Is she losing interest or just going through a transition phase?

[TaraMaiden2]

Well, I was basically blindsided tonight.

 

......

Needless to say, I am devastated. Completely and I don't know what to do. I am not willing to give up because I love this girl and deep down know that she is the one I want to be with.

 

Please refer to my posts #2 & #5.

 

Remember what I said about the relationship being 50/50?

 

The above comment is absolutely typical of that.

You can't 'want' for the both of you.

And it seems that what you want (above) may stretch so far it embraces the globe - if she doesn't 'want' the same thing, there's not a damn thing you can do to change that.

 

I hate to say it, but you're merely prolonging the agony and leaving yourself in limbo.

 

She blindsided you tonight.

Don't get your hopes up, but don't be a push-over either.

 

Fall off her radar and consider this over.

She really isn't as committed to this as much as you are.

 

You lack compatibility in so many vital areas.

Perhaps, much as it hurts, you need to face the cold reality of the fact that YOUR love, consideration and introspection, simply are not enough.

[losangelena]

OP, I'm sorry things went this way, but I'm not surprised that it wasn't a more productive conversation. Most relationship talks are not productive, as talking is not really the answer.

 

I'm not sure you did right by telling her it's over, yet state here that you're not willing to let this drop. Which is it? What do you do if she doesn't return to you? Are you really willing to let this be over? And what kind of message does that send to her, that you'll so easily go back on your word?

 

I agree that you should go quiet. Let her sort herself out. Look: Life Stress Test automatic score. How many of those is she going through right now? Trying to work out relationship issues right now is a fool's errand. When she asked for space, however clumsily, you should have disappeared until she reached out. Taken two deep breathes and just laid low.

 

Again, maybe this was inevitable, but if she really is just bent out of shape at the moment, don't add fuel to the fire.

[TaraMaiden2]

OP, I'm sorry things went this way, but I'm not surprised that it wasn't a more productive conversation. Most relationship talks are not productive, as talking is not really the answer.

 

I'm not sure you did right by telling her it's over, yet state here that you're not willing to let this drop. Which is it? What do you do if she doesn't return to you? Are you really willing to let this be over? And what kind of message does that send to her, that you'll so easily go back on your word?

 

.... When she asked for space, however clumsily, you should have disappeared until she reached out. Taken two deep breathes and just laid low.

 

Again, maybe this was inevitable, but if she really is just bent out of shape at the moment, don't add fuel to the fire.

 

^^This, completely.^^.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I'm sorry things went this way, but I'm not surprised that it wasn't a more productive conversation. Most relationship talks are not productive, as talking is not really the answer.

 

I'm not sure you did right by telling her it's over, yet state here that you're not willing to let this drop. Which is it? What do you do if she doesn't return to you? Are you really willing to let this be over? And what kind of message does that send to her, that you'll so easily go back on your word?

 

I agree that you should go quiet. Let her sort herself out. Look: Life Stress Test automatic score. How many of those is she going through right now? Trying to work out relationship issues right now is a fool's errand. When she asked for space, however clumsily, you should have disappeared until she reached out. Taken two deep breathes and just laid low.

 

Again, maybe this was inevitable, but if she really is just bent out of shape at the moment, don't add fuel to the fire.

 

Agreed. Now you're the one sending mixed messages, OP. I understand that you're confused by her behaviour too, but you are also not clear on where you want to go now.

 

I see a deeper incompatibility. You have different romantic, communication and relationship styles. She is who she is. She knows what you wanted, but she couldn't provide that. Neither or you is wrong. You're just quite different in terms of needs and desires.

 

And I think you need to stop hitting up her friends for insight and advice. While they know her very well, this is between you and your girlfriend. I don't think it's wise to be having heart-to-hearts with other people about her.

[jjtr]

She didn't say that she didn't want the same thing, just that she didn't know. Looking back, I don't know if I pressured her with where I was or not. I don't need her to be at the same place I am,

I just wanted to enjoy the relationship and maybe I haven't made that clear.

