Men: How Often Are You Approached?

[Jonp219]

Approached? Very very rarely does it happen to me and men in general.

 

The weirdest 'approach' I've experienced was when I was 17 years old. I was in my friends neighborhood one afternoon and this girl walked right by me, smacked my ass, and kept looking at me as she walked away. I didn't even know the girl that was the strange part. Alot of weird **** be happening in the hood lol.

[danmillar]

Approached? Very very rarely does it happen to me and men in general.

 

The weirdest 'approach' I've experienced was when I was 17 years old. I was in my friends neighborhood one afternoon and this girl walked right by me, smacked my ass, and kept looking at me as she walked away. I didn't even know the girl that was the strange part. Alot of weird **** be happening in the hood lol.

 

I've lived in NYC, and I found the women there to be the most honest, forthright and direct about approaching as I had ever seen up to that point.

 

I was about 30 lbs. overweight at the time, so I can only imagine how good life could be if I moved back there.

[Male]

Never been "approached" by a woman, but theres been a handful of situations where women have made it very obvious that they were interested.(blatant staring, or smiling and looking away when I looked at them)

 

If you directly ask most single women, many of them say they approach guys all the time, but I feel a lot of that is a flat out lie. They just dont want to openly admit that they wait for guys to do it.

[loveweary11]

Literally never.

 

I'm way too busy going about my business when I'm out, so I probably would never notice anyway.

[Phoe]

If you directly ask most single women, many of them say they approach guys all the time, but I feel a lot of that is a flat out lie. They just dont want to openly admit that they wait for guys to do it.

 

Well, I definitely admit that I never did it "all the time", about a dozen times in my life.

 

I never liked doing it, lol. It's not my thing (despite Jen's insistence that I'd be teachable! )

[DaisyBug]

I'm not so much asking HOW to approach a man as I am what a man prefers.

 

 

OMG!! I didn't mean to say that!! HA. I MEANT to say I am ASKING what a man prefers!!! Gosh... Well, THAT is embarrassing!!! Ha ha.

[DaisyBug]

How often I get approached by women I think are flirting with me: weekly

 

How often I get approached by women who are actually flirting with me: maybe once a month

 

 

I'm willing to bet most men think the same.

[jen1447]

I'm not so much asking HOW to approach a man as I am what a man prefers.

 

OMG!! I didn't mean to say that!! HA. I MEANT to say I am ASKING what a man prefers!!! Gosh... Well, THAT is embarrassing!!! Ha ha.

That was funny. Wish I'd noticed it earlier, would have been all "you go girl."

[Palmeiras]

I, for one, do not approach women. Not out of the blue, anyway.

 

I've been through enough to know how it works for me. No matter what anyone says, in the girl-guy mating world, women are the gatekeepers. So I let them have that role. What I mean by that is, I let women signal to me they are truly interested before I respond in kind. And this has always been the way it has worked (and I do get approached plenty).

 

Women approach in a variety of ways and for a number of reasons, but there are a few attributes to the kinds of men that really self-assured women will approach themselves (because they are used to letting it just happen to them):

 

1. The man has to be self-assured himself, and generally affable.

2. The man has to have a rather assertive and colorful, but not overbearing, personality.

3. The man has to have demonstrable expertise at his chosen pursuit(s) (i.e., not be an obvious BSer).

4. The man has to be sufficiently physically attractive and clean.

And the most important one...

5. The man has to be someone that is into socializing in general, and does not appear to be concerned with favoring any one person over another.

 

In sum, if a man is confident, takes care of himself, and treats everyone with the same amount of respect without ulterior motive, self-assured women will approach him. They will do it because they think he is worth getting to know, but also because they get to the point where they believe that he is not likely to give them special attention of his own accord. They have to "unlock" the gate for him, because he is not inclined to do it himself.

 

This is not a scheme to get women to approach; this is just the way it works, both for me and a lot of other men. I will show interest in a woman, but only if she opens the gate for me first. Otherwise, she will be a friend/acquaintance, and I will be happy with that.

 

The sum total is that men (well, all people really) should just be themselves, cultivate their persons (more difficult than it sounds), and treat everyone decently. Good things will happen, including the right women "revealing" themselves to those men.

 

Last point: It follows from the above that I will acknowledge approaches by women that are in my usual sphere of existence. However, I always shoot down cold approaches by strangers when I am just out and about, no matter the physical appearance, because I know the approaches are not motivated in any part by being interested in who I really am or what I care about.

Edited July 14, 2015 by Palmeiras

[2.50 a gallon]

I have long hair, so need some sort of hat to keep my hair out of my eyes. About 2 years ago I bought a brand new, still in the plastic bag, all leather cowboy hat for $5. Up until that time I had a large collection of baseball hats I wore. My GF likes cartoon characters, for me she decided I am Grumpy, as in the 7 dwarfs. I must have over half a dozen "Grumpy" T-shirts she has bought me. Another thing she bought me was a "Grumpy" baseball hat. This one is different, in that the bill is shaped like his large beard, with two big eyes on the hat, in the center of which is a large cotton like ball on the bill to simulate his nose. I like wearing it in the summer time as the bill was extra large, meaning it kept more of the sun out of my eyes. Also, if I wore it when I was out shopping, you would be surprised how many women would tell me they liked my hat.

One day while standing in line, at the grocery store, a good looking 30 years old behind told me the like my hat. Being in talkative mood, I told her I no longer hung out with them losers. Here we had this beautiful woman all to our own, and they didn't raise a hand when some tall dude rode in with a white horse and took her away from us. What is it with you women that makes you want to ride off with tall guys with white horses? Some of us short guys are lovers, we have to be! She laughed, that led to a conversation, and a number I never called.

[carhill]

2.50 a gallon's story reminded me of some rare occasions I've been approached in a similar manner, though I don't have long hair or wear a cowboy hat, but rather getting approached at gas stations when filling up one of my vintage cars. I'm smart enough to know that, generally, a woman isn't that interested in a Mustang or T-bird or whatever I'm driving so consider those interactions to be in the realm of approaches since they're strangers and made the first move in a situation where I didn't even notice they were there, rather was focused on keeping gas from dripping on the paint job

 

Oh, without exception- married!

[Male]

Maybe things were different when I was a teen/young adult but I was approached quite a bit by women

 

Woman are learning they dont have to approach anymore...they have an array of tools via online, phone apps, dating sites, etc to garner all the attention they could ever want.

[danmillar]

Depends on what you mean by approached. A couple weeks ago, I had two random, attractive women start conversations with me.

 

Well, yes, that definitely qualifies.

 

Some others use the definition that even if she doesn't start a conversation, if she gives any clear sign of interest, that fits the definition as well.

 

I sometimes include not-absolutely-clear approaches as well.

 

For example, a woman may walk up and stand next to you and start talking very loudly to get your attention.

 

Or, she may sit directly next to you, sometimes with physical contact, and not say a thing.

[Keenly]

Well, yes, that definitely qualifies.

 

Some others use the definition that even if she doesn't start a conversation, if she gives any clear sign of interest, that fits the definition as well.

 

I sometimes include not-absolutely-clear approaches as well.

 

For example, a woman may walk up and stand next to you and start talking very loudly to get your attention.

 

Or, she may sit directly next to you, sometimes with physical contact, and not say a thing.

 

Neither of your two examples count as an aporoach, as zero effort was put into both.

 

In my opinion anyway.

[danmillar]

Neither of your two examples count as an aporoach, as zero effort was put into both.

 

In my opinion anyway.

 

How much experience do you have with women approaching you?

[Keenly]

How much experience do you have with women approaching you?

 

 

Two complete strangers from my old fast food days gave me their numbers out of the blue.

 

That is an approach. Standing next to some one and talking or brushing up against them is not an approach.

 

 

Approaching requires some kind of active effort, and what as described was very passive behavior

[danmillar]

Two complete strangers from my old fast food days gave me their numbers out of the blue.

 

That is an approach. Standing next to some one and talking or brushing up against them is not an approach.

 

 

Approaching requires some kind of active effort, and what as described was very passive behavior

 

You are ducking the question.

 

How much experience do you have with women approaching you?

[Keenly]

You are ducking the question.

 

How much experience do you have with women approaching you?

 

I answered the question directly.

[autumnnight]

I have not really directly approached anyone. And it has nothing to do with thinking I am some diva. It was partly my upbringing, partly my generation, and partly the region where I grew up. I HAVE done the variations of "hanky" dropping like flirting, starting up a conversation, blah blah. I'm not opposed to more directness, but I jut haven't had the chance. Maybe it's because of the process of attraction for me.

