preraph Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Or if you're really sporting, you can make a date with her and both of you show up! I am all for creating memories that last a lifetime, and I find it cheers up an otherwise rather dreary situation.
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 You guys are trying to hard to be politically correct. It's not like a bank employee or a police office employee looking up a citizen. Any computer wizzard can tap in our online profile and messages. 1
inpeices Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Ok - I wrote about my situation in the below thread - the gist, we've been dating 5 months and I just found out she's still checking her online profile from one of my friends. I'm wondering what is the best way to bring up this topic. She's picking me up at the airport later today, and I plan on having the conversation about why she's still online tonight. Any thoughts on how to gently bring up the topic would be great. Right now I'm thinking I'll say I got an interesting message from my friend and then migrate into the conversation. Thoughts? Help? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/534893-still-occasionally-logs-onto-dating-site-after-5-month Hi vintage79, Well.. Sounds to me like you have a great opportunity to flourish this relationship by opening up your concerns and rendering yourself vulnerable, to a woman who you say has been betrayed previously.. So will be feeling vulnerable too.. Depends on how wild you are about her.. You called her a 'great girl' and you see each other pretty intensely.. You can come across as insecure/needy/stalkerish by admitting you have information on her private internet surfing time or you can ignore that and advance things, without admitting this knowledge and have the "I'm so into you, I don't want to share you with anyone else, will you be my girlfriend" talk... How do you feel about her? Do you love her? Have you had the deep and meaningful conversations about what you envisage, what you want, are you unable to get her out of your head?? vice-versa? Someone has to be brave.. She could be checking up on you.. And if so, is probably feeling exactly like you,having seen you log in and then de-activate blah blah.. Sounds like a "where are we going" conversation needs to be had.. Tell her what you want.. See if she hints at being on the same page..she might gush and surprise you.. She might be terrified.. I was! Some people take longer than others to be on the same page regarding the future... What are you scared of? No-one wants to be made a fool of agreed... But you can't enter a relationship with these trust issues.. She could meet someone off the street in 30 seconds flat.. And so could you! Now, 5 months from now, after 15yrs of marriage from now! But you should be the better choice everytime.. 5months is very early days.. There is threat everywhere, no window is too small for cheaters and liars... Sounds like you really like her and would like to take it the long haul..? Why don't you ask her... Have some confidence and if you get knocked back.. You know your answer and won't need to waste anymore time.. I am 6 months into a relationship started from an OLDating site.. I came off the site immediately, I don't know if my partner is still active.. Of course I'm curious, but I know I cannot control the actions of another.. If they are going to lie and cheat then they will.. All I know at the moment, is that their actions suggest they are totally loved up with me and they want a future with me.. Dating is risky to the heart for sure.. But this should be the really exciting fun part.. Quit doubting.. Be sure of what you want and ask if she wants to join you on the journey.. You might be pleasantly surprised by the answer! Good luck x
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I am 6 months into a relationship started from an OLDating site.. I came off the site immediately, I don't know if my partner is still active.. Of course I'm curious, but I know I cannot control the actions of another.. If they are going to lie and cheat then they will.. All I know at the moment, is that their actions suggest they are totally loved up with me and they want a future with me.. Dating is risky to the heart for sure.. But this should be the really exciting fun part.. Quit doubting.. Be sure of what you want and ask if she wants to join you on the journey.. You might be pleasantly surprised by the answer! Good luck x It's a really nice post you got there but it gives the message that ignorance is bliss. Nowadays you have to look out for yourself because if your 6 month sweetheart is sleeping around there is a risk he will bring you back a gift and that gift could kill you. You're telling him in other words 'just be happy and don't ask questions'. 1
h0000 Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 I would ask her is she still using her online dating profile and see if she would lie
Arieswoman Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 Vintage79, IMO you really need to have the "exclusivity" talk. I can remember when I was OLD many years ago a girl at work told us about a guy she was seeing. They'd been together 4 months. He'd been staying over, they took the kids for days out, she cooked meals for him and they'd discussed going on holiday together. She thought they were "an item". I was contacted by a guy from OLD and we had a couple of dates and we got on OK. This girl ^^ was telling the other girls in the staff room about the holiday she'd booked with her chap. As she talked about him I began to get a funny feeling. I asked a few more questions and then I realised to my horror that this was the same guy I'd been seeing. !! Later that day I got her on her own and told her. She was very upset. I told her I would dump him that night. That night I called him and gave him an ear-bashing. He was quite unremorseful and said "I told her it wasn't a serious relationship" (!!) The moral of this story is don't assume anything - always check it out. (BTW she dumped him as well, so he lost out both ways )
Author Vintage79 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Posted July 1, 2015 Veggirl - she said kind of what I was expecting - that it was active and that she checked it because she gets push messages on her phone. Basically, it boils down to an attention thing - I was out of town, and she didn't have much to do. Lame? Yes! Regardless, she said she'd take the profile down - I haven't followed up with her to see if she has. I can say that I've seen her every night since I've gotten back into town, and she invited me to her family July 4th event, which is about a 6 hour drive away. I think she's serious and not lying, and she didn't admit that she had been on the site - as mentioned, I see her 5-6 nights/week, and the days that I don't, there's always some form of text communication in the evening (i.e. date hours). There are a few flags, but it is what it is. I'm giving her a pass this time and not raising a stink about it. If I catch wind of it again, well, then it's over... 1
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Veggirl - she said kind of what I was expecting - that it was active and that she checked it because she gets push messages on her phone. Basically, it boils down to an attention thing - I was out of town, and she didn't have much to do. Lame? Yes! Regardless, she said she'd take the profile down - I haven't followed up with her to see if she has. I can say that I've seen her every night since I've gotten back into town, and she invited me to her family July 4th event, which is about a 6 hour drive away. I think she's serious and not lying, and she didn't admit that she had been on the site - as mentioned, I see her 5-6 nights/week, and the days that I don't, there's always some form of text communication in the evening (i.e. date hours). There are a few flags, but it is what it is. I'm giving her a pass this time and not raising a stink about it. If I catch wind of it again, well, then it's over... It's pretty weak. Don't you wish you had created a fake profile now and be done with the wondering. You sound like a great guy that deserves much more respect and loyalty.
Author Vintage79 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Posted July 1, 2015 It's pretty weak. Don't you wish you had created a fake profile now and be done with the wondering. You sound like a great guy that deserves much more respect and loyalty. Weak? Yeah, but she didn't try to hide it, and I believe what she said. I'm glad I didn't make a fake profile and stalk her, or try to set her up...that's kind of creepy and basically indicates that I would want to end it. But yeah, more respect and loyalty is needed...she's on egg shells right now...
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 Weak? Yeah, but she didn't try to hide it, and I believe what she said. I'm glad I didn't make a fake profile and stalk her, or try to set her up...that's kind of creepy and basically indicates that I would want to end it. But yeah, more respect and loyalty is needed...she's on egg shells right now... I have been in your shoes, I did create a profile, within 10 minutes he was setting up a meeting with my fake lady. Right after he booked that meeting I called him and broke it with him. I have never ever felt bad about what I did. If I had not looked out for myself this could have gone on for months. What I mean by weak is she has a weak character, no personal guide lines she obeys by. She didn't try to hide it but you got the most cookie cutter answer there is out there. 1
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