Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 if this is the case -- then you are overreacting because he's indeed clueless & doesn't really know how to be sensitive with you in certain situations. however... i'd think about being with him on the long run if i were you. there are men out there better suited for you who aren't as clueless as this dude. maybe you just aren't a match & this probably won't be the last situation his cluelessness shows... you know? you gotta figure out will you have him with his clueless self or dump him and find someone who won't have his XF&ck buddy buy you a present (because, honestly, that is a far bigger fiasco to me than this situation). these situations are those little "signs" that show you your partner's REAL character. if he's clueless and insensitive now and can't understand why is inappropriate to have his X buy a present for you = these character traits will show in more serious relationship situations, too. think about it. Oh trust me, that present situation was a HUGE fiasco. I didn't let that go easily at all. We broke up and had three convos about it where he tried to plead his case. He finally got it and apologized profusely then explained how he'd have more foresight in the future etc. Yet and still, you're right - I've questioned his judgment since then and that's why I'm not fully over that situation and I find the lack of foresight even in a more trivial situation like this one concerning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Without getting too awfully deep into Freudian psychology, your BF sounds like a dip****. If he's really in love with a singer's girlfriend, he's a dip****. If he's not and he's just telling you that...he's a dip****. I just don't see any way around it. I actually would be interested in the Freudian psychology however. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Gary, a simple she's hot is OK. But I'm in love with her, I'm mad at him because I cant be with her... she's so beautiful. Really guy? That's just ridic. Men or Women shouldn't say that to their significant others imo. - I hear you. But it would be better off if guys would just keep their mouth shut.... then they wouldn't risk going on-and-on like your man did. If it helps any, talk is cheap but actions scream... he's with you, you are the one he really loves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 - I hear you. But it would be better off if guys would just keep their mouth shut.... then they wouldn't risk going on-and-on like your man did. If it helps any, talk is cheap but actions scream... he's with you, you are the one he really loves. True plus she's with a famous singer and he has no chance with her. Why risk what you could never get for what you have. You're right - men should just keep it zipped. lol Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 True plus she's with a famous singer and he has no chance with her. Why risk what you could never get for what you have. You're right - men should just keep it zipped. lol who is the singer? i'm dying from curiosity. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I think that is pretty mean and I would be upset too. A "she's hot" meh, but he went too far. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Minimariah, your red flags thread. No quotes. lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 I think that is pretty mean and I would be upset too. A "she's hot" meh, but he went too far. I think so too, diarrhea of the mouth smh Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Completely agreed. I don't mind the occasional celeb crush (heck I have a few myself!), but the way he put that was just waaaaay out of line. Saying that you're 'mad you can't be with (other woman)' is a totally different kettle of fish from 'man, that celeb is awesome!'. How long have the two of you been together? Is this the first time he's made such a comment? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I'm trying to over react less so looking for impartial feedback. Last night I mentioned a certain singer was coming to town to perform next month and it'd be nice if we went together to see him. My boyfriend (of 8 months) replied "jokingly" with: "I dont want to see him. I'm in love with his girlfriend and I'm mad that I can't be with her. Have you seen her?? She's so beautiful." Yes I've "seen her" and yes she's pretty but wtf does that have to do with me trying to suggest something for US to do together? And I understand the occasional "he or she is hot" comments about celebs (even tho she herself isnt a celeb) but in this context it seemed bizarre. And he is complimentary towards me, but going to the extent of how he said it and the timing was strange IMO. Oh and it doesn't help that her and I look absolutely nothing alike. lol Plus he never got back to the point about the concert itself. It was quite off putting and I wont lie, I was offended. What say you? p.s. we're in our late 20s if that matters When a partner makes an insensitive immature remark that clearly indicates a lapse in common sense, you say "you do realize how that remark would make me feel, right? If he's slaps his head and says, "oh gosh, I'm sorry. I think you're gorgeous", he's all good. If he's defensive or negates your feelings in anyway, you tell him that you were offended and rightly so and that his attitude is unacceptable and that in the future you would appreciate it if he would think before he speaks". If he continues that behavior, he isn't respecting your feelings or your relationship, you'll have to consider whether this is a dealbreaker then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Is he normally sarcastic like this? That may be more of his communication problem if he doesn't know when to use the fine art of sarcasm as a scalpel instead of a sledge hammer... or just when to keep his yap shut and say "yes, dear". Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 He forgot he was with his GF instead of one of his buddies....oops! I'm sure he will make mental note to keep comments like that between him and his buddies next time.....he blew it off but in his mind he said "AH ****, I BLEW IT!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Completely agreed. I don't mind the occasional celeb crush (heck I have a few myself!), but the way he put that was just waaaaay out of line. Saying that you're 'mad you can't be with (other woman)' is a totally different kettle of fish from 'man, that celeb is awesome!'. How long have the two of you been together? Is this the first time he's made such a comment? 8 months. And yes, it's the first time he's made a comment like this. He's mentioned getting a pass with another celeb but that was in the context of a conversation that made sense and very light hearted. I asked him could i get a pass too with my celeb? And he laughed and said hell no, so never mind about my comment as well. Yea, so nothing along these lines and in this context. It's been a couple of days now and he texted me last night saying he misses me and I didnt respond. He called a couple of times today and I called him back. He has a sore throat so we talked about that and the convo was normal. I kind of don't know how I'll bring this issue up again. May seem petty because of a couple of days passing, but it's still bothering me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 When a partner makes an insensitive immature remark that clearly indicates a lapse in common sense, you say "you do realize how that remark would make me feel, right? If he's slaps his head and says, "oh gosh, I'm sorry. I think you're gorgeous", he's all good. If he's defensive or negates your feelings in anyway, you tell him that you were offended and rightly so and that his attitude is unacceptable and that in the future you would appreciate it if he would think before he speaks". If he continues that behavior, he isn't respecting your feelings or your relationship, you'll have to consider whether this is a dealbreaker then. Can I still do this even though a couple of days has passed you think? Is he normally sarcastic like this? That may be more of his communication problem if he doesn't know when to use the fine art of sarcasm as a scalpel instead of a sledge hammer... or just when to keep his yap shut and say "yes, dear". Yes he can be sarcastic but not when it comes to things like this. More in the context of inconsequential things and it's not a biting sarcasm. More humorous. Nothing was funny or sarcastic in nature about this one though so Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 He forgot he was with his GF instead of one of his buddies....oops! I'm sure he will make mental note to keep comments like that between him and his buddies next time.....he blew it off but in his mind he said "AH ****, I BLEW IT!" LOL funny thing is, I wouldn't even say, "I'm mad I can't be with him" to my girlfriends about a celeb crush. It's just. Tacky. It's like he had a mini stroke mid conversation. Who says that. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Can I still do this even though a couple of days has passed you think? Yes he can be sarcastic but not when it comes to things like this. More in the context of inconsequential things and it's not a biting sarcasm. More humorous. Nothing was funny or sarcastic in nature about this one though so Well, to me it's not big enough of an issue to rehash unless or until it happens again. It seems like he just kinda was thinking he was talking to one of his "boys" for a second. But, going back to "little things" after a few days have passed loses the effect you want to achieve. He's probably kinda forgotten about it. I do get where you're coming from though It's kinda like when a puppy pees on the rug and you find it hours later. If you yell at them then, they don't really understand why they're getting yelled at . . . See if it happens again and then nip it He's otherwise good with you, yes? Everybody slips up now and again. Some time ago, Pierce Brosnan was on the TV, and I made an absentminded sigh. My SO said, "so he does it for ya too? and then he said "can I make you a martini, shaken, not stirred"? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mg101 Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Well, to me it's not big enough of an issue to rehash unless or until it happens again. It seems like he just kinda was thinking he was talking to one of his "boys" for a second. But, going back to "little things" after a few days have passed loses the effect you want to achieve. He's probably kinda forgotten about it. I do get where you're coming from though It's kinda like when a puppy pees on the rug and you find it hours later. If you yell at them then, they don't really understand why they're getting yelled at . . . See if it happens again and then nip it He's otherwise good with you, yes? Everybody slips up now and again. Some time ago, Pierce Brosnan was on the TV, and I made an absentminded sigh. My SO said, "so he does it for ya too? and then he said "can I make you a martini, shaken, not stirred"? Your SO is funny. Well at least you only sighed and didn't exclaim, I'm mad I cant be with him! I know, it loses its effect at this point. I'll try to restrain my passive aggressive inclinations to wait a week or so and do it to him to see his reaction. I know, I know. That's no good but Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) Your SO is funny. Well at least you only sighed and didn't exclaim, I'm mad I cant be with him! I know, it loses its effect at this point. I'll try to restrain my passive aggressive inclinations to wait a week or so and do it to him to see his reaction. I know, I