 

I didn't tell her it was over. I told her I wasn't going to be the one to end it because I thought she was making a rash decision based on stres and I suggested she take time to calm down and think about it. I said that, if in fact ending it is what she wanted, when I left that was that. I said that once I walked out the door, it would be done. That's when she agreed to cooling down and reconvening in a week to talk again.

 

We were both visibly upset. She was in tears, as was I. This was such a sudden shift. Which is why I absolutely feel as though it has a lot to do with stress factors. I flat out said that the affection thing is not a fundamental flaw and that it hasn't been an issue since we first discussed it. Hell, I had just told her how much it meant that she had been more affectionate recently.

 

Also, she never originally asked for space. And I have told her that if she needed it, she simply could communicate that.

[TaraMaiden2]

'A droning man will clutch at a straw'.

 

Sadly, being 'in' it, you can't see it.

 

A relationship shouldn't be this hard.

You have strong emotional incompatibilities.

 

This is always going to entail too much effort.

[jjtr]

Perhaps I'm not understanding how I sent mixed signals.

 

I thought what I said was pretty clearly stated. I am not one to do the break up, get back together thing. I told her that if she really wanted to end it, if I left with where th discussion was at, that was it. That's when she agreed to take time to settle down emotionally and come back to it in a week.

[jjtr]

'A droning man will clutch at a straw'.

 

Sadly, being 'in' it, you can't see it.

 

A relationship shouldn't be this hard.

You have strong emotional incompatibilities.

 

This is always going to entail too much effort.

 

That's the thing, our relationship has been perfect to this point. And I don't think it makes sense that she suddenly wants to throw it out based on something we've never had a heart to heart about.

 

Which is why I believe she's acting out of stress.

[TaraMaiden2]

'A drowning man will clutch at a straw'.

 

Sadly, being 'in' it, you can't see it.

 

A relationship shouldn't be this hard.

You have strong emotional incompatibilities.

 

This is always going to entail too much effort.

 

Edited to correct typo.

 

Drones are pointless and get killed off anyway....

[jjtr]

Playing with that analogy a bit, I have decided that if I'm drowning, I might as well go down with the ship.

 

She left the door open by bringing up the idea of revisiting the conversation a week from now and since she did that, I am not about to let this end. Not only because I know I don't want it to end, but I know her and I'm of the mindset she doesn't want it to either. There were too many, "I don't know" responses from her and she was grasping at anything, even non-issues, trying to make them reasons for why she "didn't think it could work."

 

If she wants to end it, I need to definitively hear it's over from her.

 

I appreciate everyone's opinions and I'm very well aware I could be back here posting about how it has officially ended, but as of today she is still my girlfriend and I am not giving up on her this easily. I have folded easily in the past and nope, not going to do it this time. At least not until the answer is clear cut and definitive.

 

I'm not saying a word to her until next week comes around. I may wait for her to initiate things or I may get a hold of her Tuesday. Regardless, I simply cannot consider this over.

 

So, at this point, I would ask for approaches to the next conversation.

 

Despite her belief, the affection isn't an overbearing compatibility issue. Despite her belief, I don't need her to be where I am in the relationship or in a hurry. Despite her belief, she does give me what I need. That's why this has lasted a year. I love her too much for this to end on something that doesn't even make sense to me. Her reasoning had zero logic, which further makes me think it's stress talking.

[losangelena]

So, at this point, I would ask for approaches to the next conversation.

 

I'd say to simply be quiet and listen.

 

OP, I'm sorry but I feel so confused about what you're saying. The way I understood the beginning of this thread is that she's become more distant because of her increased work schedule and recent move. Her distance caused you to call into question her commitment to the relationship, and made you feel less of a priority because she hasn't currently been able to meet your relationship needs.

 

Have I got that right?

 

But now you're saying that you're happy with the level of affection. What? That seems like a pretty quick 180. Please correct me if I've got that wrong.

 

It sounds like now that you've surmised that it's stress causing her to pull away, and not sudden disinterest in the relationship, that's it's OK. Suddenly, you're fine. Your anxiety has been assuaged, and she can take all the time she needs.

 

Maybe I'm wrong in the reading of that, but if I'm not, that feels selfish to me.

 

Instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt and sitting in the uncertainty of the moment, you have heart-to-hearts with her friends; you get her (intentionally or not) riled up to the point of tears, simply to prove that it's the stress talking.

 

So now she has work stress, moving stress, and on top of everything else pressure from her BF. I know you're not intentionally trying to pressure her, but I'm 90% sure that's what if feels like to her. She needs to feel supported by you right now, not questioned.

 

So what do you do when she comes back? You incentivize her time with you. You ask about her day, you ask how you can make her life easier, you take her out somewhere she likes, you spoil her. You make her want to spend time with you. Focus on building a connection, not more communicating. Another talk, especially in the current environment, will backfire for sure.

 

On a side note, OP I've been reading your other threads about this relationshp, and it seems like you have some anxiety over it. Have all your relationships been that way? In my experience, expecting a partner to be the one to assuage all our relationshp anxiety is a recipe for disaster. You've got to do some of that yourself.

[highseas]

jjtr: I'm sorry the talk seemed to have gone in a bad direction and now even ending it has somehow become a possibility (I know you don't want it to end, but the fact the this even came up as a possibility was not good).

 

I agree with you. It doesn't sound like some kind of a deal-breaker and you've been together one year and she is doing well for herself, getting a new job and moving into a new place. This is a transition period and there's a lot of stress. She needs to impress her new bosses and colleagues (going out with colleagues and drinking--you should be cool with that as a form of networking for her). She needs support right now, not an overly demanding BF (I know you don't think it's overly demanding, nor do I, but with her work mindset and new job and environment, there's too much going on and she doesn't want to open up a new battlefront this this juncture).

 

I would keep it lighthearted and focus on the positives and tone down the serious talk, etc when everything gets reexamined, including whether the relationship should end, etc.

 

Definitely not give up on her. I would totally steer clear of any ending talk (even contemplating the possibility of it). Just don't bring that up unless you want that to be put on the table for discussion. I do agree with some on here that there maybe a bit of an emotional imbalance with you being more of the giver. But as long as you BOTH are okay with that level of giving/taking it should work.

[jjtr]

I'd say to simply be quiet and listen.

 

OP, I'm sorry but I feel so confused about what you're saying. The way I understood the beginning of this thread is that she's become more distant because of her increased work schedule and recent move. Her distance caused you to call into question her commitment to the relationship, and made you feel less of a priority because she hasn't currently been able to meet your relationship needs.

 

Have I got that right?

 

But now you're saying that you're happy with the level of affection. What? That seems like a pretty quick 180. Please correct me if I've got that wrong.

 

It sounds like now that you've surmised that it's stress causing her to pull away, and not sudden disinterest in the relationship, that's it's OK. Suddenly, you're fine. Your anxiety has been assuaged, and she can take all the time she needs.

 

Maybe I'm wrong in the reading of that, but if I'm not, that feels selfish to me.

 

Instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt and sitting in the uncertainty of the moment, you have heart-to-hearts with her friends; you get her (intentionally or not) riled up to the point of tears, simply to prove that it's the stress talking.

 

So now she has work stress, moving stress, and on top of everything else pressure from her BF. I know you're not intentionally trying to pressure her, but I'm 90% sure that's what if feels like to her. She needs to feel supported by you right now, not questioned.

 

So what do you do when she comes back? You incentivize her time with you. You ask about her day, you ask how you can make her life easier, you take her out somewhere she likes, you spoil her. You make her want to spend time with you. Focus on building a connection, not more communicating. Another talk, especially in the current environment, will backfire for sure.

 

On a side note, OP I've been reading your other threads about this relationshp, and it seems like you have some anxiety over it. Have all your relationships been that way? In my experience, expecting a partner to be the one to assuage all our relationshp anxiety is a recipe for disaster. You've got to do some of that yourself.

 

 

I think this is what she was trying to tie together as well, though I tried explaining that they are two different things. I do not view affection and my frustration with not seeing her enough to be the same thing. The conversation with affection was in regards to little things that mean something to me (e.g. hand-holding and other minor forms of PDA, snuggling, etc). I consider the time management/working me into her schedule an entirely separate thing and that is what I explained to her. Lack of sex lately was also something I brought up, and did attribute to her losing interest, but I realize that could also be due to stress (she said she was already self-conscious about it when I mentioned it). She felt it was the affection thing that was causing the relationship to not work, not the time management/lack of intimacy thing. I can flat out, honestly say, that's not true. We had that discussion almost two months ago, she committed to trying to be more consistent with initiating/allowing those things and she has done a good job. I am happy on that front.

 

As to the stress, yes, that's my belief. I cannot chalk it up to anything else. She couldn't give me a straight answer when I asked if she was losing interest or if she wanted to end it. I gave her every opportunity to end it and she didn't. My anxiety about this is not cured. Not in the least bit. There could very well be a disinterest, but unless she tells me that, I refuse to believe it. It would go against every trend of our relationship. I am recognizing that I am the selfish one right now (and I told her so). She needs time to sort this new stage of her life out. I messed up in not realizing that. I admitted it. I want to be there for her, understand her and help her (if she lets me). Me bending a bit while she gets through this phase is worth it. If we move months down the road and it's not getting any better, then it's another story.

 

Also, I think saying I caused her to cry is unfair. Obviously you do not know the situation, but it was emotional on both fronts. If anything, I was the first to get emotional and then she started to.

 

I would not necessarily say I have had heart-to-hearts with her friends. Sometimes, since my girlfriend is tough to read and often doesn't tell me what's going on, I reach out to them to see if they know what's up. I haven't done this on many occasions. I believe only twice. The one I referenced in the first post, her friend approached me and asked me if I loved my girlfriend. Then started to explain that she was just a complicated person to understand. Is contacting her friends sometimes partially to calm anxious thoughts. Absolutely. But, at the same time, trying to be there for her is of great importance to me. She is often reluctant to accept that, and prefers to just sit alone, but I at least attempt it.

 

I admit that I was naive to her moving stress, on top of the work stress. I was living off the high helping her move created for our relationship and when she slunked into silence, I assumed something that maybe wasn't right. I have thought about that and realized that's not the case. At the same time, she said she felt stress before those days, due to the move. The facts she stated there, in my opinion, were not fair. She said my comments while shopping for her new apartment stuff made her stressed/pressured. Comments like, "I feel bad that you're paying for all of this since I'll be using it often" when we have spent plenty of time at each other's places over the course of this relationship (mostly her at my place, which she also stated she liked better because she felt she could leave whenever she needed to). I say I feel it's unfair (and yes, I know me talking about unfair right now is not the best look, but it's important to this point) because she was saying things along the lines of, "do WE need this?" and, "I probably should get this for our bathroom." That, along with the simple fact that she brought me along shopping for a mattress, couch and other major home items and significantly valued my opinion. Maybe others would think that as normal, but when she is asking my opinion on how a mattress feels, I feel as though she is as equally responsible for anything that may be perceived as "pressure" as far as always staying at each other's place goes. I have insisted for months (and last night) that I don't need to spend every night at her place and that living together is something we agreed to table, but she seems to always come back around to it and I don't know how to respond other than to say I am on the same page there.

 

I just don't know. I feel as though she is looking to areas we have previously addressed (and I thought dealt with) as areas that are stressing her out/pressuring her. I don't know what else to tell her when she tells me she's not as far along, but at a year, feels like she should be, other than to say I am fine with that. Which, I wholeheartedly am. I am not in a rush to get married. I'm not in a rush to have a family. I'm not in a rush to move in. I want to spend time with my girlfriend and have a good time. Which is why I've told her that she doesn't have to feel bad if she invites me over and then just does work. I enjoy her presence and that's often enough for me.

 

As for your last paragraph (in direct relation to this incident), she was the one who suggested we have a talk in a week and revisit things. Do I still avoid it? Do I contact her Tuesday and ask what I can do to make her life easier? Since the revisiting thing was her ideas, I am not sure how to handle it if you are saying actually talking would be detrimental.

Edited July 22, 2015 by jjtr

[jjtr]

I have done so much self-reflection in the past few days while laying in bed/walking on my lunches, and it's been eye opening. I have finally taken the time to look at the way I've been acting from her perspective, especially as of late. I have interpreted silent stretches as her ignoring me or giving me the cold shoulder. I have taken every bit of affection I show that she doesn't joyously reciprocate as something being wrong instead of just accepting that's who she is. She's never rebuffed my affection, so why did I ever assume that? She knows I have never intended to pressure her because I've told her, but maybe I subconsciously have.

 

I am such an idiot. My only hope is that when next week rolls around, it's not too late.

 

I need her to know that I used the week to reflect on my actions of late and that I truly realize it now. I want her to know that I'm here for her while she goes through this hectic phase (whether that means me physically being there or just giving her some space). If that only means one sleepover a week and then whenever she has time to hang out for a bit, that's fine. I truly want this to work and I realize that in order for that to happen, I need to swallow my pride for the time being and make a few sacrifices, no matter how hard it may be. I need to apologize if I made it seem like this relationship was on some sort of timeline and that I don't care if it's been a year and she doesn't know exactly what she wants/is behind. I've told her before, but I need her to know that it truly is ok. It's only been a year. A year in which she was in law school and now starting her career. She needs to settle into life.

 

I don't know. I've just realized how naive I've been and how much overanalyzing I have done. I pray that it's not too late, because I would hate for her to be cut out of my life. I'm so in love with this girl. I haven't dated as heavily as some, but I've had my share of relationships and I have never felt this way about anyone else. I don't want to have to cut her out of my life, because that's what I would have to do if this was over. That's how much it would hurt. It sounds very middle school-ish, but even something as irrelevant as her liking a post I made on Facebook today bummed me out. I hate that it's come to the stage where we needed to take a week of silence to think things over.

 

I just fear that instead of realizing she misses me this week, she thinks the opposite and that it's all over.

 

Sorry, that's the end of my rant.

Edited July 23, 2015 by jjtr

[smackie9]

Simply put: The honeymoon phase is over, and the incompatibility finally comes to light. Personality differences, expectation differences....won't work like this for the long haul. A relationship CANNOT survive on love alone.....this is why it's starting to fall apart.

[jjtr]

Simply put: The honeymoon phase is over, and the incompatibility finally comes to light. Personality differences, expectation differences....won't work like this for the long haul. A relationship CANNOT survive on love alone.....this is why it's starting to fall apart.

 

There is more than love.

 

And expectation differences , in my opinion, have only become an issue right now. We were completely fine for the first 10 1/2 months of this relationship. Those expectations are not a permanent thing.

 

Personality differences? Yes. To an extent. But there's not a single relationship where personality differences do not exist. These personality differences, again after reflecting, are not deal breakers (in my opinion).

 

I guess I'll find out come next week. Whether or not she wants to work on this or give up is her decision. I know what my decision is.

[Blanco]

OP, I know you're going to do what you want regardless of what anyone says. I know this because I was you for THREE YEARS.

 

Had your original post been a bit less specific, I could swear you were describing my relationship with this girl. I suspect many people would feel that way, because many of us have been in relationships or dated people like your girlfriend.

 

I know you're feeling panicky right now, and you're trying to cling to anything that will keep you afloat in this relationship. But take it from me: You two are very different people at your core. One of you is going to end up unsatisfied with the relationship as it is most of the time, if not both of you. Believe me. I lived it for three years and I tried everything I could to make it work. It didn't matter. She was who she was and I was who I was. We both meant well most of the time, but our attachment styles were just not the same, and as such, we were only sporadically on the same page emotionally.

 

I ignored a LOT of red flags, and it cost me at least a couple of years, not to mention the last six months of healing from the breakup. No one is saying your girlfriend is a bad person. What they're saying is that emotionally, she is very different from you. Yes, relationships need compromise, but this goes beyond compromise. One of you will have to end up being someone and something that you aren't to keep the other person satisfied.

 

My ex was also amazing in the beginning; caring, affectionate, complimentary, touchy-feely. This lasted five or six months until she seemingly out of nowhere told me she was feeling detached from what we had going. She had warned me in the past that this had happened with pretty much every guy she had dated. But having never been with someone like that, I thought I could handle it. I couldn't.

 

I probably should've left the relationship at that point, but I didn't. It wasn't all bad after that, but I'll tell you that I never felt really safe with the relationship for more than a week or two at a time for the rest of the time we were together.

 

Don't take your girl's actions personally. But also don't sell your own wants and needs short. It sounds like you're on the verge of really sacrificing some of the things you desire from a relationship just so this relationship won't end.

[GemmaUK]

I think she was enjoying the relationship, her situation changed and rightly she expected her partner to be aware and accept that more of her time and her thoughts would be taken up with all of the new challenges she has.

The best way to support through that is first of to realise it.

To hep if asked to.

To give the person space to get on with it.

 

I dated a guy who - things were all OK at the start but then my work got busier, I knew it was going to and told him.

I suggested having 'date nights' a couple of times a week (we were LD so date night would have been a long call during the week) but he simply replied 'No.'.

It then panned out that he was always 100% available and expected texts all day every day and also a call for an hour or two each and every night.

Some days I was working anywhere between 9am-8pm/9pm/10pm/11pm instead of my usual 9am to 5.30pm and he completely had no understanding of me needing to eat, clear up, do any personal maintenance or house maintenance let alone have any time for just doing things I might feel like doing to relax - eg watching a TV show or reading a book.

 

I found myself having to explain precisely what I was doing all the time. I wasn't even able to justify having an evening just to myself if I was exhausted as he would argue it saying that if I slept the previous night then I shouldn't be tired at all.

 

I was stressed out but the stress wasn't from work it was all from him.

On very occasional instances he would be OK but it never lasted more than a few hours before I was in the bad books again over it. Towards the end of the RS he said word for word 'I am not considerate of time you need to do anything at home because I have never had to look after a home'.

He also had never worked overtime so he couldn't understand how it might be tiring.

This is an extreme example.

 

OP, find yourself things to do (if your chat goes OK that is) and let her come to you when she wants and when she can.

Give her some time to get a routine going.

 

Also I would advise never trying to speak to her friends again. That really is a step too far IMO.

[losangelena]

OP, any update? Did y'all talk?

[kizik15]

Hi OP,

 

I'm going through something similar, and can only say that you need to take several steps back, and completely leave this woman alone. She feels stifled, suffocated, stressed, confused and unsure of a lot of things. The more you try to talk to her, the more you will be bothering her, and she will 100% lose all attraction for you.

 

This is likely what's happening in my situation. Fortunately, I have not acted at all desperate or weird (yet), I let her know that I'm here for her and that she can get ahold of me... when SHE wants to you.

 

Stop all your craziness, try to relax, and distract yourself by doing fun things with your friends. Repeat: this girl is NOT happy with you right now, and the only chance you have of her feelings changing back is to leave her totally alone to process her life.

 

PS. Start watching Corey Wayne's videos TODAY.

 

[kizik15]

One more thing: I have likely lost my GF, due to things I have done and also due to changes in her, but it's not too late for me to start acting like a MAN. Men value themselves, love themselves, have a 'take it or leave it' attitude, give women the freedom to want/miss them, and are willing to walk away when their needs are not being met.

 

I am not the man yet that I want to be, but at 31, I have time to change. While I may have messed it up with my STBXGF, I can use these lessons going forward, and never give my self-confidence over to a woman or a relationship status again.

 

Always alpha, always strong, always her rock, at all times.

[jjtr]

I realized that I never came back to post an update.

 

We ended up meeting a day earlier than planned. All that day I was anxious and certain things were going to end poorly. However, cooler heads have prevailed. We had a much less emotionally charged discussion and both admitted we each needed to work on things. I apologized for being ignorant to her current situation and adding unnecessary stress, admitting asking for more time was selfish. I also said that I finally was aware of subconsciously pressuring her by some of the stuff I was saying. I said we need to cut out any timelines and ultimatums that may have been implied and just enjoy ourselves. She also admitted that she had overreacted about some of the things she was saying were deal breakers last week and that they were going to be issues not just in this relationship, but in any one. And said she realized she had sent mixed signals. Another thing she touched on was just worrying about that it was a year in and she started to think about, "what if it doesn't work out?" because she felt she wasted two years on her last relationship and was worried about that happening again. She also said it was stupid of her to expect me, or anyone, to be a mind reader.

 

Basically, we both now know we have some stuff to work on, know we can sit down to hash any future issues out and that we've had such a good relationship to this point that it'd be silly for these issues to end it.

 

I think we made a lot of headway and both each took mutual responsibility (emphasized because from my perspective this was the major takeaway) for things getting to where they did. This is the first time in our relationship I have been force to really think about how I have acted and it was a major wakeup call. I need to be much more aware of when and how I express my needs and I need to be much more understanding of hers. And it seems she realized some things about herself too.

 

Since we've talked, things have gone really well. She has been working late, but she has at least made the effort of asking if I want to stay over, even if it's just coming over and heading right to bed (she knows I like sleeping next to her). A few weekends ago we had our year anniversary, then went to hangout with her folks the next day. It still bums me out sometimes if she doesn't think to shoot me a text at all on any given day, but I also now realize that it is because she is occupied with other stuff and may not always be thinking about me. So, instead of asking her what's wrong on those days, I just ask her how her day went. The affection thing is also a lot less of an issue for me. I have realized I don't need her to be all over me, all the time.

[GemmaUK]

 

Good luck!

It sounds like you have seriously made some headway here! Fantastic!!

I'm pleased for you both. Cos...it's not easy..it does take work...always..but Hell it can be so worth it!!

[jjtr]

Hey all. I just wanted to bump this thread.

 

Things between us have been going great ever since what happened in post #24 of this thread. I have learned that I don't need overwhelming affection, constant PDA, etc and she has been better about trying to squeeze me in for sleepovers and stuff during week nights when she's at the office really late. Since this "fight," we have pretty much been together every weekend (for the majority of the weekend) aside from I think one weekend.

 

She's brought me with to visit her parents twice since this incident and we visited some of her other relatives again as well. She came with me to visit my family and really, things couldn't be better.

 

One thing that doesn't really bother me, but does raise a level of curiosity, is that she hasn't given me a key to her apartment back. When the things in post #24 went down, I irrationally took her key off my keychain and left it on her table (she had given it to me when she moved in). Her friend (who was also moving) ended up using it because she had stored stuff at my GF's place for awhile and needed to readily get to it, so maybe she would have asked me for it even if I hadn't given it back.

 

Now, though, with the relationship going great, I have just kind of been waiting for her to give it back. To tell you the truth, it's not really necessary for me to have it (as I'm not going over when she's not there), but I do think about it. She has my key and recently used it to surprise me one night after she had been working super late (we hadn't seen one another in over a week at that point) which was cool. I would like to surprise her by doing the same sometime and cooking dinner so it was ready when she got home or something along those lines. Despite not needing it per se, I have been wondering if she like doesn't trust me with it.

 

I asked her casually about it and she said, "I just don't think you're really over enough to need it."

 

I'm not sure what to make of that. It's a valid point, as I've only usually over maybe once during the work week and then on weekends (all while she is home, obviously). Does that seem like a legitimate reason? Do you think she doesn't want me to have it because she thinks I'll show up one night when she isn't in the mood to see me and regret it?

[smackie9]

Things are going well so stop while you are ahead about the key.