Jejangles Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I now totally read into where a guy suggests we first meet haha. The last guy I dated suggested a bar that was literally beside where he lived (I didn't learn that till later) and it ended up in a casual dating / sex situation over five dates. Looking back, I think that's his MO - he's a lazy dater who wants women to come to him! Over all our five dates he was always trying to get me to come to his area, and to make me plan the dates as well. It was fine for what it was but in future I will not fall into that trap. Now I push back when a guy suggests I come to him. I either suggest we meet halfway or I ask him to come closer to where I live. I guess it's kind of a test but it's working so far! I have a first date tonight and he suggested we go wherever was convenient to me, as I have to work later. I think that's a good start, regardless of how the date goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 This isn't paranoid! It happens all the time. I have had my drink spiked twice. I knew what to watch for so nothing bad came as a result, but it made me mad at the arrogance of these two people, and if it ever happens again, I will get a blood test and press charges. Unfortunately, a very close friend of mine was date raped by this method and she was drinking soda and knew (acquaintance) the guy! It kind of colored my perspective of drinking alone with men you don't know. I'm sorry that happened to you Auspecial but you were alert and it sounds like it saved you. TG. Definitely bring an a**hole to justice and save a chick if it happens again. Hope it never does. So, no locking the doors and shut the blinds hysteria. It's just one more thing women need to be on aware of. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I have plans to meet up with this guy for a drink this week, he lives 20 minutes away, and wants to meet at bar near his place-I would have to make that 20 minute drive. Or should I suggest we meet up halfway, so that he will at least make a 10 minute drive? And its a guy that I've been talking to on OLD, so no, I don't want him to pick me up. You never go all the way to a man Half-way is best. And, you're right never ask them to pick you up. He's a stranger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Unfortunately, a very close friend of mine was date raped by this method and she was drinking soda and knew (acquaintance) the guy! It kind of colored my perspective of drinking alone with men you don't know. I'm sorry that happened to you Auspecial but you were alert and it sounds like it saved you. TG. Definitely bring an a**hole to justice and save a chick if it happens again. Hope it never does. So, no locking the doors and shut the blinds hysteria. It's just one more thing women need to be on aware of. The first time, I was new in the neighborhood, newly divorced. Met neighbor at a mixer and agreed to have a neighbor bring dinner over to my place. The guy also brought his own "batch" and I assumed it was moon shine or something like that. I had my guard up just because it can be more potent than some other drinks, but I basically trusted b/c he was a neighbor. LOL. I was not attracted to this person at all, but then I started to feel a certain kind of way, I knew right away he had put something into his concoction. I knew I had to get him out of my house, and he started really really pushing "things." I did get him to leave, and as I pushed him out the door, it was a chilling memory of his saying "you're the strongest one I've seen." Obviously he had done it before. Disgusting. I just wanted to put it behind me but looking back, I wish I had reported it and gone to have blood drawn. Even though I was not injured, it could have prevented him from hurting someone else. It turns out, of course, he didn't actually live in there, he was just visiting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobbi7 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Well, he agreed to meeting halfway and I'm still waiting on his response in what place. He says he doesn't know any good places in the downtown area. I'm was sure everyone knows the area seeing we don't live in a very big city. Plus a lot of young people know about the area. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Well, he agreed to meeting halfway and I'm still waiting on his response in what place. He says he doesn't know any good places in the downtown area. I'm was sure everyone knows the area seeing we don't live in a very big city. Plus a lot of young people know about the area. If you know the area why didn't YOU suggest a place. I must be getting old...dating didn't used to be so hard and angst-ridden. It's like a Seinfeld episode these days. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Well, he agreed to meeting halfway and I'm still waiting on his response in what place. He says he doesn't know any good places in the downtown area. I'm was sure everyone knows the area seeing we don't live in a very big city. Plus a lot of young people know about the area. Sounds like he's waiting for you to suggest a place. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Well, he agreed to meeting halfway and I'm still waiting on his response in what place. He says he doesn't know any good places in the downtown area. I'm was sure everyone knows the area seeing we don't live in a very big city. Plus a lot of young people know about the area. You are still being passive & you can't continue to get annoyed at him because he can't read your mind. Your expectations about what he's supposed to know are unreasonable. Seriously, speak up or shut up. I don't mean to harsh but seriously, take some control of this situation. It's the only way you are assured of getting what you want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 OP, you are running risk of looking wishy-washy, unsure of yourself and neurotic. Glad he agreed to meet you halfway. Sounds like he's just clueless, somewhat lazy or lacking in gentlemen's manners. You should have suggested a place, the moment he said he didn't know the area though. Your suggestion that the area be changed so this is in your court. Show some confidence with him in doing so. So the whole thing doesn't get 'weird'. Don't suck the air out of this date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Perrier Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yes OP, if he doesn't know the area, suggest something, or several somethings or themes you like. Tell him you're looking forward to his decision, which you know will be great. Give him ENCOURAGEMENT. Men can't read our minds. It is stressful for many men having to come up with something all the time, and something they hope will please the lady. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts