Food sharing/fridge wars

[Keenly]

What you have is not an addiction, it's a compulsion. You don't go through physical withdrawals if you are tempted but resist to eating that rice Krispie.

[Got it]

OP - if he tells you that if he can't come over if he can't bring food then tell him that you are sorry to hear that but you are politely asking him to do so. And hold to your boundary.

 

I agree, you need to learn to control the food impulse for your own self. But to help you get there may mean at this time not having the food around. If you boyfriend loves and respects you he will respect this and ask for some compromise but still respect it.

 

So hold to your boundary on what you need to be healthy. He can accommodate or not. You two can get together during the day on the weekend or someone other time.

 

It may mean that you two have different outlook on life and what you want from life and whether or not you two build each other up or tear each other down. Maybe another man, who is more health conscious, would be a better fit.

[salparadise]

 

There seems to be lots of different issues, including the food addiction, tied up with this fridge and food sharing situation.

 

...but it's annoying when you were looking forward to that last popsicle or whatever the thing is that you bought for yourself and then someone else eats it. Just because you're having sex doesn't change that.

 

The latter makes you seem inconsiderate and like you have no conscience.

 

I agree with MissBee here, but it is complicated because of sex (or romance, if you prefer) and what I see as mostly boundary issues, but possibly gender issues too.

 

Here is what I see as reasonable expectations:

 

- that you wouldn't eat the last of the food he brings and not be willing to replace it with something he likes to eat

 

- that you're allowed to say, I can't have that in my house because... well, because it's your house

 

- that he respect your special needs and wishes with regard to restricting access to potentially binge worthy junk food

 

- that you respect the fact that junk food binging is your issue, not his, and you have to own it rather than projecting half of it onto him (boundary issue here)

 

- that each of you default toward consideration for the other rather than always expecting to be the recipient of greater consideration (potential gender issue- sometimes women may expect men to acquiesce just because she's the female and he's not, which is ok sometimes but always)

 

To me it seems pretty obvious what a good solution would be... he brings whatever but has to take the leftovers with him because a) it's your house, and b) you don't want them in the house. He agrees. You do him the courtesy of buying some snacks that he likes when you know he's coming over (but don't let it become an expectation, courtesy only). Whatever he doesn't eat goes home with him.

 

I don't think anyone should be advising you to terminate your relationship over small potato (chips). It rings so hollow when it's not their life or relationship; no empathy or understanding behind it at all. If instant, radical changes were easy the only advice you'd need would be: "eat healthy and be thin, rich and happy... and just pick you out a perfect man." Which is not too far from some of what you're hearing.