Author Gaeta Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 Just gonna say---fun is fun, but fun with one you love trumps all. Best wishes. I agree with you 100% but obviously no one wants to love me. I am ****able alright but not loveable. Sorry I am not in a good mood :-)
lgspot Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I agree with you 100% but obviously no one wants to love me. I am ****able alright but not loveable. Sorry I am not in a good mood :-) Will agree about the ****able, although never have seen you. Not agreeing about not being lovable. You are a great catch for any guy. I'm still saying your picker is temporarily ****ed up. I've been there. We get in such a rut, start thinking it is us. Question our worth when it is not that at all. Be easier on yourself and just realize its not about you. You're getting there. Sometimes its just a rough right finding a good one. I'm still saying don't sell yourself short and settle. You've been dealing with A-Holes therefore you get A-Hole behavior. Hope your mood is better soon. (I'll try to think of a joke to perk you up) 1
Jonp219 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I had a first date last Tuesday. Nice gentleman, 47, business owner, father of a daughter 17, single for a couple of years, he's perfect on paper and we had a good decent date. He kept in touch daily and we have our 2nd date planned for tonight. Here's what has been bugging me. He is from France and moved here 4 years ago. His ex-wife of 15 years cheated on him 4 years ago. He divorced, lawyered up and got full custody of his 13 years old (13 at the time). He then moved here with his daughter, a continent away, uprooting his child of 13. She is an ocean away from her mother, grand-parents, and all family members of both sides and he did this to be as far as possible from his ex.... Would that bother you as much as it bothers me? Yeah it bothers me. Why would he tell you all this during a first date? That's WAY too much information to out on someone in the beginning stages...
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I agree with you 100% but obviously no one wants to love me. I am ****able alright but not loveable. Sorry I am not in a good mood :-) I think you are just going through a bad patch. I had one of those where I met a number of men in a row that just wanted sex or were liars... Keep in mind that if you just push through, things will turn around. Emotions you feel right now are temporary! 1
myothernic2 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I agree with you 100% but obviously no one wants to love me. I am ****able alright but not loveable. Sorry I am not in a good mood :-) I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling at one time or another, remember it's only temporary. "Eventually" will come. 1
BluEyeL Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I I am ****able alright but not loveable. By the men you want only. So I really think it's your picker. I know I can start WWIII by making these statements but maybe guys that are less good looking, older than you, and less sexually confident, but have other, more important qualities, would love you. I really think it's not a matter of you not being lovable but fishing in the wrong pond. Read the book "The Science of Happily Ever After". The book is all about our picker and how some of us make it statistically impossible to find love.
Author Gaeta Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 By the men you want only. So I really think it's your picker. I know I can start WWIII by making these statements but maybe guys that are less good looking, older than you, and less sexually confident, but have other, more important qualities, would love you. I really think it's not a matter of you not being lovable but fishing in the wrong pond. Read the book "The Science of Happily Ever After". The book is all about our picker and how some of us make it statistically impossible to find love. I do go for men my age and older. I can list 3 of them I dated since spring and turned out to be married or they just disappeared. I am open to meet men of all age, all size, height, color, education, social status, etc. But, I have to be with someone I am attracted to, who wants to spend the rest of their life with a man they only feel warm about? I want a relationship but I prefer being single than being with someone that doesn't inspire me. Apparently it's happening when we're not searching so I am testing this theory this summer. I am off line for the summer.
Author Gaeta Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 And the IDIOT who stood me up last night just text me !!
Redhead14 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I do go for men my age and older. I can list 3 of them I dated since spring and turned out to be married or they just disappeared. I am open to meet men of all age, all size, height, color, education, social status, etc. But, I have to be with someone I am attracted to, who wants to spend the rest of their life with a man they only feel warm about? I want a relationship but I prefer being single than being with someone that doesn't inspire me. Apparently it's happening when we're not searching so I am testing this theory this summer. I am off line for the summer. Yep, focus on your needs always. That actually allows you to be more objective in evaluating whether a man is bringing enough to your table. You aren't getting into his head, at least very much and thinking about all the other "maybe" stuff Either he's meeting those needs or he's not or if it's early, does he show enough potential at least. 1
lgspot Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 See post #75 Gaeta. Back for more. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses!! You are so much better than that. His game is called manipulation. Sorry Gaeta. Once again, you are too good for these crap guys. Don't be surprised if more excuses are offered at some point. Let the adventures fly. I'll prepare for the X-rated. Just gonna say---fun is fun, but fun with one you love trumps all. Best wishes. And the IDIOT who stood me up last night just text me !! 1
Author Gaeta Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) He told me he was out of town and his phone was in his friend's car. I replied: I will add that to the long list of stupidities I have heard so far. Don't call me back. Edited July 3, 2015 by Gaeta 1
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 See post #75 Gaeta. Back for more. Excuses, Excuses, Excuses!! You are so much better than that. His game is called manipulation. ^^Yes, I agree.....and also..... read my post 65 and your response - post 66. After the way he behaved on date 2, there NEVER should have been a date 3. Hell, you didn't even really like the guy anyway. He did not inspire you, he did not do anything for you except waste your time! You cut these bozos too much slack and for what? So they can blow you off? I now agree with the others, your picker is off and your desire for a relationship is resulting in your making some very bad judgment calls... That said, I am sorry you got disappointed. And I loved your response back to him! Gotta say, you really know how to toss it right back at 'em when you need to! And happy summer!
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) ^^Yes, I agree.....and also..... read my post 65 and your response - post 66. After the way he behaved on date 2, there NEVER should have been a date 3. Hell, you didn't even really like the guy anyway. He did not inspire you, he did not do anything for you except waste your time! You cut these bozos too much slack and for what? So they can blow you off? I now agree with the others, your picker is off and your desire for a relationship is resulting in your making some very bad judgment calls... That said, I am sorry you got disappointed. And I loved your response back to him! Gotta say, you really know how to toss it right back at 'em when you need to! And happy summer! Also wanted to add Gaeta, you are NOT intimidating. To the contrary, you are warm, inviting and engaging.... on your dates with these men. The idiot who told you that (jewelry guy?) only said it as a way to deflect blame from HIMSELF (for blowing you off twice prior)...hoping to have sex with you again. Another form of manipulation. That was very clear to me at the time you shared that story with us...I mean apparently he wasn't intimidated when he met you and had sex with you the first night was he. He was not intimidated when he promised you jewerly, was he. Or all the other times he came back after disappearing for weeks. With love, PLEASE stop falling for this type of bulkshyt. Like this recent guy behaving LESS than interested and enthusiastic while on your date, but then calling afterwards saying "I have met my *sweetheart*..but she expects him to do 90% of the work." After two dates, one in which he was an hour and a half late? Seriously dude? Give me a break. Prompting you to believe you may have *intimidated* him...... so YOU ask for a third date, which HE proceeds to blow off! WTF. Be smarter than that. Take care of YOU! Edited July 3, 2015 by katiegrl