 

I will say this: if I knew a man was interested in me and he was hanging back waiting for me to make the first move to prove some sort of point, my interest would go from 50 to zero in 2 seconds flat.

 

I don't date men with chips on their shoulders, men who whine, or men who don't like women.

[danmillar]

I answered the question directly.

 

Two in your lifetime?

[DaisyBug]

2.50 a gallon's story reminded me of some rare occasions I've been approached in a similar manner, though I don't have long hair or wear a cowboy hat, but rather getting approached at gas stations when filling up one of my vintage cars. I'm smart enough to know that, generally, a woman isn't that interested in a Mustang or T-bird or whatever I'm driving so consider those interactions to be in the realm of approaches since they're strangers and made the first move in a situation where I didn't even notice they were there, rather was focused on keeping gas from dripping on the paint job

 

Oh, without exception- married!

 

I have complimented men on their nice vintage cars/motorcycles a couple times before and not once meant it as a come-on. I would probably dish out more compliments in general if I didn't think men would take it the wrong way.

 

Not that you weren't really hit on, but just sayin' sometimes a woman is just being friendly and nothing more.

Edited July 14, 2015 by DaisyBug

[Male]

Not that you weren't really hit on, but just sayin' sometimes a woman is just being friendly and nothing more.

 

 

And thats the problem right there. Many women only say something if they are interested in a guy. Otherwise they typically dont interact with strangers. So when a woman does strike up a convo thats why guys assume the woman must be interested.

[alphamale]

Should be pretty self explanatory.

 

when i was younger i used to get approached all the time but it usually wasn't someone i was interested in. once in a while it was. being above average in the looks dept. did not hurt

 

at one point in time i was dating 4 women at the same time

[SammySammy]

I, for one, do not approach women. Not out of the blue, anyway.

 

I've been through enough to know how it works for me. No matter what anyone says, in the girl-guy mating world, women are the gatekeepers. So I let them have that role. What I mean by that is, I let women signal to me they are truly interested before I respond in kind. And this has always been the way it has worked (and I do get approached plenty).

 

Women approach in a variety of ways and for a number of reasons, but there are a few attributes to the kinds of men that really self-assured women will approach themselves (because they are used to letting it just happen to them):

 

1. The man has to be self-assured himself, and generally affable.

2. The man has to have a rather assertive and colorful, but not overbearing, personality.

3. The man has to have demonstrable expertise at his chosen pursuit(s) (i.e., not be an obvious BSer).

4. The man has to be sufficiently physically attractive and clean.

And the most important one...

5. The man has to be someone that is into socializing in general, and does not appear to be concerned with favoring any one person over another.

 

In sum, if a man is confident, takes care of himself, and treats everyone with the same amount of respect without ulterior motive, self-assured women will approach him. They will do it because they think he is worth getting to know, but also because they get to the point where they believe that he is not likely to give them special attention of his own accord. They have to "unlock" the gate for him, because he is not inclined to do it himself.

 

This is not a scheme to get women to approach; this is just the way it works, both for me and a lot of other men. I will show interest in a woman, but only if she opens the gate for me first. Otherwise, she will be a friend/acquaintance, and I will be happy with that.

 

The sum total is that men (well, all people really) should just be themselves, cultivate their persons (more difficult than it sounds), and treat everyone decently. Good things will happen, including the right women "revealing" themselves to those men.

 

Last point: It follows from the above that I will acknowledge approaches by women that are in my usual sphere of existence. However, I always shoot down cold approaches by strangers when I am just out and about, no matter the physical appearance, because I know the approaches are not motivated in any part by being interested in who I really am or what I care about.

 

 

Excellent post.

[Grumpybutfun]

Woman are learning they dont have to approach anymore...they have an array of tools via online, phone apps, dating sites, etc to garner all the attention they could ever want.

 

Hmm, I'm still approached to a lesser degree now so I don't know if that is quite true. I'm not receptive so it gets nipped pretty quick and I wear a wedding ring away from work. I had some woman's phone number on my truck the other day at work...someone who works for the company I was troubleshooting for. Mostly it is aggravation to me now so I don't think of it as a positive experience anymore. I have to go home and explain it to my wife who then teases me unmercifully about those pushy broads, etc. Maybe it is because these women are in their late twenties or thirties and are bolder? Idk.

G