Timshel Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes, I spoke with him about it last night. He initially acted surprised and dismayed but then said he would be more respectful. That he would try to be more appropriate...didn't mean to offend. Bottom line is I don't want to CHANGE anyone to make him a suitable match. I guess I can sit down with him when I get home and we can go over what boundaries are acceptable for both of us. Still, this was ok to him. He was apologetic, but it represents (I think) a different way of thinking and interacting. While the content may not have been very offensive, it is more the mind set. No, he didn't say "Hey babe, you have a great a$$...call me." However, the tone was that of being a single, flirtatious man. I just want a man who is more dignified than that. I guess that is the end of the story really. End of story. It is what is. Agree 110%. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heer Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Glad it got resolved. But honestly, I really wouldn't want to push him too much on this mainly because he should respect the relationship because he truly wants to and not because the gf wants him to. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Glad it got resolved. But honestly, I really wouldn't want to push him too much on this mainly because he should respect the relationship because he truly wants to and not because the gf wants him to. You are so cute in your pic. You do talk in a circle though. Link to post Share on other sites
Heer Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 You are so cute in your pic. You do talk in a circle though. Hiiii, thanks for the complement, I loved getting tan back when I lived in SoCal:laugh: That photo was taken at Mission Beach a while back:love: Back on topic, I was just worried that goodbye might be getting a forced apology and that her bf may not really mean it. My bff always used to tell her bf about stuff that she doesn't like and her bf always "agreed" no matter what. Their relationship became really polarized. But I trust that goodbye's bf understands. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Hiiii, thanks for the complement, I loved getting tan back when I lived in SoCal:laugh: That photo was taken at Mission Beach a while back:love: Back on topic, I was just worried that goodbye might be getting a forced apology and that her bf may not really mean it. My bff always used to tell her bf about stuff that she doesn't like and her bf always "agreed" no matter what. Their relationship became really polarized. But I trust that goodbye's bf understands. I don't think his apology was forced by any means. He was very upset that I was upset and kept saying it was impulsive, stupid and he needed to think more about being respectful. The thing is: it's already out there. Yes, I can probably move past it...its not like when I found my ex-husband's cellphone with texts about "sex on the desk" with a fellow soccer mom:( (wish I was kidding). He is my EX. FB flirtations are not anywhere near in the same category as that. But, I have standards. And I am admittedly fragile after the exH of 18 years doing that, then dating a MM who passed himself off as divorcing....and now a man who seems to flirt "impulsivley" with women he doesn't even know who are his FB friends. I took him off my FB. I have not broken up with him YET. I've been away on business for 2 weeks, he is coming up to see me this weekend. My esteem is in the toilet over this and I do think it will interfere with my ability to be attracted to him. In a nutshell, I feel like this is the beginning of the end but am willing to see how it goes, see if he is invested. I agree with the "going underground" stuff. If it is his NATURE to flirt...he'll just do somewhere elsewhere or block me from posts in which he does it. I'm done with FB, and I'm probably done with him as well. I realize there aren't many men out there for me, but I'm also ok being alone. I"m financially independent, I've already had my kids...don't really need this sh@t if it's just going to make me insecure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 We've been together for 8 months. We have not had other problems really. There have been some comments about women I've let slide, but this one stung for whatever reason. After 8 months, the only thing this guy did wrong was 2 stupid comments? And now he gets kicked to the curb? Have you never made comments to ANYONE about someone elses appearance in any relationship? Guys sometimes say stupid things, but Men do not DO stupid things. Thats really harsh. You do teach people how to treat you, but the punishment should fit the crime. Maybe you are just not really into him and have looking for a exit. I think you are right. You are not compatible. It might be better for you both to go your seperate ways. Short answer: no. When I'm in a committed relationship I don't flirt. Why should I? And I didn't say that in 8 months the ONLY thing he did wrong was make these flirtatious comments. I don't buy the "men do stupid things" therefore men should be ALLOWED to do stupid things. I get hormonal every month and want to scream and yell at people: BUT I DON'T. We are all evolved enough to control what we say and how we act. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 My bf and I are exclusive. We must have different ideas of what is appropriate. We are friends on fb but do not communicate that way. Still, when he posts, it shows up on my page. He has hundreds of friends on there, many of whom are women. Today some attractive woman was posting about how the heat was bugging her but she'd not yet turned on her air-conditioning (yes, genius). He responded something along the lines of "Well now you are a hot blonde." I told him I didn't like it and he apologized, but I don't think he gets why I think this is insulting. Not to mention we are older...we are both middle aged parents of teenagers...flirting on fb is just....yuck. Or, am I being ridiculous? Is he 16 years old? If so, then it's completely age appropriate. Is he middle-aged? Then he sounds like a mouth-breathing imbecile. I guess I have to go with the latter since you say you're middle-aged. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) After 8 months, the only thing this guy did wrong was 2 stupid comments? And now he gets kicked to the curb? Have you never made comments to ANYONE about someone elses appearance in any relationship? Guys sometimes say stupid things, but Men do not DO stupid things. Thats really harsh. You do teach people how to treat you, but the punishment should fit the crime. Maybe you are just not really into him and have looking for a exit. I think you are right. You are not compatible. It might be better for you both to go your seperate ways. Short answer: no. When I'm in a committed relationship I don't flirt. Why should I? And I didn't say that in 8 months the ONLY thing he did wrong was make these flirtatious comments. I don't buy the "men do stupid things" therefore men should be ALLOWED to do stupid things. I get hormonal every month and want to scream and yell at people: BUT I DON'T. We are all evolved enough to control what we say and how we act. Just for clarification, I did not say "flirt" I said make a comment, which isnt the same. YOU did post that he DIDNT flirt and that "other than this issue, everything was fine". I also clearly stating that Men dont DO stupid things so there is no "allowing". Saying a hot blond is not the same as flirting or sexing her. I am not saying this was cool, but By your words, this wasnt a common occurence, however we all have our boundaries and perhaps everything else wasnt "fine" I certainly didnt mean to offend, but thought it was a overly harsh reaction based soley on what you wrote. I am not suggesting bad behavior gets a pass and it is your life and your boundaries and your decisions, right or wrong. However you should probaly not discuss YOUR fantasies with a SO, you may be judged just as harshly. I will wish you well. Edited July 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Is he 16 years old? If so, then it's completely age appropriate. Is he middle-aged? Then he sounds like a mouth-breathing imbecile. I guess I have to go with the latter since you say you're middle-aged. Yes, we are both middle aged adults with teen kids. Not very mature at minimum. Link to post Share on other sites
Heer Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I don't think his apology was forced by any means. He was very upset that I was upset and kept saying it was impulsive, stupid and he needed to think more about being respectful. The thing is: it's already out there. Yes, I can probably move past it...its not like when I found my ex-husband's cellphone with texts about "sex on the desk" with a fellow soccer mom:( (wish I was kidding). He is my EX. FB flirtations are not anywhere near in the same category as that. But, I have standards. And I am admittedly fragile after the exH of 18 years doing that, then dating a MM who passed himself off as divorcing....and now a man who seems to flirt "impulsivley" with women he doesn't even know who are his FB friends. I took him off my FB. I have not broken up with him YET. I've been away on business for 2 weeks, he is coming up to see me this weekend. My esteem is in the toilet over this and I do think it will interfere with my ability to be attracted to him. In a nutshell, I feel like this is the beginning of the end but am willing to see how it goes, see if he is invested. I agree with the "going underground" stuff. If it is his NATURE to flirt...he'll just do somewhere elsewhere or block me from posts in which he does it. I'm done with FB, and I'm probably done with him as well. I realize there aren't many men out there for me, but I'm also ok being alone. I"m financially independent, I've already had my kids...don't really need this sh@t if it's just going to make me insecure. Oh I thought that you were in your early 20s like me. I understand now. I thought it was more of like a "casual dating" kind of thing. It seems like you want a serious partner and thats a good thing. Best of luck!!:) Link to post Share on other sites
LivingDeadGrl Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 My ex would comment on women's pictures also. "The face of an angel" "Wow" Etc... I would get extremely upset and confront him. He would justify it by saying they had low self esteem and he was trying to make them feel better about themselves (usually the women he commented on were overweight or getting out of ex-abusive relationships). To me, this was not his job to make them feel better. It was his job to make me feel good, not them. Apparently I was selfish because I thought this. I asked how he would feel if I had commented on some guys picture, he said he wouldn't care. BS The point is unless he actually gets it and understands what he did is not only inappropriate but disrespectful, he will keep doing it. The comments this guy made doesn't seem anywhere near as bad, but you have to start somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
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