know. That's no good but Eh, that would be more like playful "tit" for "tat" than passive-aggressive. Poking playfully at a faux paux. And do it a little over the top: If (your Pierce Brosnan is on), you shout "God, what I wouldn't give for an hour with that guy!" and nudge him. And, if he smiles knowingly, ok. If he gets pissy, that's a different thing. So be a little on guard, just in case. It doesn't sound like he's like that. didn't exclaim, I'm mad I cant be with him -- Yeah, well if he keeps doing it, he won't be with you either Edited July 7, 2015 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) My boyfriend (of 8 months) replied "jokingly" with: "I dont want to see him. I'm in love with his girlfriend and I'm mad that I can't be with her. Have you seen her?? She's so beautiful." You respond: Yes I've "seen her" and yes she's pretty but wtf does that have to do with me trying to suggest something for US to do together? I would not have responded that way. Had it been me...I would have thrown it RIGHT BACK AT HIM with... "Fabulous, so you'd be open to a threesome then? Cause I am finding her pretty darn hot myself!" Smirking while I am saying it.... And maybe I would have even upped it and said "hey and why don't we make it a foursome....cause I find HIM really hot too!" Just throw it right back at him. My boyfriend says dumb stuff to me ALL THE TIME like that (more so in the beginning of our relationship, probably to test my reaction), and that's what I do. It shows him (1) I have a sense of humor, and (2) I am secure enough within myself not to allow a dumb comment to affect me. He has since stopped that nonsense pretty much....probably cause he knows it will NOT garner a reaction from me....so it's no fun for him. Edited July 7, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) When a partner makes an insensitive immature remark that clearly indicates a lapse in common sense, you say "you do realize how that remark would make me feel, right? If he's slaps his head and says, "oh gosh, I'm sorry. I think you're gorgeous", he's all good. If he's defensive or negates your feelings in anyway, you tell him that you were offended and rightly so and that his attitude is unacceptable and that in the future you would appreciate it if he would think before he speaks". If he continues that behavior, he isn't respecting your feelings or your relationship, you'll have to consider whether this is a dealbreaker then. RH you're taking it all too seriously. The OP said herself he said it "jokingly." It was meant to be a joke! So treat it like a joke. Turn it into a fun bantering exchange! I love a little teasing and banter. So does my bf which is one reason why we are so compatible. However, OP, if YOU are super sensitive and take offense at such comments/jokes...and HE loves to joke around, teasing, and bantering etc....then in the long run you probably won't make it as a couple unfortunately. JMO. Edited July 7, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Ya, I am with kategirl on this one. My initial reaction was that it was probably a tasteless and pretty stupid thing to say but probably meant as a joke. It all depends I guess on what sort of relationship you have. My GF and I are pretty free when it comes to stuff like this. The other day she found a video clip of some country singer who gyrates on stage (can't remember his name). It was a looping clip of his butt. She put it on AppleTV. I thought it was pretty funny and highjacked the AppleTV with Christina Hendricks/Mad Men clips. Mmmmm Christina Hendricks... After about 10 minutes of this immaturity we ended up attacking each other and having wild monkey sex in the living room. I'm kinda fond of country music now... ;-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) Your BF was pretty insensitive to make that comment, I don't think you're overreacting especially because it's out of the blue. Actually what's funny is I have a REALLY similar story! One day a gf at the time showed me a youtube video of a female singler performing that was from her country. The singer in the video was super-hot and I just said "I think I'm in love". As soon as I said it I was just like fuuuuuucckk I ****ed up, but thankfully she just ignored it. Like a previous poster said, it's something that a guy would say between his buddies (same with you girls!) and for a moment he forgot that he was talking to his gf and not just a buddy, although I do think it's a sign that you two are leaning a bit too much towards friends rather than lovers. Just mention how it bothered you, he'll apologize and I'm sure everything will be fine after. Edited July 7, 2015 by wb1988 Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I would not have responded that way. Had it been me...I would have thrown it RIGHT BACK AT HIM with... "Fabulous, so you'd be open to a threesome then? Cause I am finding her pretty darn hot myself!" Smirking while I am saying it.... And maybe I would have even upped it and said "hey and why don't we make it a foursome....cause I find HIM really hot too!" Just throw it right back at him. My boyfriend says dumb stuff to me ALL THE TIME like that (more so in the beginning of our relationship, probably to test my reaction), and that's what I do. It shows him (1) I have a sense of humor, and (2) I am secure enough within myself not to allow a dumb comment to affect me. He has since stopped that nonsense pretty much....probably cause he knows it will NOT garner a reaction from me....so it's no fun for him. It's all about context. If he was joking, take it as a joke and throw it back at him or go one better like katiegrl said. Shake it off even if you think he was being a dumbass for saying it (which he was). If it happens again assess the context. Link to post Share on other sites
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