beach Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 And I hope you consider filing criminal charges against him for having sex with a minor. That ought to keep him far away from you! This isn't a nice man - he's a predator of the worst kind! Even more so as he's aged - now he's moved on to cheating on his wife and child. I hope you don't want to be a part of that. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 You've gotten good advice, and it appears you've taken it. Good on ya. My red flag relates to the title of the thread. " In love with a married man." In love... really? Before you walk away from this situation ( which you must ) be sure not to blame the whole sordid situation on him. You should probably evaluate what "in love" really means to you. If it's a one way thing, where you can be "in love" with someone who is not "in love" with you...well... you are headed for a future full of disappointment. Look at this situation, think about ALL the factors that allowed it to exist, take accountability for the ones that are ON YOU, and walk away stronger, and better prepared for the next REAL relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I've tried dating other people. I still have a huge attachment to him. Of course you do. Losing your virginity is supposed to be special. You never forget who you lost your virginity to. Even if it's a bad thing. You need to keep this man in your past. I like that you decided not to go through with seeing him. Stay strong because I'm willing to bet he's going to try to convince you to meet him. Just remember who you are. You graduated college which is awesome. You stuck to a goal that was important to you. Take your time on dating. You'll know when the right one comes along. You know in your heart this married man isn't the right one for you. Focus on building your career and creating a life you can be proud of. There's no pride in becoming the other woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Scatty Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Statatory rape was fun for him, but now he is done. You are now old enough to know this man is a predator. If you don't see it, ask law enforcement or a therapist. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 What they said. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Yes he was waiting for religious reasons. This was an excuse he fed you so you wouldn't doubt his integrity and honesty. Don't be fooled - no religion supports immoral behavior and deceit. Looks like you got your head out of the clouds - I'm just feeling sorry for the poor wife and other future women who didn't/won't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuffMan6969 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I think you should meet him. A nice, expensive, exclusive resturant. Paitently listen to him for about 15 minutes, let him talk. He will tell you that you were his first love, and he never stopped loving you, his marriage is miserable and he cant stop thinking about you. He will do this in the first 15 minutes:) After his time is up, stand up and tell him that the only reason you agreed to meet is to get some closure on being raped at 15. Give it to him with all you got, and let him know that you think hes scum. At this point, throwing a drink on him is optional. If any patrons of the place overhear the conversation, oh well. Before you leave though, make sure you tell him that if he ever, ever contacts you again in anyway shape or form, you will see him in court on rape charges. Should probably be a total "meet" time of 19-23 minutes:) And if it works out, order the most expensive item on the menu before his 15 minutes are up. Walk out hanging your head high, knowing you have just closed a chapter. Then, not sure what your college degree is in, concentrate on being at the top of your field. Concentrate on having a circle of true friends, and let love find you. And it will, you have alot going for you, be patient and choosey. Being "in love" with a married rapist is just crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I think you should meet him. A nice, expensive, exclusive resturant. Paitently listen to him for about 15 minutes, let him talk. He will tell you that you were his first love, and he never stopped loving you, his marriage is miserable and he cant stop thinking about you. He will do this in the first 15 minutes:) After his time is up, stand up and tell him that the only reason you agreed to meet is to get some closure on being raped at 15. Give it to him with all you got, and let him know that you think hes scum. At this point, throwing a drink on him is optional. If any patrons of the place overhear the conversation, oh well. Before you leave though, make sure you tell him that if he ever, ever contacts you again in anyway shape or form, you will see him in court on rape charges. Should probably be a total "meet" time of 19-23 minutes:) And if it works out, order the most expensive item on the menu before his 15 minutes are up. Walk out hanging your head high, knowing you have just closed a chapter. Then, not sure what your college degree is in, concentrate on being at the top of your field. Concentrate on having a circle of true friends, and let love find you. And it will, you have alot going for you, be patient and choosey. Being "in love" with a married rapist is just crazy. She was attracted to him for years now. I'm afraid the chance of her caving in while he pulls off his manipulation are a little too great. Link to post Share on other sites
starglider Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Dear Clover, Please do yourself a favor and cancel the meeting with him and make an appointment with a therapist instead. You are still so young and it won't take long to make a correction in your poor attachment choices. Otherwise you could be on a path to continue this cycle through your twenties, thirties, forties. End up married and with a child/children and still be drawn to the same unhealthy patterns outside of your marriage. I had a whopping 39 intense and unhealthy attachments with unavailable/married/older men/bosses/mentors during my life. If I could turn back the clock and enter into therapy in my early twenties I would have. Something is missing in terms of the protective, nourishing love you should have received. Right now you think the longing is for him, your sense of completeness will come through him, but in fact, it is to fill a hole inside of yourself that should have been filled with proper nurturing. You can fix the situation with a good therapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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