Dating a Flanders (Religious vs Atheist)

[yxalitis]

I wouldn't do it. I am a hardcore atheist meaning that I don't believe in it. As a scientist, I can agree that I can't prove it, so I don't go around judging others. An agnostic says "We can't prove it so I don't know", where I am saying we can't prove it, but I believe...

 

Anyway, as to why I wouldn't.

 

First, let's talk about your "typical" Christian (maybe she isn't but I bet she will have some friends who are) that will be against things like gay marriage which is something I will never let go, as one example. There will be deep seeded beliefs in which you may disagree with her and her reasoning will be "the bible says".

 

Secondly, pressure from her family (moms are the ficken worst) to adopt their view points and a lack of respect for yours is most likely the case.

 

Third, when things get serious and you have children. What do you do? I do not want to baptize my kids and start lying to them from the start. I don't want to indoctrinate them into religion. This girl will want to do all of those things, so how do you feel about your children being told about jeus when they are young?

 

It seems like not a big deal at first, but I think religious differences can be incredibly stressful on relationships.

1. There is no such thing as a "typical Christian"

2. Her mother has passed away, her Father is very old, and in China

3. As already stated, we are both already parents with no interest to start a family

So all your points are moot

[yxalitis]

I feel like so many atheists resent religion or something. I'm an athesit and if I had kids and they wanted to be church goers, then good for them. Actually, I would desire my kids be church goers because there is a lot of fundamental lessons to be learned from religion.

 

I went to a religious school through 3rd grade and it was the best time I had in school even though I've grown to be an atheist. If you are naive enough to believe that "most of the world's wars were started because of religion" then that's your problem. The reality is that those wars would have happened anyway but for other superficial reasons.

 

I say get into a relationship with her, but don't be a puss and not go to church if she wants to go. Just go and be respectful. I don't see it much different than her going to a sports game with you because you're fanatically in love with your favorite sports team even though she doesn't give a rip (not trying to say that a sports team is on the level of religious faith, just trying to make an analogy here).

My kids, raised by me ex wife (Atheist as well) and myself, both went to an all girls Catholic school.

We did this because the education and standards are better, and did so with no problems, neither of my children are religious.

[S_A]

The abrahamitic religions are essentially fascist ideologies (one all knowing leader, one perfect book, one right way to do things)

 

Reasons sound superficial. Especially the "all knowing leader" one.

[yxalitis]

Reasons sound superficial. Especially the "all knowing leader" one.

 

And the Islamic State slaughter villagers...but in the context of this thread, both are irrelevant.

[LoveRefreshed]

Why do I get the sense you came here to start a debate about religion?

 

 

There are typical Christians, just like there are typical atheist, and typical americans and typical anything. It's called an average, man. z

 

 

You asked a question, I gave insight from my point of view. My points being moot are moot to you and your relationship, but not to asked question of "can it work between a theist and an atheist". If you want to date her man, go to town, I don't care.

 

I've dated a Christian, it didn't work out. I dated a hindu, it didn't work out. I dated an atheist it didn't work out. However, out of all three of them, there was only one that tried to push their views on me and my life. There was only one that wanted me to go to worship every week. There was only one that got mad when I discussed philosophy contrary to their own.

 

If you can live with it, then go for it. You want to debate, we can, but this isn't the venue for it.

[fitnessfan365]

What happened to the Asian woman that everyone told you was a lost cause? I'm guessing from this thread you stopped seeing her and got fed up with her always talking about her exes, etc.. ?

[yxalitis]

What happened to the Asian woman that everyone told you was a lost cause? I'm guessing from this thread you stopped seeing her and got fed up with her always talking about her exes, etc.. ?

I ended that, as indicated on her thread.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/535506-now-she-wants-go-exclusive-wah

Oh, this girl is Asian too...

[S_A]

Oh, this girl is Asian too...

 

Guessing Philipino? Maybe Korean.

[yxalitis]

Why do I get the sense you came here to start a debate about religion?

I've no idea, as I haven't

There are typical Christians, just like there are typical atheist, and typical americans and typical anything. It's called an average, man.

No, at best it's clichéd, at worst it's bigotry.

You cannot 'average' a billion people and get anything meaningful other that they seem to have about 2 legs, 2 arms, and a head...on average...

You asked a question, I gave insight from my point of view. My points being moot are moot to you and your relationship, but not to asked question of "can it work between a theist and an atheist". If you want to date her man, go to town, I don't care.

The "moot" points were specific to the ones you raised:

We aren't having children, so that particular point is moot.

Her parents aren't in the picture, so that point is moot

And as stated I don't agree that you can make any determination based on "typical" behaviour. I gave enough information in my post to show you what sort of Christian THIS girl is, not some random averaged theoretical Christian.

I've dated a Christian, it didn't work out. I dated a hindu, it didn't work out. I dated an atheist it didn't work out. However, out of all three of them, there was only one that tried to push their views on me and my life. There was only one that wanted me to go to worship every week. There was only one that got mad when I discussed philosophy contrary to their own.

 

If you can live with it, then go for it. You want to debate, we can, but this isn't the venue for it.

