veggirl Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I would take her off all joint accounts until she pulls her own weight. If that doesn't include working outside the home, at least cooking, cleaning and laundry. Is she on meds? Make easy dinner for you and the kids - pasta/sauce, sandwiches, quesadillas and let her figure herself out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 (edited) Why did you even marry her in the first place? You know that "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health" thing you vowed? Yeah. This is one of the extremes of life you said you'd stick by her through until one of you dies. You made 2 children with her. One? OK. Two? O_o (get it snipped as soon as you can). I'm sure this depression didn't pop up 3 days ago. You're going to have to find some way to dig down deep in yourself and continue doing your duty to your marriage and children OR you need to take the children and leave her and divorce her. You'll need to build a case of her neglect of the children and their living environment when she decides to try and fight you; and fix your mind with being OK with becoming a single dad raising his children. In the meantime, she should not be rewarded as an overindulgent grown teenager who won't pull their weight or do chores. The eating out has to stop. She needs to be given an allowance on which she can buy what she feels she needs (you take care of buying groceries, paying bills, etc.). The cable needs to be cut off as well as any other extraneous spending she's doing. You all can't afford to live beyond your means and she is the main problem in that area. She needs to learn to cook--it's been beyond time for her to know how to do that. You can't constantly feed children take out when you don't got it like that. In the end, you need to sit down with yourself and ask yourself why you married her in the first place. Love schmuve... love don't pay a bill and it doesn't feed hungry children or wash their clothes. It makes no sense for someone who doesn't work outside the home for a paycheck to keep the home running to not do any damb housework. Edited June 29, 2015 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 If it's a marriage over 10 years and she doesn't work, hasn't worked in a while and can't support herself, it will automatically be that. (which is the case for the OP) And to change alimony after it's been established requires a trial, which is expensive and a pain in the butt, and you might lose. No,it depends on the judge. My marriage was 20 years,wife hadn't worked in 9 years. I only had to pay a small monthly alimony for one year.(It's stated in the decree,so there's no need to go back to have it chenged) I will say that his best interest is to get her working,so there's even less chance of alimony. Right now she has no incentive to work. Cut out the cable,eating out,and any entertainment and watch how fast she finds a job. I should have said she NEVER worked outside the home.... Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Quit eating out. Get on the Dave Ramsey plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Praxit Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I'm married and have 2 kids. I've spent the last 7 years trying to get through an undergraduate degree while working 32+ hours each week. My wife has depression and PTSD and has never worked outside of the home and she uses traditional religious beliefs to justify it. We are in financial trouble right now and my wife expects me to keep trying to come up with more money and we spend everything we get on eating out. Apart from working 16 hour days at school and work I try to help her with her depression and she constantly has me do random things related to our finances. Like, for instance, selling our stuff at pawn shops or on ebay, making long phone calls to medicaid, multiple calls to our previous auto insurance company to dispute $30 they didn't send back to us, etc. It seems to never end. I seem to be the one to have to do it all since I have the car and since I know how to take care of these things. It just takes one little thing now that breaks my routine and I get a panic attack. My wife does little around the house since she sleeps in until noon so I frequently wake up trying to find clean laundry, which many times there's none, and then try to rush out the door just to see that there's no easy lunch to take. I wish I could help more with meals and cleaning but I have very little time and the time I'm home is spent talking with her to help her feel better because everyday her world falls apart again. I'm not sure what to do. I'm 2 summer classes away (6 weeks) from graduating and my grades are in trouble. Many times I can't even concentrate when I go to study and I end up running over to the school gym to try to see if exercise will calm me down and sometimes that helps. I love my wife but I no longer feel hopeful or motivated for my future. I'm pretty sure my career is going to suck as much as schooling has. ..wow..! I feel for ya, man. I imagine your somewhere in your mid 30's or so. For the amount of pressure that is on you right now. YOur going to start having health issues soon. Watch your blood pressure as that's usually the first indicator, that will tell you your reving the engines to high. As for your wife, I feel its not fair for her to throw all this on you. Remember in marriage its a 50/50 deal or something close to that. Everyone can change their belief system or at least modify it somewhat, for the sake of a loved one. good luck out there.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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