Phoe Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Two complete strangers from my old fast food days gave me their numbers out of the blue. That is an approach. Standing next to some one and talking or brushing up against them is not an approach. Approaching requires some kind of active effort, and what as described was very passive behavior I agree. I view an approach as a very clear and deliberate show of interest. Asking out, asking for number, asking for date etc. My past approaches were almost all VERY deliberate, as in "would you like to go to dinner with me?" deliberate. If I see a guy wearing, say, an awesome game of thrones shirt, I'll say "hey, cool shirt!" Not because I'm approaching him/coming onto him/showing interest. It's because I think he has a cool shirt. Same for me. If I'M wearing an awesome game of thrones shirt and someone says "hey, cool shirt!", I'm not gonna take it as an approach. I'm gonna take it as him thinking my shirt is cool because hey! fellow game of thrones fans are awesome to chat to. I mean what I say and say what I mean, and tend to take the same from others. If someone was telling me my shirt is cool, but is actually trying to ask for my phone number, uhhh... I'm not gonna know that. At all. Lol. People are silly! 2
carhill Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I view an approach as a very clear and deliberate show of interest. Asking out, asking for number, asking for date etc. That's unambiguous and, using that criteria, I'll update to never. 1
Male Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 That's unambiguous and, using that criteria, I'll update to never. As should most men. Because many women in their mind see an approach as walking by the cute guys desk 3 times in one day rather than just one. 2
carhill Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Sure, there's a quite spectacular young lady who always catches my eye and says hi and sometimes does the 'bla, bla' as work allows but that's not an approach. Why? I've known her for a couple years and the first iterations were, wait for it, while she was married! The guys who get routinely approached in an overt and sexual manner are, well, spectacular. Good on you guys. It's a wonderful life. Enjoy it.
Phoe Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 That's unambiguous and, using that criteria, I'll update to never. Well, I definitely concede that there IS a certain amount of ambiguity to the art of approaches, and there can be certain situations where it doesn't hold to the criteria I listed above, but still would be a very clear approach. I just can't actually think of an exact example to give as one of those scenarios, because I've never experienced that. That's why I say that I have never been cold approached. I've never had that very clear unambiguous signal. Sure, I've had the "I wore a game of thrones shirt and a guy told me my shirt was cool and then we chatted about the show for a while" types of encounters. But for me to take that as an approach? As interest? No way. For all I know the guy is gay, asexual, taken, married, or just plain not interested and simply saw an opportunity to talk to a fellow fan. I suppose it depends on how a person operates. There are people who go around thinking everyone who smiles and says hi to them is interested, and there are people who go around thinking everyone is just innocently friendly. I'm of the "most people are just polite and friendly" camp. Reminds me of my high school prom. A group of us kids from my english class were all standing in a group dancing and singing and smiling and laughing, totally innocent. A guy from my class who I hadn't really interacted with much but was familiar with, was dancing next to me. I was having fun, and I turned to face him and smiled at him as we danced near each other. The next day in class he comes up to me and goes "What was with you last night? Geez, you were all over me..." Pardon me for smiling at you and dancing within 2 feet of you.
DaisyBug Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 And thats the problem right there. Many women only say something if they are interested in a guy. Otherwise they typically dont interact with strangers. So when a woman does strike up a convo thats why guys assume the woman must be interested. I think that's what guys think, so maybe that's why some women don't strike up random conversations for fear of the guy seeing it as a "green light"? There was a barista at my Starbucks that had such a beautiful smile. I was not the slightest bit interested in him, but I really wanted to tell him how nice his smile was. Never did, because he could take it the wrong way, get embarrassed because I'm older than he was, etc. The other day, I wanted to tell a customer ahead of me at Subway what a great personality he had (he was joking with the ladies behind the counter and being hilarious) but I was too chicken. If guys really do take it as a come-on, I'd better be even more careful. Ha. 1
DaisyBug Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 As should most men. Because many women in their mind see an approach as walking by the cute guys desk 3 times in one day rather than just one. Only if they drop their hanky on the 3rd try! 1
Phoe Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 And thats the problem right there. Many women only say something if they are interested in a guy. Otherwise they typically dont interact with strangers. So when a woman does strike up a convo thats why guys assume the woman must be interested. I think that's what guys think, so maybe that's why some women don't strike up random conversations for fear of the guy seeing it as a "green light"? There was a barista at my Starbucks that had such a beautiful smile. I was not the slightest bit interested in him, but I really wanted to tell him how nice his smile was. Never did, because he could take it the wrong way, get embarrassed because I'm older than he was, etc. The other day, I wanted to tell a customer ahead of me at Subway what a great personality he had (he was joking with the ladies behind the counter and being hilarious) but I was too chicken. If guys really do take it as a come-on, I'd better be even more careful. Ha. While there certainly are cases where people take friendliness the wrong way, I think that most people will take innocent conversation for what it is. I'll start conversations with anyone, anywhere, but it doesn't get taken the wrong way! Heck, I was in a hospital waiting room last week and struck up conversations with 3 different people. Old, young, male, female. Doesn't matter! Now a compliment, like the example above? Yes, I'd be sure to never do something like that. That is crossing a boundary, IMO. It could be taken the wrong way or could piss someone off.
jen1447 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Same for me. If I'M wearing an awesome game of thrones shirt and someone says "hey, cool shirt!", I'm not gonna take it as an approach. I'm gonna take it as him thinking my shirt is cool because hey! fellow game of thrones fans are awesome to chat to. Phoe your naivete is adorable ....but you know there are other reasons for ppl to like your 'shirt.'
Keenly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 As should most men. Because many women in their mind see an approach as walking by the cute guys desk 3 times in one day rather than just one. Then those women aren't approaching, they are fishing for attention.
Author danmillar Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Wow, you people are really confused. There is a difference between approaching someone and asking for their number. I have approached many women and never asked their number and likewise, I have been approached quite a few times without women offering their number. They may offer something else, ahem, but not necessarily a number. approach [uh-prohch] verb (used with object) 1.to come near or nearer to: 3. to present, offer, or make a proposal or request to: 5.to make advances to; address.
Keenly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 When people talk about approaching, they are not talking about "I walked up to him" Come on man... You know what people are talking about.
Phoe Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Phoe your naivete is adorable ....but you know there are other reasons for ppl to like your 'shirt.' Jen!! The shirt I'm referencing is legitimately awesome, haha. GOT fans always spot it. I used to have a skyrim shirt but the reference was a bit obscure. Only once did someone catch it!
Keenly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Jen!! The shirt I'm referencing is legitimately awesome, haha. GOT fans always spot it. I used to have a skyrim shirt but the reference was a bit obscure. Only once did someone catch it! Arrow to the knee? or did it just say Fus Ro Dah! If I walked by a girl with a GoT Shirt, I might say something like "ours is the fury" but I wouldn't expect her to understand.
Phoe Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 When people talk about approaching, they are not talking about "I walked up to him" Come on man... You know what people are talking about. I approached the cashier at Target today. I walked up to him, you know? And then I purchased my things and left.
Keenly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I approached the cashier at Target today. I walked up to him, you know? And then I purchased my things and left. So he rejected you? 1
Phoe Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Arrow to the knee? or did it just say Fus Ro Dah! If I walked by a girl with a GoT Shirt, I might say something like "ours is the fury" but I wouldn't expect her to understand. Fus Ro Dah! Ahh, a Baratheon I see! My shirt has the Targaryen sigil on it.
Phoe Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 So he rejected you? Hard to say, he did smile at me and ask if I found everything okay. You think that means something? Was that a signal?! 2
Keenly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Fus Ro Dah! Ahh, a Baratheon I see! My shirt has the Targaryen sigil on it. Definitely NOT a Baratheon after Stannis decided to be a.... terrible father. I just hate the most obvious references, I like to be more subtle. That way you REALLY know if some one is a fan when they can get subtle references. That being said, wearing a nerdy T shirt, in my humble opinion, is just asking for a nerd to approach you. I like the strategy.
Phoe Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Definitely NOT a Baratheon after Stannis decided to be a.... terrible father. I just hate the most obvious references, I like to be more subtle. That way you REALLY know if some one is a fan when they can get subtle references. That being said, wearing a nerdy T shirt, in my humble opinion, is just asking for a nerd to approach you. I like the strategy. You know... several seasons ago many of my friends were all about Stannis. Stannis is the Mannis! And I never felt right about him. I always felt a bit leery. I did like Renly... I do like subtle, or even downright obscure references. Great for conversations!
GorillaTheater Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Hard to say, he did smile at me and ask if I found everything okay. You think that means something? Was that a signal?! My assistant didn't sneer at me today as much as usual. She totally wants me. 5
craw Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 If you keep going flacid for your girlfriend because you're "way too into her" and gay guys are all over you then they've probably just figured out what you don't want to admit to yourself yet. =/ I get approached a bit online but not usually much in person. Maybe a couple times a year. I usually have an f off vibe when I'm out and don't go to parties or events made for socializing really. Almost always get a good reaction when I decide to put on the charm and approach myself though. I'm so sorry I LOL'd hard.
Keenly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 My assistant didn't sneer at me today as much as usual. She totally wants me. She wants the G. 2
Author danmillar Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Wow, I can tell why you people struggle so mightily getting a date.
GorillaTheater Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Wow, I can tell why you people struggle so mightily getting a date. You might be right. I've only dated one chick in the past 33 years. 3
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