Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 day 63. I feel like Im in the movie Wilson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 Well it's day 67. I feel totally broken this weekend. I don't want to get up. In had ice cream for dinner. The only thing i did was get my roots done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Life is marching on. I'm trying to pull myself out of my mini rut Link to post Share on other sites
TerraIncognita Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I don't follow your thread, so apologies if you have mentioned this - are you exploring the dating scene. And if not, why? You should be. Don't let yourself be stuck in this feeling broken. Moving on emotionally is not an event, it's a journey. You need to force yourself to take the steps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 I don't follow your thread, so apologies if you have mentioned this - are you exploring the dating scene. And if not, why? You should be. Don't let yourself be stuck in this feeling broken. Moving on emotionally is not an event, it's a journey. You need to force yourself to take the steps. No I'm not. It's not been 12 weeks yet. My last relationship before this A was my long term marriage that ended with my husband's suicide. Not in any way ready. Thanks for your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 Day 84 and I thought I couldn't get past day 10. Time marches on whether we want it to or not. So I landed the super job. I am actually still stunned. The contract is signed, and all is ready just awaiting the criminal check which usually takes 2 to 5 days. I don't know how I did, partially I was referred by someone and obviously they must have also selected me, so perhaps I am not such a basket case after all. A bit terrified I can't deliver, but I will do all I can to make sure I can. My old role felt like a family mostly and was very prestigious, and I thought I had peaked. In an amazing turn of events, (still unreal to even me) this role is even more prestigious, earning almost double, keep a chamber and working from both sides is amazing. I have been lacking in structure and routine and this will get me back into living life. Although I don't use social media, I do use LinkedIn, although I haven't in a long time. I wont be updating my profile with the new role. I think I am done with that too. If this ends prior to my retirement age I set for myself (55) I will go lecture. What will likely happen inadvertently when exMM least expects it, he will somehow find out about my new role. exMM always had a chip on his shoulder about my standard of living next to his (which he created) and the fact that I always eclipsed him professionally even before the A when we were "just friends". I am sure he thinks I am laying in my bed sobbing my heart out all day, every day wanting him back. When ex MM finds out he will be so distraught, so jealous, and it will force him to compare lives. It's doubtful to me that he has thought of me even once since he threw me under the bus without a backwards glance except when he (or she) tried the lawyer stunt. He will hear this and it will affect him and I imagine (and who cares if it is only my imagination) that exMM will feel exactly as he did before, inferior, unfulfilled, and lesser than. If that is true, I hope he feels that way and it stings for a long time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Starbright78 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 That is awesome, I'm so happy for you New Leaf. There's no harm in hoping he finds out and it stings him. I hope it's more than just a little sting after what you've been through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 That is awesome, I'm so happy for you New Leaf. There's no harm in hoping he finds out and it stings him. I hope it's more than just a little sting after what you've been through. Thanks Starbright. I hope to be able to say in a month or 2's time that I am really doing well there too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 In an unbelievable twist of karma, exMM was due to have his company paid mobile upgraded yesterday so he took the old phone to the IT department for the new iPhone and they did a data migration. Apparently just deleting things isn't enough it got stored somewhere else and its being discussed as a topic of gossip because he got suspended and a conduct investigation has been launched. I have no information that he will be sacked but I believe in my heart he will. If this day ever came I imagined being happy and dancing around. I don't feel happy Link to post Share on other sites
Susmay Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 In an unbelievable twist of karma, exMM was due to have his company paid mobile upgraded yesterday so he took the old phone to the IT department for the new iPhone and they did a data migration. Apparently just deleting things isn't enough it got stored somewhere else and its being discussed as a topic of gossip because he got suspended and a conduct investigation has been launched. I have no information that he will be sacked but I believe in my heart he will. If this day ever came I imagined being happy and dancing around. I don't feel happy If you know for sure there's a conduct investigation, then now's the time to send the investigators what you want to send. Maybe they already had suspicions and getting him to return his phone was a pretext to get a look at what's on there. Sort of like "new lamps for old" is hard to resist.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starbright78 Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 In an unbelievable twist of karma, exMM was due to have his company paid mobile upgraded yesterday so he took the old phone to the IT department for the new iPhone and they did a data migration. Apparently just deleting things isn't enough it got stored somewhere else and its being discussed as a topic of gossip because he got suspended and a conduct investigation has been launched. I have no information that he will be sacked but I believe in my heart he will. If this day ever came I imagined being happy and dancing around. I don't feel happy I have learned delete is never really delete. I have an IPhone and learned that even though I erased all text messages between me and ex, all I had to do was a spotlight search on my phone and you could see them all. There was no way to fully delete them either according to Apple. The only thing I could do was take the message search off as an option so they wouldn't show up but the messages were still accessible if needed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 I have learned delete is never really delete. I have an IPhone and learned that even though I erased all text messages between me and ex, all I had to do was a spotlight search on my phone and you could see them all. There was no way to fully delete them either according to Apple. The only thing I could do was take the message search off as an option so they wouldn't show up but the messages were still accessible if needed. You can never delete apps of apple products either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 If you know for sure there's a conduct investigation, then now's the time to send the investigators what you want to send. Maybe they already had suspicions and getting him to return his phone was a pretext to get a look at what's on there. Sort of like "new lamps for old" is hard to resist.... It's for sure. He did it all himself. I didn't have to do one thing. I just wish it felt better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 Something good, something bad. I hurt because of some of my own actions, some of his lies, and a lot of broken promises. I'll probably never date again. That's the bad. The good. I see him now. for who he is. in the harsh light of day. Ive thought long and hard about all the things I did for him in friendship before the A, during the A and what he did to me. I disrespected myself, I allowed him to disrespect me, and not bother to even say goodbye, explain, or apologise and then, launch legal crap in my face. In the 85 days since, he had opportunity to say sorry. he could have typed it, printed it, and posted it to my home or my former place of business at a minimum. he has done nothing. He doesn't not see me as a human being but as meaningless trash. he is a pig. A heartless, cruel, diabolical, toxic, people user. I have reached the apathy stage. I will no longer dignify him with a title like exMM because that is to give him a voice, a place in my history. He is less than human to me now and even exMM is too good for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 What would have happened if you were still working there and they found all of this data? Would you have been suspended as well? Just curious, not a judgement. It sounds as if his life is hell and yours has a brand new beginning! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 What would have happened if you were still working there and they found all of this data? Would you have been suspended as well? Just curious, not a judgement. It sounds as if his life is hell and yours has a brand new beginning! I don't know if you read this tread, but the reason for his suspension isn't the A it's the infraction of sending porn of himself over devices that the firm owned. He could have sent it to his W. There are standards of the legal profession as well of an employers code of contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Wooooooo you got the job!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dutchman1 Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Dear NewLeaf512 , Well done, I'm so happy for you. You're in charge, a strong woman. Make your dreams come reality. Veel geluk Dutchman 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 What would have happened if you were still working there and they found all of this data? Would you have been suspended as well? Just curious, not a judgement. It sounds as if his life is hell and yours has a brand new beginning! Gollum I know you are a BS. I was tricked into this A and I have acted as honourably as possible as soon I knew he was actually M and never saw him in person again. I could have had ensured he was fired months ago. I could have sued the pants off of him when he tried to scare me when I was not even in touch with him. There's no doubt that your situation has made you evaluate situations from your own view. There is no way you are going to shame me because he's faced music at work for his own misconduct or for trying to carve a life out for myself sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 Dear NewLeaf512 , Well done, I'm so happy for you. You're in charge, a strong woman. Make your dreams come reality. Veel geluk Dutchman 1 ik deed het beste wat ik kon. Ik heb geprobeerd om te handelen met een kern van waarheid . ik hou niet van deze BW proberen te schande mij Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Gollum I know you are a BS. I was tricked into this A and I have acted as honourably as possible as soon I knew he was actually M and never saw him in person again. I could have had ensured he was fired months ago. I could have sued the pants off of him when he tried to scare me when I was not even in touch with him. There's no doubt that your situation has made you evaluate situations from your own view. There is no way you are going to shame me because he's faced music at work for his own misconduct or for trying to carve a life out for myself sorry Newleaf, I don't know Gollum at all so take what I am saying with a grain of salt but I think maybe reread what she wrote. I don't see her taking a hit at you and saying that you had any involvement, responsibility, etc. I think she was assuming his troubles may have been tied to the affair so that is why she was asking if it would have impacted you. If I am wrong, my apologies, but wanted to say I wasn't reading it as a pot shot (which I am known to jump to the OW defense when I see it. ) 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted September 24, 2015 Author Share Posted September 24, 2015 Newleaf, I don't know Gollum at all so take what I am saying with a grain of salt but I think maybe reread what she wrote. I don't see her taking a hit at you and saying that you had any involvement, responsibility, etc. I think she was assuming his troubles may have been tied to the affair so that is why she was asking if it would have impacted you. If I am wrong, my apologies, but wanted to say I wasn't reading it as a pot shot (which I am known to jump to the OW defense when I see it. ) Got It, If I have misread Gollum I am sorry. I feel if you are going to toss a clanger out like that, perhaps one should know someone's story. If Gollum had read this thread then it would be clear the situation is about unauthorised and unlawful use of company equipment, not about the A Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Got It, If I have misread Gollum I am sorry. I feel if you are going to toss a clanger out like that, perhaps one should know someone's story. If Gollum had read this thread then it would be clear the situation is about unauthorised and unlawful use of company equipment, not about the A I know, but in her defense because I am guilty of the same thing, I am completely in your corner but did not read the whole thread or remembered all the details. So I, myself, didn't recall why he would be in trouble but just read things at face value that he did something he shouldn't have done and got caught. So I am guilty of being a lazy poster as well. Sorry! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That wasn't a pot shot at all! That is not my style. First of all, I have made it very clear in my writings that I have been an OW AND a BS. I am behind in my reading as i am with sick, elderly parents this week with no internet, just lots of Doctor's appointments. I did not see it was because of porn. I truly thought the affair had been uncovered. I was simply making the comment that you ended up in a better position now and his world is falling apart. Karma! My H had Karma befall him, too. The OW in his case turned him in to the boss when he didnt leave me for her. I thought he deserved it. I think your xMM deserves what he gets as well. I thought I made my tone clear with the "no judgement" comment and the wink. I am sorry to cause you any distress - not my intention at all. *Thanks, Got It! Edited September 24, 2015 by GollumsNightmare 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 In an unbelievable twist of karma, exMM was due to have his company paid mobile upgraded yesterday so he took the old phone to the IT department for the new iPhone and they did a data migration. Apparently just deleting things isn't enough it got stored somewhere else and its being discussed as a topic of gossip because he got suspended and a conduct investigation has been launched. I have no information that he will be sacked but I believe in my heart he will. If this day ever came I imagined being happy and dancing around. I don't feel happy I was commenting on this post. I thought everything had hit the fan because evidence of your affair had been uncovered on his phone. I saw nothing about porn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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