Author Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 Don't assume anything negative...I might ask "so what brought you to Canada...work?". I did ask and that's what I got for an answer, to get as far as possible from her and he spoke how betrayed he felt. I don't think she was a bad mother. I think he had the financial means to crush her so he did.
BlueIris Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 No, it wouldn’t bother me because I’ve seen horrific parents of both sexes that have had their children taken away from them or have decided they don’t want their children. He might be reliable and loving, and actually facilitating the relationship between mom and child to the extent mom wants one or to the extent is best for the child. So, I wouldn’t write off a man for this, even for moving for work.
Author Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 After one date, you're in a better position than the court and her own parent to determine what is best for his daughter??? I have nothing to say about the court decision. This is not about him having full custody. It's about a parent moving a child of 13 across the globe away from 1 parent, grand parents etc. Gaeta, you've dated hundreds of men at this point. Every last one has been too flawed to lead to anything viable. With all due respect, at some point, I think you should take a step back and look at how you make decisions about men. Unfair statement Since the holidays I met 3 men I was happy to date and saw great potential in them. One disappeared without a word, the other could not deal with my condition and the last one was married. I don't think it's fair to say I discard men on flaws. I will go on my date tonight and enjoy myself. It's just that this thing has been bugging me.
Keenly Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I did ask and that's what I got for an answer, to get as far as possible from her and he spoke how betrayed he felt. I don't think she was a bad mother. I think he had the financial means to crush her so he did. How could you possibly know that. At this point you are offshore drilling for excuses to drop him. But why? This is pure speculation. A Fantasy based on an assumption based on a guess based on an irrational emotion. Did you say she cheated on him ? She is probably a psychotic battle axe . I think it's very very irrational to go as far as you are going with these ideas.
katiegrl Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I did ask and that's what I got for an answer, ** to get as far as possible from her and he spoke how betrayed he felt.** I don't think she was a bad mother. I think he had the financial means to crush her so he did. Hmmm...okay well that puts a different spin on things. Apologies for missing that when you mentioned it earlier. To me, that's a red flag... He sounds bitter still....after four years, not a good sign. Not so much vindictive (but it's possible).... but apparently if he is still talking about how betrayed he felt (and still feels otherwise he would not have mentioned it), indicates he's got some serious issues...and/or he's not fully over it. Personally, with this additional info... I wouldn't go there.
Author Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 How could you possibly know that. At this point you are offshore drilling for excuses to drop him. But why? This is pure speculation. A Fantasy based on an assumption based on a guess based on an irrational emotion. Did you say she cheated on him ? She is probably a psychotic battle axe . I think it's very very irrational to go as far as you are going with these ideas. Not dropping him. Just talking it over with you guys cause I know you will put everything back in perspective.
katiegrl Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 (edited) Not dropping him. Just talking it over with you guys cause I know you will put everything back in perspective. Gaeta, are you "attracted to" him? You said in other thread he was tall and you don't like tall guys.. Could not figure out if that was a joke (with your daughter) or not. For me and I think most women, when we get home from a first date with a guy we are super attracted to.....we rave about his assets.....not criticize them.....joking or not. So was just wondering how attracted to him you truly are. Notwithstanding the issues with his ex....good on paper is not a good reason to continue dating someone. You just don't seem all that excited about him in general. Edited June 27, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 Gaeta, are you "attracted to" him? You said in other thread he was tall and you don't like tall guys.. Could not figure out if that was a joke (with your daughter) or not. For me and I think most women, when we get home from a first date with a guy we are super attracted to.....we rave about his assets.....not criticize them.....joking or not. So was just wondering how attracted to him you truly are. Notwithstanding the issues with his ex....good on paper is not a good reason to continue dating someone. You just don't seem all that excited about him in general. I find him attractive yes. He's a nice looking man, keeps in shape, confident, business owner. There is nothing to not like about him. I didn't feel any crazy sexual attraction like I have known before but those don't necessarily pay off. He didn't drool over me, he didn't make sexual innuendos, and he did not even try to kiss me when we left. Which is normal for once, right? Enough of those very aggressive men that want to lick my face after a first date.
katiegrl Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I find him attractive yes. He's a nice looking man, keeps in shape, confident, business owner. There is nothing to not like about him. I didn't feel any crazy sexual attraction like I have known before but those don't necessarily pay off. He didn't drool over me, he didn't make sexual innuendos, and he did not even try to kiss me when we left. Which is normal for once, right? Enough of those very aggressive men that want to lick my face after a first date. For me I need to feel a definite *spark* from the get go...but I have realized that not everyone does....that for some people, they need a few dates to determine chemistry. And Gaeta, there is a happy medium here. You *should* want a guy who feels the chemistry and spark too.....but to akso have enough respect for you (and women in general) to NOT make sexual innuendos....and fall all over you... and go gaga... on date one! THAT is a red flag....so you are smart to stay clear of those guys. It's not either/or. Either he feels strong chemistry and acts like a dog in heat...OR he does not feel strong chemistry and behaves like a gentleman. It does not work that way. A man can feel very strong chemistry and be extremely attracted to you.....but still behave like a gentleman! That is the type of man you want! Assuming the strong attraction is mutual.... and I am not referring to simply finding him attractive. YIU know what I mean.....
Brigit1 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I find him attractive yes. He's a nice looking man, keeps in shape, confident, business owner. There is nothing to not like about him. I didn't feel any crazy sexual attraction like I have known before but those don't necessarily pay off. He didn't drool over me, he didn't make sexual innuendos, and he did not even try to kiss me when we left. Which is normal for once, right? Enough of those very aggressive men that want to lick my face after a first date. He sounds amazing. If you give yourself a chance you might have a good time. New romance is intoxicating. First kisses. Sexy stories. Lots of intense awkwardness. I'm jealous.
Popsicle Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 (edited) I had a first date last Tuesday. Nice gentleman, 47, business owner, father of a daughter 17, single for a couple of years, he's perfect on paper and we had a good decent date. He kept in touch daily and we have our 2nd date planned for tonight. Here's what has been bugging me. He is from France and moved here 4 years ago. His ex-wife of 15 years cheated on him 4 years ago. He divorced, lawyered up and got full custody of his 13 years old (13 at the time). He then moved here with his daughter, a continent away, uprooting his child of 13. She is an ocean away from her mother, grand-parents, and all family members of both sides and he did this to be as far as possible from his ex.... Would that bother you as much as it bothers me? Have you ever noticed that they all say she cheated on me and I divorced/left her? I think it BS. A man can feel very strong chemistry and be extremely attracted to you.....but still behave like a gentleman! This is how I feel too. I need to feel that spark from him (and from me to him) but we behave ourselves for our own good. Edited June 27, 2015 by Popsicle
Grumpybutfun Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Is your intuition telling you something about this man? Otherwise, there is too little data to make any assumptions IMHO. Best, G 1
lgspot Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 It's not about him having full custody. He is not the first man I come across with full custody and I have only respect for them. It's just moving the child across the globe is extreme. Gaeta, I think your gut is talking to you in this case. For awhile, we've all been suggesting to watch what they do, not what they say since you have, at times, attracted manipulators. I believe your mother's instinct is talking to you. I would think an ultimate manipulation is moving a child away from her mother. I too have utmost respect for father's with full custody raising their kids. Something sent warning bells off to you, and I also sense something amiss. I'm thinking this time you've been listening and seeing red flags with this guy. If youre attracted, have fun. Enjoy it for what this guy can do for YOU. Rock his world if you so choose. I think you've already sensed this guy is not relationship material. For what it's worth, I'm getting the same vibe. Seems you're now showing forethouht---a very valuable trait in making good dating choices. Have fun Gaeta, but keep your head about you.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I moved across the country primarily to get away from my very soon to be ex because things were so toxic & she was cheating on me. Maybe he didn't have a choice. Maybe the mom didn't want custody. Does he have roots in the US? Need more info to make a good judgment. Why didn't you politely ask when he told you?
Keenly Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 Here's a question. If he says he offers to send her out any time she wants, and she never asks for her.... Would you still feel how you feel?
Author Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 I moved across the country primarily to get away from my very soon to be ex because things were so toxic & she was cheating on me. Maybe he didn't have a choice. Maybe the mom didn't want custody. Does he have roots in the US? Need more info to make a good judgment. Why didn't you politely ask when he told you? Did you take your children with you? No roots here. He came to Montreal because the official language here is French and we have speedy immigration between France and my Province. Politely ask what?
Author Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 Here's a question. If he says he offers to send her out any time she wants, and she never asks for her.... Would you still feel how you feel? It would change the uneasy feeling I have yes.
Author Gaeta Posted June 27, 2015 Author Posted June 27, 2015 It could also be parental kidnapping. I am off to my date lol
Brigit1 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 It could also be parental kidnapping. I am off to my date lol I'd say "have a good time" but... How about "Please don't have a stroke." 1
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2015 Posted June 27, 2015 I suppose the big worry is he is an emotional abuser who has masterminded custody from the "crazy" ex, but he was the one who actually sent her crazy in the first place... The "financial means to crush her" - doesn't sound good to me. Adults can do as they please (within the law) when they fall out, but parents I feel should place themselves above all that nonsense for the good of their kids. "Crushing" the mother and dragging the kid across the pond, does not sound like particularly good parenting to me. But who knows? If he is in fact blameless and his ex is mad enough he had to leave the country to get away from her, then that could cause huge problems in the future. There is also like mother, like daughter. Stepmother to a mixed up kid sounds like great fun too.
Author Gaeta Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 He was 1h30 late. He felt asleep. We were at a Jazz Festival so no real opportunity to have conversations, we just chit chatted when we walked from one show to another. He never really made a move to get closer to me. He often kept his arms crossed on his chest while standing next to me. I'm the one who initiated all talks. He made a little comment at the end that I didn't like. When we left the festival he said the last show was so loud it gave him a headache. I said he should have mentioned something and we could have moved away. He said no, that's alright, you thought those guys were cute so I let you enjoy it. huh!!! When we left he said music was bad but he was in good company that's what count. No kiss. A big blah.
lgspot Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 He was 1h30 late. He felt asleep. We were at a Jazz Festival so no real opportunity to have conversations, we just chit chatted when we walked from one show to another. He never really made a move to get closer to me. He often kept his arms crossed on his chest while standing next to me. I'm the one who initiated all talks. He made a little comment at the end that I didn't like. When we left the festival he said the last show was so loud it gave him a headache. I said he should have mentioned something and we could have moved away. He said no, that's alright, you thought those guys were cute so I let you enjoy it. huh!!! When we left he said music was bad but he was in good company that's what count. No kiss. A big blah. Sorry. Still saying you deserve better than you're getting...
Author Gaeta Posted June 28, 2015 Author Posted June 28, 2015 He just texted me to make sure I had made it home safely. I don't get this guy. Now that the date is over I get attention?
Gary S Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 You know, the whole divorce thing is bad news.... wanting to get away from his ex is understandable, but I agree with you that it's not good for the child, he should have sucked it up and stayed in town where mom could see the child regularly. No kissing or touching on the second date? Like you say, on the one hand, he's not moving too fast.... but when is he gonna make any move, right? It's hard to say whether he's not interested or not - some guys just don't know how to kick off a relationship, they don't know what to do. Him going on a date with you suggests interest. However, he could be on the rebound - do you know how long he's been divorced and how long he's been married? That could give us an idea. And the comment he made suggesting you thought the band guys were cute? Maybe he just is not a very good joke teller? But you have very good intuition, you were there and heard the voice inflection... if you thought it was weird, I'd put my money on that any day. But if he's not going to go for a kiss by date three, you will probably start losing interest and get bored with him by then and go your own way? Texting after the date is a good sign of interest. At any rate, it sounds like a good time for multi-dating if you get the opportunity.
WomenWubber Posted June 28, 2015 Posted June 28, 2015 I had a first date last Tuesday. Nice gentleman, 47, business owner, father of a daughter 17, single for a couple of years, he's perfect on paper and we had a good decent date. He kept in touch daily and we have our 2nd date planned for tonight. Here's what has been bugging me. He is from France and moved here 4 years ago. His ex-wife of 15 years cheated on him 4 years ago. He divorced, lawyered up and got full custody of his 13 years old (13 at the time). He then moved here with his daughter, a continent away, uprooting his child of 13. She is an ocean away from her mother, grand-parents, and all family members of both sides and he did this to be as far as possible from his ex.... Would that bother you as much as it bothers me? It bothers you a lot. The rest is irrelevant. Have you tried looking in a lower age bracket?
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