Author Gaeta Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 Also wanted to add Gaeta, you are NOT intimidating. To the contrary, you are warm, inviting and engaging.... on your dates with these men. The idiot who told you that (jewelry guy?) only said it as a way to deflect blame from HIMSELF (for blowing you off twice prior)...hoping to have sex with you again. Another form of manipulation. That was very clear to me at the time you shared that story with us... With love, PLEASE stop falling for this type of bulkshyt. Like this recent guy behaving LESS than interested and enthusiastic while on your date, but then calling afterwards saying "I have met my *sweetheart*..but she expects him to do 90% of the work." After two dates, one in which he was an hour and a half late? Seriously dude? Give me a break. Prompting you to believe you may have *intimidated* him...... so YOU ask for a third date, which HE proceeds to blow off! WTF. Be smarter than that. Take care of YOU! Ya, that sounds pretty accurate. My guy friend is pretty mad at me, he says I am being a B with this guy. It's possible he forgot his phone in his friend's car before leaving town. Anyway if it's true than I deserved a phone call with an explanation and an apology and this before I had time to open up my mouth. Not a text saying Hey you free today! and then I have to ask what happened. I think my friend is just tired that my stories are always aborting. I don't disagree my picker is off so I will stop picking. By the way this guy was a regular joe blow, not at all in the Jewelery-guy or Adonis category. 1
introverted1 Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Sorry, but even if this guy had left his phone someplace, he could have asked to use a friend's phone or even a stranger's if he had to. No one just stands up a date and then coolly drops back into her life the next day as if nothing had happened. Next this one. 3
preraph Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Yes, uprooting a child completely from its mother would definitely bother me. And yes, it usually is vindictive. From what I've seen in my work, the man is often triggered to go for custody when he finds out the ex is seeing other men. Even in the worst-case scenario where the mother would be an addict or neglectful, the child still has ties and the woman is still the mother and worst-case should have regular supervised visitation. My guess, this guy agsconded with the child and she may not even know where they went. You should look into it and make sure this isn't a missing person. Being France, no way to know what their laws are, but he shouldn't be able to just run off with a child. You may find out they child is actually missing. You should look into it. I wouldn't trust a guy who did that. 1
katiegrl Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) Ya, that sounds pretty accurate. My guy friend is pretty mad at me, he says I am being a B with this guy. It's possible he forgot his phone in his friend's car before leaving town. Anyway if it's true than I deserved a phone call with an explanation and an apology and this before I had time to open up my mouth. Not a text saying Hey you free today! and then I have to ask what happened. I think my friend is just tired that my stories are always aborting. I don't disagree my picker is off so I will stop picking. By the way this guy was a regular joe blow, not at all in the Jewelery-guy or Adonis category. Your guy friend is wrong....you are NOT being a B.....your response is what is known as "NOT tolerating bull crap"!! And you can tell him I said so too! :bunny: Stop taking advice from him, he's screwing your head up! You teach people how to treat you! By how you choose to respond to their bull crap....which this certainly was IMO..... Edited July 3, 2015 by katiegrl 2
BluEyeL Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Ya, that sounds pretty accurate. My guy friend is pretty mad at me, he says I am being a B with this guy. It's possible he forgot his phone in his friend's car before leaving town. Anyway if it's true than I deserved a phone call with an explanation and an apology and this before I had time to open up my mouth. Not a text saying Hey you free today! and then I have to ask what happened. I think my friend is just tired that my stories are always aborting. I don't disagree my picker is off so I will stop picking. By the way this guy was a regular joe blow, not at all in the Jewelery-guy or Adonis category. No, your friend is wrong, this is his second offense after being 1.5h late and this one is even worse. The beginning of a relationship should be all great and the guy needs to be on his best behavior. If he's treating you this way in the beginning, how it's going to be later? As for the picker, I just hate that you come to the conclusion that you're not lovable. Of course you're lovable, I'm thinking that instead of dating these guys who make you feel bad about yourself, maybe changing one thing or another about the picker would leave you better off. Hope you find him soon. 2
Haydn Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I was hoping for good news... Sorry Gaeta. He sounds like a wanker.
lgspot Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 Gaeta, I let people use my phone all the time. Certainly long enough to apologize to a lady. I'm sure your guy friend likes you a great deal, but his advice is not conducive to better dating for you. Sounds like he isn't familiar with the manipulations of some of these duds. In our age group there's about 1000 to 1 male to female ratio on OLD. Many of those 1000 have become predators with polished profiles. Looking good on paper. In real life there are many great guys struggling in the dating world just like you and the odds tilt more equally female to good male. Its more what you see is what you get. Things will turn around for you. Yeah, this guy was a regular joe blow looking for a blow. You deserve better, not that there is anything wrong with a blow. Ya, that sounds pretty accurate. My guy friend is pretty mad at me, he says I am being a B with this guy. It's possible he forgot his phone in his friend's car before leaving town. Anyway if it's true than I deserved a phone call with an explanation and an apology and this before I had time to open up my mouth. Not a text saying Hey you free today! and then I have to ask what happened. I think my friend is just tired that my stories are always aborting. I don't disagree my picker is off so I will stop picking. By the way this guy was a regular joe blow, not at all in the Jewelery-guy or Adonis category. 1
MissBee Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I had a first date last Tuesday. Nice gentleman, 47, business owner, father of a daughter 17, single for a couple of years, he's perfect on paper and we had a good decent date. He kept in touch daily and we have our 2nd date planned for tonight. Here's what has been bugging me. He is from France and moved here 4 years ago. His ex-wife of 15 years cheated on him 4 years ago. He divorced, lawyered up and got full custody of his 13 years old (13 at the time). He then moved here with his daughter, a continent away, uprooting his child of 13. She is an ocean away from her mother, grand-parents, and all family members of both sides and he did this to be as far as possible from his ex.... Would that bother you as much as it bothers me? It's been two dates. For me, I would simply flag it in my mind and come back to it later. At this point you may not know the full story and reason for his decision and especially if this happened 4 years ago, I'd say that it's not something you can judge by date 2. So if you're into him and no other alarms are ringing, you could continue seeing him and find out more about this.
Author Gaeta Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 An unexpected invitation About 3 weeks ago I met this man over coffee. Nice man, articulate and fun. He started telling me this story that the woman he met before me told him she had hsv-2 and even though she was a really sweet woman he decided to not pursue with her upon that news. There I was with a big smile on my face and said to him guess what? :-). Poor man he literally fell down his chair when I told him - me to. He was such a good player, we just turned it into a big joke and still had fun. We kissed at the end and said good bye. It was an unspoken understanding we would not pursue. He just called and offered to take me to Jazz festival :-)
angel.eyes Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 Sorry, but no way would I agree to go. He made it clear that it was a deal breaker. Three weeks of silence and now he's suddenly back with a last minute invite??? Personally, I would be a little insulted and wouldn't even bother to respond. Either his plans with someone else fell through, or he's hit a dry spell and you're filler while he's lonely. He'll move on and drop you as soon as someone else shows up. Then you'll be back to feeling unworthy. That's an unhealthy approach to dating. If someone tells you, that you aren't what they're looking for let them go on their merry way...no hard feelings...and stick with it. Don't be their last-minute port of call whenever it suits them because they're bored, horny, or whatever. How is it possibly helping you to be the backburner chick in this man's life?
Author Gaeta Posted July 4, 2015 Author Posted July 4, 2015 Sorry, but no way would I agree to go. He made it clear that it was a deal breaker. Three weeks of silence and now he's suddenly back with a last minute invite??? Personally, I would be a little insulted and wouldn't even bother to respond. Either his plans with someone else fell through, or he's hit a dry spell and you're filler while he's lonely. He'll move on and drop you as soon as someone else shows up. Then you'll be back to feeling unworthy. That's an unhealthy approach to dating. If someone tells you, that you aren't what they're looking for let them go on their merry way...no hard feelings...and stick with it. Don't be their last-minute port of call whenever it suits them because they're bored, horny, or whatever. How is it possibly helping you to be the backburner chick in this man's life? I disagree with you. He let the news set it. He thought about it, he probably met a few other women and felt - is Gaeta's condition really the big deal I think it is. We had a really good time together, he told me in many words how much he liked meeting me and felt really confused about the news. I don't get to decide how people react and absorb my news. Anyway, this summer is about having fun!!! I will go out into town with a nice man, I will let him treat me, compliment me, flirt with me, then I will go home and tomorrow I will do it all over again with a different man!
Weezy1973 Posted July 4, 2015 Posted July 4, 2015 Anyway, this summer is about having fun!!! I will go out into town with a nice man, I will let him treat me, compliment me, flirt with me, then I will go home and tomorrow I will do it all over again with a different man! So, to be clear. You're not looking for a relationship right? Just "fun"? Know what you want. Then behave in ways consistent with what you want. 1
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