You didn't actually state that in your first reply. This is new information, and thank you for your input.

I'm sorry if my blunt reply offended you, but I don't think you need to be so defensive.

[yxalitis]

Guessing Philipino? Maybe Korean.

 

More likely Chinese

[jen1447]

I've dated a Christian, it didn't work out. I dated a hindu, it didn't work out. I dated an atheist it didn't work out. However, out of all three of them, there was only one that tried to push their views on me and my life. There was only one that wanted me to go to worship every week. There was only one that got mad when I discussed philosophy contrary to their own.

fwiw, I've gotten far and away the most pushiness of beliefs and intolerance of other viewpoints from atheists in dating. Most 'believers' I've dated have been pretty laid back about it, with the agnostics coming in as clear winners in indifference (bc they're usually not interested in discussing it at all). But yeah, if you want an angry, riled up, storming out type discussion, in my experience, try debating an atheist. They tend to be extremely emotionally invested in their point of view.

[yxalitis]

fwiw, I've gotten far and away the most pushiness of beliefs and intolerance of other viewpoints from atheists in dating. Most 'believers' I've dated have been pretty laid back about it, with the agnostics coming in as clear winners in indifference (bc they're usually not interested in discussing it at all). But yeah, if you want an angry, riled up, storming out type discussion, in my experience, try debating an atheist. They tend to be extremely emotionally invested in their point of view.

Your Agnostic, and you get debates about that?

Wow, some people are wound up!

[yxalitis]

You know if I was 20 years younger, I couldn't make this work, back then I was an arrogant, opinionated idiot.

Now, I'm far more laid back, tolerant, accepting.

I'm trying to get my daughters, especially my eldest, to stop being so forceful with their opinions, to accept other viewpoints, and be more tolerant.

[jen1447]

Your Agnostic, and you get debates about that?

Wow, some people are wound up!

 

Yeah. Not a lot, but there've been a few ugly battles over the years. (That usually start from the other feeling the need to 'correct' me after they ask about it, or just generally coming off as smug and superior toward anyone who'd be so foolish as to not share their opinion. Neither of which attitude I react well to. )

[Omei]

OP I got nothing against religion but all I gotta say is think long term how tired are you gonna get of hearing about something you don't believe in? It would be difficult.

[DaisyBug]

OP I got nothing against religion but all I gotta say is think long term how tired are you gonna get of hearing about something you don't believe in? It would be difficult.

 

Probably no worse than a woman having to hear a man talk about fantasy football.

[yxalitis]

Probably no worse than a woman having to hear a man talk about fantasy football.

 

Good point!

 

The way she talks about it is about how it gives her guidance to do the right thing, help people, be kind, charitable, forgiving.

 

Its quite palatable.

[Grumpybutfun]

OP, you aren't some green immature kid, but a grown man who sounds like he has already invested enough into this woman to consider it to be more than just a few dates. I honestly believe that people can tolerate a great deal to be with someone amazing and unless you have tunnel vision and a lack of tolerance for disagreement, your spiritual beliefs can be something you disagree on with kindness and equanimity. My wife and I have differing spiritual beliefs and have had a great twenty one year marriage. We raised the kids to have their own choice....they were introduced to her religion and my spirituality and they each have found their own spiritual or religious path. We probably have had more heated discussions on my love of MMA Fighting and her love of Brett Favre(shaking my head even now at her favorite former QB) than our differing spiritual beliefs.

Grumps

[jay1983]

fwiw, I've gotten far and away the most pushiness of beliefs and intolerance of other viewpoints from atheists in dating. Most 'believers' I've dated have been pretty laid back about it, with the agnostics coming in as clear winners in indifference (bc they're usually not interested in discussing it at all). But yeah, if you want an angry, riled up, storming out type discussion, in my experience, try debating an atheist. They tend to be extremely emotionally invested in their point of view.

That's not where it ends, usually a bunch of other stuff comes with that.

 

They're usually white people who went to Catholic school and we're all devoted to god and now don't talk to their parents and take antidepressant meds and a bunch of other sh*t.

[DaisyBug]

That's not where it ends, usually a bunch of other stuff comes with that.

 

They're usually white people who went to Catholic school and we're all devoted to god and now don't talk to their parents and take antidepressant meds and a bunch of other sh*t.

 

Ha!

 

Some seem to be very bitter. Most indeed seem to have been burned by religion and are hell-bent on swaying everyone else away from it. At least when a Christian approaches you about their beliefs, it's usually with a smile, but an atheist has a scowl. I'd much rather listen to a throng of Jehovah's Witnesses than one haughty atheist any day.

[yxalitis]

OP, you aren't some green immature kid, but a grown man who sounds like he has already invested enough into this woman to consider it to be more than just a few dates. I honestly believe that people can tolerate a great deal to be with someone amazing and unless you have tunnel vision and a lack of tolerance for disagreement, your spiritual beliefs can be something you disagree on with kindness and equanimity. My wife and I have differing spiritual beliefs and have had a great twenty one year marriage. We raised the kids to have their own choice....they were introduced to her religion and my spirituality and they each have found their own spiritual or religious path. We probably have had more heated discussions on my love of MMA Fighting and her love of Brett Favre(shaking my head even now at her favorite former QB) than our differing spiritual beliefs.

Grumps

Thanks!

Good reply...although I decided maybe 4 pages back I would definitely continue to pursue the relationship!

[torturedartist]

Met a new girl in OLD.

Right from the start, we have an amazing connection, she is enthusiastic, we text a lot, then on the 3rd day of texting she asks if she can all me at lunchtime, we chat for 40 odd minutes before we both head back to work.

 

We agree on a first date, on a Friday (that was originally going to be a movie date with my daughter, but she cancelled).

I meet her for coffee in the city, and when I see her...I’m not instantly overwhelmed with her appearance, but I am (I tell myself repeatedly) not a shallow person, it doesn’t matter that she’s a little heavier than her profile suggested (slim), and we have that coffee.

Well, as we talk I find myself more and more attracted to her, we really do have this great intellectual connection, something that has admittedly been lacking in my past relationships.

 

After an hour, I point out that I still have two tickets to “Terminator” and we agree to go, even though I laughed, telling her it’s a “terrible idea for a first date”

We see the movie, and really enjoy it, when a jump scare frightened her, I took her hand, and she held it for the rest of the movie.

After, we had a supper, and continued to talk, it was 5 hours before we finally agreed to let each other go home.

The next day, we arranged another date on Sunday Lunch (We live quite far apart, mid-week dates are tricky for both of us, and we both wanted to use the weekend to see each other).

We meet at a shopping centre half way between our homes, and spend another 4 ½ hours talking.

 

I can't even understand why I reacted to her appearance negatively the first time, as I now find her super attractive...!

 

We are very compatible, I haven’t been able to talk so openly, about meaningful subjects, so easily with someone for ages. She has a 14-year old daughter, who is very independent, and sounds delightful.

OK, so here’s the thing.

I’m an atheist.

She’s a Christian.

Not just a check in the “religion” box, but actively, talks-about-Jesus Christian.

Of course, we talked about that, I pointed out that I’m not religious, I don’t believe in God, and would this be a problem.

She indicated that she doesn’t push her religion on others, things like religion are personal decisions, made for personal reasons, and no one has the right to try and change other people’s viewpoints. I certainly didn’t get the impression that she was going to try and push pamphlets on me.

 

BUT

 

Is it a deal breaker?

I say this because it has been in the past.

I dated an older lady when I was in my 20’s, who was super religious, and took me to church etc…

She also said that it didn’t matter…but it WAS a factor in our break up (that and she was “in love” in a few weeks, and super controlling)

I don’t get the feeling (So far) that this new girl is pushy about it, but she does mention God and Jesus in casual conversation (hence the Flanders tag), and goes to Church regularly.

 

I would like some feedback from people who may have experienced this before.

I used to be the water in a relationship, that flows around the rock of my partners beliefs, and I’ve only recently started to really assert my beliefs and opinions in a relationship, and stand up for my rights (Hence my last break up, where my partner didn’t compromise to accommodate my feelings)

Is this going to work?

What should I do…?

 

I've never met a talk-about-Jesus Christian I would classify as being all that intellectual. God/Jesus is like Santa Clause for adults (except that Santa Clause isn't such a sadistic tyrant). It takes a certain child-like naivety to believe in something you have absolutely no proof in.

 

If she's going to church now, and you stick around, she'll want you to join her at some point. People in her church will pressure her to bring you along. You see, as a Christian you get points for converting non-believers into Christians.

 

I had a friend who was/is a staunch atheist, and one of the terms of their being together and getting married was that he'd never go to church. Now he does, every Sunday. Why? Because she has a ton of people reminding her that it's her duty as a Christian to convert him. Including her family, which is a whole other topic.

 

Anyway, the fact is that if the chemistry is as strong as you say it is, you won't let a minor detail like religious beliefs get in the way of that.

[DaisyBug]

It takes a certain child-like naivety to believe in something you have absolutely no proof in.

 

 

We do that every day. In fact, I once heard a raging hypochondriac say the very same thing about God. Oh, the irony.

[guest569]

I'm atheist, but I would date people of any faith provided that they are open minded and not pushy or over the top. For example if religion takes up their whole life then i dont see myself fitting into it.

 

I also would not date someone who doesn't respect my point of view (for example, saying that my belief is "unjustified" gosh, aren't most beliefs. And I would respect others views too)

 

and with the woman you have described I dont see any problem.

[umirano]

Your Agnostic, and you get debates about that?

Wow, some people are wound up!

 

Jen isn't making sense. Agnostic isn't a position on god's existence but on whether god's existence is knowable. Saying I'm an agnostic ' is like saying 'I'm a fan '. Of which team, band, Sport?

 

The confusion about the concept of gnosis often renders these discussions unproductive, unsurprisingly.

 

I don't know any gnostic atheist and OP, dating a gnostic theist is probably not a good idea as a self declared (agnostic) atheist.