm not sitting here wondering what's going to happen. I'm sick and tired of this **** between us I just need to talk to you. Call me today I'll be awake for the next 4 hours at least." Part of me does want to respond. Because it feels like she's trying to turn this around on me. Idk
Author kylej Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 What do you actually know she's done tho? At the very least, been really disrespectful towards me. At the most, cheated. 1
Satu Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 At the very least, been really disrespectful towards me. At the most, cheated. Stay on target. You have preserved your dignity and self-respect perfectly throughout this. No contact.
ravfour4 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 It'd be hard for me not to respond to that, you are in control right now and the easiest way to maintain it is not to respond. You could call and say something like "hi" then let her vent for a while and if it sounds like BS say "we're done, I'm not taking your disrespect" and hang up. If she has a sincere apology and really wants to make it up to you, then idk, if you love her it'd be hard to resist that and she could very well be lying, you just won't know. The fact that you've maintained NC so long makes me think you are partially over her already, in which case you could just text back "it's over" or remain silent
drallafi Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I'm out partying with friends.. She has called like 5 times and texted "I'm begging you". Interesting lol Honestly, you're doing much better than I would be in your shoes. I'm someone who DIDN'T take the advice given here, and it set me back months and made me look and feel weak. You are strong. You are in control. You are moving on. You are the f*cking man. Stay NC. 1
drallafi Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I'm really proud of you for listening. I'd like to echo this sentiment. These threads hardly ever (never?) go the way the advice goes. Everyone ALWAYS breaks NC, everyone ALWAYS regrets it. You could be the first man to walk away from "getting dumped" with his self-respect intact. Note: Getting dumped is in quotes because at this point, you are obviously the dumper not the dumpee. GJ again man. We are all very happy you've come this far. 1
jen1447 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Stay on target. You have preserved your dignity and self-respect perfectly throughout this. No contact. In a rare moment of (respectful ) disagreement with Satu, I don't think OP's being very dignified. The most we actually know she's done is to "be very disrespectful." Being treated disrespectfully isn't license to treat someone else disrespectfully, particularly not if your goal is to be dignified. Playing tit-for-tat is not dignified, ignoring someone is not really dignified in most cases, etc. OP's essentially playing the games we urged him not to back in the beginning. He's 'getting' his GF, which will feel rewarding in the short term and embarrassing and shameful in the long term. 2
Satu Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I'd like to echo this sentiment. These threads hardly ever (never?) go the way the advice goes. Everyone ALWAYS breaks NC, everyone ALWAYS regrets it. You could be the first man to walk away from "getting dumped" with his self-respect intact. Note: Getting dumped is in quotes because at this point, you are obviously the dumper not the dumpee. GJ again man. We are all very happy you've come this far. Well said. 1
drallafi Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Part of me does want to respond. Because it feels like she's trying to turn this around on me. Idk That's exactly what she's trying to do. NC is good for a lot of reasons. In this case, NC is good because it prevents her from manipulating you. We're men, we're weak when it comes to our women. It's just how we are. If you talk to her, she's going to fill your head with lies and justifications and you're going to come away from it feeling like the bad guy. I don't know how the eff they do it but it's what they do. Again, she disrespected you until you showed that you didn't need her. She (probably) cheated on you and expected you to wait around for her to get back so she could dump you. NC has let you successfully parry both of these, and escape intact. What you have now (power, self-respect, dignity, and most importantly NOT a broken heart) is honestly the best you can hope for. You have nothing to gain by calling her. It will only assuage her guilt and make you feel responsible. Stay NC. 1
drallafi Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 In a rare moment of (respectful ) disagreement with Satu, I don't think OP's being very dignified. The most we actually know she's done is to "be very disrespectful." Being treated disrespectfully isn't license to treat someone else disrespectfully, particularly not if your goal is to be dignified. Playing tit-for-tat is not dignified, ignoring someone is not really dignified in most cases, etc. OP's essentially playing the games we urged him not to back in the beginning. He's 'getting' his GF, which will feel rewarding in the short term and embarrassing and shameful in the long term. Thats the great thing about NC. He's not treating her disrespectfully, he's just refusing to accept her actions. He's not telling her "I kinda wanna be single because of this chick, oh here's a picture." he's just not putting up with her indecisiveness, like any self-respecting man should do. As far as "getting" his ex (yea, she's the ex now) I mean... yea I kinda feel you on that. Unfortunately that's just a side-effect of the shift in power dynamic. There's no way around it if he wants to escape unscathed. NC will do its job here if he stays the course. Honestly, f**k her feelings. 1
jen1447 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Thats the great thing about NC. He's not treating her disrespectfully, he's just refusing to accept her actions. He's not telling her "I kinda wanna be single because of this chick, oh here's a picture." he's just not putting up with her indecisiveness, like any self-respecting man should do. As far as "getting" his ex (yea, she's the ex now) I mean... yea I kinda feel you on that. Unfortunately that's just a side-effect of the shift in power dynamic. There's no way around it if he wants to escape unscathed. NC will do its job here if he stays the course. Honestly, f**k her feelings. Why, bc she treated him disrespectfully? That's quite an overreaction, unless we're all telegraphing here .... I disagree that ignoring someone isn't disrespectful. It's also not dignified, again given what we actually really know about the situation.
irishguy Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 If you are strong enough , you could have 1 conversation with her without any drama.Just to finish it all and put it behind you .But maybe you couldnt do that .
drallafi Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Why, bc she treated him disrespectfully? That's quite an overreaction, unless we're all telegraphing here .... I disagree that ignoring someone isn't disrespectful. It's also not dignified, again given what we actually really know about the situation. Fair enough. Agree to disagree then. If my wife told me she "kinda wants to be single" followed by posting pics of her with other men... yea, I'm gonna take the hint and stop investing my time and feelings into her. 3
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