katiegrl Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) I know some guys who are ugly but have great personalities. They have women all the time. I'm confused. Are looks not important anymore? Looks are important but not as important as CONFIDENCE. As long as a man is truly confident (and not just pretending to be)....he is gonna do just fine with the ladies....no matter what he looks like on the outside. Whiny, insecure, overly-needy controlling men need not apply....and there are plenty of good looking guys with those qualities too....who flunk out with the ladies. Edited July 3, 2015 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singlelife Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 When I met my last long term partner for the first time, at the moment I saw him I thought to myself 'no no no not gonna happen' He was really not my type but 5 mins after talking to him I had decided I wanted to see him again. From what I hear most women like guys they never meant to. Once they hung out with them or got to know them then they had an attraction. So maybe initial attraction isn't as important for women. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 From what I hear most women like guys they never meant to. Once they hung out with them or got to know them then they had an attraction. So maybe initial attraction isn't as important for women. I am a big man. Things like OKC and other OLD sites do nothing but destroy my confidence as there are only two things going there to decide if you like someone at first. The picture and the profile. I assume most women do not even read the profile on first message. Way to many messages I would have to guess. So that leaves the picture. I am attractive, don't get me wrong. But some women see that I am chubby and have absolutely no interest. And by some women, I mean I get a response rate of about 1 in 30. Of which I would say most of them are not really interested as they give one line answers. Anyway, whether they are or not, someone who is that difficult to communicate with is boring. However, I only OLD as it is convenient and when if I'm not feeling low about myself. I usually take breaks, my confidence comes back, and I will meet women in public. I am one of the most charming and funny guys. My laugh is infectious, and many women in the course of my 10 years of dating have said "I don't know, I feel so comfortable around you". I don't know what I do to make them feel "comfortable" and what exactly that means with dating, but most of these women are women I have slept with and are very much more attractive than myself. I have facial hair and an attractive face (I think :/ who knows) just I weight about 260-280 lbs depending on if I woke up on the left side of the bed. I'm not one of these greasy lazy fat guys though. I may be big, but I am active, I run, I exercise, I go out of my house for walks and to be social. I am genuinely nice and caring. This is a long response to say... I think women have an idea of what they want in their head. It's not always the same thing and it certainly changes with age (I do much better in my late 20s then I did in my early 20s). I think OLD is the most superficial and shallow way of selecting a partner, but whatever. Personality matters a lot. That is all I can say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singlelife Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I am a big man. Things like OKC and other OLD sites do nothing but destroy my confidence as there are only two things going there to decide if you like someone at first. The picture and the profile. I assume most women do not even read the profile on first message. Way to many messages I would have to guess. So that leaves the picture. I am attractive, don't get me wrong. But some women see that I am chubby and have absolutely no interest. And by some women, I mean I get a response rate of about 1 in 30. Of which I would say most of them are not really interested as they give one line answers. Anyway, whether they are or not, someone who is that difficult to communicate with is boring. However, I only OLD as it is convenient and when if I'm not feeling low about myself. I usually take breaks, my confidence comes back, and I will meet women in public. I am one of the most charming and funny guys. My laugh is infectious, and many women in the course of my 10 years of dating have said "I don't know, I feel so comfortable around you". I don't know what I do to make them feel "comfortable" and what exactly that means with dating, but most of these women are women I have slept with and are very much more attractive than myself. I have facial hair and an attractive face (I think :/ who knows) just I weight about 260-280 lbs depending on if I woke up on the left side of the bed. I'm not one of these greasy lazy fat guys though. I may be big, but I am active, I run, I exercise, I go out of my house for walks and to be social. I am genuinely nice and caring. This is a long response to say... I think women have an idea of what they want in their head. It's not always the same thing and it certainly changes with age (I do much better in my late 20s then I did in my early 20s). I think OLD is the most superficial and shallow way of selecting a partner, but whatever. Personality matters a lot. That is all I can say. Just show your personality. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Lol, there isn't much I can show in a few lines. If the message is like 2 paragraphs, girls usually don't responds, and I don't want invest that much time or send canned messages to potential unactive users, bots, or planely uninterested females. Yes, I try my best to "show" my personality, but that happens in person. I have a hard time making it to that point from OLD. I have a really witty sense of humor and the laziness in which girls fill out their profiles doesn't leave me much to go on for crafting witty messages either Though this isn't about OLD, but I just point that out because I think that is a place where looks matter more. The CV gets you the interview. The interview gets you the job. Being attractive gets you a date. The date is what lands you the gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 No amount of personality is going to counter someone being repulsive. Perhaps some settle for those not thier type, yet they are not magically hot and bothered cause the other party is such a good person. Beyond that if already find someone attractive to a degree...then yes personality good / bad could make them more / less attractive. Just order of operations is what see then discovering deeper things. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I know some guys who are ugly but have great personalities. They have women all the time. I'm confused. Are looks not important anymore? Different women like different things. What makes someone attractive is hardly ever just one thing, it's usually a combination of things and sometimes you can't really explain why you like someone. Of course women like great personalities. Being good looking but boring, bland, dry and a stick in the mud or an ass eventually gets old. I appreciate a combination of looks that I am attracted to and great personality, but I'd say personality trumps looks if I'm going to choose. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I've been saying it all along on this board. If a guy is charming and interesting and maybe funny and confident, nothing much holds them back. Yes, looks are important, but an extraordinary personality can overcome it. But it really needs to be above the average, not just "okay" to overcome it. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 see, I have such a hard time with evaluation. How do you qualify an "extraordinary" personality versus "fantastic, but not quite extraordinary"? It's just... I dunno, people are what they are. I don't live in the US, I know nothing about social pressure and anxiety to perform (socially, in front of friends, colleagues, lovers). It's just... it's supposed to be easy. Love whom you are, love the body you're in, accept yourself with your flaws and imperfections and let your personality shine. What if there's nothing that shiny about it? At least, if you tell a guy - "listen, mate, you're ugly", he understands your point. You're a 7 not a 9. Fair enough. But what are these people supposed to match themselves against? What exactly is this standard and how do you quantify it? It's all bullocks, if you ask me. You either dig a person or don't. I hate performers and those dying to be everybody's friend... to me, great personality is authenticity, solid sense of humour, dash of irony and ability to think for himself.Empathy. It's just... sooo personal and it varies from people to people. I think it's hard enough to be a man nowadays without adding the "extraordinary personality" layer. Just being your authentic self should be ok... unless you can be Batman, of course !! Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 people will always be with someone they are attracted to regardless of the reason! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Capri Kiwi Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 First off, I'd say attraction is highly subjective...based on loads of factors. But, if a guy is like a 5 or 6 but has a great personality, he starts looking good to me, and I can be crazily attracted. Also opposite is true...a guy who is a 9 or 10 can get knocked down to a 3 real fast if he's a jerk! So, looks kinda matter, but only to a certain extent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singlelife Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 No amount of personality is going to counter someone being repulsive. Perhaps some settle for those not thier type, yet they are not magically hot and bothered cause the other party is such a good person. Beyond that if already find someone attractive to a degree...then yes personality good / bad could make them more / less attractive. Just order of operations is what see then discovering deeper things. Ok. So just an ugly dude is out of the question. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 OP, going back to your original posting, when you 'know some guys who are ugly' and they get women all the time, where is that coming from? Here's an example: You have a female friend who has a boyfriend whom you've designated as 'ugly'. When she discusses him, does she say things like 'He's ugly and I love him' or 'I know he's ugly but he has a great personality' or similar? Are you encountering women who acknowledge the ugliness of their partner openly and you're validating that or is that person's ugliness your perception and yours only? IME, as a man who's 'had' women and been married and also been rejected plenty for various aspects of 'ugliness', all I can say is that 'ugly' is individual and each interaction is a crap shoot and, generally, I've never, as far as I can recall, heard a woman talk about her selected partner being 'ugly'. Rejected for being ugly, sure! Rejected for being a jerk, sure! Rejected for being insufficiently attractive, even if not ugly, definitely! The closest I've come to an 'ugly' comment is from MW's rewriting their marriages and making the men they married into some form of ogre. Funnily, though, they married the guy. Interesting world! Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 No amount of personality is going to counter someone being repulsive. Perhaps some settle for those not thier type, yet they are not magically hot and bothered cause the other party is such a good person. Beyond that if already find someone attractive to a degree...then yes personality good / bad could make them more / less attractive. Just order of operations is what see then discovering deeper things. No amount of personality will, but there's definitely an amount of money. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 In my experience dating, I've definitely noticed that women put less emphasis on physical appearance than men do. However, women still care about looks. There are too many ugly, lonely nice guys to convince me otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 If I'm not digging her personality, then there's a very good chance that we aren't a good match. Period. Note: this does not necessarily mean that I think her personality is bad. It could be a good personality...yet it merely doesn't mesh well with me. What matters is that it's the right personality. This really isn't something that merits deep analysis, IMO. You are who you are, and your core personality is integral to that. I think most people have met at least a few people where things just clicked and felt right. Personality is not binary, nor is it linear. To an extent, what one considers a great personality is subjective. (That also applies to attraction in general.) So I find it a bit weird and silly to attempt to put personality on some sort of measurement or rating scale. Especially when trying to differentiate "good", "great", "excellent", "extraordinary". Seems like splitting hairs. People are complex and dynamic...it's unwise to classify them into neat, pretty little boxes. Link to post Share on other sites
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 (edited) I used to watch this show on VH1 or some other network called the game. It was some pick up artist guy giving guys who were socially awkward tips then sending them out in the field to pick up girls. Both seasons the guys who were the best looking of the bunch won (I think one was a model). They definitely weren't the most personable. So I'd say looks are important. Edited August 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off-topic content redacted Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Personally I've been very attracted to some unattractive people because they had amazing personalities or were very intelligent. For me it has always been books before looks. Just curious, did they become *more* attractive to you just by virtue of their amazing personality and the chemistry between you? I have had that happen to me. It can go the other way too - a really attractive guy can become "less" attractive (to me) if he has a crappy (selfish, egocentric) personality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 This is a good question. In my observation, women don't care very much about a guy's looks. I see attractive women every day with guys who are not good looking, ie overweight, unshaved, messy clothes. Physical attractiveness just isn't as important for women as it is for guys. Whereas looks are at or near the top of a guy's girlfriend requirements (I personally won't even consider dating an overweight girl), a not so good looking guy can win a hot girl over if he's interesting, cool, confident, and can carry on a decent conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Whereas looks are at or near the top of a guy's girlfriend requirements (I personally won't even consider dating an overweight girl), a not so good looking guy can win a hot girl over if he's interesting, cool, confident, and can carry on a decent conversation. Wait a minute, I see overweight women everywhere with bfs, partners and husbands, overweight women getting married, overweight women with kids... This obsession with overweight women, and the apparent disgust that overweight women engenders in "guys", that I see being expressed on LS doesn't appear to reflect real life. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted August 5, 2015 Share Posted August 5, 2015 Morning, This thread is apparently about ugly dudes with great personalities getting the girls and asks the question do women like dudes with great personalities. It's not about which gender has a harder time dating or what men find attractive in women so we'll consider those meta-discussions resolved and get back to the topic at hand. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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