Author Josmatjes Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 How do you know she had her kids ignore your daughter? How do you know she is willing to hurt children? I actually don't think she wants to do that intentionally. She is a great mom as far as I think, no matter what mm told me. I just think that her harp tried of me leaked out onto her kids and they now look away when they see us. We all used to be good friends. And for the other poster who said I started hurting my children by doing this. I do agree a little but as anyone in an affair knows, your not in your right frame of mind... I'm not defending my actions either, I have to live w guilt everyday... Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yikes, I have been on all sides of this one- the BS, the one being intruded on and even the teacher of students whose parents were involved in social circle affairs- As the BS- its up to my husband, not our OW for the truth and healing- the only thing she owes me is peace (which she has not given me but thats another story). The answers and healing she seeks should not come from you- I did not feel the need to verify anything he said with our OW- if I could not trust him: 1. I shouldn't be with him 2. why would I trust her any more than I trust him? As the one being intruded on- yes, I can see the argument you brought it on yourself and I did not-but at a certain point it just gets stupid-people don't have the right to intrude on other peoples lives- its no more "right" than having an affair- two wrongs really don't make a right in my book- (see above about where she should be looking) As the teacher- its more common than you think and for whatever reason people outside the families involved tend to be the ones that tell the school-my standard line has always been "thanks for letting me know, I will keep an eye on the kids- sounds like you are concerned about them too- please know the best thing you can do is to not discuss this any further with anyone else- allow this to remain a personal situation and don't add additional stress"- we have had parents involved come to us and say everything from that whore slept with my husband to we are involved in a difficult situation with XYZ's family and I wanted to let you know (I always advise wording it like the second example)- what we find is kids tend to work things out just fine- they do not like being alienated and don't like alienating others- sure it gets sticky, but after a while adults also become uncomfortable with alienating children and it goes back to the way it was prior to the affair- My best advice is to ignore and block-I have found legal action to be ineffective and only amps things up- time and distance and lots of wine helps- Good luck- 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yikes, I have been on all sides of this one- the BS, the one being intruded on and even the teacher of students whose parents were involved in social circle affairs- As the BS- its up to my husband, not our OW for the truth and healing- the only thing she owes me is peace (which she has not given me but thats another story). The answers and healing she seeks should not come from you- I did not feel the need to verify anything he said with our OW- if I could not trust him: 1. I shouldn't be with him 2. why would I trust her any more than I trust him? As the one being intruded on- yes, I can see the argument you brought it on yourself and I did not-but at a certain point it just gets stupid-people don't have the right to intrude on other peoples lives- its no more "right" than having an affair- two wrongs really don't make a right in my book- (see above about where she should be looking) As the teacher- its more common than you think and for whatever reason people outside the families involved tend to be the ones that tell the school-my standard line has always been "thanks for letting me know, I will keep an eye on the kids- sounds like you are concerned about them too- please know the best thing you can do is to not discuss this any further with anyone else- allow this to remain a personal situation and don't add additional stress"- we have had parents involved come to us and say everything from that whore slept with my husband to we are involved in a difficult situation with XYZ's family and I wanted to let you know (I always advise wording it like the second example)- what we find is kids tend to work things out just fine- they do not like being alienated and don't like alienating others- sure it gets sticky, but after a while adults also become uncomfortable with alienating children and it goes back to the way it was prior to the affair- My best advice is to ignore and block-I have found legal action to be ineffective and only amps things up- time and distance and lots of wine helps- Good luck- Getting, Wow, what an interesting post, and you've shed a lot of light on the subject. Thx. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Yikes, I have been on all sides of this one- the BS, the one being intruded on and even the teacher of students whose parents were involved in social circle affairs- As the BS- its up to my husband, not our OW for the truth and healing- the only thing she owes me is peace (which she has not given me but thats another story). The answers and healing she seeks should not come from you- I did not feel the need to verify anything he said with our OW- if I could not trust him: 1. I shouldn't be with him 2. why would I trust her any more than I trust him? As the one being intruded on- yes, I can see the argument you brought it on yourself and I did not-but at a certain point it just gets stupid-people don't have the right to intrude on other peoples lives- its no more "right" than having an affair- two wrongs really don't make a right in my book- (see above about where she should be looking) As the teacher- its more common than you think and for whatever reason people outside the families involved tend to be the ones that tell the school-my standard line has always been "thanks for letting me know, I will keep an eye on the kids- sounds like you are concerned about them too- please know the best thing you can do is to not discuss this any further with anyone else- allow this to remain a personal situation and don't add additional stress"- we have had parents involved come to us and say everything from that whore slept with my husband to we are involved in a difficult situation with XYZ's family and I wanted to let you know (I always advise wording it like the second example)- what we find is kids tend to work things out just fine- they do not like being alienated and don't like alienating others- sure it gets sticky, but after a while adults also become uncomfortable with alienating children and it goes back to the way it was prior to the affair- My best advice is to ignore and block-I have found legal action to be ineffective and only amps things up- time and distance and lots of wine helps- Good luck- You sound like a lovely person, and whatever happened to you I'm sorry. And yes wine always helps..... Plus going to see magic mike will also!!! Lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Btw, she hasn't texted since last Tuesday because that's what happens. It seems its every two months or so. I want to block her but the truth is that it may set her off even more. Not quite sure what to do in this case except to just ignore and go on living my life. I do hope she finds peace, but that has to come from her husband and within herself... Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Josmatjes if you don't want to deal with it anymore regardless of whether her WH has told her details or not, you do not have to. I agree with the other poster I would kindly let them both know the next time you are contacted that you will take legal proceedings next. It seems as though this situation is not conducive to your healing. If you feel the BS should know the truth, just write her a letter and then ask not to be contacted again. You have not contacted her WH, that's all a person could ask for. I wish the MOW in our sitch would have stopped contact with my WH, but then I found out it was most likely him contacting her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Josmatjes if you don't want to deal with it anymore regardless of whether her WH has told her details or not, you do not have to. I agree with the other poster I would kindly let them both know the next time you are contacted that you will take legal proceedings next. It seems as though this situation is not conducive to your healing. If you feel the BS should know the truth, just write her a letter and then ask not to be contacted again. You have not contacted her WH, that's all a person could ask for. I wish the MOW in our sitch would have stopped contact with my WH, but then I found out it was most likely him contacting her I'm blocking them both. I can't help her. I can't help him. They're relationship is so toxic it's scary. It doesn't matter who he ad an affair with, the problem is him and they're marrage and only they can fix that.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Josmatjes Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Yes, I do see what you are saying here, which is all the more reason to talk to her. YOU created this situation. YOU did the behavior that slanders you and makes things difficult for you and your children. YOU were also willing to hurt children. Yet, now you say, "You see I cannot allow that!" What? You not only allowed it, you STARTED it, and you started it with someone unstable. If YOU were acting rationally you never would have exposed yourself and your children to this trainwreck you are now trying to blame on her. If you don't want this to get worse you need to do some serious thinking about the best way to diffuse her, up to and including moving elsewhere if or when your children start to suffer from your bad decision to get this party started in the first place. This is a hot mess. It doesn't matter who he had an affair with, and giving this kind of woman details will NOT help her or give her peace. This A has been over for over a year and it's now coming to light that before me their were others. He is a serial cheater and she is blaming all of the woman but not dealing with the real problem, which is him. As far as this getting worse, they are both blocked and not my problem anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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