whichwayisup Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Very sad situation, as I can see this playing out badly and you losing everything. Get counseling immediately to help you see that you're in an affair fog and not thinking clearly at all. You're so caught up in the addictiveness of the A and how it makes you feel, that you can't see straight. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) The main reason you love your mistress and not your wife is that your mistress had the balls to leave you, thus setting up a psychological desire for her. Your wife WILL find out. Probably by your mistress. And finding out by someone other than you will RUIN everything. Your only hope in this is to tell the truth. Otherwise everyone else in your life but your mistress are going to turn their backs on you. Your kids are going to hate you and doubly hate the woman you're going to try to push them to have in their life, the woman who ruined their family. And in a couple of years, when the PEA lust chemicals wear off, and all you're left with is a woman who LET you cheat on your family for her, you're going to regret the worst mistake of your life. The ONLY way you can come close to redeeming yourself in this mess is telling your wife the truth and either begging her for forgiveness or divorcing her so she can find a man who has integrity. Edited June 28, 2015 by turnera 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 When you get involved with two people you deserve neither. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 lay it all on the table for your wife to know what you think and feel and Want, maybe with some honest tears from you to soften her up, the sooner the better, your kids will adjust better when small, everything Will be allright and beautiful when you do it with concern for her emotions too but she will also have to proove that she really loves you and wants you to be happy even though it means without her as a partner (who knows maybe as great friends and parents?) Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Your wife WILL find out. She apparently already knows. My wife has had suspicions and didn't talk for a day after she found out Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 11 years with the same woman, kids, pregnancy, tiredness, sleepless nights, mundane tasks, toys, laundry, supermarkets, responsibility - all pretty boring... Along comes Miss Single - full of life, Love, sex on tap, hanging out, all just like a high school romance again. Wow! BUT it is a dream. Miss Single will eventually want kids she will want a house, she will want you to be Mr Mundane&BoringExactly. Make no mistake, SHE, too, wants a husband/father/house-fixer-upper/baby burper. In 5 years, you'll be just as bored with her. AND you'll have a bunch of kids who hate you, from multiple women. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 LOL. I almost get the impression that this sappy thread about 'undying love and devotion for the OW' was written by a wishful OW . 7 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Huge ego stroke being "da man" with two women at his beck and call... Not realizing that many BWs are quite willing to have him replaced by his checks and find a new man... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Limbo4ever Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I think you wanted some assurance/validation that what you were doing or feeling was somewhat right, that's why you posted here but you need to realize this kind of forum are mostly betrayed spouses and you will get responses that will hurt you but sometimes it is good to hear it so people like you can wake up from this "fog". Please find someone to help you out to sort through your feelings and don't be one of those people who thinks they don't need help because we all do especially us (the betrayed or the betrayer). Good Luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Limbo4ever Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 (edited) But if I divorce her, my kids..what about my kids..I am so lost and hurt. Ok, this really upset me. I know for a fact if I don't have kids I would have left my husband already whether I love him or not. My kids are all I think about and they're the reason why I am still in this marriage. They are the innocent bystander here but they're the one who's going to suffer because what my husband did. Then, here you are thinking "what about my kids?" Did you think about your children when you were having an affair with her? Did you think about your family? Did you think that every actions you made will hurt your children's future? NO you didn't because you only thought about yourself. it's all about you, now you realized you screwed up and reality is setting in, then you thought about your children. Edited June 29, 2015 by Limbo4ever 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 'Deeply in love'....reminds me of the Tom Cruise couch jumping...look at where they are now. so 'fake' 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 You sound like my exMM. You've broken your marriage. You continue to be dishonest with your wife. You (at least) "feel" in love with the OW. Confess to your wife. Go to counseling and/or divorce. The kids are NOT an excuse. Infidelity does not impact custody decisions in court anymore. You may not live with you kids full-time, but they will still be your kids and you will have an active part (if you decide) in raising them. Yes, it is expensive and emotionally draining. Choices. But lying to your wife shouldn't be one of them. Does your OW think you are leaving your W? I guess my advice would be 1) Confess 2) Separate 3) Get Counseling 4) Take a break from the OW to figure out if this is just a middle aged crisis or true love 5) Focus on your children...give them your love and affection, remind yourself daily what a privilege it is to be a dad. Good luck. It may work out. There have been marriages that have come from affairs. Children (mine included) do adjust to divorce and I'm proud to say my kids are flourishing. Do not use your kids as an excuse to F*ck around behind your wife's back. They'll eventually be old enough to figure it out and will respect your more for leaving and being honest than for being a sneaky prick. Just my opinion... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts