Author Mm1111 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Anything is possible BUT I have a feeling it's going to be awhile before he does. As regards the sending the occasional snapchat that I'd send to everyone? Ie not personalised? I thought that this might make things less awkward and remove any hard feelings etc Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Your guy appears to be fading. Reach out if you want but do it for you, not for the response you will get from him. I can tell you it feels great to take back some power in this type of situation and your power is to say I don't know what's up with him, but I'm moving on and he can either come with or stay behind. Then move on, date others if you want to and live your life. There's more fish in the sea, unfortunately this one is most likely not for you. I had a somewhat similar situation recently. After five dates I was wondering if the guy I was seeing was right for me and he suddenly seemed very cold during our last date after running very hot on all our previous dates. I decided to pull back a bit to see how he would react and we didn't speak for three weeks (longer than we had dated!) In that time I realised I had been ignoring a lot of red flags and mentally moved on and started lining up other dates. In the past I would have just left it there, but I realised what would feel better for me was to text and say something just to clear the air and so I wouldn't feel weird when I was near his home or work. I also decided I didn't need a response back, that I would just feel better saying what I wanted to say (i.e. thanks for a fun time but I'm moving on!). So I texted, he replied with a slightly odd but ultimately ok message and I feel much better about the whole situation. It gave me a closure that feels better than wondering if or when someone is going to "pop up". This is the textbook way to do it. Well played. Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I have two more questions for you all and I'll leave it then.. 1) does anyone think I'll ever hear from him again? 2) we are still friends on social media as we have mutual friends. Would it be weird/wrong if I still sent him the odd snapchat as in general ones that I would send to everyone anyway?? I think jejangles gave the best advice so far from what I've seen. You can't control him, only yourself. I know it's difficult to feel like you're having a great time with someone and to build things up, only to have someone suddenly and inexplicably drop out of sight. When I was younger, less sensitive, and less mature, there were one or two times when I did something similar to what your guy is doing. On some level I knew that I sucked for doing that. I didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings and honestly, the selfish part of me just didn't want to deal with the pain I knew I'd cause for deciding that the relationship was over. I grew up, but I know that what I did was not cool. I can say that the women I ditched were better off without me. I wasn't relationship material at that time. I think that's probably what the deal is here. Your guy is probably just not owning up to his true feelings and is taking the easy way out. I think the advice of sending a final text just to say 'I enjoyed our time, but I'm moving on' is a great way to deal with it. You take control, and you take the high road. And trust me, on some level, he will feel like an @ss if it makes you feel better. More importantly, though, you'll get closure. And you'll get closer to what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 If you have been in a similar situation.. If I don't text him anymore from now on, do you think I will ever hear from him again? I really think the question should be "why you want to hear from him again?" Don't you deserve someone better than this? If he reappears and you run back to him, what would change? You'd be walking around on egg shells waiting for him to "vanish" again. This is why I'm not an advocate of second chances or recycling failed relationships. It's ssoo rare that they work out. To answer your question, yes. My last ex ended us after an off/on, turbulent, toxic relationship that I stayed in WAY to long. When she ended it, I was DONE. I completely VANISHED from her life. Blocked on all social media. I avoided anywhere I may run into her. I wanted to heal from her and find someone normal. I started dating 6-8 weeks later then met my now 2 year GF 3-4 months after the ex ended us. The ex reappeared 5.5 months later and was ignored. She stopped by my house and I was asleep. She texted, then sent a LLOONNGG email apologizing for her terrible behavior, wanted me back, blah, blah, blah.. My GF told me to reply to her so she'd stopped bothering me. I did and said I wasn't interested, had a new love and good luck.. In my 5 decades, I have enough experiences and seen too many examples of reconciliations that never work out. They never have for me, ever.. You much better off riding thru the pain of the break up and finding someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I just want to know what went wrong. I hate leaving things with no clarity. I just cant get my head around how we got on so well even the last time we saw each other and then to just drop me. I just want to know what the story is Saw someone on a talk show recently say that 70% of guys when breaking up don't even want to talk about it and don't give any closure. They just leave. They don't want to hurt your feelings or else they just don't want to deal with an emotional mess. You can't demand a reason without looking pathetic, so just assume it's his own failing, not yours, that he isn't substantive enough to appreciate your charms, because indeed that is probably the case. He's probably a sampler and already on to the next girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Based on my experience, it is NOT a good idea to contact him again. So many times I have tried to give a girl "another chance" but it isn't worth it. I have regretted it after trying to contact them one more time. You can make your own mistakes, but, if you really want to grow and mature you need to realize that you are getting some benefit out of trying to contact him again even if it is just for him to reject you. Realize that you are looking for that response as some kind of validation or something. I don't know how to explain it but it isn't a good thing. I have gotten busy before and been a bit distant with a girl and she jumped to conclusions and we ended up breaking up. She basically ignored my explanation and laughed at me and that alone was enough to realize she wasn't the right one for me. However, you have given this guy plenty of time and you have been patient with him. This screams "not interested'. You should walk away and meet a new guy. The more people you meet and the more options you have the less you will feel "Dependent" on this one guy and what he thinks or doesn't think of you. And, no contact means no "social media" no snapchats to a group of friends, etc. If you see him in a social setting and he says hi to you, sure, say hi back, but don't seek him out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mm1111 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I am just thinking back and I think I may have scared him off. I asked him one day if he wanted to go away for a night and do some sight seeing and he said yea but then said he couldn't with work and would the following week so we met as normal and went on our date (the last time I saw him) I asked him that morning before I left did he still want Togo away the following week and he said yes if he could get off work. He text me that Tuesday to say about his phone and that he couldn't go away with work. I think I scared him off by coming on too strong so early. Maybe he thought I was taking it too serious too soon. What do you guys think?? Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I am just thinking back and I think I may have scared him off. I asked him one day if he wanted to go away for a night and do some sight seeing and he said yea but then said he couldn't with work and would the following week so we met as normal and went on our date (the last time I saw him) I asked him that morning before I left did he still want Togo away the following week and he said yes if he could get off work. He text me that Tuesday to say about his phone and that he couldn't go away with work. I think I scared him off by coming on too strong so early. Maybe he thought I was taking it too serious too soon. What do you guys think?? Honestly, I think you need to do some introspective work on yourself as to why this is bothering you so much. It was a very short 2 months of dating. I could understand this more if it was 2 years. I know you're angry and hurt and confused but if you rationally think about it, it happens all the time. It's happened to most everyone including me. It comes with the territory when dating. If he texted you "sorry, I don't want to continue to date you any longer, good luck", would it make any difference? Only you know if you made mistakes that you can learn from. Only he knows why he didn't want to continue on. There could be several reasons why but the big rock is he moved a different direction. I think you should dust yourself off and get back on the horse. I learned after my divorce when I started dating that rejection was part of the process and to not take it personally. There were far too many women out there that I would click with if one didn't like me. You really need to have alligator thick skin when dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mm1111 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I just really like him that's all and we got on so well. When we have mutual friends it also makes it harder seeing him around. I just thought I may have scared him away by taking it too seriously and wanted opinions on this Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 If YOU scare a man away that means he wasn't that into you in the first place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mm1111 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I could have came on too strong though. Maybe he freaked out by it all an panicked and ran Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I could have came on too strong though. Maybe he freaked out by it all an panicked and ran Although I don't think the incident with the trip sounds like coming on too strong...I have to be honest -your anxiety and overthinking in this thread is quite striking and may have been a turn-off. I'm sorry - I don't mean to be harsh but if that's the case there is really nothing you can do but accept that he is not reciprocating and try to maintain some self-respect by not chasing after him. Ever. Which includes reaching out for any reason. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Saw someone on a talk show recently say that 70% of guys when breaking up don't even want to talk about it and don't give any closure. They just leave. They don't want to hurt your feelings or else they just don't want to deal with an emotional mess. You can't demand a reason without looking pathetic, so just assume it's his own failing, not yours, that he isn't substantive enough to appreciate your charms, because indeed that is probably the case. He's probably a sampler and already on to the next girl. ^^^^^^THIS! My brothers told me this when I was 16. This guy has faded on you and is hoping you get the message. There is no closure to be had from him. You have to make your own closure because he can't give it to you. Since you see him out and around, if he comes over to talk to you ask him at that time what happened. Otherwise leave him alone. You did not scare him off by asking him to go away and spend the night. Any guy who really wants a girl would jump at the chance to spend the night with her anywhere. You just need to leave him alone and heal because it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I could have came on too strong though. Maybe he freaked out by it all an panicked and ran Yeah that's probably it. And your behavior turned him off too... So now you know. Will you be able to move on now.....I mean now that you know the reason is cuz he got *scared*....and turned off? Lesson learned for next time....relax and don't push or chase, right? Good luck moving forward! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mm1111 Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 So guys need advice again. I haven't contacted him since but there was some comments on FB last night about him and another girl that made me sick. Basically I was used for sex all along. I told my friend (who is my ex) to look at the comments as he knows all about it, and he told me he sent a snapchat around of me and him in bed together one day. I am sick over this. I don't know how to handle this, what did he send and to who Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 So guys need advice again. I haven't contacted him since but there was some comments on FB last night about him and another girl that made me sick. Basically I was used for sex all along. I told my friend (who is my ex) to look at the comments as he knows all about it, and he told me he sent a snapchat around of me and him in bed together one day. I am sick over this. I don't know how to handle this, what did he send and to who Answer me this: Why the hell are you doing this to yourself? Why do you just not block, ignore and NOT look for updates, posts and comments?? Sheeesh!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Gosh.. that guy just went for average flake to actual douchebag.. NOW is the time to move on, and you have a legit reason to be mad if you want to confront him if he really sent an intimate photo of you two to his friends?! WOW. Who does that?! But without that piece of information, I would have just said that I feel you sister! And darn why do they ALL have to act like this.. I don't think it's anything you did. I mean, I'm the same person all the time, I usually see what I want and go get it, normally it works or they get hooked and then it's mutual, but sometimes it's not, that makes sense. So they fade out.. But I can understand you so well about being frustrated and confused at that point. I'm exactly in the same position, and I've just been crying all day at the realization that I'm being faded out. It hurts! It may have only been 2 months, but if you saw something there and grew attached and invested.. it genuinely hurts! I just wish they had the balls to not take the cowards way out. In brief, I totally understand your frustration. BUT with the added information of him being a massive jerk and probably putting on a front with you, which means you got attached to an act, not the actual person, it's time to count your losses and move on! Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Mn1111, Your closure comes from within. He's simply not the one. ^^^ x10 Basically I was used for sex all along. That's why I am a great advocate of "no sex without monogamy". and he told me he sent a snapchat around of me and him in bed together one day. I am sick over this. I don't know how to handle this, what did he send and to who I call BS on this one. If you and he were together in bed who took the 'photo ?? Even if he did - using some kind of delayed-action camera that he set up beforehand - you've just had conformation that this guy is a total $h!£. So this is what you do - you delete/block/ignore,forget hold your head high and resolve never to sleep with another guy until you are "exclusive". Try and use this as a learning experience and try to do better next time. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Answer me this: Why the hell are you doing this to yourself? Why do you just not block, ignore and NOT look for updates, posts and comments?? Sheeesh!! OP, you really need to cut this guy out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) I am so sorry, but please move on. Edited July 8, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts